Evil Brian's Evil Thoughts...it's a MotherFucker

2010-12-31T19:27:00.002-05:00

Aaah, another year up, another year gone, and another outrageous amount of music consumed by yours truly. This year was not short of fantastic, genre-busting, mind-blowing music in almost every form you can think of, though, as is true with almost every year, you need to do some digging to find the real gems. Anyways, here are the not-quite-make-its:

Honorable Mentions:

LCD Soundsystem - This is Happening,

Yeasayer - Odd Blood,

Sleigh Bells - Treats,

The Walkmen - Lisbon,

Sun Kil Moon - Admiral Fell Promises,

M.I.A. - /\/\/\Y/\,

Ben Folds & Nick Hornby - Lonely Avenue,

Arcade Fire - The Suburbs,

Johnny Cash - American VI: Ain't No Grave,

Serj Tankian - Imperfect Harmonies,

Jonsi - Go,

Flying Lotus - Cosmogramma,

Broken Bells - Broken Bells,

Caribou - Swim,

Devo - Something For Everybody,

Magnetic Fields - Realism,

Surfer Blood - Astrocoast.

Now, without further ado, Evil Brian's Top 20 Albums of the Year!

20. Vampire Weekend - Contra: While not as immediately captivating as their out-of-nowhere debut, this sophomore album sees the ultimate preppy band expanding their sound a little following their percussionist's electro-pop side project Discovery. Still plenty of laid-back afropop tunes for lazy summer days.

Recommended Tracks: Giving Up the Gun, Cousins, I Think Ur a Contra, Horchata.

19. Against Me! - White Crosses: The veteran punk rockers go a little more folksy/Springsteenesque in their follow-up to the amazing New Wave and forms a logical progression in the evolution of their sound. They started as bratty anarchist punks and, as the band members have aged, so has their music, exposing new facets and dimensions of not only their personalities, but their songs and influences as well. An adult record for a genre not usually trusting of adults.

Recommended tracks: I Was a Teenage Anarchist, White Crosses, Rapid Decompression, Spanish Moss, Bob Dylan Dream (bonus track).

18. The Black Keys - Brothers: The Black Keys finally break through into the mainstream with an absolute blockbuster of an album. They've come a long way from recording entire albums on a 1980 Tascam, nowadays getting top notch production from the likes of Danger Mouse in NYC and San Diego. Just an incredible bastardization of catchy, dirty blue-eyed blues and soul and I mean that in the very best possible way. An amazing album by an amazing band.

Recommended Tracks: Tighten Up, Howlin' For You, Everlasting Light, Sinister Kid, Ten Cent Pistol, These Days.

17. Coheed and Cambria - Year of the Black Rainbow: Co&Ca remember how to RAWK! and bring the noise with their best album in 5 years! Supposedly the prequel to their incredibly dense and nigh unintelligible tangled mess of a story called "The Amory Wars" that has spanned FIVE albums, a novel and numerous comic books, this album has all the fist-pumping, chorus chanting, WHOA-OH-OHs that their last disappointing album lacked. Soaring choruses, badass riffs and plenty of head-banging moments make this a monster of prog rock doom.

Recommended Tracks: Here We Are Juggernaut, This Shattered Symphony, Where Skeletons Live, Far.

16. Deftones - Diamond Eyes: NEW DEFTONES ALBUM! After crawling out of the stygian nu-metal abyss with their integrity still intact (pretty much the only real survivor of that terrible, terrible time other than System of a Down), Deftones have put out some sketchy albums. Unfortunately, it took a near-fatal car accident putting their extremely talented bassist Chi Cheng in a coma to get the band off their laurels and making music that mattered again. But holy hell, what a big brawler of a record! Right out of the gate with the title track, they let you know that Deftones are back, and they aren't dicking around anymore.

Recommended Tracks: Diamond Eyes, Rocket Skates, Sextape, You've Seen the Butcher.

15. Gogol Bordello - Trans-Continental Hustle: The gypsy-punk band all moved down to Brazil to record this record, and that influence absolutely shines through, putting a very apparent Latin inflection on their weird version of punk rock. This band is just two tons of fun, and there is absolutely no stopping the good vibes and raw power of the Gogol. MISHTO!

Recommended Tracks: Raise the Knowledge, Pala Tute, Immigraniada (We Comin' Rougher), Break the Spell, Rebellious Love.

14. Bad Religion - The Dissent of Man: Bad Religion is a G-damn institution, churning out hyper-literate, over-informed political punk rock for 30 years now. Still constantly touring, still putting out albums and still just as inflammatory and important as they have ever been. This album sees the band continuing to espouse their views on organized religion, politics and personal responsibility in this 21st century, and still, after 30 years, they make it all sound fresh with an unrelenting sense of urgency. I hope these guys never stop.

Recommended Tracks: Only Rain, The Day That the Earth Stalled, Wrong Way Kids, Cyanide, Won't Somebody.

13. Sharon Jones & the Dap-Kings - I Learned The Hard Way: A band that formed in 2000 playing 60's/70's era funk and soul fronted by a woman in her 50's doesn't seem like it would work on paper. But in practice? Holy Hell. These guys burn down the house, then build it back up to burn it down again. Incredibly faithful to their almost revivalist Motown sound, Jones' powerful voice and the blazing brass section are the highlights in every smooth soul selection on this fantastic record.

Recommended Tracks: I Learned the Hard Way, The Game Gets Old, Window Shopping, Mama Don't Like My Man.

12. Kid Cudi - Man on the Moon II: The Legend of Mr. Rager: The most personal rapper in the business shows us the deepest darkest pits of his inner demons and emerges from the depths intact. Thus far, between his first Man on the Moon album and this one, he's weaving a hip-hop Dante's Inferno for his soul. Exposing more of his insecurities, detailing his former cocaine addiction and showcasing his raging id battling with his ego; this is one hell of an intelligent rap record. Throwing indie rock, psychedelia and ultra-modern hip-hop into the mix doesn't hurt either.

Recommended Tracks: REVOFEV, Wild'n Cuz I'm Young, Marijuana, Mojo So Dope, Scott Mescudi vs. the World, Ashin' Kusher, Don't Play This Song.

11. Hot Chip - One Life Stand: This electronic type of indie rock/technopop dominated the indie scene this year, with lots of decent-to-awesome releases in 2010 (LCD Soundsystem, Yeasayer (which just barely missed being #20 on this very list.), Foals, Ra Ra Riot, Ratatat. etc.), but in my humble opinion, this album outshined them all. A group of six British nerds making their own weird version of pop music, Hot Chip followed up the awesome Made in the Dark with the moody, danceable One Life Stand. While not as out-there or as funky as Made in the Dark, this album stands head and shoulders above it's peers as the most unique and innovative indie/technopop release of the year.

Recommended Tracks: One Life Stand, I Feel Better, Thieves in the Night,Take It In.

10. eels - End Times/Tomorrow Morning: eels frontman Mark Everett has been on an absolute rampage lately, churning out three albums of music within a 14 month span after not releasing ANYTHING new for 4 years. Last year's Hombre Lobo was pretty hit-or-miss, but these two albums (End Times was released in January, Tomorrow Morning in August) are like the two opposite ends of the eels spectrum, and act almost like the separate discs of a double album, much like Jamey Johnson did this year with his The Guitar Song. End Times finds Everett just starting to accept his recent divorce and the prospect of growing old and alone. As with some of his best albums, focusing on the darker parts of his life brings out some of his best musical ideas and most touching lyrics. However, as the disc wears on, it can be pretty relentless in its depression, which is where Tomorrow Morning comes in. Tomorrow Morning is, without a doubt, the cheeriest, most uplifting and happiest sounding album eels has ever put out. Like an entire album of Mr. E's Beautiful Blues. Not only is it refreshing to hear Everett not wallowing in misery; like all good music it will absolutely change your mood for the better. While in past eels recordings (P.S. You Rock My World, Things the Grandchildren Should Know, etc.) he balanced out the happiness and sadness in each song, here it seems he went out of his way to produce the individual albums to balance themselves out, and it absolutely works.

Recommended Tracks: (End Times): A Line In the Dirt, Little Bird, In My Younger Days, End Times, The Mansions of Los Feliz.

(Tomorrow Morning): Spectacular Girl, My Baby Loves Me, Oh So Lovely, This Is Where It Gets Good, I Like the Way This is Going.

9. Spoon - Transference: Probably one of the more drastic artistic shifts this year, Spoon went from rich production and jangly melodies to stark, minimalist rock with raw production, some songs sounding like they were just the first or second playthough of the song. And it WORKED. Releasing what is now my favorite Spoon album early on in the year, this banged around on my iPod and in my car for months, providing one hell of a soundtrack for driving in the late winter. Spoon traded in their tight poppy song structure and let all their tracks breathe, giving them space to linger around a little and make themselves at home. That's not to say that these songs aren't catchy; on the contrary, basing each song around a certain guitar lick or piano stomp makes every track DAMN catchy. Definitely a highlight of 2010.

Recommended Tracks: Written In Reverse, Mystery Zone, Out Go The Lights, Who Makes Your Money, I Saw The Light.

8. Cee-Lo Green - The Lady Killer: Pure soul satisfaction. I've been a fan of Cee-Lo's for a long while now, discovering him in college and proceeding to buy ALL of his solo records before he had even thought up the name Gnarls Barkley. Each solo record was a futuristic slice of wild, unchained spacey funk and rap and, as is to be expected, went completely ignored by everyone except music reviewers. When Gnarls released "Crazy", I was ecstatic and trumpeted his success with great fanfare (even naming the album my #1 in 2006). I even enjoyed their less impressive sophomore outing, though it had far fewer standout tracks than their out-of-nowhere debut. Only now, in 2010, has Cee-Lo Green put out the album of his career. Looking backwards to the golden age of Motown, Cee-Lo restructures the classic R&B sound with his own peculiarities while still staying true to the source. Blaring brass sections, smooth strings, slinky background singers and deep bass grooves all brought together with his gospel-trained raspy voice make for one classic album.

Recommended Tracks: F**k You, Bright Lights Bigger City, Satisfied, It's OK, Old Fashioned.

7. Janelle Monae - The ArchAndroid (Suites II and III): On the other end of the spectrum, Janelle Monae's ultra-futurist epic full-length bounces from genre to genre, sometimes within the realm of the same SONG. The most singularly original artist signed to a major label (eat your heart out, Lady Gaga!), Monae takes the bombastic funk of James Brown, the Afro-futurist teachings of George Clinton and Sun Ra, the trippy psychedelia of Hendrix at his stoniest and the crunktitude of Outkast into an atom bomb of a sci-fi concept album about love and robot revolution. I literally cannot WAIT to see where Monae goes from here.

Recommended Tracks: Cold War, Tightrope, BaBopByeYa, Locked Inside, Come Alive (The War of the Roses), Say You'll Go.

6. The Gaslight Anthem - American Slang: New Jersey's newest stars shine twice as bright in the follow-up to my 2008 Album of the Year. Inching closer to a big classic rock sound while maintaining a youthful vigor and a punk DIY ethos, Gaslight came off of stints opening for Social Distortion and BRUUUUUUUUUUUCE! F'in Springsteen and recorded an album that, while courting the mainstream a little more, nonetheless impressed the hell out of the fanbase it established with The '59 Sound. Weaving stories of streetwalkers and blue-collar workers into loud, upbeat and energizing rock songs, they've started leaning towards a Replacements-type sound a little more, while keeping true to the original Springsteen-meets-Clash/Social Distortion sound that made everyone take notice two years ago. Just a great soundtrack to a hot summer night barbecueing for friends with plenty of cold, cheap beer.

Recommended Tracks: Stay Lucky, American Slang, The Queen of Lower Chelsea, Orphans.

5. Gorillaz - Plastic Beach: Even as a grand pop experiment. Gorillaz continue to evolve and push the envelope of creativity ever further towards the edge of insanity. Every album they've put out has seen the band morph into a different form all together, swapping out band members and changing their sound while maintaining the base trip-hop/Brit-pop/hip-hop sound established in their debut 10(!!!!) years ago. Plastic Beach is their most eclectic record yet, filled with 16 slabs of twisted pop music. Symphony orchestras and brass sections give some tracks an epic feel, while other tracks boast contributions from soul legend Bobby Womack and HALF of The Clash! While this album has spawned the least amount of singles compared with the rest of Gorillaz' oeuvre, it still feels like the most cohesive album they've released since their debut.

Recommended Tracks: Stylo, Superfast Jellyfish, Rhinestone Eyes, On Melancholy Hill, Plastic Beach, Sweepstakes, Glitter Freeze.

4. Big Boi - Sir Lucious Left Foot: The Son of Chico Dusty: Absolutely the closest thing we're gonna get to an Outkast album for the foreseeable future, this cumbersomely-titled album was stuck in my car CD player this summer, and it made driving in the grueling heat that much more tolerable. Proving that he's not just the Robin to Andre 3000's Batman, Big Boi put out what was, for 5 months, the absolute best hip hop album of the year. Letting his freak flag fly, Big Boi put out the quintessential Southern rap album full of buzzing bass, funky synths, and beats from every type of music imaginable. You can't listen to this without bouncing around or dancing; it's not possible.

Recommended Tracks: Shutterbugg, Shine Blockas, Daddy Fat Sax, Back Up Plan, Follow Us.

3. Kanye West - My Beautiful Dark Twisted Fantasy: Let me make this absolutely clear: this is not an endorsement for Kanye West. That guy is still a humongous jackass. However, even I can't deny that he put out a monstrous masterpiece of an album this year. This isn't just a future hip-hop classic along the likes of Illmatic, Ready To Die and Stankonia, though that it certainly is. It's an emblem of the very concept of "raising the bar", literally, he's taking hip-hop to places where it's never been, reaching echelons that haven't previously been reached. He has made a pop/hip-hop fusion, and centered the whole thing around sex, drugs, and rock and roll. There's four separate songs here that are over 6 minutes long, and not one seems like it has any wasted space in it (though, admittedly, the Chris Rock skit goes on maybe a minute too long. But it's Chris G-damn Rock, and he's still funny as hell.) Honest to God, and I hate hate HATE to say it, but Kanye hasn't just put out the best hip-hop album of the year, but possibly the best album of his career; the high-water mark that every single piece of music he puts out from here forwards will be judged against. Still a douchebag, though.

Recommended Tracks: Monster, Hell Of a Life, Runaway, All of the Lights, Power.

2. The National - High Violet: There were two very prominent indie records released this year whose theme was basically "being an adult is hard!" LCD Soundsystem's album just left me cold; it seemed like such a steep step down from Sounds of Silver that it just never completely clicked with me. Then there was this record. Now, I have avoided listening to The National for a couple years now, mostly because I had heard so many comparisons to Band of Horses, and I cannot STAND anything that band has released. However, after having heard a couple stellar reviews and the album being on sale for like 7 bucks, I picked it up day-of-release. Holy hell, I told myself. What have I been missing? I was following along pretty well, then the first distorted strains of Little Faith hit, and the album didn't let go for the next half-hour. And then I played it again....and again. The mix of baritone vocals, Depeche Mode-esque keyboards and guitars, the music just creates this certain atmosphere, like looking out the window on a foggy day and trying to make out the silhouettes of everything outside. I honestly have no earthly idea how else to describe these guys; every song is catchy, yet somewhat ethereal and abstract. All I can really say is that if you get it, then you GET it. If you don't, then it just won't click, no matter what you do.

Recommended Tracks: Little Faith, Bloodbuzz Ohio, Terrible Love, Afraid of Everyone, Anyone's Ghost, Vanderlyle Crybaby Geeks.

1. Titus Andronicus - The Monitor: This album definitely takes a while to grow on you. It took me the better part of this year to get it to really connect; but when it did, it went off like a grenade. A sprawling epic loosely based around the Civil War (The USS Monitor was the first ironsided battleship piloted by the US Navy), Titus Andronicus' sophomore album is littered with Abraham Lincoln quotes, flourishes of Americana/ traditional folk music, blistering guitars, group chant-alongs and more, all punctuated by Pat Stickles' boozy, shaky "piss-and-moan" vocals. It is both blue collar rabblerousing and too-cool-for-school high-mindedness. When, in the opener A More Perfect Union, Stickles yells out "Tramps like us, baby, we were born to die!" and then the whole band comes in like a hurricane of distortion, you can feel the earth move beneath your feet, you know this means something; that the punk and post-punk of years previous has evolved into this wild mutation, this musical hydra with every separate head acting by itself, yet helps create the whole as a perfect creature. Ladies and gentlemen, your 2010 Album of the Year!

Recommended Tracks: A More Perfect Union, No Future Part Three: Escape From No Future, The Battle of Hampton Roads, A Pot In Which To Piss, Titus Andronicus Forever.

2010-01-10T06:27:00.006-05:00

Top 20(+2) Albums of 2009!

I'm alive! And amazingly, still listening to music. It's been a busy busy year in the life of Evil Brian, what with my complete retreat to facebook and whatnot. But this post is not about that, this is about the best albums of the year! Here you go:

Honorable Mentions: Yeah Yeah Yeahs - It's Blitz!, Neko Case - Middle Cyclone, Doom - Born Like This, Manchester Orchestra - Mean Everything To Nothing, Lily Allen - It's Not Me, It's You, Green Day - 21st Century Breakdown, The Decemberists - Hazards of Love, Sonic Youth - The Eternal, Wilco - Wilco (the album), eels - Hombre Lobo, Titus Andronicus - The Airing Of Grievances, Monsters Of Folk - Monsters Of Folk, Dethklok - Dethalbum II, The Mars Volta - Octahedron, Alice In Chains - Black Gives Way To Blue, Animal Collective - Merriweather Post Pavillion

(+2) Patton Oswalt - My Weakness Is Strong: The funniest nerd in America grows up! On his most mature work yet, Oswalt details the yearn to better himself for his (then) coming daughter, shopping for a house with his girlfriend and how the sudden kid-friendly fame from being in Ratatouille screwed up his Halloween among other hilarious anecdotes. It hit me in the sweet spot, especially since it came out while my own girlfriend was pregnant with my son.
Recommended Tracks: Sky Cake, Birth, Rats, Orgy.

(+1) The Lonely Island - Incredibad: Screw everyone, this album was hilarious, and still holds up to repeat listens. The best part of Saturday Night Live released this album of hits and new tracks early in the year, and most of the songs still haven't left the iPod. Most of the time reveling in their overwhelming whiteness, The Lonely Island rap, sing, and act poorly through 19 tracks of "teh funny" where they (mostly) keep all the songs short enough so they don't overstay their welcome. Plus, they gave me a huge reason to like T-Pain.
Recommended Tracks: On a Boat, Like A Boss, Jizz In My Pants, Natalie's Rap, Sax Man.

20. Japandroids - Post-Nothing: These guys blasted into the scene this year with a heavily distorted, almost punk rock take on Sonic Youth and it paid off in spades. A short & sweet album that knocks you on your ass and demands your attention.
Recommended Tracks: Wet Hair, Young Hearts Spark Fire, Crazy/Forever

19. K'Naan - Troubadour: Emerging from the most violent part of Africa (Mogadishu, Somalia), this gifted MC travelled to Canada and then America telling his story through song, culminating in this album which fuses traditional African rhythms, Jamaican reggae and American hip-hop into a whole different beast. Uplifting and soulful, not nearly enough people are giving him attention.
Recommended Tracks: Wavin' Flag, T.I.A. (This Is Africa), Somalia, ABC's,

18. Julian Casablancas - Phrazes of the Youth: I was never that big of a fan of The Strokes (the coolest thing they did was open the doors for The White Stripes to get tons of airplay). That being said, this album is pretty awesome in it's own right. Fusing The Strokes' garage rock sensibilities with retro-sounding technopop (I know how weird that sounds; just go with me on this), Casablancas released a shockingly catchy dark pop record that caught me totally off guard. Slightly Interpol-ish, but still strangely unique. Give it a chance, seriously.
Recommended Tracks: 11th Dimension, River of Brakelights, 4 Chords of the Apocalypse.

17. Florence + the Machine - Lungs: Dark piano-based cabaret pop; if nothing else, this is certainly the most interesting album of the year. Every song tells a story about a different (usually tragic) character, there is absolutely nothing else like this from 2009.
Recommended Tracks: Kiss With a Fist, My Boy Builds Coffins, Howl, Girl With One Eye.

16. M. Ward - Hold Time: The go-to guy for fans of indie folk, I hadn't actually listened to him until he released She & Him in 2008. Now I'm sorry I slept on M. Ward, because this album is an affecting masterpiece. Just a truly gorgeous album. This narrowly beat Monsters of Folk (the other album he released this year) for this spot.
Recommended Tracks: Rave On, Hold Time, Jailbird, Fisher of Men

15. Arctic Monkeys - Humbug: The best Britrock band performing today, Alex Turner & crew released another winning album (albeit darker than their previous 2)this year to the surprise of absolutely no one. Catchy, poppy and unabashedly British, these guys continue to impress even after 3 albums (and one stellar side project).
Recommended Tracks: Crying Lightning, Cornerstone, Dance Little Liar, Potion Approaching.

14. They Might Be Giants - Here Comes Science: This has nothing to do with the fact that I have a child now, and everything to do with the fact that these are the catchiest songs TMBG have produced since The Spine. Highly recommended equally for both families with children and TMBG fans alike.
Recommended Tracks: I Am A Paleontologist, Meet The Elements, Electric Car, My Brother The Ape, Roy G. Biv.

13. Jay-Z - The Blueprint 3: I'll be honest, it took my a while to come around to Jay-Z: The Black Album (and the Grey Album) got me to listen, this album made me a fan. Hate on him all you want, Jay-Z is the best rapper in the business today and has every right to be as cocky as he is (unlike most others *cough* Kanye *cough cough*); he knows exactly what he's doing, and exactly what the people want. Also, he has a very strong anti-Autotune stance, which is just awesome.
Recommended Tracks: D.O.A. (Death of Autotune), Run This Town, On to the Next One, Young Forever and (as much as I hate to admit it) Empire State of Mind.

12. Brother Ali - Us: This is soul music in the form of rap: this shit is good for your heart. Brother Ali is a preacher, a prophet, just an outright awesome personality. Not really any guests, no autotune, nothing about being rich, he's the realest one out there. Seriously, rapping about how much he loves his simple understated life is just a beautiful sentiment in this era of overreaching expectations.
Recommended Tracks: Bad Mufucker Part II, Fresh Air, Us, The Preacher, The Travelers.

11. Grizzly Bear - Veckatimest: Very odd. A strangely catchy, slightly trippy indie rock album. I can't explain how or why it gets stuck in my head as much as it does, it just does. Equal parts laid back stoner vibe and pretentious hipster rock band: it all just kinda works.
Recommended Tracks: Southern Point, Ready, Able, While You Wait For the Others.

10. Them Crooked Vultures - Them Crooked Vultures: BADASS. Josh Homme and Dave Grohl building songs around JOHN PAUL FREAKIN JONES. The first supergroup this decade that is actually SUPER. As in faster than a speeding bullet/more powerful than a locomotive super. How badass are these guys? They released the whole album on Youtube before it was sent to stores, just because.
Recommended Tracks: New Fang, No One Loves Me & Neither Do I, Scumbag Blues

09. Silversun Pickups - Swoon: I love this early-90's sentimentalism going around indie rock these days. It's like the hipsters suddenly discovered Sonic Youth and are utilizing their tricks and traps in their music. I just fucking love it. Silversun Pickups follow up their breakthrough Carnavas with a stellar sophomore album that takes their style to the next level, weaving strings into their rich tapestry of ROCK. I'm telling you guys, these guys have had some big singles, but they are gonna blow the fuck up, and soon.
Recommended Tracks: Panic Switch, Substitution, The Royal We, It's Nice To Know You Work Alone.

08. Clutch - Strange Cousins From the West: IT'S CLUTCH.
Recommended Tracks: 50000 Unstoppable Watts, Abraham Lincoln, Motherless Child, Sleestak Lightning, Witch Doctor, Let A Poor Man Be.

07. Phoenix - Wolfgang Amadeus Phoenix: This French pop/rock band came out of absolutely nowhere, debuted on SNL without anybody having ever heard of them, and took the U.S. by storm, becoming the go-to critical darlings of the American music press. Bright, poppy, catchy and unafraid to throw a decent instrumental track on their breakout album, these songs were EVERYWHERE in 2009, and for damn good reason.
Recommended Tracks: Lisztomania, 1901, Love Like A Sunset Parts 1 & 2, Girlfriend.

06. Between the Buried and Me - The Great Misdirect: The single most technically gifted metal band playing today (though not necessarily the best), these guys have basically (re)invented progressive hardcore. There's so much going on in this albums' six tracks that you can lose yourself real easily. Sounding liker a death metal band covering Pink Floyd, BTBAM jump from light acoustic verses to techno-inflected hardcore to trippy Yes-style prog to Fantomas-y weirdness to straight up metal, and cover all the ground in between. They just keep getting better; it's truly scary to think about where they'll be in a couple years.
Recommended Tracks: There's only 6 on the album. They're all recommended.

05. Black Joe Louis & the Honeybears - Tell 'Em What Your Name Is!: These guys sound like they throw one hell of a party! Like a mixed-up combination of James Brown and The Roots' band, they bring the funk, the soul, the life, the power and the fucking fun back to indie music. Everywhere these guys go, they tear the fucking roof off. This is pimp music.
Recommended Tracks: Sugarfoot, Humpin', Get Yo Shit, I'm Broke, Master Sold My Baby.

04. Mastodon - Crack The Skye: LSD makes for some awesome music, doesn't it? Combining classic Russian literature, wormholes and intense psychedelic imagery, Mastodon just keep getting more and more ambitious with every release. Garnering universal acclaim, this is probably the best reviewed metal album of the past decade, and for good reason: it is just balls-out awesome. Somehow, Mastodon keep going further and further over the edge of sanity, and keep getting more and more popular in the mainstream.
Recommended Tracks: Oblivion, Divinations, The Czar, The Last Baron.

03. Kid CuDi - Man On The Moon:The End Of Day: For whatever reason, the music press in the US is fellating this dude Drake as being such an original artist that sings AND raps equally well, and it pisses me off because, while that's all well and good, Drake's lyrics are mostly meaningless paint-by-numbers hip-hop drivel. Meanwhile Kid Cudi, who also sings and raps, bares his soul, basically lays himself out naked for the world to see all his imperfections and, after a wild wave of hype, they ignore him. Which is angering, because his debut album is so friggin phenomenal it blows my mind. Talking frankly about his insecurities, growing up with night terrors and basically being addicted to weed, he actually turns the backing music into MUSIC and not just some flashy metronome with help from indie artists like Ratatat and MGMT, among others. The result is a dramatic, sweeping artistic achievement as equally trippy as it is honest and ill; a true breath of fresh air in a relatively stale industry. I can't possibly recommend this enough.
Recommended Tracks: Soundtrack 2 My Life, Day N Night (Nightmare), Pursuit of Happiness, Sky Might Fall, Up Up and Away (the Wake and Bake Song).

02. P.O.S. - Never Better: An underground punk rocker turns to rap and releases the best rap album of the year, which he did in FEBRUARY. Literally, I put this on my iPod when it came out, and didn't have the heart to take it off until around late autumn; I couldn't STOP listening to it. Mixing live instrumentation (especially live drums, which I always felt should be standard with rap artists) with an incredible girt for lyricism, P.O.S. stood head and shoulders above everyone else. Quicker than almost anyone and inserting his punk ethos into what should be an intense, revolutionary art form, P.O.S. carved out his own niche in hip-hop and deserves all the acclaim he can muster. Absolutely mind blowing; the first listen will peel your face off.
Recommended Tracks: Drumroll, Let It Rattle, Graves (We Wrote the Book), Purexed, Optimist (We Are Not For Them), Never Better.

01. The Flaming Lips - Embryonic: The Lips release the darkest album of their careers, and it blows away at least half of their titanic discography. My expectations were so incredibly high for this album I didn't think even the Flaming Lips could meet them; instead they exceeded in every possible way. An absolutely haunting portrait of the dark places a person's mind can go (done in that freaky technicolor way only The Flaming Lips can), Embryonic struck me immediately and didn't let up for the entire runtime. Just a nice slice of weird, this album was stuck in my car's stereo for the longest time; the perfect soundtrack for driving to work at 1:00 AM on a quiet autumn night. This is a bad trip, and we're all getting dragged down into it whether we like it or not: I LIKE IT. 2009's Album of the year.
Recommended Tracks: Convinced of the Hex, See the Leaves, If, Your Bats, Powerless, Silver Trembling Hands, Watching the Planets.

2009-01-03T14:52:00.003-05:00

Worst 13 Songs of 2008

Amongst a sea of shit, these are the shittiest; the worst of the worst.

13. OneRepublic - Stop and Stare
(Just TRY to not fall asleep during this mind-numbing, middle-of-the-road rot.)

12. Jonas Brothers - Burnin' Up
(America, meet the new Hanson!)

11. The Pussycat Dolls - When I Grow Up
(You're all 20-something supermodels!! When you grow up, are you fucking serious???)

10. Britney Spears - Break the Ice
(Why in the holy fuck should I care if Britney's back, peddling the same drivel she has for the past 10 years?????)

09. Lil Wayne - A Milli
(Literally, the most annoying sample in any song ever, and it's repeated throughout the ENTIRE GODDAMN SONG. Also, minus points for referring to himself as a venereal disease.)

08. Soulja Boy - Turn My Swag On
(Soulja Boy proves why he's the perfect model, make and mold of a one hit wonder.)

07. LL Cool J feat. The-Dream - Baby
(Maybe I missed something, but when did LL Cool J become so damn lame? I mean, what the fuck happened? This dude was THE MAN for over a decade. Unabashedly apeing Nelly to the point of ridiculousness is fucking terrible for a certified legend of hip-hop. Plus, at the end of the goddamn song, HE ends up paying money for the girl. Dude, you're fucking LL COOL J.)

06. Theory of a Deadman - Bad Girlfriend
(Nickelback too heavy for you? Have I got a band for you...)

05. Rev Theory - Hell Yeah
(sounds like a mix between Papa Roach at their emo-ist and Hagar-era Van Halen. No, that is NOT a compliment. Generic balless cock rock (figure THAT one out).)

04. Say Anything - Got Your Money (Ol' Dirty Bastard cover)
(you remember how cool and chaotic Ol' Dirty Bastard's delivery was in every single song he was ever a part of, this song in particular? Yeah, take all that away, and replace him with an uncharismatic, monotone emo singer. It's almost like he covered this song because he hates it so much, and wanted all of us to suffer with him. ODB hates you from beyond the grave, Max Bemis)

03. Flyleaf - What's This? (Nightmare Before Christmas cover)
(Talk about butchering covers, sweet fancy moses! This one hit wonder managed to turn a playful, bouncy slice of joyous noise from a certified classic holiday movie into a soulless dirge that drags terribly, like hauling a dead carcass through a knee-high snowfall to dump into the river. This was the first song I listened to that actually made me angry that it was produced; I mean really, really angry; screaming at my stereo angry. Unfortunately, there's a lot of those moments on Nightmare Revisited, an album comprised of nothing but shitty covers of every track on the Nightmare Before Christmas soundtrack.)

02. Hollywood Undead - pick a song. any song.
Seriously, the emo version of the Insane Clown Posse. Or, if you will, a gayer version of Gym Class Heroes (you read that right). Might be the worst thing you ever listen to. Click through at your own peril. No. 5, Undead, Black Dahlia, Sell Your Soul, Bottle and a Gun, Bitches...it's ALL awful. I mean, LOOK at those assholes! I am absolutely serious, this is the worst thing I've heard in YEARS. In any other year, this would be the top of the heap (or, if you will, the bottom of the dung pile) but not THIS year. This year, we were treated to...:

01. Kanye West - Love Lockdown
(Jesus Tittyfucking Christ, what in the holy hell was Kanye West thinking?? Seriously, how has hip-hop fallen so far as to consider ripping off mid-90's Cher recording techniques is seen as innovative? Not only that but really the only things that made Kanye unique in the first place; his delivery and lyrics, have been completely castrated in this boring, soulless, emasculated pop trash. The whole song sounds like it was recorded on an old cassette, and then he played that cassette on an old ghetto blaster boom box in a windy tunnel and recorded THAT as the finished product. I mean, the production sounds lazy and boring, and HE'S A PRODUCER. That's what he DOES, that's what made him famous in the FIRST FUCKING PLACE. How far the mighty have fallen. I mean, seriously; this guy used to be THE innovator in hip-hop. Now I just wish he was fucking dead.)

2009-01-03T13:18:00.002-05:00

Best Singles of 2008

Some of these I have something to say about; the rest speak for themselves.

25. Lil Wayne - A Milli

As much as you may be loathe to admit it, this song was one of the most original (and o-v-e-r-p-l-a-y-e-d) singles on the radio this year. Lil Wayne is batshit insane and managed to get a song that not only makes no sense, but has no HOOK in today's wasteland of shitty mainstream hip-hop and got it played EVERYWHERE. That in and of itself deserves recognition. However, expect to see this song on another list.

24. Panic at the Disco - Nine In the Afternoon

Let this be a lesson, emo bands: when you try to sound like The Beatles, you become listenable.

23. Sia - Academia

22. The Raconteurs - Salute Your Solution

21. Meshuggah - Bleed

20. Janelle Monae - Many Moons

The single most original artist of 2008; Janelle Monae released the first of 4 EPs highlighting a funk/R&B/rock opera about androids in love and being hunted in the future; think a female James Brown mixed with Blade Runner and A.I. Yeah, it rocks.

19. The Killers - Human

18. Beck - Gamma Ray

17. REM - Supernatural Superserious

16. Hot Chip - Shake A Fist

This is the coolest dance song, like, ever.

15. Ben Folds featuring Regina Spektor - You Don't Know Me At All

14. The Toadies - No Deliverance

The Toadies returned with a shockingly fantastic album of hard-hitting blues-grunge; this is the only single released from that album.

13. Man Man - Mister Jung Stuffed

This is exactly the type of auditory weirdness that would've gotten two tons of airplay on modern rock radio during the death of grunge years between 1995-1998.

12. The Ting Tings - That's Not My Name

The album was overrated tripe with only two listenable songs. Those two songs, however, are AMAZING. This is the better of the two, an infectious earworm that'll stick in your skull for days.

11. Kings of Leon - Sex On Fire

One of the first pure rock songs to hit modern rock radio in years.

10. Lupe Fiasco - Superstar

Lupe Fiasco should be the biggest rapper in the world; held up on a pedestal the way Jay-Z and Kanye West are today. This is his most popular single, it's quite awesome.

09. Death Cab For Cutie - I Will Possess Your Heart

The sheer balls to release an 8-minute track as your first single is astounding. I really wish they never edited it for radio and forced stations to play the full version, but whatever, it's a great song.

08. The Cool Kids - Black Mags

The Cool Kids was the most refreshing thing to happen to hip-hop all year; a modern take on classic hip-hop that is infinitely listenable. Watch that video; tell me that doesn't look/sound like it's from 1985.

07. Gnarls Barkley - Who's Gonna Save Your Soul?

Didn't get any play on radio, but it is their most heartfelt, soulful song.

06. T.I., Jay-Z, Kanye West & Lil Wayne - Swagga Like Us

This producer deserves an award, both for the production and for the genius sample of MIA's Paper Planes. The fact that T.I. could get the three biggest rappers in the world on one track and more than hold his own speaks volumes for his skills as an MC; the song is catchy as SHIT.

05. Metallica - All Nightmare Long

A badass song with a badass video. Metallica is BACK!

04. Elbow - Grounds For Divorce

Britain's answer to the White Stripes (with a touch of Radiohead); a loud blues rock song that starts with a chain-gang chorus and switching between soulful singing and blaring guitars; the best single you haven't heard.

03. Weezer - Pork and Beans

Weezer's best single since Hash Pipe. Unfortunately, the rest of the album couldn't live up to this song.

02. MIA - Paper Planes

Thank God for Pineapple Express. If the producer of the trailer for the stoner action/comedy hadn't used Paper Planes, MIA would still be a relative unknown in the States. Thankfully, that isn't the case, and this track from last year's Kala got enormous play and propelled her into the spotlight. A song (essentially) about economics and the Third World, this Bhangra pop/hip-hop song has been everpresent on the radio AND has been sampled in the most catchy hip-hop song all year. Now, after considering retiring after the birth of her child, her career is more alive than ever, and she's already planning her follow-up album. So, I guess you could say she owes her career to marijuana.

01. Flobots - Handlebars

Oh, you HAD to know this was coming. A track with no semblance of a chorus, and somehow it's just as catchy and sing-alongish as Beastie Boys' "Girls". Full of meaning (and possibly political intonations, depending on your interpretation), Flobots created a song both alarming, urgent, and easy to identify with. There's nothing even left to say about this; definitely the best single of 2008.

2009-01-01T10:47:00.004-05:00

Top 20 (+2) Albums of 2008

I know, I know. Of all the things to get me to post that has happened in the past 3 months, this list is what did it. Well, I can't rightly break a 4 year old tradition, can I? I'm sure there'll be more a-postin's later on (how many times have I made THAT empty promise??) Let's get to the meat and potatoes of this titanic post. But first, the consolation prizes given to the albums that didn't quite make it onto the list.

Close but no cigar:

The Hold Steady - Stay Positive
Ben Folds - Way To Normal
Amanda Palmer - Who Killed Amanda Palmer?
Gnarls Barkley - The Odd Couple
Toadies - No Deliverence
The Killers - Day & Age
The Mars Volta - Amputechture
Murder By Death - Red of Tooth and Claw
Destroyer - Trouble in Dreams
MGMT - Oracular Spectacular

Now that we've gotten that out of the way, Ladies and Gentlemen, Bums, Bitches and Bastards. I give you...

THE BEST 20 (+2) ALBUMS OF 2008

(+2)Mitch Hedberg - Do You Believe In Gosh?

Posthumous albums generally are quite horrid, this album being a glaring exception. Like all of his comedy albums, this is kind of hit or miss; but then again, that's his style. He tells so many jokes so quickly that the hits far outweigh the misses (and even the misses can be entertaining). He will always be missed, but this is a great presentation of material.
Recommended Tracks: Phil, Texas and Sea Food, Door Deal

(+1)Flight of the Conchords - Flight of the Conchords

Every single song on this album was released during the series run, but even having heard these songs before, in this nice polished form they really stand out. I mean, for some of them it helps to have actually seen the show. But, for most of these songs, they stand on their own as really, really funny parodies of various song styles.
Recommended Tracks: Robots, Hiphopapotamous vs. Rhymenocerous, Business Time, The Most Beautiful Girl (in the Room)

20. The Gutter Twins - Saturnalia

What do you get when you cross the lead singer of The Afghan Whigs with the lead singer of The Screaming Trees? Doom and gloom sonic euphoria. Fantastic rock dirges and ballads of misery that are sure to reignite some early 90's rock nostalgia in even the most jaded 20-something hipster douchebag.
Recommended Tracks: God's Children, Idle Hands, I Was In Love With You

19. Metallica - Death Magnetic

Oh Metallica, all is (almost) forgiven! I promised myself, after the horror and disappointment of the unlistenable St. Anger, that I would never give Metallica one red cent of my hard-earned dough and, with the release of Death Magnetic, I kept my promise; getting my grubby mitts on a copy through "other" means. And then I listened to it and, ashamed of myself, went out and bought a copy. It's good. It's really really good. They've recaptured some of that classic sound while still throwing some crisp newness into the mix. Plus hey, guitar solos!
Recommended Tracks: All Nightmare Long, The Day That Never Comes, The Judas Kiss

18. T.I. - Paper Trail

I know what you're thinking, Evil Brian's lost his goddamn mind; hear me out. Despite being crazy mainstream, T.I. is actually a very good MC, mostly shunning drugs riches and bitches lyrical content for stories about rising up and bettering oneself (seriously, rather than focusing on the shrill Rhianna hook, pay attention to the lyrics on Live Your Life; they're genius). He also doesn't utilize the autotune robot ear-raping technology that has brought mainstream rap evolution to a virtual standstill. If there were any justice in the world, this album would be the one critics fawn over and Lil Wayne's Carter III would be the also-ran of 2008.
Recommended Tracks: Swagga Like Us, Live Your Life, 56 Bars/I'm Illy

17. Of Montreal - Skeletal Lamping

Imagine if Prince smoked a ton of weed and took a handful of Ecstasy, then went to a Ween show where they played all their poppiest tracks; that is this album. Psychedelic, danceable pretentious indie pop-rock at it's best (and probably Kevin Barnes' best and most mainstream-sounding album to date).
Recommended Tracks: Id Engager, Wicked Wisdom, Triphallus to Punctuate!

16. Trivium - Shogun

A classic metal sound mixed with the modern metalcore scene and, for some reason, a Japanese theme. Make no mistake, though. I truly believe that these guys are the future of metal (even though they're already 4 albums into their career). Pay attention, neophytes, there's a metal storm a-comin'!
Recommended Tracks: Into the Mouth of Hell We March, The Calamity, Down From the Sky

15. REM - Accelerate

The triumphant return of REM! Literally their absolute best album since New Adventures in Hi-Fi, this is a tight quick package of hard-hitting ROCK. (REM ROCKS again! Wheeeee!) This is the REM that grabbed the public's attention in the late-80's/early-90's. Overtly political lyrics mixed with an enthusiastic delivery, they just sound like they enjoy rocking again, and it is extremely refreshing.
Recommended Tracks: Supernatural Superserious, Horse to Water, I'm Gonna DJ

14. Death Cab For Cutie - Narrow Stairs

How many 5 star albums can one band release? Seriously, these guys have yet to put out an album that's even halfway boring or substandard. Sweet and mellow when it has to be, honest-to-god rockin' when it wants to be, and chock full of sad depressing stories of stalkers, failed relationships and dying lovers. Definitely a must-listen.
Recommended Tracks: Bixby Canyon Bridge, I Will Possess Your Heart, Cath...

13. Nine Inch Nails - Ghosts I-IV/The Slip

I think I cheat like this every year, but too bad. Trent Reznor, proving himself to be the ballsiest motherfucker in the music industry, cut all ties to every major label and put out not one but TWO albums of music FOR FREE online. An instrumental double album (perfect background music for any activity you can think of. Especially writing term papers the morning they're due. Not that I would know) and a full album of fantastic glitch techno/industrial metal anthems and, for some reason, piano sonatas. I honestly can't wait to see what he does next.
(Ghosts I-IV)Recommended Tracks: 11 Ghosts II, 33 Ghosts IV, 34 Ghosts IV
(The Slip)Recommended Tracks: Discipline, Echoplex, Head Down

12. Tokyo Police Club - Elephant Shell

Franz Ferdinand really opened Pandora's Box in 2004, didn't they? Now the music landscape is overrun with jangly post-punk indie bands trying desperately to make dance-rock without sounding lame. Too often, these no-name bands fail miserably and fall to the wayside; this is one of the few albums that succeed. Keeping every song tight, short, to the point and centered around great pop hooks, these guys have a knack for writing instantly catchy choruses and eminently memorable songs. They've still got some growing to do as a band before they churn out a classic album, but this is one hell of a first step. Keep your eye on this band, I have a feeling they're gonna be pretty impressive.
Recommended Tracks: Centennial, Graves, Tessellate

11. Beck - Modern Guilt

I am a Beck whore, shit I even liked the tepid Information album, so take what I say with a grain of salt: this is a HUGE step up from that last album. Songs that are catchy and don't just peter out before they ever get interesting, this is literally an album where every track could be a single. Taking a cue from REM earlier in the year, he's cut the runtimes of his tracks WAY down and, instead of letting his songs meander blindly, crams as much punchy kickstep techno freak-folk as he can into every song, and the results are substantial and satisfying, like a home cooked meal.
Recommended Tracks: Gamma Ray, Modern Guilt, Youthless

10. 36 Crazyfists - The Tide and Its Takers

I love this band, I really really do. I can't really be subjective about them but, then again, this isn't meant to be a subjective list. Just balls-out awesome metalcore with heavy riffs, violent breakdowns and sing-along choruses; the best metal album of the year by far. Plus, the album art is absolutely killer.
Recommended Tracks: We Gave It Hell, Waiting On a War, Absent Are the Saints.

09. Man Man - Rabbit Habits

This is what would happen if, instead of trying his best to freak people out, Captain Beefheart put his talents towards playing killer, gut-busting rock n roll. Equal parts artsy, freaky and genuinely loud rock music, this impossible-to-Google band puts on one hell of an energetic live show and keeps every song interesting. Will the next song be a piano-based rocker? Southern boogie? A jumpy pop ballad framed by tinkles of glockenspiel? A clanging jangling percussive instrumental? Man Man loves to keep you guessing. Definitely the most eclectic album put out by anyone anywhere in 2008.
Recommended Tracks: Mister Jung Stuffed, Top Drawer, Easy Eats or Dirty Doctor Galapogos, The Ballad of Butter Beans

08. Santogold - Santogold

Ultra-catchy glitchy hip-pop (with a touch of rage and paralyzing island rhythms) with an extremely unique voice, nearly every song on this album is mental chewing gum. Sweet (though definitely not saccharine), satisfying and will get stuck in your head for DAYS, if not weeks. Some have called it repetitive, I call it infectious; definitely the best pop album of the year.
Recommended Tracks: L.E.S. Artistes, You'll Find a Way (Remix), Creator, Lights Out

07. The Cool Kids - Bake Sale EP

Pure, unrefined audio cool, this sounds exactly like what The Clipse would sound like if they were rapping in 1985- not so much drug-based lyrics as creating songs about partying, driving around, eating Fruity Pebbles and being the most awesome brother on the block. Genius yet simple and catchy beats paired with old-school-style rhymes with a modern twist; The Bake Sale is a smooth cocktail, perfect for parties or just chilling on the porch. I realize technically it's an EP, but it's just as long as the REM, Beck and Tokyo Police Club albums I posted earlier, so I think that's a good enough reason to count it. Go do yourself a favor and grab this album as soon as possible, you won't regret it.
Recommended Tracks: Black Mags, Gold and a Pager, 88, A Little Bit Cooler

It must be said that, before continuing, all of you should know that, in my hours of rearranging these albums into order, every one of the next six albums, at one point or another, were put in the number one spot. It took me a long time to whittle the list down into it's present structure, but all six of these albums are fantastic, high quality representations of the music of 2008. Enjoy!

06. TV on the Radio - Dear Science

I'm sure if I'd had the whole year for it to grow on me this album would be higher, but as it stands it's still a fantastic, nigh-indescribable collection of emotional/political songs by the biggest band on the indie circuit. Rock music with SOUL, every song will either make you nod your head or dance around. It's funky, jazzy, hard rocking, soulful music that's urgent, laid back and emotional all at once. It's really hard to describe why this album is so good; if you liked their past two albums, you'll definitely enjoy this one. If you haven't heard of them before, this is a decent place to start.
Recommended Tracks: Dancing Choose, Golden Age, Family Tree, Red Dress

05. Stephen Malkmus & the Jicks - Real Emotional Trash

This was basically the soundtrack for my entire springtime season, and for good reason. Certainly the best thing Malkmus has released since Pavement's Brighten the Corners, this album took his signature 90's shoegazer sound and introduced progressive elements. Amazing guitarwork, light-to-the-point-of-floating vocals and a handful of the best-written songs from Malkmus' head converge into one of the best, most-listenable rock albums of the year.
Recommended Tracks: Baltimore, Dragonfly Pie, Hopscotch Willie, Cold Son, the awesome 10-minute-plus title track

04. Flobots - Fight With Tools

This is Cake if it were fronted by Zack de la Rocha and Chuck D; I dare you to find a better comparison for Flobots' phenomenal major label debut album. Ultra-political without ever losing focus on the music, Flobots constructed something both obtuse and popular, equal parts indie rap and mainstream hip-hop with enough rock guitar (and violin!) to get played on rock radio, this is the very definition of revolutionary. Only half of these songs even HAVE a hook or chorus (including the smash hit Handlebars) but they're still instantly catchy and the lines will get stuck in your head for days, weeks, months. These guys are NOT one hit wonders, expect great things from Flobots in the future.
Recommended Tracks: Handlebars, Mayday!!!, Rise, Same Thing, Fight With Tools

03. Vampire Weekend - Vampire Weekend

While Stephen Malkmus was the soundtrack to my spring, this album was the soundtrack to my summer. I tried not to believe the titanic amount of hype, but I still couldn't resist these afro-pop indie-rock earworms. Let's face it, this just SOUNDS like summertime. From the first 20 seconds of the very first track, you get a feeling that this is going to be a very different experience than your normal hype-machine flavor-of-the-month, these guys have some serious chops and an ear for melody, and they're not afraid to use them. An album that is fun to listen to, an album that doesn't overstay it's welcome and an album that just makes you happy when you put it on; definitely one of the best releases of the year.
Recommended Tracks: Mansard Roof, Oxford Comma, A-Punk, Cape Cod Kwassa Kwassa (yes I realize I just listed almost the entire Side A, it's that good), Walcott, I Stand Corrected

02. Sia - Some People Have Real Problems

Jazzy trip-hop (and some old-school soul) that has one foot in the mid-90's and one foot in the here and now, this album got lost in the noise when it was released early last year, but it found a comfy home in my stereo, my iPod and my car. Possessing one hell of a powerful, expressive voice, this former lead singer for Zero 7 managed to make such an impression on me that I've literally spent the entire year listening to her album and not once have I gotten bored with it. Moody songs about heartbreak, jumpy dance songs about buttons and, for some reason, a duet with Beck putting a relationship into grade-school mathematical terms; this album concurrently has a signature sound and is all over the map. Were there any justice in this world (and any decent taste in the American public), Sia would've been ALL OVER the radio waves this year. Alas, that is not the case, and we are a poorer nation (music-wise) because of it. If I am a number I am infinity plus one.
Recommended Tracks: Academia, Little Black Sandals, Playground, Day Too Soon, Buttons, The Girl You Lost to Cocaine

01. The Gaslight Anthem - The '59 Sound

Imagine Bruce Springsteen back when he was 25. Now imagine that, instead of the E Street Band, he was backed by Social Distortion; pretty interesting concept, no? That is exactly what this Jersey quartet sounds like, every song is nostalgic, modern and timeless all at the same time. Each song is a tale about misspent youth, past mistakes, adolescent love, death and spending nights with special someones. The Gaslight Anthem have a very classic sound and classic lyrical subjects, but the method is put together with their madness in such a way that it comes out as absolutely perfect rock n' roll- timeless enough for adults, loud and punky enough for the kids; this is rock music that can span generations and bring people together. There is no good reason why The Gaslight Anthem shouldn't be thr biggest band in America right now. This band (and this album) deserves every single bit of critical praise that The Hold Steady have been garnering for the past 4 years. From the U2-esque jangle of Old White Lincoln to the anthemic title track to the slow, building crescendo of Even Cowgirls Get the Blues to the sweet ballad Here's Looking at You, Kid to the propulsive Great Expectations that kicks off the whole record, this is, forwards and backwards, the very best album of 2008.
Recommended Tracks: The '59 Sound, Great Expectations, Old White Lincoln, The Patient Ferris Wheel, High Lonesome, Meet Me By the River's Edge

2008-09-08T07:19:00.002-04:00

This Kid Haz The Metal

The Metal. This Kid Haz It.

Not only that, but he's slightly more intelligible than Ozzy is these days!

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Now playing: Nile - Ithyphallic
via FoxyTunes

2008-09-05T18:08:00.002-04:00

Sabbath Bloody Sabbath

Sarah Palin: The bassist from Black Sabbath hates her. Do you need any other reason?

OBAMA/BIDEN 08

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Now playing: Tool - Jambi
via FoxyTunes

2008-09-02T19:03:00.002-04:00

Unintentionally Hilarious Quote of the Day

"...The McCain campaign will explain why John McCain is the real candidate of change, and that message will be delivered by President Bush later tonight..."

- some MSNBC Talking Head.

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Now playing: Ozzy Osbourne - War Pigs
via FoxyTunes

2008-07-10T13:08:00.003-04:00

Every Post is a Comeback Post!

I am TERRIBLE at keeping up with mah blog. However, I may have to reinvigorate myself since Fuzzy has decided to post nearly every goddamn day (you make me look like a fool, boy). Anyways, instead of catching up with what I've been up to over the past....Jesus, TWO MONTHS??!...I'm gonna take the easy way out and post up a wide-a-spreadin' meme.

Stolen from Fuzzy and Space Lord, who in turn stole it from AV Club; here is my favorite albums (without repeating artists) from every year since my birth (including the half of 2008 that has already come and went).

1981 - AC DC - Dirty Deeds Done Dirt Cheap

1982 - Bad Brains - Bad Brains

1983 - REM - Murmur

1984 - Iron Maiden - Powerslave

1985 - The Pogues - Rum, Sodomy and the Lash

1986 - Metallica - Master of Puppets

1987 - Guns 'N Roses - Appetite For Destruction

1988 - Social Distortion - Prison Bound

1989 - De La Soul - 3 Feet High and Rising

1990 - *TIE* They Might Be Giants - Flood & Bad Religion - Against the Grain

1991 - Red Hot Chili Peppers - Blood Sugar Sex Magik

1992 - Faith No More - Angel Dust

1993 - Primus - Pork Soda

1994 - Weezer - Weezer (Blue Album)

1995 - The Smashing Pumpkins - Mellon Collie & the Infinite Sadness

1996 - Beck - Odelay

1997 - Radiohead - OK Computer

1998 - Beastie Boys - Hello Nasty

1999 - Nine Inch Nails - The Fragile

2000 - Deftones - White Pony

2001 - *TIE* Aphex Twin - drukqs & Gorillaz - Gorillaz

2002 - *TIE* Glassjaw - Worship & Tribute & Wilco - Yankee Hotel Foxtrot

2003 - The Mars Volta - De-loused in the Comatorium

2004 - Green Day - American Idiot

2005 - eels - Blinking Lights and Revelations

2006 - Gnarls Barkley - St. Elsewhere

2007 - The White Stripes - Icky Thump

2008 (so far) - *TIE* Stephen Malkmus & the Jicks - Real Emotional Trash & Flobots - Fight With Tools

I learned a couple of things reading people's responses to this meme:

1) I have WAAAAAY too much in common (music-taste-wise) with Fuzzy.
2) OK Computer is basically the go-to answer for 1997.
3) Nobody is as metal as Space Lord. NOBODY.

Someday (hopefully soon) I hope to have a real blog update. For now though, courage.

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Now playing: They Might Be Giants - Fingertips
via FoxyTunes

2008-05-15T12:36:00.001-04:00

Jesus Christ

I know, been a very very long time....real blog post forthcoming, until then...well...just watch.

JESUS CHRIST.

2008-02-02T16:49:00.000-05:00

Saturday Random 10 (but really 20) XXIX: Obama for America

In the fear of sounding partisan, I am really REALLY excited about Barack Obama; moreso than I have been about any other presidential candidate that I can remember. In 2000, I paid no attention to political news at all and figured that Gore and Bush seemed almost exactly the same (oh, the folly of youth!); in 2004, Dean seemed like a decent candidate, yet the DNC chose John Kerry (whom I never really got too enthused about); but this year, we have Obama, who really is the only goddamn hope America has left for turning this pseudo-dynastic oligarchy to an end. Honestly, if Obama doesn't get the nod, then I'm probably going to end up voting Republican, no matter who runs. Or maybe I'll just stay at home and softly cry myself to sleep. If the American people (who, it should be noted, actually voted Bush into office in 2004) can't see that Obama is clearly the only real hope for change this country has left, than they deserve exactly what they get.

Watch this video and tell me you aren't inspired or, at the very least, moved:

Now, with my liberal ranting out of the way, let's get to that thar Random!

1. Ween - Never Squeal
2. Andrew Bird - Imitosis
3. The Who - The Dirty Jobs
4. The Pogues - Body of an American
5. Megadeth - Truth Be Told
6. Killing Joke - Another Bloody Election
7. The Smashing Pumpkins - Ava Adore
8. Bob Marley & the Wailers - Is This Love?
9. Bob Marley & the Wailers - Jah Live
10. HIM - Rip Out the Wings of a Butterfly
11. Outkast (Andre 3000) - Prototype
12. DEVO - Smart Patrol/Mr. DNA
13. Pantera - Cowboys From Hell
14. The Mars Volta - Conjugal Burns
15. Unloco - Bruises (live)
16. Faith No More - Falling To Pieces (live at Brixton Academy)
17. Boards of Canada - Pete Standing Alone
18. George Thorogood & the Destroyers - Madison Blues
19. Jesus Jones - Right Here, Right Now
20. The I Love You But I'm Not In Love With Yous - Old Folks Home

WOW! One hell of a Random this week! Start it off with a laid-back swing track off Ween's first album, then into the best track off Andrew Bird's Armchair Apocrypha, sounding not unlike an acoustic Beck tune featuring Jeff Tweedy. You got a sweet track off The Who's underrated Quadrophenia (which, by the way, is a FAR better record than Tommy), then you got yourself the incomparable Pogues doing their Celtic punk thing way before it was cool, go right into Muh-fuckin' Megadeth shredding through a newer song (and it's still pretty badass), then go straight into the industrial anarcho-punk Killing Joke (who are WAY underrated) blasting the appropos "Another Bloody Election". Then, the somewhat-hated (but not by me!! I'm wearing my Smashing Pumpkins fanboy hat!) Ava Adore, where The Smashing Pumpkins tried thier hand at goth/techno and failed miserably, at least sales-wise (still a good album, though. You can't tell me that "Tear" isn't a fan-fucking-tastic song), then into an unexpected double shot of Marley, first with the incredibly catchy "Is This Love?" followed up with one of my personal favorites, the underplayed "Jah Live"; which is then followed by the catchiest, girliest chorus in the wussiest metal song ever by a band whose biggest highlight is being Bam Margera's whippping boys. Things pick up pretty fast though, with Andre 3000 doing his best Prince impression (and killin' it!), six minutes of DEVO's twisted, geeky, angular techno/pop/punk, the first track off the first Pantera album that matters (and consequently one of the harder tracks on Guitar Hero) and some beautiful chaos from Mars Volta's newest album Bedlam In Goliath. Nu-metal also-also-rans Unloco follow up with thier almost-almost hit Bruises, but the tempo gets picked up quickly with some classic live Faith No More. Boards of Canada soothe the soul before George Thorogood spreads his white-boy blues around. Then we all suffer through Jesus Jones, before finally grinding to a halt with the greatest-named unsigned band of all time and thier lo-fi indie rockin'.

A couple weak spots notwithstanding, this is one goddamn great Random: a solid A.

2008-01-24T16:30:00.000-05:00

Zot is the Quiztune havvermashed

So, I'm still deeply immersed in James Joyce's batshit insane "Finnegan's Wake" monstrosity, and I just got to Chapter 5 of Book 1 of the tome. It begins with "Annah the Allmaziful, the Everliving, the Bringer of Plurabilities" and her manifesto or, as it is referred to in the novel, "mamafesta". But it doesn't start with the actual content of the "mamafesta", but with 3 and a half pages of possible titles of said "mamafesta". Reading this, it came to me that some of these would make AWESOME song titles. Like, seriously. All these names are quite evocative and/or pretentious-sounding-enough to almost definitely be real prog-rock/post-hardcore/douchebag college indie songs. Check out some of this craziness:

Here's to the Relicts of Old Decencies
The Crazier Letters
A New Cure For an Old Clap
I Ask You to Believe I was his Mistress, He Can Explain
Where Portentos they'd Grow Gonder how I'd Wish I Woose a Geese
In My Lord's Bed by One Whore Went Through It
My Skin Appeals to Three Senses and My Curly Lips Demand Columbkisses
I'm the Stitch in His Backside You'd be Nought Without Mom
A Boob was Weeping This Mower was Reaping
A Pretty Brick Story for Childsize Heroes
Pimpimp Pimpimp
If my Spreadeagles Wasn't so Tight I'd Loosen my Cursits on that Bunch of Maggiestraps
Fine's Fault was no Felon
The Flash That Flies From Vuggy's Eyes has Set Me Hair on Fire
His is the House That Malt Made
As Tree is Quick and Stone is White So is My Washing Done by Night
My Golden One and My Selver Wedding
Which of your Hesterdays Mean Ye to Morra?
Thee Steps Forward, Two Stops Back
I hve not Stopped Water Where It Should Flow and I Know the Twentynine Names of Attrente

Seriously though, you can't tell me that at least SOME of those don't sound like tracks by Of Montreal. This is the wierdest book in the world, I swear to god.

2008-01-19T17:31:00.000-05:00

Saturday Random 10 (but really 20) XXVIII: Back, Bitches!

It is the return of the incredibly self-serving and unpopular Saturday Random! Indeed, after a month-long hiatus where I only finished 2 of the 5 or 6 year-end lists I actually started (and NOT A GODDAMN PERSON commented on my albums of the year....seriously, that took me forever to type out, fuckers!) I begin this tradition of commenting on my personal goings-on for the week, and give you all a glimpse into the incredibly diverse playlist of Evil Brian. I'm also gonna start cross-posting almost everything between the O.G. blogspot and the second-hand store myspace, just because.

Anyways, just came back from a matinee showing of Cloverfield with my dear, dear friend Art and WOW. I haven't really been paying attention to the whole viral marketing dealie that's been going around; I've just really been looking forward to this flick since seeing the infamous trailer before Transformers last year. As someone who's been unexposed to that extraneous crap (I also started reading some of the poor reviews for it, and wondered if they saw the same movie I saw, or whether they actually accidentally saw The Chipmunks movie instead) I have to say that the flick chopped your ass off and delivered it to you on a platter. Seriously, I can see where the shaky-cam thing would turn a lot of people off (didn't really bother me too much though) but the effects were fantastic, the acting was...meh....but really, I just went into this expecting to see an unimaginably huge mystery creature tear New York City a new asshole, and I got all that and more. I've read a bunch of reviews saying the ending was ambiguous....but really, there wasn't any other way for the movie to end that would make any sense whatsoever. So it's not the standard happily-ever-after that Hollywood churns out time and time again; take your fucking blinders off and try something different from the same-old same-old. Seriously though, if you like creature features or just apocalyptic doom in general, I can't recommend this film enough.

Anyways, enough film-fellation, on to the Random!

1. Radiohead - Go To Sleep
2. The Moldy Peaches - Lazy Confessions
3. Danger Doom - No Names (Black Debbie)
4. All That Remains - Whispers (I Hear You)
5. Hole - I Think That I Would Die
6. Pressure 4-5 - Into Yesterday
7. Dinosaur Jr. - On the Brink
8. Method Man featuring Prodigy - Release Yo' Delf (Remix)
9. Faith No More - The Grade (Live at Brixton Academy)
10. Joy Grutman - Schnappi das Kleine Krokodil
11. Professional Murder Music - Dissolve
12. The Smashing Pumpkins - We Only Come Out At Night
13. Deftones - Minus Blindfold
14. Faith No More - Paths of Glory
15. Iggy Pop - Success
16. Van Hunt - Down Here in Hell (With You)
17. Iron Maiden - Journeyman
18. John Legend - Stereo
19. Oasis - Shakermaker
20. System of a Down - Boom!

Got a little bit of everything for the comeback Random, huh?

Starting off with one of the better songs off Hail to the Thief (probably my least favorite Radiohead album...and yet still better than most normal mainstream rock releases), transitions quickly into the lo-fi/folk weirdness of the suddenly-thrust-into-the-mainstream Moldy Peaches (still haven't seen Juno yet, but I DID pick up the soundtrack...pretty damn good, I'd say) then into the always-bizarre MF Doom rapping about Sealab 2021 (and NYC...and the Sandman for some reason...). After that the awesome metal power of All That Remains cleanses the palate before Courtney Love pisses all over it with her terrible, terrible band; who are then followed by early 2000's nu-metal also-also-ALSO rans Pressure 4-5 (one of the many who went on Ozzfest, released one album on a major label, then promptly broke up and were never heard from again). Dinosaur Jr. then appears out of nowhere to save us from the brink of total suckage with the jangly, mumbly On the Brink; which then has the tempo completely switched with a techno remix of Method Man's Release Yo' Delf off the Resident Evil soundtrack which, surprisingly, doesn't suck nearly as bad as you'd think (though this IS the best song off that album); definitely worth tracking down, if only for this song. You got some live acoustic country-fried FNM kicking all kinds off ass segueing right into an 8-year-old German girl singing about her pet crocodile (which, though I don't understand German, is ADORABLE), then another also-also-also ran nu-metal (though they're closer to straight industrial) Professional Murder Music which, despite their stupid name, is actually quite listenable...I'm sure you can find their album in the 99 cent bin of your local record store...they do a cover of The Cure's A Night Like This that is surprisingly decent. After that comes a track off my favorite band's best album ever...nothing else need be said, really. a track off Deftones' first album (which I don't really care for...then again, you could fit all their good songs onto one CD basically, White Pony notwithstanding) then, you guessed it, MORE FAITH NO MORE (though it's off their worst Patton-era album...I still love 'em); the vocals are the best part of this song which is, unfortunately, pretty damn boring for Faith No More. Then Iggy muthafuckin' Pop sings about Success for awhile before Van Hunt takes everything down a notch with the soulful, laid-back funk of Down Here in Hell (this dude doesn't get nearly enough props...he's seriously talented, and definitely worth looking up); the slowed-down tempo continues with a ballad from Iron Maiden which, while no horrible, isn't very good and is off probably my least-favorite album by them (it's even worse than Virtual XI...that's a goddamn FEAT, to say nothing of the X Factor), the soul-metal sandwich is completed by John Legend who I've been listening to more and more lately (he's another R&B/soul traditionalist...though he uses a lot of newer-sounding beats, where Van Hunt uses the old-school flute loops and acoustic guitars) this song in particular is quite good....definitely one of the better ones off his newest album (Target-only live album be damned!). After that, you got yourself some older Oasis, and is then capped off by the band Oasis called the worst band they'd ever heard (which some would say makes them one goddamn great band to listen to), System of a Down with one of their more prominent singles, Boom! You know what, crappy nu-metal and Hole aside, this is a pretty damn great Random. I'm gonna be generous, give this one a solid A. You done good, iTunes. You done good.

2008-01-11T17:14:00.000-05:00

Introducing Two Bands I Love

So, I met someone whom I like quite a bit that is...let's say removed...from music. She's cool, intelligent and slightly nerdy (like me...only cute...and female). So, I have decided to introduce her to the wonders of They Might Be Giants and The White Stripes. The following is the track listing for the mix CDs I created to introduce her to these two paragons of awesome. Critique as you will.

THEY MIGHT BE GIANTS:

Don't Let's Start (this is how every TMBG mix should start: the perfect song)
Birdhouse In Your Soul
Ana Ng
Istanbul (Not Constantinople)
Nothing's Gonna Change My Clothes
We Want A Rock
They'll Need A Crane
Hope That I Get Old Before I Die
Four Of Two
When It Rains It Snows
I Am Not Your Broom
The World's Address
Mr. Me
Which Describes How You're Feeling
Pencil Rain
Twisting
She's An Angel
Why Does the Sun Shine? (The Sun is a Mass of Incandescent Gas)
Particle Man
I've Got a Match
Subliminal
Shoehorn With Teeth
Experimental Film
Snowball In Hell
I Am A Grocery Bag
32 Footsteps
Kiss Me, Son of God
Women & Men
It's Not My Birthday
Nightgown of the Sullen Moon
I Should Be Allowed To Think
Meet James Ensor
Mammal
Dinner Bell
The Mesopotamians
I Palindrome I

I realize that the TMBG mix is very VERY heavy on the early stuff, but I just find that to be a lot easier to get into than the Apollo 18/John Henry and everything forwards stuff (at least, that's what introduced ME to them and hooked me). Plus, say what you want, I Am a Grocery Bag is hilarious (first time I threw it on, I almost drove off the road...I hadn't looked at the tracklisting, and it was so completely unexpected).

THE WHITE STRIPES:

One More Cup Of Coffee
Hotel Yorba
Apple Blossom
I Want To Be the Boy
You're Pretty Good Looking For a Girl
My Doorbell
Seven Nation Army
There's No Home For You Here
Fell In Love With a Girl
Hypnotise
The Hardest Button to Button
I'm Slowly Turning Into You
Why Can't You Be Nicer To Me?
A Martyr For My Love For You
Hello Operator
Black Math
Icky Thump
I'm Finding It Harder To Be a Gentleman
Take Take Take
Effect & Cause
Dead Leaves & the Dirty Ground
The denial twist
Conquest
You Don't Know What Love Is (You Just Do As You're Told)
In the Cold Cold Night

I didn't want to just give her a copy of Icky Thump, so I handpicked some highlights from all the albums and mixed them all up. I wish I could've fit Rag & Bone on here too, but I REALLY wanted Take Take Take on the mix).

2008-01-01T10:33:00.000-05:00

Top 20 (+1.5) Albums of 2007

Ah, it's that time of the year again. Breathe it in, that there's the air of a fresh new year beginning (with the slight stench of the dead, decaying corpse of the old year in the background) and, as always, I return with a totally pointless list that only serves to bolster my own self-importance. Comments at the bottom, bitches; Here we go!

(+0.5) Flight of the Conchords - The Distant Future: HBO's hottest import released an EP (a full length is supposedly on the way for 2008) and absolutely blew me away. See, I don't have HBO, and for some reason torrents take forever for me to download (curse you, Comcast!), so I knew nothing about them except most of the Internet was raving about them. So, I picked up this CD for 5 bucks, and was absolutely slain. These guys are fantastic at playing everything straight, even when singing the most ludicrous lyrics possible (or busting out a sweet binary solo). Highly recommended.

Recommended Tracks: There's only 6 tracks on the EP, but Robots is the standout hit (Business Time is a close second).

(+1) Patton Oswalt - Werewolves and Lollipops: I am honest to Satan shocked that Patton Oswalt isn't a huge household name yet (despite starring in Pixar's most adult-oriented movie to date). Like a nerdy amalgam of David Cross and Dave Attell, Patton waxes philosophical about Star Trek, Star Wars, Obscenities on TV, the birthing process and Death Bed, the Bed That Eats People, among a couple dozen other subjects. I haven't laughed so hard at a comedy CD since listening to Adam Sandler's first album when I was in 6th grade (hey, that shit was a revelation in 1993, back off!). Every single syllable out of his pudgy mouth is absolutely hysterical, even his horrible Bruce Springsteen impression early on in the album. He just has a way of phrasing sentences that demands attention and comes out as being laugh-out-loud funny. This guy is one album and one fantastic movie away from being an American icon. Here's hopin'.

Recommended Tracks: America Has Spoken, The Miracle of Childbirth, Physics For Poets, Wackity Schmackity Doo!

20. Arctic Monkeys - Favourite Worst Nightmare: Arctic Monkeys start off their much-anticipated sophomore album with a song called Brianstorm. They really know how to market exclusively to ME! (even though the song is about a dude named Brian being an asshole, I gotta love it. There's not nearly enough 'Brian' songs). A little better production, a more glossy finish on everything, the music is still both rockin' and catchy as hell. These guys are paving the way for the new evolution of Britpop, and I am SO already along for the ride.

Recommended Tracks: Brianstorm, D is for Dangerous, Fluorescent Adolescent

19. Lupe Fiasco - Lupe Fiasco's The Cool: This would be WAY higher if it was released earlier than December 18 and had time to grow on me. Even without the buffer, this is one of the finest hip hop albums I've ever listened to. The whole album reads like a love letter for what Hip Hop used to be, and how Lupe is trying to bring it back to that kind of purity of the art form, even though it's a concept album (which, quite frankly, SHOULD NOT WORK) about the life and death of the main character and his attempt at being a professional rap star. Seriously, this guy is one of the best lyricists working on a major label, though he does have a slightly annoying penchant for repeating the lines of the hook over and over again (moreso than Static-X and Coal Chamber combined). But still, any rap artist that can come up with lines like "And I would never feel pain/And never be without pleasure, ever, again/And if the rain stops, and everything's dry/She would cry, just so I could drink the tears from her eyes" is a winner in my book.

Recommended Tracks: Go Go Gadget Flow, The Coolest, Hip Hop Saved My Life, Little Weapon, Dumb It Down

18. Brother Ali - The Undisputed Truth: Speaking of outstanding hip hop albums, Brother Ali shows some serious chops, and is the first real independent artist on the list. Check this out, a Muslim albino that, despite his appearance, has such enormous street cred that he has fostered an army of faithful fans where (and this is where you should be paying attention) HIS MUSIC AND TALENT IS MORE IMPORTANT THAN THE IMAGE. This is a glimpse into the mind and conflicting emotions churning about in his big bald head, an extremely autobiographical record with very strong political overtones that hit hard and fast. He has a slower, more laid back flow than most of the other rappers on this list, it's almost an old school hip hop-type vibe going on, but the subject matter is distinctly relevant and topical. Very personal, very awesome, get this now.

Recommended Tracks: Truth Is, Letter From The Government, Uncle Sam Goddamn, Listen Up, Take Me Home

17. Nine Inch Nails - Year Zero: Screw all the haters out there, this album has a bunch of fantastic tracks that hold up with anything off Downward Spiral or The Fragile. There's no need top defend this album, it stands up by itself. The first part of a two part concept album about a dystopian future of a theocratic America (far-fetched science fiction, right? Right?? Mike Huckabee anyone???), this is seriously one of my favorite NIN albums. Then again, I love crazy, glitchy, Aphex Twin-ish techno IDM music. Trent Reznor is drifting farther and farther away from straight up industrial into full blown IDM territory, and I LOVE it.

Recommended Tracks: Capital G, Meet Your Master, the fearsome foursome of the last 4 tracks put together (The Great Destroyer, Another Version of the Truth, In This Twilight, Zero Sum)

16. Thrice - The Alchemy Index Volumes I & II: The former emocore outfit is seriously distancing themselves from their old, slightly artsy-fartsy derivativeness into truly grand artistic visions of substance and texture, more in line with Poison The Well than The Used. The latest evidence of their maturing process is this, the first 2 parts of a four part series of EPs about the essence of 4 elements of the Earth (or, if you will, four of the five parts of Captain Planet). This first part, consisting of the discs Fire and Water, are beautiful and ferocious at the same time. The Fire disc is appropriately loud and fast, with notes and riffs jumping all over like the flames of a burning pyre, while the Water disc has a more laid back, slow, quietly electronic-based flow to it, like a placid lake (perhaps Lake Placid??!) It comes off as being genuinely interesting without being pretentious or overblown. Pretty cool, it actually reminds me a little bit of Deftones' White Pony album (which, as we all know, is the only truly great album they ever released or ever will).

Recommended Tracks: Firebreather, Burn The Fleet, Digital Sea, Lost Continent, Night Driving (an awesome instrumental)

15. Battles - Mirrored: a techno album that was created entirely with live instruments...sure, it's been done before, but I doubt it's been done quite this well. Now, this selection IS kinda pretentious (and thus has been embraced by annoying indie snobs the world 'round), but it just sounds SO GOOD. Very few actual lyrics, the vocals are used more like an extra instrument; as such, this release leans closer to Fantomas than Chemical Brothers, where the songs are more about the concept or environment of the subjects rather than any certain subject, really. Very evocative and yet very head-noddingly cool.

Recommended Tracks: Ddiamondd, Tonto, Snare Hangar, Atlas

14. Gallows - Orchestra of Wolves: Holy shit! Finally, a punk band that really, really sounds goddamn dangerous to be around. They do sing a couple songs about love and heartbreak, but the approach to every song is absolutely ruthless. I doubt anybody leaves one of their shows without getting bloodied (or at least without getting someone else's blood on them). Plus, the title track is one of the most gloriously obscene songs I've ever listened to, and yet it's so thrashingly violently awesome that when it eventually devolves into the throat-shredding screams of "the hardest thing you'll ever learn is just to love and be loved in return", it comes across as both hilarious parody and heart-rending truth. Punk hasn't sounded so genuine, at least not in a great while.

Recommended Tracks: Orchestra of Wolves, Abandon Ship, The Belly of a Shark, Rolling With the Punches

13. Clutch - From Beale Street to Oblivion: The hardest rockin' band in America, hands down. Blues metal at it's finest, with one of the most distinctive (and goddamn LOUD) vocalists in the world. Somehow, the bellows and wails sound completely soulful when paired with the heavy-as-lead riffs going on in the background. Some of the lyrics border on the absurd, but let's face it; most of Clutch's albums were made to just sit back and get high with your friends with. These guys are picking up where Black Sabbath left off and are dragging the classic sound through Maryland mud, and are doing one hell of a job running with it.

Recommended Tracks: You Can't Stop Progress, Electric Worry, White's Ferry, Black Umbrella, Mr. Shiny Cadillackness

12. Kanye West - Graduation: Can we call this guy a legend yet? Because I think it's entirely appropriate at this point. Dude's only released three albums, and all three are absolute classics. I mean, even Jay-Z has released some stinkers (Kingdom Come, anyone? Blueprint 2, perhaps?) Kanye has completely revolutionized hip hop, writing tracks less concerned about violence and drug dealing and more concerned with just being fucking COOL. As a person, he's an egotistical asshole; but as an artist, I can totally respect the man. He somehow flies even farther away from sounding mainstream, while becoming exponentially more popular. Funny how that works...almost as if people want to hear something different...hmmmmm....

Plus, he gets points just for having the craziest, trippiest album cover I've ever seen on a mainstream rap album. That's just awesome.

Recommended Tracks: Good Morning, Stronger, Good Life (just the fact that he made a song with the annoying black Peter Frampton catchy and listenable speaks more for the man than anything I write ever could), Barry Bonds, Everything I Am, Can't Tell Me Nothin'

11. Machine Head - The Blackening: This is Machine Head's masterpiece, hands down. After releasing one horrible album (Burning Red) and one entirely unlistenable album (Supercharger), Machine Head had redeemed themselves with Through the Ashes... But this, THIS album is one of the finest collections of thrash since Metallica's Master of Puppets. Producing their most political album to date, along with ruminations on the reasons behind violent tendencies and needless warfare makes this an absolute must-listen to anybody, metalhead and non-metalhead alike. A short track listing hides the fact that half the songs on the album are over 9 minutes long, each one an enveloping, sprawling epic combining both classic thrash and the new wave of American heavy metal sound inherent in bands like Chimaira and Shadows Fall (have I dropped enough names yet?). Nearly perfect.

Recommended Tracks: Clenching the Fists of Dissent, Now I Lay Thee Down, A Farewell to Arms, Slanderous

10. Dethklok - Metalocalypse: The Dethalbum: Here's what I don't get; Shadows Fall, Arch Enemy, Dimmu Borgir, Chimaira and Behemoth all released new albums this year (all of which I purchased and have listened to), and yet this fake cartoon band blows every single one of them out of the water. What the fuck gives?? More than likely, it's because the musicians behind Dethklok don't take themselves too seriously, and just do what they do for the love of all things metal. I mean, when you get right down to it, Dimmu Borgir is absolutely fucking ridiculous. But if you take Dimmu Borgir and have them sing a song about mermaids, that there is gold, Jerry, gold. The fact is, the reverence for the genre presented by Brandon Small and his Dethklok teammates, combined with a warped sense of humor makes for one of the most listenable, most accessable and, indeed, most head-banging metal albums to come out in years. Also, let's face it, Mermaider is one of the heaviest songs ever put to CD. EVER.

Recommended Tracks: Mermaider, Go Into the Water, Bloodrocuted, Briefcase Full of Guts, Birthday Dethday, Hatredcopter, Detharmonic

09. The Smashing Pumpkins - Zeitgeist: Okay, I'm a fucking fanboy. There, I said it, I got it out of the way, so there's no need to bring it up in the comments. That being said, I do genuinely love this album, more than I think I should. No, it's not a return to the Siamese Dream/Mellon Collie glory days, but if you thought it would be, then you're a goddamn fool. It may be Zwanshing Pumpkins, but I don't care, it's still a completely solid rock album, and Billy Corgan can still shred like a fucking madman. This album would probably be positioned somewhere in the middle of their discography as far as quality goes; above Adore (and WAAAAYYYY above Machina), but below Gish. Not too bad, I'd say. At the end of the day, any Smashing Pumpkins is better than no Smashing Pumpkins, and this dark, moody album is just the thing to hit the spot.

Recommended Tracks: Doomsday Clock, 7 Shades of Black, Tarantula, United States, Bleeding the Orchid

08. Amy Winehouse - Back To Black: Crazy, drug-addicted tabloid fodder? Perhaps. But eventually you gotta face facts: the bitch can sing. Contemporary emotional autobiographical (and somewhat vulgar) lyrics juxtaposed with a 60's and 70's soulful R&B sound just fucking WORKS. The fact that it comes out of a short, skinny Jewish heroin addict is besides the point; the music speaks for itself. You just have to separate her public persona from the music. And hey, when she dies in the next year from an overdose (or choking on her own vomit after an overdose), she'll be a punk rock-type legend; won't that be cool?

Recommended Tracks: Rehab, You Know I'm No Good, Back to Black, Tears Dry On Their Own, Some Unholy War

07. Between the Buried and Me - Colors: These guys are what Pink Floyd would sound like if they were a death metal band. Seriously, who thought that Death Prog would even be a genre? Well, here it is, and Between the Buried and Me prove themselves with their most ambitious and eclectic album to date. Sounding like a bizarre cross between old Dillinger Escape Plan, Mr. Bungle and Dream Theater, these guys have released an album that is essentially one 64-minute song cut into 8 parts. Jumping between genres, time signatures and narratives, this band released the best and most creative metal album of the year. Absolutely amazing.

Recommended Tracks: Sun Of Nothing, Ants Of The Sky, Informal Gluttony

06. Radiohead - In Rainbows: A lot has been said about the marketing of this album (which was brilliant) but not until the end-of-the-year lists started coming did anyone tackle the important question: How good is In Rainbows? I was one of the assholes that downloaded it for free. After listening to it for a week straight, I ended up ordering the $82 discbox version. This is what Hail to the Thief should have been. A masterpiece in every sense of the word. Magnificent.

Recommended Tracks: Videotape, Jigsaw Falling Into Place, Bodysnatchers, Weird Fishes/Arpeggi, Nude

05. Modest Mouse - We Were Dead Before the Ship Even Sank: Modest Mouse managed to top themselves with this years' We Were Dead... starts out with a dirge-y concertina and proceeding to sound like a mix between a drunk sing-along in a dirty bar down by the pier and a garage band playing a gig at a friend's backyard, all with Isaac Brock's signature quirky twists and turns and unmistakable vocals. It's catchy, it's artful, it's poetic, and it's good and noisy.

Recommended Tracks: We've Got Everything, March Into The Sea, Dashboard, Parting the Sensory, People As Places As People

04. Gogol Bordello - Super Taranta!: This band is a fucking party. It may not be my number one, but this is the most fun you could have listening to an album, period. Between the broken English, singing verses in Russian and totally over-the-top....well...EVERYTHING, this band managed to release an album that not only demands that you listen, but demands that you chant along, dance, and just have a goddamn good time with it. The world's best (and only) Gypsy punk band. Leon Hutz is Mick Jagger in his prime (only, you know, Ukrainian).

Recommended Tracks: Ultimate, Supertheory of Supereverything, Harem In Tuscany, Wanderlust King, American Wedding

03. Silversun Pickups - Carnavas: Yes, this was released in July of 2006(There seems to be one of these type albums on my list every year, just go with it), but only on their tiny indie label in California. It got picked up for nationwide distribution late 2006 and, even then, I couldn't find it until January or February 2007; so I'm totally fucking counting it. With that out of the way, these guys are goddamn amazing. A perfect concoction with equal parts Siamese Dream-era Smashing Pumpkins and Goo-era Sonic Youth, with just a pinch of Pavement (maybe a half teaspoon of Pixies?). Do I like them so much because of a freaky 90's nostalgia kick? Perhaps, but nevertheless these guys can bring the rock, no question. From the jangly Checkered Floor to the intense Future Foe Scenarios, all the way down to the fuzzed-out Common Reactor, this is one of the most listenable albums to come out this year (official release dates be damned!)

Recommended Tracks: Future Foe Scenarios, Lazy Eye, Well Thought-Out Twinkles, Little Lover's So Polite

02. Aesop Rock - None Shall Pass: I've never before heard somebody who can bend the very English language to his will like Aesop Rock. With None Shall Pass, Aes took all his previous releases, indeed, his entire career's evolution, and polished and refined it into this trippy, angular, head-nodding hard-hitting monster of an album. The beats, the production, everything on this album is stepped up to the maximum, and is absolutely Aesop Rock's best release to date. While trying to follow every narrative in every song is certainly a challenge, every song has a dozen or so lines that will swim around your head for days afterwards. Almost nothing is presented straightforward, and you do have to decode the metaphors, references and...well, poetry (there's really no other word for it), but you are more than rewarded for your efforts;. If there was any justice in this world, Aesop Rock would be as big as Outkast or Ludacris or, at the very least, Soulja Boy.
(note: wait 2 years, reread this review and see if you can remember who the hell Soulja Boy is/was. Hi Future Readers! I'm dating myself!!)

Recommended Tracks: None Shall Pass, Citronella, Coffee, The Harbor Is Yours, Catacomb Kids, Pigs (Hidden Track)

That only leaves us with the Number One spot. The single best album of 2007. Bums, Bastards and Other Bums, I am proud to present to you:

01. The White Stripes - Icky Thump: Jack White is the goddamn devil. He is the GODDAMN DEVIL. Seriously. I have no idea how someone can go from forming a band in obscurity to total worldwide superstardom in less than 10 years and STILL top their previous efforts with every subsequent release; yet somehow, someway, The White Stripes do just that. With Icky Thump, The White Stripes manage to release both their most heartfelt and loudest rockin' album to date. They have made an album that is both very mainstream and yet completely avant garde, sounding both brand new and timeless. They've never come so close to heavy metal as with Little Cream Soda, never come so close to straight up folk music as with Effect & Cause and never come so close to being a mariachi band as with Conquest. Every guitar wail and moan, every isolated note from the keyboard, every cymbal crash reverberates cool and hangs in the air; this music is so awesome it is PALPABLE. Make no mistake, this is their loudest record; this is their bluesiest record, this is their best record and, without any doubt in my mind at all, this is THE best album of 2007. Rejoice!

Recommended Tracks: Little Cream Soda, Icky Thump, Conquest, Catch Hell Blues...fuck it, every single track is brilliant. Why don't you have this album yet??

THERE'S NOTHING LEFT FOR ME TO TELL YOU...NOTHING LEFT FOR ME TO TELL YOU....NOTHING LEFT...ohwellohwellohwell...ohwellohwell.

2008-01-01T08:48:00.000-05:00

Honorable Mentionables

Putting the last sparklies and special odds and ends onto the album list for 2007...just figured I'd post up the albums that ALMOST made it. These are albums that I enjoyed very much, but somehow couldn't squeeze onto the final list for whatever reason. Also, this is in absolutely zero order, so don't you try associating any types of monkeyshines like "oh, he eliminated They Might Be Giants first, he must've thought that was a shitty record!"; I will kick you in the taint.

Mourn ye their loss!

They Might Be Giants - The Else
Jay-Z - American Gangster
Against Me! - New Wave
The Arcade Fire - Neon Bible (that's right! Come and get me, every music publication everywhere!)
The Chemical Brothers - We Are the Night
Talib Kweli - Eardrum
In This Moment - Beautiful Tragedy
Spoon - Ga Ga Ga Ga Ga
The Go! Team - Proof of Youth
Sleepytime Gorilla Museum - In Glorious Times
Foo Fighters - Echoes, Silence, Patience & Grace
Otep - The_Ascension
Serj Tankian - Elect the Dead
Wilco - Sky Blue Sky
Say Anything - In Defense of the Genre
Sage Francis - Human the Death Dance
Eisley - Combinations
Nightwish - Dark Passion Play

2007-12-28T13:33:00.001-05:00

Top 10 Most Awesome Movies of 2007

Notice that doesn't say "Best Movies of 2007". That's because I have really bizarre taste in flicks. In fact, my number one choice will delight a handful of you, and probably violently enrage the rest. These AREN'T the best flicks of 2007; well, not ALL of them. But the most awesome? you bet your sweet bippy.

10. WE ARE THE STRANGE
This wasn't really shown in too many theaters; only at Sundance and at personal engagements with the Director. But Christ, what a mind-bendingly freaky flick! Combining stop-motion animation, computer animation, 8-bit video game graphics and some anime; this one dude (whose stage name is M dot Strange...yeah, I know how pretentious that sounds. Just, get past that) spent 3 years locked in his bedroom with a bunch of computers and old dismembered action figures single-handedly creating one of the most stunning, unique-looking movies I've ever seen. Trust me on this one; you won't see anything else like this in your life. The whole thing has a seriously creepy vibe, even though the storyline (and very much the ending as well) is done in the anime-style. Good vs. Evil, giant killer robots, the whole nine yards. He actually had the whole thing up on youtube awhile ago, not sure if it's still there ( I shelled out for the DVD) but I highly suggest you check it out at least once.

09. RATATOUILLE
Pixar keeps topping themselves with every film. Seriously, it's getting fucking scary how good these movies are getting. At this rate, Wall-E might might change our whole notion of animation as we know it. With all the other computer-generated garbage being flung into the theaters, it just makes Pixar's films seem that much better. This film, for instance, stars Patton Oswalt (so it already had a spot on this list before I even saw it) as a rat who loves to cook, and proves himself to be the worlds's greatest chef in a world full of humans. Sounds like a pretty boring script, I know, but it ended up being one of the best reviewed movies in recent history and one of the best animated movies I've ever seen. Seriously, tons of character development, plot, depth...it's amazing.

08. BLACK SNAKE MOAN
This one got missed or outright ignored by a lot of people, but I think it's one of Samuel L. Jackon's best performances to date. He finds a beaten, abused nymphomaniac passed out on the side of the road, and attempts to cure her and save her soul by chaining her to his radiator and teaching her about the blues. That's the movie, but the music is SO good, and the performances of the actors are SO on point, you don't even mind that you're watching a flick with Justin Timberlake in it.

07. THE SIMPSONS MOVIE
Let's face it, most of the good reviews are comparing it to the shitty, shitty seasons the TV show has had for the past 4 or 5 years. But still, after a decade of waiting, we finally ge the payoff for our patience, and it turns out to be a really funny flick. Continuing the series' running gags of poking fun at Fox, religion and pop culture, and generally being a smarmy bastard, the full length movie feels like more than just 3 episodes strung together, it feels like a cohesive work of really goddamn funny art.

06. THE HOST (GWOEMUL)
Great movies have been coming out of Korea for years, but this one just might take the cake. The Host is one of the most fantastic-looking monster movies I've seen since Jaws. The opening attack on the beach is beautiful and gruesome at the same time. Three generations of a poor Korean family are affected when a monster created by American pollution runs amuk, capturing and eating innocent bystanders before diving back into the river; and then the hunt begins, despite the government's constant interference. It's hysterical, heart-breaking, scary and moving all at the same time. Highly suggested if you're in a sci-fi monstery-type of mood.

05. PIRATES OF THE CARIBBEAN: AT WORLD'S END
Fuck everyone, this is one of my favorite movie trilogies ever. Sometimes, you just want a really fun movie to watch, and I find that movies like these work best with a nice big enthusiastic theater full of fans. This was the perfect ending to every story arc in the first 2 movies (despite how surreal it got in this installment....and surreal is a GROSS understatement) and was chock full of piratey action and excitement. Swashbuckling, magic, sword-fighting, giant ship battles, incredible growing Jamaicans, cannons, plot twist after unbelievable plot twist, fucking tentacle monsters...AWESOME. Every word out of Barbossa's mouth is GOLD. Fuck, I love this movie.

04. HOT FUZZ
If these guys were more prolific, they'd be the British equivilent of Judd Apatow. So far they're two for two (plus their TV shows are all hysterical, albeit short-lived) and, in my opinion, can do no wrong. In this movie, Simon Pegg and Nick Frost turn their Shaun of the Dead-eye for parody on hard-boiled action flicks, and the payoff is fantastic. After using half the movie to squash all the buddy-cop action movie cliches, they play into every stereotype in hilarious fashion, making the wanton, unnecessary violence work on a whole other level. Plus, there's that swan.

3. (tie) KNOCKED UP & SUPERBAD
I just couldn't decide between the two. Seriously, two of the funniest films to come out in about a decade. There is no hyperbole in that statement. I don't even know what to say, just see these movies if you haven't already; and if you have, see them again. Fantastic. Knocked Up is everything a mid-20's growing up sex comedy is supposed to be, and Superbad is everything a high school, coming-of-age sex comedy is supposed to be. Very prominent, memorable characters, infinitely quotable lines, moments of sincere tenderness surrounded by the filthiest cock jokes you can think of. If nothing else, these movies prove that Seth Rogen needs to be in more movies, and SOON. Also, McLovin is the much, much funnier version of Napoleon Dynamite.

02. NO COUNTRY FOR OLD MEN
Wow. No other movie this year stuck in my mind more afterwards than this. I watched this the second weekend it was out (when it was only playing in 2 theaters in the state of Connecticut) with a theater full of people who were seemingly oblivious as to what they were about to witness. The very stark ending after a heart-rendingly somber monologue left the audience quite confused (some were quite upset) and, I'll admit, I didn't get it at first. But that ending stuck in my head for weeks, and I've analyzed everything I can remember every which way. After a movie featuring a lot of vivid imagery, beautiful landscapes, and jarring, violent action, for a simple, softly-spoken monologue to stick in my memory is a testament to the script, the directors, the actors and everyone involved....this was a moving film, both physically and mentally. One of the best movie-going experiences of my life; I've just been waiting for the opportunity to see it again. Can't recommend this highly enough. "Where'd you get that pistol?" "At the gettin' place." Sublime.

In every respect, No Country For Old Men should be the number one movie on my list and, indeed, is the "Best" Movie of 2007, but there is one that I just can't ignore, one that gave me the filmgoing experience of a lifetime. Ladies and Gentlemen (hell, let's face it: Bums, Bastards, and Other Bums), the Most Awesome Movie of 2007:

01. GRINDHOUSE
Robert Rodriguez and Quentin Tarentino found a way to distill awesomeness into it's purest form, and poured it onto film stock to create the coolest goddamn flick of the year. Film burning out, blaring rock music, extreme jarring violence, awesome dialogue, fantastic fatally-flawed characters, the projectionist stopping the movie and turning up the house lights at various intervals, the audience screaming with every headshot, laughing out loud with every joke, quip and gag, reacting to everything onscreen with shock, horror or wide-eyed amazement, the crazy trailers, MACHETE!, machine-gun legs, a jar full of testicles, Kurt Russell being the most untouchable badass in film history for about 2 hours before degenerating into a snivelling pussy, hot chicks, fast cars, smoking guns, lap dances, the most epic car chase I've ever seen in my life, sex drugs and rock 'n' roll!!!! Everything an awesome movie should be. Nothing else comes close.

Special Award For Most Badass Flick: Out of Contention For This List

LIVE FREE OR DIE HARD
It's motherfuckin' Bruce Willis in a DIE HARD movie! He blows up a helicopter by driving a CAR INTO IT. He outruns an F-1 fighter jet with a tractor-trailer. He flies another helicopter without ever having flown anything before in his life! If I included it on this list, it would take up the first 5 spots, and then glance menacingly at the other 5 flicks on the list with steely blue eyes and scare them away, leaving numbers 6-10 blank. And I wanted a full list of 10, so that's why Live Free or Die Hard is here.

When there is a choice between movies starring Bruce Willis and movies not starring Bruce Willis, the former always wins.

"I was out of bullets." FUCK YEAH!

2007-12-24T15:30:00.000-05:00

A Charlie Brown Kwanzaa

Still working on them thar lists, watch this to tide you over. So offensive, and SO hilarious.

TOTALLY not safe for work.

2007-12-23T12:57:00.000-05:00

Charts Forthcoming!

With the semester finally over and the Christmas rush starting to die down, I've finally been able to focus my attentions on getting my year-end lists ready for your viewing editorial pleasure. There will be no Random this weekend, as I've been using that time to type up everything music related that I've been meaning to start for the past month and never had a chance to. Trust me; this year's gonna be good. I've found out that there's been far too much quality music released this year, and whittling my list down to 20 has been rough, but I'm almost there. Patience, dear reader! Your waiting shall be rewarded, pinky swear!

2007-12-16T09:05:00.000-05:00

Saturday Random 10 (but really 20) XXVII: Almost There...

Another missed week here at Evil Thoughts, to which I truly apolog....no, you know what? Fuck that noise! I'm working my ass off at FedEx 6 days a week (and getting paid for 5) during our busiest Christmas season ever, trying to get all my final projects done for school, and trying to get an adequate amount of sleep so that I don't turn into some crazy demon with a death wish and no social filter whatsoever. So no, no apologies to you, dear reader: I'm tired as shit and you'll get updates when I'm GOOD AND GODDAMN READY!

That being said, here's what I've been up to, besides nose-to-the-grindstone-type stuff and writing about Bhopal India. Still reading through Finnegan's Wake, and I can *almost* see a storyline peeking through all the amazingly intricate prose, but Joyce does NOT wake it easy. Another example? Here you go:

"O Foenix culprit! Ex nickylow malo comes mickelmassed bonum. Hill, rill, ones in company, billeted, less be proud of. Breast high and bestride! Only for that these will not breathe upon Norronesen or Irenean the secrest of thier soorcelossness. Quarry silex, Homfrie Noanswa!"

See? Completely straightforward, isn't it?

Other than the book, I've taken whatever free time I have and have given it almost completely to season 3 of Lost. See, I don't ever watch TV; working 3rd shift kinda eliminates being up on the latest social trends and such. So I basically only catch up on cool-ass TV shows when they're released on DVD (or when my computer-savvy friends find them...*nudgenudge* *winkwink*) Let me just say, speaking as someone who's almost a year behind on this show...AWE-SOME. Everythig's just so goddamn intricate and interwoven....fuckin' FANTASTIC. This is seriously the greatest TV show I've ever watched....it is epic.

Also, Claire was really, really hot in her goth phase back home when she was in the car accident. Wow.

Lately, I've been on a huge Stephen Lynch kick; literally listening to every track available that he's recorded. Haven't heard of him, or anything he's done? Abraca-YOUTUBE!

Hooray! A Random is you!

1. Ol' Dirty Bastard - You Don't Want To Fuck With Me
2. Johnny Cash - Hurt
3. Def Leppard - Rock of Ages
4. Clutch - Pulaski Highway
5. Cowboy Bebop OST - Farewell Blues
6. Deftones - Pink Maggit
7. Between the Buried and Me - Us and Them
8. The Smashing Pumpkins - Daphne Descends
9. Korn - Faget
10. Beastie Boys - To All the Girls
11. Love Of Diagrams - The Pace Or the Patience
12. The Runaways - Cherry Bomb
13. Al Green - I'm Still In Love With You
14. Blur - Girls & Boys
15. Dragonforce - Prepare For War
16. Filter - The Only Way Is the Wrong Way
17. Virt - Bedtime Story
18. Gnarls Barkley - Who Cares?
19. Butthole Surfers - Edgar
20. Metallica - Seek & Destroy

You know, just when I think iTunes can't possibly surprise me anymore, it throws me a curveball. Going from ODB to Johnny Cash to Def Leppard is seriously the most random, jarring sequence of songs I've ever seen come up. Three artists that are complete polar opposites of one another, that's what this Random is all about. After that awesome opening you go straight to the hardest-rockin' band in America, Clutch, with a track off thier most blues-oriented album to date. Segue into some sweet free jazz from the greatest anime series ever (take THAT, Neon Genesis Evangelion!). Followed by a selection from Deftones' masterpiece White Pony, and then a shockingly faithful Pink Floyd cover by a prog/death metal band with an incredible amount of talent. A nice, gothy Smashing Pumpkins track follows up, along with Korn's most popular song amongst thier fans, a short but sweet Beastie Boys track, and a quite obscure band off Matador Records. Some classic punk comes next, then the smoothest motherfucker on the planet, Al Green. Some really cool 90's Britpop (and actually, one of Blur's better tracks) and then, fuckin' DRAGONFORCE!; the single fastest band I have ever heard in my life. a track off Filter's worst album, some bizarre 8-bit techno and Gnarls Barkley up next, along with the crazy psychedelic drug-haze from early Butthole Surfers and then, ending with the most badass track off Metallica's very first album. This Random, just for the first three selections alone, gets a solid A. The rest is just icing on the proverbial cake.

2007-12-03T18:07:00.000-05:00

Saturday (Monday) Random 10 (but really 20) XXVI: It's so cold, my processor is running at peak efficiency!

What a crazy crazy weekend. Pizza, wings, beer, scotch, cigars, good friends, good times and Rock Band. Just awesome! And, on top of that, I got a bottle of Patron as a gift (which, as it turns out, was the drink involved in my first ever alcohol-induced blackout), along wth the Futurama movie and James Joyce's "Finnegan's Wake" earlier in the week. The Futurama movie, Bender's Big Score, is a laugh-out-loud riot. So MANY quotable lines! I can't WAIT for the next 3 movies to be released.

But about Finnegan's Wake; it is, without a doubt, the single most bizarre thing I've ever attempted to read...even moreso than Mark Danielewski's "House of Leaves". Written over the span of 17 years by acclaimed, constantly drunk Irish novelist James Joyce, it consists of over 60 languages and spans the entirety of Ireland's history, describing, in relation to dreams and the night, the mythical creation of the island. But that's just one interpretation; in fact, people have been arguing since it's publication whether the book itself is about ANYTHING or if it is, in fact, readable. Here I will present to you the first page of the first chapter of the first book of Finnegan's Wake. Keep in mind, this is over 600 pages long. Oh yeah, and the entire book starts in the middle of a sentence:

riverrun, past Eve and Adam's, from swerve of shore to bend	1
of bay, brings us by a commodius vicus of recirculation back to	2
Howth Castle and Environs.	3
Sir Tristram, violer d'amores, fr'over the short sea, had passen-	4
core rearrived from North Armorica on this side the scraggy	5
isthmus of Europe Minor to wielderfight his penisolate war: nor	6
had topsawyer's rocks by the stream Oconee exaggerated themselse	7
to Laurens County's gorgios while they went doublin their mumper	8
all the time: nor avoice from afire bellowsed mishe mishe to	9
tauftauf thuartpeatrick: not yet, though venissoon after, had a	10
kidscad buttended a bland old isaac: not yet, though all's fair in	11
vanessy, were sosie sesthers wroth with twone nathandjoe. Rot a	12
peck of pa's malt had Jhem or Shen brewed by arclight and rory	13
end to the regginbrow was to be seen ringsome on the aquaface.	14
The fall (bababadalgharaghtakamminarronnkonnbronntonner-	15
ronntuonnthunntrovarrhounawnskawntoohoohoordenenthur-	16
nuk!) of a once wallstrait oldparr is retaled early in bed and later	17
on life down through all christian minstrelsy. The great fall of the	18
offwall entailed at such short notice the pftjschute of Finnegan,	19
erse solid man, that the humptyhillhead of humself prumptly sends	20
an unquiring one well to the west in quest of his tumptytumtoes:	21
and their upturnpikepointandplace is at the knock out in the park	22
where oranges have been laid to rust upon the green since dev-	23
linsfirst loved livvy.

It is absolutely INSANE, and I love it.

Anyways, yeah. This Random is coming late because I got out of work late on Saturday, then drove up to Albany fo' thea Par-TAY. Didn't get home until later Sunday evening, then had to go in to work at 11PM. Lots of goddamn fun.....Christ I hate December.

Fuck yo' Random, foo'!

1. Beck - One of These Days
2. Orange 9mm - Cold Snow
3. Bjork - Sonnet/Unrealities IX
4. Damien "Jr. Gong" Marley - Hey Girl
5. Portishead - Sour Times
6. Ozomatli - Vocal Artillery
7. The Beatles - Slow Down
8. Rise Against - Swing Life Away
9. Ghostface Killah - I Hear Voices
10. Stone Temple Pilots - Daisy
11. Blur - On Your Own
12. The Langley Schools Music Project - God Only Knows (Beach Boys)
13. Datsuns - Harmonic Generator
14. The White Stripes - The Air Near My Fingers
15. Weezer - Say It Ain't So
16. Tenacious D - Wonderboy
17. Herb Alpert & the Tijuana Brass - Whipped Cream
18. Fear Before the March of Flames - Dog-Sized Bird
19. Live - Waitress
20. The Clash - Clampdown

Pretty sweet Random this week; pretty sweet indeed. Starting with a B-side from Beck's Mutations album, then into a song by the most overlooked band in industrial music, Orange 9mm (this song is from an EP, but I highly suggest checking out thier album Driver Not Included). Following up with some weirdness by Bjork and the awesome Damian Marley (who is as prominent in Jamaica as his father was; no hyperbole) playing around with a vocoder, then going into the laid back trip-hop of Portishead and the latin R&B funk of Vocal Artillery by Ozomatli (who I only started listening to because they toured with Rage Against the Machine. Ozomatli is very, VERY different from Rage). Some old school Beatles pops up next, then a sing-along acoustic summer anthem from a band more known for thier scathing political tirades, Rise Against. Ghostface lays down a solo Wu-Banga, a track from STP's most heroin-induced record (and thier second-best; nothing they ever released could top Purple), a decent outing by Blur (off the only full length from them I actually bought...I pirated everything else), then into one of the indie records du jour of 2001, school children singing the greatest hits of the 70's. Here, The Beach Boys' "God Only Knows", which comes out fantastically. A nu garage also-ran, The Datsuns, rock mediocrally and lead into The White Stripes, who rock HARD. Then you get Weezer's second-best single ever (Undone is untouchable), THE FUCKIN' D!, then some smooth 70's lounge/jazz before going into the obtuse and hard-to-pin-down Dog-Sized Bird (is it metal? post-punk? art school faggotry?) Then a surprisingly loud track by Live (what the hell HAPPENED to them? They got famous and then all thier subsequent albums became more and more unlistenable.) before ending on a high note with The Clash. Not too many weak tracks at all...but not enough spectacular rockin' to warrant a high grade...I'll give it a B-. Better luck next time, Random!

2007-11-25T03:59:00.000-05:00

I Am the Bringer of Death

This is a great way to kick off my 26th birthday, with eerie omens and the acknowledgement of mortality. The guitarist for the emo/whine-rock band Hawthorne Heights was found dead today.

Normally, this would pass by, and not make any difference; thier music is not exactly my cup of tea. However...

HE WAS 26.

Fuck me if that didn't send a small shiver down my spine.

2007-11-24T18:12:00.000-05:00

Saturday Random 10 (but really 20) XXV: American Overeating Day!

Hope everyone had a great Thanksgiving, I know I did. Got to spend some time with my cousin in scenic, hard-to-find Bantam, CT. Alright, wrap your head around this one: my cousin lives on a road that goes through three towns. Now, I got on this road in Morris, CT which borders Bantam. The numbers on this road started at 1 in Morris and started going up, until about 300. Then, at the Bantam town line, the numbers START OVER. It was the most confusing thing ever, I was at the correct address, but in the wrong town. I have to drive a mile down the road, to where the numbers started repeating to get to his house. How much sense does this make, exactly?

Anyways, turkey was carved, Super Mario Bros. 3 was played, pie had its own part of the day, it was awesome. Good times were had by all, and the family got a little closer. And the leftovers lasted all of 10 hours. What can I say?

Oh, and before I forget, tomorrow is Evil Brian Day, how are YOU celebratin'?

Here's my birthday eve Random!

1. Andre 3000 - Chronometrophobia
2. Kamikaze Hearts - Secret Handshake
3. Coal Chamber - First
4. Shadows Fall - Another Hero Lost
5. Norma Jean - Liarsenic
6. The White Stripes - I Can't Wait
7. Wilco - Sunken Treasure
8. 2 Pac - Life's So Hard
9. Rush - The Big Money
10. The Donnas - I Don't Care (So There)
11. Aphex Twin - meltphacc 6
12. Eighteen Visions - The Sweetest Memory
13. Nine Inch Nails - The Line Begins To Blur
14. Buena Vista Social Club - Candela
15. Notorious B.I.G. - Playa Hater
16. Serial Experiments Lain OST - Island in Video Cassette
17. Brand New - Handcuffs
18. Rise Against - Life's Less Frightening
19. Hot Hot Heat - Soldier In a Box
20. Better Than A Thousand - Live Today

Not too bad this week. Starting with a bouncy track off Outkast's dismally disappointing Idlewild album, then leading into the best indie/alt. country band in New York State: The Kamikaze Hearts. Some nu-metal wankery followed by thrashoholics Shadows Fall, then some decent christian hardcore and The Goddamn White Stripes. What follows, however, may be the best three-song set my random has ever come up with: Wilco to 2 Pac to Rush....all songs about money in one respect or another. The Donnas come in to sex everything up before Aphex Twin FUCKS everything up...god, I do love my crazy glitchy IDM techno. Eighteen Visions churns up some lame emo-crap...christ, what HAPPENED to them? Before they broke up, they just got completely, totally LAME. Anyways, you got a heaping helping of Trent Reznor's depressing audio dystopia before an awesome, jumpy, cheery sexy Cuban song by one of the greatest collection of musicians ever assembled and then the Big Poppa himself (wow, I managed to get both famous dead rappers on one Random! Nice!) A track off of an anime soundtrack followed by one of the most underappreciated bands working; Brand New. (I realize thier previous album wasn't exactly everyone's cup of tea, but the latest album "God and the Devil Are Raging Inside Me" is immaculate. Or an analogy for a gay threesome; either way works.) The Random ends with some punk, some new wave, and some classic hardcore respectively. Not a bad Random overall, not too much crap, a healthy amount of awesome....yeah, I'd give this one a solid B.

2007-11-19T08:20:00.000-05:00

Saturday Random 10 (but really 20) XXIV: No Country For Old Men

I know, I know; I miss a week and now this post is late. Things have been getting kinda crazy lately, what with work getting busier and more stressful for the holidays (for the uninformed, I still work at FedEx Ground) and projects due for school, my free time is getting eaten away and th blog gets pushed down the list of priorities and, for that, I apologize. I did, however, manage to sneak away from my desk long enough to catch a cool flick playing in exactly TWO theaters in the entire state: No Country For Old Men.

NCFOM is the newest thriller from the Coen Brothers, and Jesus H. Monkeypaws does it deliver thrills. Josh Brolin (who decided that HE gets a career again??) plays an out-of-work welder that, on a hunting trip in the Texas desert, stumbles upon a drug deal gone wrong, blood and corpses everywhere, one lone survivor lay bleeding in a car crying for agua, a pickup truck full of heroin and, clutched by a dead Mexican under a tree, a satchel full of $2 million. He runs home and hides the money, only to be plagued by his conscience about the survivor of the massacre. He sneaks back to the scene of the crime with a gallon jug of water, only to be discovered by several parties interested in finding thier money. And thus, the chase begins. All manner of Mexican drug dealers chase after that satchel, but the most interesting person is a psycopath with a Prince Valiant haircut and an air gun. The psychopath, then, is being followed by a tired, aging sherriff played by Tommy Lee Jones. Telling you guys any more about the plot, I feel, would just be giving away shocks and surprises, but that's pretty much the jist of it.

If you're looking for a rockin' soundtrack a la O Brother Where Art Thou? or The Big Lebowski, look elsewhere. The whole movie is stark; the only music comes from a mariachi band halfway through. The incredible stretches of silence, however, just ratchet up the suspense.

A lot has been said of the ending, as well it should. There is no formulaic shoot-em-up between good guys and bad guys. Instead, it ends with one of the saddest, most heartbreaking monologues I've ever heard in a film before, and then you get hit with a Sopranos ending; a tracking close-up, then cut to black. Not what an audience expects after 2 hours of pulse-pounding nail-biting suspense but it does bring the overall theme of the film to a close.

All in all, this is a fantastic flick, and I highly recommend it. I'm thinking of going out to see it again to try to see all the things I missed the first time around. Luckily for everyone out there, it's looking at a wider release this weekend due to the (thus far) universal positive reviews and great box office it's getting out of a double-digit number of theaters.

Anyways, enough cock-sucking, let's go to the Random!

1. Foo Fighters - Let It Die
2. Kataklysm - In Shadows and Dust
3. 3 Inches of Blood - Deadly Sinners
4. Moxy Fruvous - Love Set Fire
5. Orgy - Gender
6. Seether - Fuck It
7. Modest Mouse - Cowboy Dan
8. The Clash - Walking the Sidewalk
9. Tenacious D - Explosivo
10. eels - Climbing to the Moon
11. Nine Inch Nails - Beside You In Time
12. Modest Mouse - Bankrupt On Selling
13. Pearl Jam - Light Years
14. Madvillain - Money Fodder
15. Incubus - Leech
16. Aphex Twin - gwety mernans
17. Sikth - Such the Fool
18. The Undertones - Teenage Kicks
19. Sublime - Wrong Way
20. Foo Fighters - February Stars

Wow, TWO doubles, and one of those sets are from the SAME DAMN ALBUM. Lucky for you, iTunes, that Modest Mouse rocks the fucking house, and that last Foo Fighters song is off of the best damn album they've ever released. But still, this is a pretty kickass collection of songs. Kick it off with a track off Foo's newest album (a decent one at that, starts off acoustic then builds and builds over 4 minutes to a crescendo of punk/metal crashing) then get some death metal out of the way, dig down into some Canadian nerd-rockishness then into the Joy Division-aping Orgy. One shitty Seether track later and we're elbows deep in MM's Cowboy Dan, one of the best tracks off Lonesome Crowded West. Then *BAM* The Clash! *BAM* The D! *BAM* The eels! before sinking into the best nonsingle off of NIN's With Teeth. One more hit off the Modest Mouse crackpipe before settling into one of Pearl Jam's "other singles"and segueing into crazy stream-of-consciousness rap. Then there's Incubus. But THEN, a track off of one of my favorite albums ever (and my absolute favorite techno album) featuring Aphex Twin and his crazy glitchy noise. Then we get ready to pack it in with some math-metal, old school punk, a 90's rock radio staple and finishing it all off with a kickass track from Foo Fighter's "Colour and the Shape", arguably the best album they've released thus far over the past 12 years.

Not bad, iTunes. Not bad at all; I give it an A-.

2007-11-03T23:59:00.000-04:00

Saturday Random 10 (but really 20) XXIII: Congrats Red Sox!!

Gonna bang this one out quick; congratulations to the Boston Red Sox!! Now if they can just keep Lowell and Beckett for a LONG time, we may see Boston making another Series appearance or two before the decade's over.

1. Bad Brains - At the Movies
2. Cake - Sheep Go To Heaven
3. Renegade Android - Breakin' In No Time
4. The Fiery Furnaces - I Lost My Dog
5. Time In Malta - November Rain
6. Hellyeah- Thank You
7. Ol' Dirty Bastard - I Can't Wait
8. Kool Keith - Kick a Dope Verse
9. The Streets - When You Wasn't Famous
10. Static-X - Breathe
11. The Doors - The End
12. Children Of Bodom - In Your Face
13. The Used - Maybe Memories
14. Clarence Carter - Strokin'
15. Noise Therapy - In My World
16. Thievery Corporation - Liberation Front
17. Final Fantasy VII: Original Sound Version - Buried In The Snow
18. Joey Ramone - What A Wonderful World
19. Ibrahim Ferrer - Bruca Manigua
20. David Cross - When It Comes To Jews, Behavior One Might Perceive As Obnoxious And Annoying I Present As Quirky...

This is one badass mix, plain and simple. Not a single weak track in here (well, maybe the nu-metal blandness of Noise Therapy, but that's about it). Plus, any Random with Clarence Carter in it is automatically an A+.

2007-10-29T01:08:00.001-04:00

2007 WORLD SERIES CHAMPIONS

BOSTON RED SOX

2007-10-27T21:06:00.000-04:00

Saturday Random 10 (but really 20) XXII: LET'S GO RED SOX!

As it stands right now, Boston is leading the World Series 2-0, and Game 3 is getting underway. I've said it before and I'll say it again; since I started following the Red Sox, I never believed they'd ever win a World Series in my lifetime, and they did it in 2004. Everything else they ever do is just icing on the cake. If they blow this Series (and that's not entirely out of the question), sure I'll be a little disappointed, but they still have that awesome 2004 series to look back on, and it makes me smile.

Here's your Random for this week:

1. Killing Joke - Seeing Red
2. Buckethead - Stick Pit
3. Taproot - 1 Nite Stand
4. Madonna - Frozen
5. 2 Pac - All Eyez On Me
6. Faktion - Take It All Away
7. Aesop Rock - Bring Back Pluto
8. Redman - Watchoogonnado
9. Slipknot - Duality
10. The Vines - She's Got Something To Say To Me
11. South Park - Mr. Hankey the Christmas Poo
12. Amon Tobin - Kokubo Sosho Stealth
13. Wintersun - Winter Madness
14. C.W. McCall - Convoy
15. 311 - Running
16. Iron Maiden - Man On the Edge
17. The Smashing Pumpkins - Here's To the Atom Bomb
18. Bayside - Masterpiece
19. Sum 41 - We're All To Blame
20. 36 Crazyfists - Chalk White

LOL! This is the funniest collection of songs that could possibly have come up by random. C. W. Mc Motherfucking Call, ferchrissakes! Wow. I will say that Frozen is the one and only Madonna song that I really, seriously dig. All embarassments aside, there's some choice picks in here. Killing Joke, whose bassist passed on earlier this week (R.I.P. Paul Raven) kicking ass with the usual industrial/punk rave-up Seeing Red, the most talented guitarist alive noodling around electronic backbeats, one of the whiniest nu-metal bands around (which I'm half-ashamed to say I really enjoy from time to time), a Roadrunner Records one hit wonder, Aesop Goddamn Rock rapping about wanting scientists to recognize Pluto as a planet again, Redman being Redman (like him or not, he hasn't changed at ALL- he sounds the same on this year's Red Gone Wild as he did on Whut? thee Album in 1992). Follow that up with Slipknot's most-played song ever, a track off of The Vines' seriously underrated second album. Throw in Iron Maiden, Smashing Pumpkins and 36 Crazyfists and you've got a halfway decent Random this week. Not too shabby.

WE'VE GOT A GREAT BIG CONVOY! ROCKIN' THROUGH THE NIGHT! WE'VE GOT A GREAT BIG CONVOY, AIN'T SHE A BEAUTIFUL SIGHT?!

CON-VOY!!!!

2007-10-22T00:38:00.000-04:00

Don't Blame Us If We Ever Doubt Ya, You Know We Couldn't Live Without Ya...

RED SOX!

You are the only, only ooooooooonlyyyyyyy....

Holy CRAP, that was a close-ass game. And, being a life-long Sox fan, I was fully ready to throw it in at Game 4. Now it's on to the WORLD GODDAMN SERIES, and I couldn't be happier. Oh, the Rockies have been on one hell of a hot streak, but we've got something they don't:

Our closer is certifiably insane.

Check. Mate.

Now fire up some Dropkick Murphys, ya scalliwags!

2007-10-20T14:17:00.000-04:00

Saturday Random 10 (but really 20) XXI: THIS. IS POST 300!!!!

300 is a LOT of posts, but not if you figure I've been at this for over 4 years. Still, a benchmark is a benchmark, regardless of how prestigious or pointless it may be.

But this'll be a real quick post. I have errands to run and shit to do.

1. Queens of the Stone Age - Someone's In the Wolf
2. R.E.M. - Stand
3. Hot Water Music - The End
4. Dio - Gypsy
5. Datsuns - Harmonic Generator
6. Brother Ali - Uncle Sam Goddamn
7. Bloodhound Gang - Fire Water Burn
8. The Pogues - Boys From the County Hell
9. Devo - Big Mess
10. The Smashing Pumpkins - With Every Light
11. Ozzy Osbourne - Suicide Solution (Live & Loud)
12. The Rolling Stones - Can You Hear Me Knockin'?
13. The Chemical Brothers - The Jazz/Sidewinder (312 vs. 216 Stomp Mix)/Doin' It After Dark (D-Ski's Dance)/Don't Stop the Rock/To A Nation Rockin'
14. Jerry Seinfeld - Air Travel
15. Red Hot Chili Peppers - Hollywood (Africa)
16. Massive Attack - Superpredators
17. Blink-182 - Degenerate
18. The Fiery Furnaces - Rub Alcohol Blues
19. Senses Fail - Martini Kiss
20. Isham Jones - I'll See You In My Dreams

A nice eclectic Random, right here. You got your Queens, one of the better (and yet overlooked) R.E.M. singles, the awesome power of DIO(!!!) and the neo-Garage also-rans Datsuns to head it off. Goes from there into the best blind albino Muslim rapper to put out an album this year, then one of the only good songs Bloodhound Gang ever released, followed quickly by Pogues, Devo, Pumpkins and some sweet live OZZY. You look at the rest of this Random, and you figure "Who in thier right goddamn mind would have all this music in one collection??"

Evil Brian.

And I'm not in my right goddamn mind.

P.S. You show me someone who's playlist goes from trip-hop to pop-punk to playful indie to emocore to a hit song from the NINETEEN MUTHAFUCKIN TWENTIES and I will call you a liar, sir.

2007-10-14T20:18:00.001-04:00

Goddamn You, Warner Home Video!

I'm gonna have to break down and get an HD setup for my living room now, and I'm pissed about it. I don't have that kind of money, but Warner Home Motherfucking Video is forcing my hand.

How, you may ask?

One of my absolute favorite movies of all time is coming out on HD-DVD October 23rd. As it stands, the substandard DVD transfer that has been in circulation for 10-or-so years is mindblowing. In high definition? It's gonna melt my face off.

2007-10-13T11:46:00.000-04:00

Saturday Random 10 (but really 20) XX: Double X's, bitch!

Here we are....20 goddamn randoms. Seems like just yesterday I decided to use this stupid meme as an excuse for posting in the ol' blog, as it was getting dusty and totally unused. Even I'm surprised I've kept it up this long.

I would be remiss if I didn't bring up the biggest timesuck since Final Fantasy. I started playing this particular game in December 2004, then totally forgot about it until about 2 months ago. Surprisingly, my account was still intact, and I've been grinding through ever since. Ladies and Gentleman, the coolest free stick-figure-and-text-based RPG ever, Kingdom Of Loathing.

Try it, and become addicted forever!

Now, to celebrate my 20th Random, I give you the Random 10 (but really 20) * TWO!

1. Voivod - War and Pain
2. Radiohead - Just
3. Days of the New - Now
4. Cake - Dime
5. Gang Starr - Take It Personal
6. Elephant Man - Jook Gal
7. Dead Meadow - Ain't Got Nothing
8. Spineshank - While My Guitar Gently Weeps
9. i, cactus - silver cactus
10. Moby - Spiders
11. Cody Chesnutt - Six Seconds
12. Andre 3000 - She Lives In My Lap
13. Al Green - I Can't Get Next To You
14. Brother Ali - The Puzzle
15. Emery - The Secret
16. Semisonic - One True Love
17. Fantomas - 4-20-05
18. Deftones - Pink Maggit
19. Dog Fashion Disco - Rapist Eyes
20. Beck - Jack-Ass
21. yuppster - red lens
22. Pink Floyd - Don't Leave Me Now
23. Hum - Stars
24. Pixies - Wave of Mutilation
25. Compay Segundo - Como la Avellaneda
26. In This Moment - Beautiful Tragedy
27. Aphex Twin - vordhosbn
28. Clutch - Milk of Human Kindness
29. Elvis Costello & the Attractions - Shipbuilding
30. Favorite Atomic Hero - There
31. J. Geils Band - Centerfold
32. The Polyphonic Spree - Soldier Girl
33. The Killers - When You Were Young
34. Saosin - Voices
35. D12 - My Band
36. Radiohead - Kinetic
37. Seatbelts - Ave Maria
38. Ween - Marble Tulip Juicy Tree
39. The Arcade Fire - Black Wave / Bad Vibrations
40. Dream Theater - War Inside My Head

You know what? I think this is the perfect representation of my entire music collection. The ONLY thing it's missing is a TMBG track, perhaps a Beatles tune (though I have one, if you count covers)....eh, maybe another metal track or two. But other than that, these 40 songs pretty much sum up everything I have.

And you know what? It couldn't have happened on a better day. I AM hoping to get a non-Random piece of writing done for the blog, but no promises. Enjoy your weekend, everybody!

2007-10-08T10:55:00.000-04:00

Saturday Random 10 (but really 20) XIX: A too-much-fun weekend, and schoolwork follows.

Was out all night Saturday AND Sunday drinkin' it up, and never really sat down to post this week's Random. And, on top of all that, I have a 10-minute presentation to write, practice and plan before 5PM tomorrow, which I am just now starting. My bad.

Anyways, here's a quick-ass Random:

1. Motion City Soundtrack - Last Night
2. Sonic Youth - Theresa's Sound World
3. The Mars Volta - Miranda, that ghost just isn't holy anymore
4. The Good, the Bad & the Queen - History Song
5. Gnarls Barkley - Feng Shui (Chopped & Screwed Mix)
6. Faith No More - Pristina
7. Fantomas - The Devil Rides Out (Remix)
8. Shinedown - Burning Bright
9. Bob Marley & the Wailers - Iron Lion Zion
10. Eighteen Visions - Love In Autumn
11. Modest Mouse - Styrofoam Boots/It's All Nice On Ice, Alright
12. Nada Surf - What IS Your Secret?
13. The Beatles - Back In The U.S.S.R.
14. Verbena - Dirty Goodbyes
15. Miles Davis - Spanish Key
16. Dead Kennedys - Take This Job and Shove It
17. dredg - It Only Took a Day
18. Tom Lehrer - The Vatican Rag
19. The Beatles - Rocky Raccoon
20. Unearth - Zombie Autopilot

This Random is so full of win, it's almost frightening. Oh sure, it starts out on a downnote with some emo (and one of the laziest songs on MCS' new album to boot), but right afterward? *BAM!* Sonic Youth! *BAM!* Mars Volta! The odd (but not altogether unlistenable) GoodBadQueen, a double shot of Mike Patton sweet syrupy goodness (and actually, #21 would've been a Patton project as well). Then you got the not-exactly-bad-but-mostly-generic Shinedown track, and then one of the most awesome songs Bob Marley ever recorded (probably my second favorite ever, after Buffalo Soldier). Hit up the indie kids with OLD Modest Mouse/NEW Nada Surf/Verbena and dredg; PLUS a double shot of The Beatles (and really, if you're gonna take two random tracks off any Beatles album and still have it sound random, you can't do much better than the White Album). Throw in some classic Miles Davis, Tom Lehrer, my favorite punk band ever and then end it with the most badass-titled song in my entire music collection, and you've got one hell of a Random there, buddy.

Alright, now off to research and schoolwork!

2007-09-29T13:27:00.000-04:00

Saturday Random 10 (but really 20) XVIII: Death Proof and Dethklok are both bad-fucking-ass.

Death Proof holds up a LOT better when you haven't already been sitting in a theater for 2 hours. Now the seemingly endless dialogue flies by, and the whole thing is over before you know it. Plus, it has the single most satisfying ending of any Tarentino movie ever, and that's saying something considering the endings of Kill Bill and Pulp Fiction.

On a side not, I have been playing the end theme, April March's "Chick Habit", almost nonstop since my dear dear friend DJ Lyxia hooked my ass up with both the English and French versions of it. So awesome.

In more recent music news, cartoon death metal band Dethklok released thier debut album this week. You know, it really says something about the stagnancy of the metal scene (or, if you will, metalcore in general) these days when a fictional cartoon band can put out a better metal album than most real, major-label-signed bands out there. Yeah, it's kind of a joke, but it's also REALLY goddamn heavy. And metal. Very, very metal. Blacker than the blackest black times infinity.

So in short, death is awesome this week. Now, onto the Random!

1. The Black Dahlia Murder - I'm Charming
2. The Smithereens - Behind the Wall of Sleep
3. Nada Surf - Paper Boats
4. Cradle of Filth - The Smoke of Her Burning
5. Obie Trice - Cheers
6. Nine Inch Nails - The Day the World Went Away
7. Kittie - No Name
8. Death By Stereo - Let Down and Alone
9. Hot Water Music - The Sense
10. Vertical Horizon - We Are
11. Sepp Vielhuber - Bier Her, Bier Her/Der Treue Husar
12. Aerosmith - Hole In My Soul (live)
13. Smash Mouth - Then the Morning Comes
14. Mineral - Lovelettertypewriter
15. Prince - Soul Sanctuary
16. Joss Stone - I Had a Dream
17. Children of Bodom - Towards Dead End
18. Peter Gabriel - In Your Eyes
19. Handsome Boy Modeling School - The Truth
20. Dir en Grey - Garden

There's a whole lotta lame in this week's Random, but there's also some awesome thrown in there. Smithereens, Nada Surf (anyone who doesn't enjoy Nada Surf is a filthy Communist. There, I said it.), a lesser-known NIN single, some Oktoberfest drinkin' music, Prince, and some Japanese shock metal thrown in for good measure. However, I think the one-two knockout punch of late-90's Aerosmith/Smash Mouth (with a Vertical Horizon eye rake behind the ref's back) shoves this Random squarely into the category of FAIL.

Sorry iTunes, I think this is your first real loss.

2007-09-22T23:59:00.000-04:00

Saturday Random 10 (but really 20) XVII: Halloween II is the SHIT!

Seriously, I just got done watching the first 3 Halloween flicks, and that second installment is one of the best horror sequels I've ever seen. Just plain badass. That third flick though? WOW; all kinds of levels of awful. You wouldn't think that you could mix Stonehenge, robots, Halloween masks and the world's most annoying commercial jingle into a coherent script, but...well, you'd be right; there was absolutely nothing coherent about this awful awful movie. But I insist that you all watch it at least once, if for no other reason than bad horror movies are like little jewels to be cherished and enjoyed.

Hey, here's a newsflash: Bill O'Reilly is a RACIST TOOL.

Heeeeeeeeeeere's RANDOM!

1. Jonny Greenwood - Moon Trills
2. Radiohead - Punchdrunk Lovesick Singalong
3. Neil Young - Shock & Awe
4. A Hawk and a Hacksaw - Laughter In the Dark
5. Macho Man Randy Savage - Gonna Be Trouble
6. Green Day - King For a Day/Shout (live)
7. Dimmu Borgir - Unorthodox Manifesto
8. Fear Factory - Ascension
9. Faith No More - Land of Sunshine
10. The White Stripes - Little People
11. Outkast feat. Killer Mike & J-Sweet - Snappin' & Trappin'
12. Damn Yankees - High Enough
13. Tracy Bonham - Navy Bean
14. Thievery Corporation - Resolution
15. Dustin Kensrue - Pistol
16. Deftones - Riviere
17. The Cure - Hello I Love You (Psychedelic Mix)
18. The Smashing Pumpkins - Tear
19. The Kinks - Dedicated Follower of Fashion
20. Vanessa Carlton - Ordinary Day

Some choice picks in this week's Random. Starts off with a one-two punch of Jonny Greenwood awesomeness, the bizarre Laughter in the Dark, Tracy effin' Bonham (which I haven't listened to in YEARS), Thrice's lead singer's song to propose to his wife, a Cure B-side, the best song off Smashing Pumpkin's least popular album, and, as always, The Kinks are too cool for school.

I dare you not to laugh at this. See y'all next week!

2007-09-19T10:16:00.000-04:00

Who-llary?

80 billion dollars in tax cuts.

Fixing Social Security.

Bringing our boys back home.

OBAMA 2008.

P.S. How in the hell is he NOT head and shoulders ahead of every single Democratic candidate? I really don't understand it.

P.P.S. Yes, I realize months ago I scoffed at Obama being a decent candidate. I was wrong, and I'm sorry. Obama 2008.

2007-09-15T19:00:00.001-04:00

Saturday Random 10 (but really 20) XVI: I really should get started on that paper...

It's looking like a pretty good weekend ahead. Just picked up 2 12-packs of high quality beer (Newcastle Brown and Magic Hat #9), got a nice 3 page paper ahead of me and plenty of music to accompany me. Before I get to the Random though, a few things.

Alright, the big news in music lately is the whole Kanye West/50 Cent sales battle. First of all, I don't believe for a second that 50 Cent is gonna retire from solo work. No goddamn chance, especially now that he sees that he's getting his balls cut off by West in every aspect; sales, airplay, reviews, everything. Now, I've listened to both albums (one many more times than the other), and I can say conclusively that, not only is it better, more creative and takes more chances, Kanye West just sounds like he's still trying hard to be the best, whereas 50 Cent's album is full of the usual faux-gangsta posing, woman-exploiting and pandering boring lyrics that he's always had, and the mainstream just now seems to be coming around to the fact that he's just awful.

I'm still amazed that Kanye West sampled my favorite techno song of all time and it doesn't totally suck.

In much cooler music news, Serj Tankian's solo album is coming out soon (October 23, according to wikipedia), and the videos for the first two singles are out already, and they are both completely awesome. Here, take a look:

The two songs really sound like he's getting back to the roots of System of a Down; overtly political lyrics, fast/slow/fast melodies, and no whiny-ass guitarist singing over the mix making it nigh-unlistenable. It's not quite System of a Down, but it's still goddamn awesome. Plus, he's REALLY starting to look like Frank Zappa, and that's always a plus.

This link is the very definition of random weird nerdishness, but it always makes me giggle for some reason.

Alright, here's some piping-hot Random fo' yo' asses!

1. TV on the Radio - Hours (El-P Remix)
2. The Chemical Brothers feat. Q-Tip - Galvanize
3. Billy Talent - Lies
4. No Doubt - Running
5. Busta Rhymes feat. Missy Elliott - How We Do It Over Here
6. Nine Inch Nails - Getting Smaller
7. Pantera - By Demons Be Driven (Biochemical Mix)
8. Puddle of Mudd - Never Change
9. Prodigy - Diesel Power
10. TV on the Radio - Province
11. Talib Kweli - Rush
12. Five Pointe O - King Of the Hill
13. Aphex Twin - Saint Etienne - Your head my voice (vox revirement)
14. Gang Starr - Eulogy
15. Count The Stars - Brand New Skin
16. 36 Crazyfists - Two Months From a Year
17. Final Fantasy VII - Cinco de Chocobo
18. Rancid - It's Quite Alright
19. The Matches - Drive
20. Faith No More - As the Worm Turns (live 1990
)

Way to go, iTunes. Two songs from the same band, from the same album. Eh, at least it's an AMAZING album. The rest of the Random is just kinda "eh". It's alright, I'll take it.

2007-09-09T15:53:00.000-04:00

Saturday Top 10 (but really 20) XV: Never missed air conditioning so much

Seriously, how do you people in the South do it. It's 95 goddamn degrees out and, in my non-air-conditioned apartment, it feels about 105. I can't imagine being any hotter than I have been the past 4 days.

But hey, I've posted 15 of these things! Ce-le-brate good times, COME ON!!

*drinks a couple Miller High Lifes*

Hey, it's the champagne of beers! Don't judge me!

Off to the Random!

1. Coheed & Cambria - The Light & The Glass
2. Ol' Dirty Bastard - Shimmy Shimmy Ya
3. James Blunt - Wisemen
4. Kamikaze Hearts - Secret Handshake
5. Pavement - We Dance
6. Thomas Dolby - Hyperactive!
7. The Legend of Zelda Osarina of Time - Inside Gannon's Castle
8. eels - Woman Driving, Man Sleeping
9. Namco (Katamari Damacy) - Lonely Rolling Star (Stage 04 & Woman Stage)
10. REO Speedwagon - Can't Fight This Feeling
11. Die Trying - Oxygen's Gone
12. Yo La Tengo - Tried So Hard
13. Faith No More - Everything's Ruined
14. The Beatles - Get Back (Love Version)
15. Jay-Zeezer - Surf Wax Off Your Shoulder
16. System of a Down - Kill Rock 'N Roll
17. Bob Dylan - Blowin' in the Wind
18. Radiohead - Street Spirit (acoustic)
19. The Beatles - Mean Mr. Mustard
20. Morning Musume - Oshogatsu

Meh, not too bad. Could've done without having to admit owning REO Speedwagon...and James Blunt. But still, 2 Beatles tunes, one of my top 10 eels songs ever, the single most entertaining member of the Wu-Tang Clan, a song off of Faith No More's best album, and 2 (count 'em, TWO) songs from video games.

I'm starting to think that, if I could broadcast my mp3 library, I'd have the world's most kickass radio station ever. Of course, every now and again listeners would have to suffer through a 30 minute recitation of a chapter from Stephen Hawking's "The Universe in a Nutshell", but it's a small price to pay for awesome music.

2007-09-03T20:26:00.000-04:00

Saturday (Monday) Top 10 (but really 20) XIV: So Totally Not Dead!

Hey everybody! Having internets is fun! Especially when it's in your own place. Technically, I'm moved in, though I'm still surrounded by boxes and clothes, and all my books are still at my folks' house. But the compys are all set up and connected and that's what counts. Between moving, work, and starting grad school (first class starts tomorrow), life's been busy as hell. And yet, somehow, I'm still finding time to listen to WAAAYYYYYY too much new music. But I'll get to that after the list. Here we go:

1. Rocket From the Crypt - Drop Out
2. Live - Iris
3. Lennon - Those Days
4. Sasha - Baja
5. The Postal Service - This Place Is a Prison
6. Prince - Right Back Here In My Arms
7. Superjoint Ritual - Waiting For the Turning Point
8. Plain White T's - You and Me
9. Missy Elliott feat. Ludacris - Gossip Folks
10. Slipknot - The Virus of Life
11. The Undertones - Let's Talk About Girls
12. Linkin Park - Session
13. Philharmonia Orchestra - Also Sprach Zarathustra 5: Grablied
14. Sophie Tucker - Some Of These Days
15. Busta Rhymes feat. Kelis & will.i.am - I Love My Bitch
16. Wilson Pickett - I'm a Midnight Mover
17. Blue Man Group - Your Attention
18. The Donnas - Searching the Streets
19. The Rolling Stones - Dead Flowers
20. Deftones - Please Please Please Let Me Get What I Want

A nice, strange mix with a focus on some classic tracks, mainstream hip hop, and the awesome Rocket From The Crypt. But I don't wanna talk about the Random, I wanna talk about the best rap album of the year, put out by the most underrated and genius MC working today.

AESOP ROCK.

His last full-length, Bazooka Tooth, is one of the most-played full albums in my vast collection. Genius, bizarre and trippy wordplay over off-kilter beats coupled with one of the most recognizable voices you will ever hear. The lyrics come so fast and are so dense, you'll listen to tracks over and over and over again just to uncver the meaning of each line, and I LOVE that. Here, I'll give you the video for the first single (and title track) off the new album "None Shall Pass", immediately followed with the lyrics to said song. Derive whatever meaning from it that you will. I have my own theory, but I'll keep that to myself for now. Enjoy!

[Verse 1]
Flash that buttery gold, jittery zeitgeist
Wither by the watering hole, water patrol
What are we, to heart huckabee, art fuckery suddenly?
Not enough young in his lung for the water wings?
Colorfully vulgar poacher at a mulch like
'I'ma pull the pulse out a soldier and bolt'
(Fine) Sign of the time we elapsed
When a primate climb up a spine and attach
Eye for an eye, by the bog life swamps and vines
They get a rise out of frogs and flies
So when a dog fights hog-tied prize sorta costs a life
The mouths water on a fork and knife
And the allure isn't right
It's gore on a war-torn beach
Where the cash cows actually beef
Blood turns wine when I leak for police
Like 'That's not a riot, it's a feast, let's eat'

[Chorus]
And I will remember your name and face
On the day you were judged by the funhouse cast
And I will rejoice in your fall from grace
With a cane to the sky like 'None shall pass'
None shall pass, none shall pass

[Verse 2]
Now if he never had a day a snow cone couldn't fix
he wouldn't relate to the rouge vocoder bliss
How he spoke through a no-doz, motor on the fritz
'Cause he wouldn't play roll over, fetch, like a bitch
And express no regrets though he isn't worth the homeowners piss
To the jokers who pose by the glitz
(Fine) Sign of the swine and the swarm
When a king is a whore who comply and conform
Miles outside of the eye of the storm
With a siphon to lure and a prize and award
While avoiding the vile and bizarre that is violence and war
True blue triumph is more
Like wait, let it snake up outta the centerfold
Let it break the walls of Jericho. ready? go
Sat where the old cardboard city folks
Swap tails with heads like every other penny throw

[Chorus]
And I will remember your name and face
On the day you were judged by the funhouse cast
And I will rejoice in your fall from grace
With a cane to the sky like 'None shall pass'
None shall pass, none shall pass

[Verse 3]
Okay, woke to a grocery list
Goes like this: duty and death
Anyone object, come stand in the way
You can be my little Snake River Canyon today
And I ran with a chain of commands
And a jetpack strap where the backstab lands if it can
(Fine) Sign of the vibe in the crowd
When I cut a belly open to find what climb out
What a bit of gusto he muster up
Make a dark horse rush like enough's enough
It must've struck a nerve so they huff and puff
Till all the king's men fluster and clusterfuck
And it's a beautiful thing
To my people who keep an impressive wing span
Even when the cubicle shrink
You gotta pull up the intruder by the root of the weed
NY chew through the machine

[Chorus]
And I will remember your name and face
On the day you were judged by the funhouse cast
And I will rejoice in your fall from grace
With a cane to the sky like 'None shall pass'
None shall pass, none shall pass

It might not beat The White Stripes, but this album is coming pretty damn close (to me, anyways) to being an Album of the Year contender. There is not one weak track on the whole LP; he doesn't even give you time for your ears to rest, doesn't give you time to breathe. Every single song is just as intense as the last, almost to the point of being overwhelming.

Knock 'em out the box, Aes.

2007-08-13T02:12:00.000-04:00

Saturday Random 10 (but really 20) XIII: Long Goddamn Weekend Edition

'Twas a long weekend. Just got home, I'm very tired, here's your random.

1. Aesop Rock - Fast Cars
2. Beastie Boys - Putting Shame In Your Game
3. Cake - Stickshifts and Safetybelts
4. Oasis - Rock 'n Roll Star
5. System Of A Down - Prison Song
6. The Prize Fighter Inferno - The Going Price For Home
7. Broken Social Scene - 7/4 (Shoreline)
8. Blur - Crazy Beat
9. The New Folk Implosion - Fuse
10. Propellerheads - Bang On!
11. Brujeria - Verga del Brujo/Estan Chinga
12. They Might Be Giants - Hall of Heads
13. Beck - O Maria
14. Final Fantasy VII Original Sound Version - Gold Saucer
15. The Misfits - We Bite
16. The Kinks - Days
17. Clutch - One Eye Dollar
18. Panjabi MC - Sweeter
19. Static X - Otsegolectric
20. Loretta Lynn - Trouble On the Line

This might be my most listenable and varied random yet. Starts off strong with Aesop Rock, right into some awesome 90's stuff, take it down a notch with some awesome indie (and the worst Blur song ever), nice little string of techno-death metal-TMBG-Beck, a clip from the Best Video Game Ever, a sweet one-two punch with Misfits-Kinks, a short taste of Clutch awesomeness, then finish it up with Indian hip hop, industrial and Loretta Lynn. All in all, not too bad.

Alright, sleep time.

2007-08-04T23:02:00.000-04:00

Saturday Random 10 (but really 20) XII: Moving Sucks!

Yes, yes; I am aware that I finally missed one of my Random posts. But, between a shitty day at work, unexplainable stomach pains, a 6 hour trip to the hospital and THEN moving all my stuff out of my old apartment in a torrential downpour, I think I'll just take the hit to my credibility and deal with it.

Anyways, I am moved out and eagerly anticipating moving into my own apartment when it is ready...which won't be until August 25th. So until then, I get to live with my parents...sad, perhaps. But a sad and regrettable necessity. I would like to take this time to put the spotlight on two bands and a movie that I recently discovered though.

GOGOL BORDELLO: A Ukrainian folk/punk band that sings in hilariously broken English and uses traditional instruments like the accordion, the fiddle, and fire buckets as drums! It is more awesome than you could possibly imagine. I suggest listening to the songs "Ultimate" and "Supertheory of Supereverything" before passing judgement yourself. They are fun personified.

GALLOWS: A British band that mixes traditional anarchist UK punk with a more modern off-kilter hardcore sound. Incredibly intense, incredibly cool and apparently one of the most high-energy live acts working today. I suggest starting off with either the first single "Abandon Ship" or the beyond-offensive title track to thier Epitaph Records debut "Orchestra of Wolves". Seriously, it's the first band in a long time that actually SOUNDS dangerous.

THE SIMPSONS MOVIE: Believe everything you've heard. Everything. It's so shockingly good it'll blow your mind. Hilarious, and featuring EVERY SINGLE GODDAMN CHARACTER THAT WAS EVER ON THE SHOW, EVER.

All that aside, here's this week's Random:

1. Aphex Twin - Start As You Mean To Go On
2. Faith No More - Take This Bottle
3. Tool - The Grudge (Live from Brixton Academy)
4. Marilyn Manson - This is the New Shit
5. Bone Thugs 'N' Harmony - Body Rott
6. The Magnetic Fields - The Cactus Where Your Heart Should Be
7. The Sounds of Animals Fighting - The Heretic
8. Nine Inch Nails - All the Love in the World
9. Outkast (Andre 3000) - A Life in the Day of Benjamin Andre
10. Action Action - Chemical Frustration
11. Life Of Agony - Other Side of the River (David Thoener Remix)
12. Deftones - Digital Bath
13. Weird Al Yankovic - Ode to a Superhero
14. They Might Be Giants - Dead
15. Dredg - Whoa Is Me
16. The Start - Glimmer Man
17. Sigur Ros - Untitled #8
18. Powerman 5000 - They Know Who You Are
19. Queens of the Stone Age - Skin On Skin
20. Van Hunt - Hold My Hand

Got a nice weird-ass mix of songs this week. The requisite awful nu-metal (Manson, PM5K), some crazy wacked-out soul (Van Hunt, Andre 3000), two of the best bands utilizing the new wave of new wave sound (Action Action, the Start), crazy pretentious prog rock (sigur ros, dredg, sounds of animals) and a couple treats for my fellow nerds out there (weird al, TMBG, and to a lesser extent Magnetic Fields). Not my most eclectic, but it's still a damn good mix of songs. Except that one Manson song; arguably the worst single he has ever released, and part of the album that ensured that I would never purchase another album by him ever again.

Now, I have a question for all of my two readers. I recently bought the new Interpol album and, along with it, got a certificate for 3 free songs off of iTunes. Only thing is, I have no idea what to get. Any suggestions, given my eclectic musical tastes? I'm listening.

2007-07-21T15:17:00.000-04:00

Saturday Random 10 (but really 20) XI: Last week in the condo

Next Saturday, I move out of my condo and back in with my parents' while I wait for my new apartment to get all sweet and ready for me. Maybe not my most dignified moment, but it'll be nice to have two full paychecks that won't be used for paying bills or rent or anything like that; straight into the bank with you! Well, after being used to levy some of my credit debt (I put my tuition on my credit card, since taking it all out of the bank would've crushed me.) and biuying some sweet new furniture for my sweet new place (I've filled my second huge bookcase with CDs, so I need a third).

Also, this weekend will be my last visit to Utica until September, oughtta be fun! (You know, I've always wondered what the correct spelling of oughtta should be: is it Oughta or Oughtta? The mind boggles.)

1. Beck - New Round
2. They Might Be Giants - Dr. Worm
3. The Mars Volta - Cicatriz ESP (Live from The Electric Ballroom)
4. Dr. Dooom - Body Bag
5. Bjork - Mouth's Cradle
6. They Might Be Giants - Now That I Have Everything
7. Sepp Vielhuber - Klarinettenmuckl
8. Twisted Method - Fled
9. Liars - It Fit When I Was A Kid
10. Secret Machines - Road Leads Where It's Lead
11. Live - T.B.D.
12. Tool - Reflection
13. The Bravery - No Rings On These Fingers
14. Sonic Youth - Stones
15. Sparta - Red.Right.Return
16. Pharoahe Monch - Agent Orange
17. Zyklon - Core Solution
18. Haste The Day - Fallen
19. HIM - The Face Of God
20. Elton John - The Bitch Is Back

hehehe...two They Might Be Giants songs, a traditional German drinking song, prog, metal, prog-metal, death metal and one of Elton John's, gayer songs. Amusing. Plus, Pharoahe Monch is a BRILLIANT rapper and Agent Orange is one of his better songs. Try to imagine Eminem's "Mosh", but done by someone who's NOT completely irritating and overexposed.

2007-07-14T16:08:00.000-04:00

Saturday Random 10 (but really 20) X: Bonjour, ye cheese-eatin' surrender monkeys!

Happy Goddamn Bastille Day, readers of this blog which do not celebrate Bastille Day in the least! But hey, any reason to drink, right? Am I right???

Well, that review I promised you all last Saturday never came to fruition, surprise surprise. Work was hell this past week, and instead of reviewing what I was planning to review (which I totally still will), I was busy absorbing EVERY SINGLE ALBUM I'VE BEEN WAITING TO BE RELEASED THIS YEAR, which were all released on one fucking day. Smashing Pumpkins, They Might Be Giants, Bad Religion, Spoon, Against Me, Patton Oswalt...good god. May throw up some short reviews of those when I got the time. Unfortunately, once again I find myself spending the weekend in Utica, so I must post this before hitting the road.

Wait...is that title right?? TEN WEEKLY RANDOMS IN A ROW WITHOUT MISSING ONE??? Sweet goddamn deal. Here we go:

1. Sasha - Requiem
2. Fear Factory - Terminate
3. Slipknot - Three Nil (live)
4. Redman - Fire
5. Soundgarden - New Damage
6. Bleeding Through - This Is Love, This Is Murderous
7. Gwen Stefani - Danger Zone
8. Flaming Lips - Seven Nation Army (White Stripes cover)
9. Blood Duster - ATrackSuitIsNotAppropriateMetalApparel
10. Atmosphere - Hockey Hair
11. Pearl Jam - Do The Evolution
12. The Used - Maybe Memories
13. Fall Out Boy - Sugar, We're Going Down
14. Eminem - Encore (featuring Dr. Dre & 50 Cent)
15. Modest Mouse - Missed The Boat
16. Johnny Cash - A Satisfied Mind
17. Gorillaz - Fire Coming Out of a Monkey's Head
18. Spike 1000 - Element
19. Belle and Sebastian - Summer Wasting
20. Ozzy Osbourne - Lay Your World On Me

Wow...my 10th consecutive Random is also the most COMPLETELY EMBARASSING SELECTION OF MY MUSIC, EVER. Don't bother bringing up all the awful, awful music in this one, I'm just as ashamed of them as you all are probably ashamed of me right now. But there ius one shining light in all of this, as this Random features a song that I only discovered because of the old, beloved YFBS board: the grindcore noise of Blood Duster. I distinctly remember that track's name being one user's signature on all of his/her posts, and only looked it up during a time when we were all admitting the origins of our sigs/screen names/etc. Ah yes, to think I used to consider myself The Voice Of Reason. Oh YFBS (and, to a lesser extent, the year 2000), how I miss you so.

Meeeeeeeeemorieeeeeeeeessssss.....

2007-07-07T23:43:00.000-04:00

Saturday Random 10 (but really 20) IX: More Than Meets the Eye

Just got back from seeing Transformers, and it was adequately blockbusterish. A couple things , though:

1. Shia LeBouf ran and hid more than any movie hero I've ever seen. Well, maybe except for Frodo, but at least Frodo fought back once in awhile.

2. "One shall stand, one shall fall." Badass.

3. Megan Fox is really, really, really, really, really, really hot.

4. Sure, there was a transforming boom box, but it was no Soundwave, and that made me sad (he was always my favorite Decepticon).

5. **SPOILER** highlight to read:

The funniest part of the entire movie, to me anyways, was the fact that the ONLY Autobot to die was Jazz, the breakdancin', jive-talking black stereotype. Even in the Transformers' universe, the black guy's always the first one to go.

**END SPOILER**

All that being said, it was a movie about giant robots fighting, shooting and exploding. Not even Michael Bay could fuck up that formula.

Here's your Random!:

1. Roni Size - Brown Paper Bag
2. Kaiser Chiefs - I Predict a Riot
3. Oasis - Cigarettes & Alcohol
4. Primitive Radio Gods - The Rise and Fall of Ooo Mau
5. Fear Factory - Human Shields
6. Dream Theater - The Test That Stumped Them All
7. Michael Jackson - Man In the Mirror
8. Wilco - Theologians
9. Beck and the Flaming Lips - We Live Again (Live, KCRW)
10. Flogging Molly - Far Away Boys
11. Cowboy Bebop - Tank! (Power of Kung-Food Remix)
12. They Might Be Giants - Lie Still, Little Bottle
13. Cody Chesnutt - War Between the Sexes
14. Helmet - Drug Lord
15. 36 Crazyfists - Slit Wrist Theory
16. Ministry - Stigmata
17. Ned's Atomic Dustbin - Suave and Suffocated
18. Godsmack - Moon Baby
19. Devo - (I Can't Get No) Satisfaction
20. Handsome Boy Modeling Schoool (feat. Chino Moreno, El-P & Cage) - The Hours

There's a whole lotta kickass in this week's random! Jesus Christ...Ned's Atomic Dustbin AND Primitive Radio Gods?! I forgot I even put that on my hard drive! But still, Fear Factory, Ministry, Dream Theater...HELL YEAH!

Got an extra-special review coming up soon, hopefully by Monday.

ROCK ON!

2007-07-04T13:16:00.000-04:00

1776

"I have come to the conclusion that one useless man is called a disgrace; that two are called a law firm, and that three or more become a Congress! And by God, I have had this Congress! For ten years, King George and his Parliament have gulled, cullied, and diddled these colonies with their illegal taxes! Stamp Acts, Townshend Acts, Sugar Acts, Tea Acts! And when we dared stand up like men, they have stopped our trade, seized our ships, blockaded our ports, burned our towns, and spilled our BLOOD! And still, this Congress refuses to grant ANY of my proposals on independence, even so much as the courtesy of open debate! Good God, what in hell are you waiting for?"

- John Adams

2007-06-30T00:01:00.000-04:00

Saturday Random 10 (but really 20) VIII: Fuck, it's hot

No, seriously, it's been hot as balls.

1. Bush - 40 Miles From the Sun
2. System Of a Down - The Metro
3. Ghostface Killah feat. Redman & Shawn Wigs - Greedy Bitches
4. Trivium - Dying in Your Arms
5. Aphex Twin - Parallel Lines
6. Ben Folds Five - The Ultimate Sacrifice
7. Rush - Tom Sawyer
8. Magnetic Fields - A Chicken With Its Head Cut Off
9. Belle and Sebastian - It Could Have Been a Brilliant Career
10. They Might Be Giants - Fingertips 18
11. Arctic Monkeys - Perhaps Vampires Is a Bit Strong, But...
12. Dasboard Confessional - Screaming Infidelities (MTV Unplugged)
13. The Black Keys - Midnight In Her Eyes
14. Beck - The New Pollution
15. Scott Weiland - Lady, Your Roof Brings Me Down
16. The Format - If Work Permits
17. Five Pointe O - Purity 01
18. Beck - Sissyneck
19. The Plastic Arts - StarStuff
20. Daft Punk - Digital Love

YEAH!! Beck's Odelay; one of the best albums of the 90's WOOOOOOOO!

Not much else to say about thisRandom, 'ceptin' that it's awesome, and not nearly enough people listen to The Black Keys.

For serious.

P.S. The day that love....CAME TO PLAAAAYYYYYYYY!

2007-06-23T23:35:00.000-04:00

Saturday Random 10 (but really 20) VII: 550 Miles, White Stripes and Ale

I drove 550 miles today. Why, you may ask? Why, to watch Silence Bleeds set Nikstock on fire in Nichols, NY of course! They just keep getting better and better, and I'm eagerly awaiting thier full-length. In the meantime, however, I have been obsessing over 2 things this entire week.

(A) The White Stripes - Icky Thump. I really like The White Stripes; I have every single one of thier albums, including an ultra-rare Christmas single. That being said, I've never listened to a White Stripes album as much as I've listened to Icky Thump; it's perfect. It's JUST weird enough to appeal to my bizarre avant-garde affinities while still managing to ROCK. HARD. Like, really goddamn hard. I dare you NOT to headbang to Little Cream Soda. You can't do it. Because it FUCKING ROCKS.

(B) Samuel Adams Summer Ale. You would think beer brewed with lemon zest would be hideously awful, and you would be 100% wrong. It puts an interesting flavor to the ale, and cuts any aftertaste off, while still tasting (pardon the metrosexual wine adjective) "summery". I've almost finished an entire 12-pack in the past 4 days (which is a lot of beer for me these days). Delicious!

Also, and I can't express this nearly enough, I can't WAIT to start classes in September!

So, without anything else to add, heeeeeere's my Random!

1. Dinosaur Jr. - Loaded
2. Sigur Ros - untitled 05
3. Motley Crue - Too Young To Fall In Love
4. Korn - Seed
5. Compay Segundo - Oui Parle Francais
6. Pantera - Drag the Waters
7. The Smashing Pumpkins - The Beginning is the End is the Beginning
8. Sepultura - Talking Shit
9. Cee-Lo - One For the Road
10. Sasha - Belfunk
11. Brother Ali - Daylight
12. Michael Franti & Spearhead - Time To Go Home
13. Michael Jackson - Don't Stop 'Til You Get Enough
14. The Blood Brothers - American Vultures
15. Panjabi MC - Sweeter
16. +44 - Cliff Diving
17. Shelter - Freewill
18. Aesop Rock - Zodiaccupuncture
19. Deftones - Street Carp
20. Rasputina - Wish You Were Here

ha HA! Some traditional Cuban music sung in French, one of Pantera's best songs, a Pumpkins tune from the cinema classic 'Batman & Robin', classic MJ, the greatest hardcore song ever (Freewill), and one of Aesop Rocks's greatest, trickiest rhymes. Good random, iTunes! GOOOOOOD!

2007-06-18T17:34:00.000-04:00

The First Step Towards a Dream

Life hasn't been great to me.

Don't get me wrong, I'm not saying I regret all aspects of my life, nor am I inferring that I am in any way, shape or form underprivileged. Quite the contrary, I've been given opportunities in my life that others would jump through hoops for. But let me recount the past couple years for you:

After my glorious graduation from Utica College in August of 2004 (due to my own sophomoric sophomore-year indiscretions), I was offered an internship at a recording studio. Soon thereafter, however, the manager at the recording studio gave my job to his producer's cousin. After trying unsuccessfully to find a job somewhere in town, I ran out of money, and had to move back home to Connecticut to live with my parents. After 2 and a half more months of unsuccessful job searching, I finally got hired by FedEx Ground...loading trucks...part time. I stuck with it, convincing myself it was just a stepping stone to bigger and better things.

The bigger and better things never came, until May of 2005, when I was offerred a full time position at FedEx Ground as a manager. Going in with an unrelentingly positive attitude, I started as a full time manager on June 5, 2005. That summer I lost almost 20 pounds just from sweating. It was (and, in some ways, still is) the most grueling, thankless, physical and unrelentingly depressing jobs I've ever experienced. Twelve hours a day, everyday for a year (it has since died down, and I generally spend only 9-10 hours at work everyday presently) managing drug addicts (FedEx doesn't test!) and the otherwise unemployable whilst getting berated by my superiors for not hitting fictional, meaningless numbers. One year ago, I was starting to get very very scared that I would be stuck here for the rest of my life. Making a lifetime career out of the most mundane daily functions I could imagine. I tried to look at the positive parts of such a life, but ultimately the negative always outweighed it; I could feel FedEx like an anchor chained around my neck, drowning me in a sea of mediocrity and serving me up for the sharks. Hungry sharks. Sharks so metaphorical, I haven't thought up a metaphor for them yet. This was until this past December, when I attended a meeting I will never forget. A meeting that culminated in the happiest day I've had since my UC graduation.

As of today, I am officially a Graduate Student at Central Connecticut State University.

I have a long, long road ahead of me. I have to start as a non-matriculated student because of my previously stated indiscretions, and I can only afford to take one class per semester right now. But it's a start; actually, a new beginning. For the first time in 3 years, I can see some sunlight at the end of this long, dark tunnel I've been wandering through for almost 3 years. I'm finally reaching out and following the path I've been searching for since becoming a Communications student at UC. The first thing I did after walking out of the Registrar's Office was call my Mom to tell her I was a student again. I could hear her genuine excitement, and two tears of joy rolled down my cheeks. I haven't seriously been this excited in a very long time, it's very hard to put into words. It feels like, for the first time that I can remember, that instead of following the road that life has paved for me, I'm making my own road, taking my life into my own hands and doing exactly what I want, instead of what other people want, or what is expected of me. It's actually quite exhilirating.

I already have a plan set, and should be able to finish my Master's degree within 3 years' time. After this first year of courses, I'm going to start looking for doctoral programs (what can I say? I have high ambitions).

Upon further reflection, that first sentence sounds a little narcissistic to me, and not altogether true. Life has thrown some obstacles in my way, but it has been pretty damn good to me.

2007-06-16T13:48:00.000-04:00

Saturday Random 10 (but really 20) VI: Soundtrack To Signing a Lease!

Found an apartment, and it is awesome. I sign my lease tomorrow, and I'm quite excited. Then. on Monday...BIG announcement. Biggest announcement in the life of Evil Brian in a long long time.

Anyways, to cap off this wacky, wild week of near endless posting, here is THE RANDOM.

1. Metallica - Orion
2. dredg - Movement V: 90 Hour Sleep
3. Factory 81 - Rotten Strawberries
4. Further Seems Forever - Bye Bye Bye
5. Annie - Chewing Gum
6. Suicide - Rocket U.S.A.
7. Kanye West (Feat. Twista, Keyshia Cole & BJ) - Impossible
8. The Beatles - You Can't Do That
9. Cannibal Ox - Atom
10. The Beastie Boys - Root Down
11. Jim White - Buzzards Of Love
12. Hellyeah - Alcohaulin' Ass (Acoustic)
13. Sonic Youth - Mary-Christ
14. Matchbook Romance - Tiger Lily
15. Devo - Go Monkey Go
16. nullsleep - harm parm
17. Cannibal Ox - Vein
18. Nine Black Alps - Behind Your Eyes
19. The Muppet Show - The Great Gonzo - Wishing Song
20. Celldweller - Fadeaway

Finally got a double hit in one week! The best underground rap group that nobody listens to, and two tracks off thier classic album The Cold Vein. Along with some 8-bit techno (nullsleep), a song from the Powerpuff Girls (Devo), probably the most positive, uplifting song ever sung by a blue Muppet (Gonzo!) and arguably one of the 5 best songs the Beastie Boys ever wrote (writ? writted?); this might be my favorite random thus far!

P.S.
Like Sweetie Pie By The Stone Alliance/Everbody Knows I'm Known For Dropping Science/I'm Electric Like Dick Hyman/I Guess You'd Expect To Catch The Crew Rhymin'!

2007-06-13T16:34:00.000-04:00

You Gonna Bet On Row A, or Row B?

Not to overwhelm all you many thousands of blog-readers out there with an inundation of content (THREE posts in the past week so far! It almost seems as if I care again!), but I found this fascinating.

This is an argument given, not from some hoity-toity college professor (at least, he doesn't come off as a professor to me...maybe high school science teacher.), not a politician, but a regular guy. He doesn't go into Inconvenient Truth-esque factoids or environmental buzzwords, and doesn't quote any scientific facts at all. He speaks in very simple terms, and looks at the global warming problem in a very realistic, common sense-type way.

It is the single best argument on global warming I have ever heard.

Interesting Argument About Global Warming - Watch more free videos

2007-06-12T12:29:00.001-04:00

Coolest Music Video of the Year

I dare any band out there to make a more awesome music video than this:

They put out a pretty sweet album today too. Check 'em out.

2007-06-09T23:59:00.000-04:00

Saturday Random 10 (but really 20) V: Soundtrack For Looking For Someplace to Live

Been shopping around for a new apartment, since my present lease is up August 1st. I think I've found the perfect place for me to live (down here in CT, anyways); hopefully my credit check comes back clean and I can wedge my way into a sweet 3-year lease in my own huge, gorgeous apartment in the center of Wallingford.

Oh, and the Silence Bleeds show from last weekend? Kick-fucking-ass. Check 'em out, won't you, at thier official website or thier myspace.

Now, bask in the glory that is my Random:

1. Black Flag - Six Pack
2. P.O.D. - Boom
3. Fall Of Troy - Shhh!!! If You're Quiet, I'll Show You a Dinosaur
4. Black Sabbath - Children Of the Grave
5. Trivium - Becoming the Dragon
6. Radiohead - Knives Out
7. Clutch - Burning Beard
8. The Darkness - Stuck In a Rut
9. Field Mob featuring YB - Sick of Being Lonely
10. Longwave - Tidal Wave
11. Ludacris featuring Trick Daddy - Hopeless
12. Sparta - Taking Back Control
13. Alkaline Trio - Hell Yes
14. Helmet - I Know
15. Idlewild - Tell Me Ten Words
16. DEVO - Bread and Butter
17. Spineshank - Perfect Ending
18. Bouncing Souls - The Gold Song
19. Me First and the Gimme Gimmes - Hava Nagila (Christmas Arrangement)
20. Mudvayne - (K)now F(orever)

Alright, this one is a little more mainstream than most, but this gives me the opportunity to mention Idlewild, the best Scottish rock band that you're not listening to. If nothing else, I highly suggest tracks off of the album The Remote Part. They also do a pretty cool cover of Gang of Four's "I Found That Essence Rare".

2007-06-02T10:04:00.000-04:00

Saturday Random 10 (but really 20) IV: Before My Triumphant Utica Return

I've only been away for a week, but I find myself returning today to Utica for dinner and a rock show. Oughtta be a lot of fun, and there may be a show review upcoming; hey, there might be a blog post that isn't a Random!! SWEET!!! So, before I leave, I figure I should post my Random before I forget to do so.

1. Amy Winehouse - He Can Only Hold Her
2. Snow Patrol - Whatever's Left
3. MC Hawking - Mighty Stephen Hawking
4. Gang Starr - The Ownerz
5. Moby - Everloving
6. Juliana Hatfield - Give Me Some Of That
7. Nerf Herder - Nosering Girl
8. The Misfits - Children in Heat
9. Fantomas - Experiment In Terror
10. The Crystal Method - Name of the Game
11. Beastie Boys - Intergalactic
12. Fear Factory - No One
13. Noise Therapy - Yesterday
14. Obituary - Intoxicated
15. Dir en Grey - Marmalade Chainsaw
16. Papa Roach - Binge
17. Sonic Youth - Lee #2 (8 Track Demo)
18. Dave Matthews - Baby
19. Gnarls Barkley - Gone Daddy Gone
20. Ween - Ode to Rene (San Fransisco 2-93)

Alright, I have no good excuse for that Papa Roach song; none at all. But look what it's surrounded by! Sonic Youth! A Japanese goth-metal band! Obituary, the greatest death metal band ever! I'm still hip! I still have music snob credibility!! AVERT YOUR EYES!!!!

And also, if you aren't listening to Amy Winehouse, then there's something seriously wrong with you. ALL of you.

P.S. Ricecakes! Ricecakes! Ricecakes!

2007-05-29T01:11:00.000-04:00

Saturday Random 10 (but really 20) III: Memorial Day Weekend

I was actually in Albany, NY on Saturday, so I'm posting the Random 20 now, on Monday (okay, okay it's Tuesday now. Gimmie a goddamn break). Just getting off of my stress-free and well-deserved week-long vacation from work. And after a week of Wii-playing, Pirates of the Caribbean 3 -watching, used-CD-purchasing and house-demolishing, I can think of no better way of ending my awesome vacation than posting useless information on a weblog that nobody reads other than myself. Here, then, is the next 20 random songs on my iTunes:

1. R.E.M. - Beachball
2. The Undertones - Jimmy Jimmy
3. Motograter - Prophecies (Almost Over)
4. Fantomas - Page 23
5. Ghostface Killah - Gotta Hold On
6. Ween - Loop de Loop
7. The Beatles - Within You Without You/Tomorrow Never Knows
8. Kaada - I Need You
9. Beck - E-Pro
10. Pink Floyd - The Happiest Days Of Our Lives
11. Pearl Jam - Red Mosquito
12. Go Kart Go - Parasite
13. Dogs Die In Hot Cars - Glimpse At the Good Life
14. Meat Puppets - Backwater
15. Alice In Chains - Man In The Box
16. Liz Phair - Jealousy
17. Hot Water Music - Alright For Now
18. TV On The Radio - Ambulance
19. Every Time I Die - Apocalypse Now and Then
20. eels - Grace Kelly Blues

A nice stretch of awesome 90's rock in the middle there, surrounded by weird-ass indie bands almost nobody has ever heard of and random tracks from 2002. Could've been a lot worse, though. A LOT worse. No overly embarassing selections here...

...okay, maybe that Motograter song; but I ripped it the year they were on Ozzfest and I still listen to it every now and again. Shitty nu-metal it may be, but at least they have a couple decently catchy songs that I can sing along to while intoxicated.

2007-05-19T23:00:00.000-04:00

Saturday Random 10 (but really 20) II

Trying this again, flashing my "I listen to weird-ass shit" club membership card.

1. Fear Factory - Hi-Tech Hate
2. Gang Starr - She Knowz What She Wantz
3. Incubus - Summer Romance (Anti-Gravity Love Song)
4. The Beatles - Hold Me Tight
5. eels - Taking a Bath in Rust
6. Aphex Twin - Ptolemy
7. Queen - Flash
8. Virt - Night and Day
9. The Arcade Fire - Keep the Car Running
10. Neil Young - Let's Impeach the President
11. Dizzee Rascal - Seems 2 Be
12. Aesop Rock feat. El-P - We're Famous
13. Maxwell - This Woman's Worth
14. Tori Amos - Baker Baker
15. Andrew Bird - Imitosis
16. Sasha - Wavy Gravy
17. Bob Dylan - With God On Our Side
18. The Dickies - You Drive Me Ape (You Big Gorilla)
19. Mr. Lif - Heavy Artillery
20. God Lives Underwater - 23

Even I think this is a bizarre sampling of my crazy music collection. Also, I think I'm the only person left on Earth that regularly listens to God Lives Underwater.

2007-05-12T17:46:00.000-04:00

Saturday Random 10 (But Really 20)

Used to do the whole "Look what I'm listening to, I'm cooler than you are!" posts on Fridays, but that's back when I was on a normal schedule. Now that my work schedule is Tuesday-Saturday; Saturday has become my Friday and, in an attempt to post more than once a month, I'm sorta-kinda-resurrecting this ('specially after Fuzzy sorta-kinda resurrected his Friday-I'm-cooler-than-you-are-list last week). So, here's the 20 random-ass tracks from my iTunes playlist:

1. Hank Williams - Take These Chains From My Heart
2. Tenacious D - Rock Your Socks
3. Elton John - Sad Songs (Say So Much)
4. Radiohead - Creep
5. Flogging Molly - Tobacco Island
6. Mastodon - Elephant Man
7. Coheed & Cambria - The Velorium Camper I: Faint Of Hearts
8. Body Count - Evil Dick
9. Mr. Bungle - Backstrokin'
10. R.E.M. - Talk About The Passion
11. Chimaira - Crawl
12. Final Fantasy I & II - Battle #3
13. Megadeth - Use The Man
14. Mudvayne - (k)Now f(Orever)
15. Nine Inch Nails - Memorabilia
16. Bright Eyes - When The President Talks To God
17. Jim White - Phone Booth In Heaven
18. Db9d9 - Don't You Want Me
19. Aphex Twin - In the Glitter Part 2
20. The Magnetic Fields - Long-Forgotten Fairytale

Hey, that one was actually pretty painless! Almost nothing embarassing (nothing *I'M* embarassed about, anyways...well, maybe Body Count, but that's IT). I hope I can keep this thing going for awhile.

2007-05-07T11:55:00.000-04:00

HE'S *not* A LIAAARRRRRR!!!!!

I just discovered this show in the past week (found it on DVD in Target for about $20) and I have to say, it's the single most kickass talk show I've ever seen. Mostly because it's Henry Goddamn Rollins, but also because he actually TALKS to people instead of just promoting thier newest thing.

Plus he has the angriest, most badass opening monologues of any talk show host ever.

If I got this channel, I wouldn't miss a single show; but since I don't, I'll just have to wait for Season 2 to come out on DVD.

2007-05-07T06:18:00.000-04:00

I Know I Shouldn't Laugh

I really, really shouldn't.

But sometimes, the jokes write themselves.

...

See? Now you're going to hell, too.

2007-04-29T09:47:00.000-04:00

Sanity in 2008

Big things have been happening in the life of Evil Brian. I've only told a couple of my closest friends thus far, but I don't wanna do the big reveal until I'm 100% in effect. Needless to say, this could be the start of something big.

But that's neither a stupid internet meme nor a Youtube video, so it has no place on this useless, ne'er-updated blog. This is why I posted today:

Mike Gravel. He's a former Senator from ALASKA, he's old, he has almost no campaign funds and he's speaking his mind.

He doesn't have a prayer.

But goddammit, he's the only one making any SENSE. I'm as enthusiastic about Obama as the next young liberal, but he's grossly inexperienced and has a propensity for vagueness. Hillary's an unlikable bitch, and the rest of 'em? Who cares?

Somebody who's as pissed off as me about the war, who realizes how useless a War on Terror really is, who wants a full military abandonment of Iraq and who wants America to be a part of the global community again? He's got my vote already.

Gravel in 2008.

2007-03-11T15:20:00.000-04:00

The Everything Test

There are many different types of tests on the internet today. Personality tests, purity tests, stereotype tests, political tests. But now, there is one test to rule them all.

Traditionally, online tests would ask certain questions about your musical tastes or clothing for a stereotype, your experiences for a purity test, or deep questions for a personality test.We're turning that upside down - all the questions affect all the results, and we've got some innovative results too! Enjoy :-)

Personality

You are more logical than emotional, more concerned about self than concerned about others, more atheist than religious, more loner than dependent, more workaholic than lazy, more traditional than rebel, more engineering mind than artistic mind, more cynical than idealist, more leader than follower, and more introverted than extroverted.

As for specific personality traits, you are adventurious (100%), intellectual (67%), horny (61%).

Stereotypes
Punk Rock	100%
Prep	69%
Old Geezer	67%

Life Experience
Sex	35%
Substances	46%
Travel	17%

Politics
Your political views would best be described as Socialist, whom you agree with around 83% of the time.

Socioeconomic
Your attitude toward life best associates you with Middle Class. You make more than 0% of those who have taken this test, and 8% less than the U.S. average.

If your life was a movie, it would be rated PG-13.
By the way, your hottness rank is 33%, hotter than 48% of other test takers.

TAKE THE TEST
brought to you by thatsurveysite

2007-02-12T15:17:00.000-05:00

I'll Go Until My Heart Stops

Show Review
In This Moment, Dead To Fall, 36 Crazyfists, Walls Of Jericho, Kittie
Northern Lights, Clifton Park, NY
2/10/07

Getting There: As we all know, getting to someplace you've never been before is half the fun....usually. This was the first time I'd ever actually driven through Albany and, let me tell you, they don't make it easy. After going from I-90 to 87 to 787 (over a course of about 10 miles), I then had to get to exit 9W...the first exit I came across said 9W on it, so I took it. But oh no, this was the exit for ROUTE 9W. I had to take EXIT 9W to get to Route 7W. Guess what? There's also an EXIT 7W, leading somewhere totally different. Well, I had left earlier than I needed to, because I figured something like this would've happened. So eventually I got to the road that Northern Lights was on; however, there's no actual sign for Northern Lights- it's in a nondescript plaza next to a Dollar Tree. This plaza, however, is the last bastion of civilization for at least another 4 miles down the road (which I discovered the hard way) Anyways, I found it, and made it just in time for the second of three local opening acts.

SOFA KINGZ

Mediocre, in every sense of the word. Plus, I mean, LOOK at that name. Sofa Kingz...with a fucking Z. It sounds like they should be opening for Kottonmouth Kings and OPM. But Sofa Kingz was eminently more listenable than...

NAMELESS SHITTY LOCAL HARDCORE BAND

I mean, they had a name, I'm sure, but I really didn't care much. It was your typical "punch each other in the face" kind of hardcore band that couldn't really inspire too much audience participation, other than the pit rats that go to shows ONLY to go crazy and hit each other. Unlistenable, uncharismatic garbage. But it allowed me to get nice and close for the first really great surprise of the evening.

IN THIS MOMENT

I'll be honest, I could barely even remember this band's name before I got here, though I had been looking forward to this show for a couple weeks. So the band all walked onstage and grabbed their instruments. Looked like a typical metal band, alright. Then she walked onstage. A 5-foot nothing bleached blond chick in a puffy, frilly red polka-dot dress and a lacy, low-cut white blouse, with a yellow neckerchief around her throat. Literally, she looked like Christina Aguilera with a bunch of tattoos. However, what came next will be etched in my mind for a long long time. She held the mic up, leaned over, and let out a crazy demon's wail from the seventh layer of Hell. Every jaw in the room dropped to the floor as this petite woman screamed her goddamn ass off. I looked around a couple times, and literally, at least 5 people around me were mouthing "Holy shit" as the band owned the stage and completely annhilated the audience. After 2 songs, the entire place was going apeshit for this band that, I would bet, less than 10% of the people there had ever even heard of. It was fucking beautiful to watch a band win over an audience like that. By the time they were finished, they had a couple hundred new fans, and everyone knew their goddamn name. They've got a full length coming out March 20th, and I'll be first in line to get it.

DEAD TO FALL

Loud and violent. LOUD AND VIOLENT. A band fronted by the most pissed-off Big-Lebowski-looking motherfucker I've ever seen. Crazy hardcore and the crowd went fucking nuts accordingly. I didn't know any of the music, but it was good enough. Plus, it got me warmed up for the band I really came to see:

36 CRAZYFISTS

An absolutely crazy metalcore band from Alaska, I completely marked out for these guys, along with most of the audience. They put on an absolutely killer set, taking the best tracks off of their last 2 albums bringing the whole house down. Starting out with the first two tracks off their new album (I'll Go Until My Heart Stops, Felt Through A Phone Line), then segueing into their two most popular songs (At the End Of August and the Heart and the Shape), the whole crowd was singing along and bashing into each other. That lead into the harder territory of Elysium, Bloodwork, and Aurora. I'm very very biased, as they put out one of my very favorite metal albums when I was in college, but they put on the best performance of the night. When they left the stage, I was sweaty, my voice was almost gone, and I was more than a little banged up, which wasn't helped out at all by...

WALLS OF JERICHO

Exploding on the stage like a goddamn landmine, Candace Kucsulain ran onstage looking like a hardcore Molly Holly (Hardcore Holly, anyone?) and got the whole building crashing into each other. Seriously, one of the sickest pits I've ever seen. I got bashed in the face, had my glasses and hat knocked to the floor, had to crawl blindly among about a dozen pairs of legs, then got hit in the back of the head by an errant crowd surfer. It was AWESOME. I couldn't really tell one song from the other (I only have 2 of their albums, and only listened to their newest one a couple times), but it didn't matter. So after this crazy set, it honestly was kind of a step down when the last band of the night went on.

KITTIE

By the time they got onstage, everyone was tired as hell, sore, sweaty and hoarse. I haven't actually listened to Kittie in years, so I didn't really recognize most of the songs they played. They were okay, but they can't really do much of any melodic singing anymore. That, and the drummer looks like more of a man than I do. Seriously, Buffalo Bill with a long hair wig. They were decently loud, and the songs I recognized I enjoyed, but I was so exhausted by the time they got on that I couldn't show too much enthusiasm.

Overall, it was one of the better rock shows I've been to. But I would be remiss if I were to neglect mentioning the two biggest assholes on the face of the earth.

Looking like a cross between the Hanson Brothers from Slap Shot and Andrew W.K., these two motherfuckers decided to try to ruin the show for a good portion of the audience. They were both about 7 feet tall, with long curly hair down past thier shoulders, and they decided to stand right against the barricade at center stage. And block the view for everybody behind them. The two tallest motherfuckers in the building, and they decide to stand right up front for the whole show, and not even REACT to any of the fucking bands other than Kittie. If you're not gonna participate in the goddamn show, then get the fuck out of the way of the people who ARE there to participate. I'm only five and a half fucking feet tall, I can't see over your big stupid hairy fucking heads, and neither can any of the cute punk chicks that were around me. You'd think that 7 dozen elbows in the ribs would convince you to move the fuck out of the way.

Sorry about going off on a tangent, but it just pissed me off way too much when people actively ruin shows for other people.

2007-02-02T13:21:00.000-05:00

The Latest Obsession

Let's just say you have a band that has a slightly raspy/slightly screechy-whiny mop-haired vocalist and lead guitarist, a female bass player and an asian dude who all play guitar-oriented prog/metal/alternative rock with a penchant for feedback-laced guitar freakouts. Now let's say that it's 2007 instead of 1993, and that we're not talking about The Smashing Pumpkins, who would you have?

Silversun Pickups.

Seriously, they take the best parts of Sonic Youth and Smashing Pumpkins and turn it into the best new band working today. I just got thier album (available at your local Target for a low, low $6.98) and it is absolutely amazing. They have plenty of cool-ass videos on Youtube, look them up, won't you?

By the by, if you haven't yet heard...

NEW SMASHING PUMPKINS ALBUM!!!!

Zeitgeist
07/07/07

2007-01-19T16:12:00.000-05:00

MC Chris Speaks the Truth

For the record, I thought KH II was boring as hell too.

2007-01-19T14:04:00.000-05:00

Fox News Asks the Hard-Hitting Questions and Challenges Its Audience

Would and will.

Obama/Gore 2008
(false hope? Yeah. But a man can dream...)

2007-01-17T16:39:00.000-05:00

So Happy I Could Cry

As a continuing (and, it would seem, eternal) student of all things mass communications, I try to keep taps on all the latest FCC changes, free speech news, etc. One of the most interesting and, yes, most missed pieces of free speech legislation that has always piqued my interest is the Fairness Doctrine, which required broadcasters (both radio and television) to allow for equal airtime to be given to both sides of issues; for both Democratic and Republican points of view to be presented to the audience so they could make up thier own mind. Good idea? Goddamn right! In fact, most broadcasters nowadays still cite the Fairness Doctrine as reasons why they refuse to present any political content whatsoever, or why they refuse to endorse candidates for office. Imagine thier embarassment (and also, I should state, at least two of my college professors) to find out that we lost that in the REAGAN Administration. We have been without a doctrine allowing equal airtime for TWENTY YEARS. Fucking ridiculous. So, obviously, I was overjoyed when I read this article while skimming billboard.com:

The Return of the Fairness Doctrine?

Ohio Congressman Dennis Kucinich and Sen. Bernie Sanders of Vermont have indicated that they plan to introduce legislation this year that would require the FCC to restore the Fairness Doctrine, a rule that once compelled broadcasters to present all sides of controversial issues. Kucinich said that he will chair a new House subcommittee of the House Government Reform Committee that will hold hearings on the role of the FCC and consider reinstating the Fairness Doctrine. Most analysts agreed that the rule would have little effect on broadcast television networks, which generally attempt to observe at least the spirit of the Fairness Doctrine, which was overturned in 1987 during the Reagan administration. But it would play havoc with talk radio stations, which currently are dominated by conservative hosts. Today's (Wednesday) New York Daily News quoted Rush Limbaugh as saying that the calls for reinstatement amount to a "hush Rush" campaign. Michael Harrison, editor of Talkers magazine, told the newspaper that the Fairness Doctrine "did nothing except chill free speech." He added, "Talk radio owes its explosive growth over the last 20 years to the repeal of the Fairness Doctrine." Other experts doubted that it could be reinstated, noting that President Bush would almost certainly veto any legislation to do so.

I am all for the Fairness Doctrine, and not just because Rush Limbaugh is so vehemently against it (though that's usually a good reason to get behind almost anything). Why exactly SHOULDN'T people be allowed to be presented with two opposing viewpoints in order to form thier OWN OPINIONS? If you rant and rave against raising the minimum wage for 4 straight hours, shouldn't somebody be able to present 4 hours of counterpoints and arguments to your stated agenda? Wouldn't that be good for the free marketplace of ideas that is the idyllic goal to which all broadcasters are supposed to contribute to and be a part of? The Fairness Doctrine wouldn't put an end to Rush Limbaugh, but it would allow for someone to come on right after him and say "No, you're wrong Rushie-poo, and here's why" for 6 or so hours.

I say reinstate the Fairness Doctrine, and the sooner the better. I plan on writing Mr. Kucinich (along with my state Rep) with my total support. I urge you all to do the same!

2007-01-04T11:41:00.000-05:00

Top 20(+2) Albums of 2006

Honorable Mentions: In a year like 2006, where there were SO MANY awesome albums, a lot that I enjoyed thoroughly got left behind. I'll list the albums I had on my initial list, but didn't quite make it into the Top 20:

Between the Buried and Me - The Anatomy Of
Johnny Cash - American V/Personal File
Fear Before the March of Flames - The Always Open Mouth
The Hold Steady - Boys and Girls in America
Isis - In the Absence of Truth
Lamb of God - Sacrament
Matisyahu - Youth
Pearl Jam - Pearl Jam
Peeping Tom - Peeping Tom
Thom Yorke - The Eraser
Neil Young - Living With War

And now, without further ado;

THE TOP 20 (+2) ALBUMS OF 2006

(+2) Weird Al Yankovic - Straight Outta Lynwood: In any other year, this would be a normal number on the list. However, so MUCH good music came out this year, I wanted to list as much as possible. Thus, Weird Al's album gets relegated to the comedy album (+) numbers. Don't let that fool you, though. This is his best work since 1997's "Bad Hair Day". A good sign to a good Weird Al album: the original songs are as good as the parodies.
Recommended tracks: White & Nerdy, Close But No Cigar, Don't Download This Song, Trapped In The Drive-Thru

(+1) Lewis Black - The Carnegie Hall Performance: Is it just me, or does Lewis Black suffer from "Every Other" Syndrome? The White Album = great, End of the Universe=not as good, Rules Of Enragement= fantastic, Luther Burbank...=totally lame except one track, and now this; a double album of forehead-vein-popping goodness, some of his most biting social commentary and Black at his most bombastic and hilarious. Seriously, his best album yet. So, if you're keeping track, every other album tops all his previous albums. So, be sure to pick the album after his next album, it should be sublime.
Recommended Tracks: Information, Congressional Correspondent's Dinner, New Orleans

(20) Lady Sovereign - Public Warning: I have this thing for rappers that, when you get right down to it, seem like they really shouldn't be anywhere near a microphone, but somehow pull an amazing album's worth of material out of thin air. This would be that one: a reasonably cute, 5-foot-tall, white British chick with a VERY strong British accent rapping about materialistic women with fake tans, London slums, and working a miserable 9 to 5 job. And it WORKS. You can't help but love every rhyme that comes out of her mouth. Not only that, but the production is top-shelf too. This is the complete opposite of Fergie, on almost every level.
Recommended tracks: 9 to 5, Random, Love Me or Hate Me

(19) The Decemberists - The Crane Wife: The Decemberists completely switch over to the dark side of rock. They had a couple slight brushes with full-blown rockin' out on their last couple albums, but this one is the most rockin'est. They even included a 10+ minute prog mini-rock opera of sorts! Don't let all my blathering turn you away though, old-school-Decemberists-fans; there's still plenty of storytelling and balladry to go around. An all-around fantastic record to make the indie kids cream their jeans.
Recommended tracks: The Perfect Crime #2, When the War Came, O Valencia!

(18) The Prize Fighter Inferno - My Brother's Blood Machine: Okay, this one's just for me. The lead singer of Coheed & Cambria put out an electro-pop solo record that takes place in the fictional universe he created for his main band to put out a 5 album opus about, and is sung from the point of view of one of the 3rd tier characters in the overall mindfuck of a story. Convolutastic! Crazy falsetto and simple key progressions galore! It makes me a happy Evil Brian.
Recommended tracks: The Fight of Moses Early & Sir Arthur McCloud, The Margaretville Dance, Run, Gunner Recall, Run! The Town Wants You Dead!

(17) Liars - Drum's Not Dead: Like Radiohead before them, Liars went from making slightly electronic-leaning college rock to creating layered soundscapes with droning vocals and an elaborate theme that doesn't really make all that much sense. And, Like Kid A, I go against all rational thought and totally dig it. Besides, Liars actually keep their guitars and drums intact.
Recommended tracks: It Fit When I Was a Kid, Let's Not Wrestle, Mt. Heart Attack

(16) Strapping Young Lad - The New Black: Metal fans making metal for metal fans. FUCK YES!!! A Canadian crazyman, the fastest drummer in the world and their merry band of misfits put their weird-ass sense of humor into classic thrash/industrial metal songs that begs for some horn-throwin'.
Recommended tracks: You Suck, Far Beyond Metal, The New Black

(15) The Blood Brothers - Young Machetes: All that noise, noise, noise, noise! I LOVE IT. Blood Bros. put out their best, most mainstream-sounding album to date, thought they are WAY far from the mainstream. The Noise-punk/post-hardcore band from Washington state has been pumping out records since the mid-90's and just now have evolved into a sweet mixture of grating, screeching vocals, pop hooks, loud crashing guitars and scream-along choruses. Best described by this Amazon.com reviewer: "Unlistenable noise to 99.781921 percent of the record-buying public. Album of the year material for the rest." FIRE FIRE FIRE!!!
Recommended tracks: Set Fire To The Face On Fire, Camouflage Camouflage, Huge Gold AK-47

(14) Nada Surf - The Weight Is a Gift: I know, it came out in late 2005, but I couldn't find it anywhere until 2006, so I'm counting it. More people, I think, would be shocked that they're still making records. One of the better alternative-pop bands to come out of the mid-90's "WTF should we play?" era of radio, they had their one hit and were quickly thrown to obscurity like so many Spacehogs. Still making fantastic danceable rock, they transitioned to the indie tastemaker label Barsuk for the new album, and literally made the best album of their career. Shit, there's nothing else I can say to sell this, after reading "new Nada Surf album", you probably already know whether you want to hear it or not. Bask in it's radiant awesomeness.
Recommended tracks: Blankest Year, Concrete Bed, Always Love

(13) Wolfmother - Wolfmother: RAAAAAWWWWWWWK!! Probably the best Led Zeppelin impersonators I've ever heard (much better than "The Music"), it sounds like crazed, 70's fuzzed-out rock n' roll. Sometimes you want art, sometimes you just want something familiar to rock out to. This is definitely the latter; unabashedly wearing their roots like a badge of honor, Wolfmother isn't the future of rock, it's the past, man.
Recommended tracks: Dimension, White Unicorn, Joker & the Thief, Witchcraft

(12) Sparklehorse - Dreamt For Light Years In The Belly Of A Mountain: The first new Sparklehorse album in 5 years isn't any grand step forward for Mark Linkous, but it's still a fantastic college rock record. Sounding much more happy and uptempo than usual, Linkous treats us to songs about ghosts, mountaintops and lost loves in his jangly, folksy space rock that I love oh-so-much. Ends with one of the finest, most moving rock instrumentals of the year.
Recommended tracks: Shade and Honey, Ghost In the Sky, Don't Take My Sunshine Away

(11) Slayer - Christ Illusion: Chaotic, antichristian, loud, hard, fast, ugly fucking speed metal; everything that Slayer is supposed to be. All it took was for Dave Lombardo to get back behind the drum kit for Slayer to get back to their mid-80's-early-90's heyday. Just pure fucking metal from beginning to end. Violent perfection.
Recommended tracks: Catalyst, Skeleton Christ, Cult, Supremist

(10) Beck - The Information: How can you have a 15 year career, and for at least 10 of those 15 years be the most original musical artist in the country? Beck FOUND a way. Still creating his own genre of music, Beck Hansen puts his folk/electro-funk/hip-hop psychedelia through the spin cycle to churn out another awesome eclectic album of mashups in his ongoing quest to be the love child of Prince and David Bowie. Plus, it comes with STICKERS. STICKERS!!!!
Recommended tracks: Nausea, Think I'm In Love, Dark Star, We Dance Alone

(9) Tool - 10,000 Days: With every subsequent album, Tool's songs get longer and longer, more grand and majestic. One of these days, they're just going to pull a Fantomas and release a song that's 71 minutes long. And it will still be mind-blowingly great. Nothing else to say, except that, like wine, they just keep getting better and better the older they get. Too bad they only put out one album every 5 years.
Recommended tracks: Vicarious, Right In Two, 10,000 Days (Wings Part 2)

(8) TV on the Radio - Return to Cookie Mountain: Any other year, this would have been a shoe-in for Album of the Year. I can't express enough that 2006 was one of the best years for music in a long long time. Finally, rock with some soul behind it, propelling the art/borderline prog rock into the stratosphere. Jazz, blues, ambient and indie rock gone through a blender gets close to what these guys sound like. The most innovative band to debut this year.
Recommended tracks: Wolf Like Me, Blues From Down Here, Playhouses

(7) Iron Maiden - A Matter of Life and Death: Sometimes you want innovation, sometimes you don't break from a winning formula. And sometimes, you're Iron Maiden, and it doesn't matter WHAT the fuck you do as long as Bruce Dickinson is belting out the words. Classic metal, done to the absolute pinnacle of perfection, all about the horrors of war. It doesn't get any better than that. UP THE IRONS!
Recommended tracks: Brighter Than a Thousand Suns, Longest Day, Out Of The Shadows, The Reincarnation Of Benjamin Breeg

(6) The Mars Volta - Amputechture: I love me some whacked-out progressive freak-out hard rock, and it doesn't get more whacked-out than this. Amputechture is the perfect mixture of Mars Volta's first two full-length albums. More song-based than Frances the Mute, more freakishly out there than De-Loused in the Comatorium. This is also the lowest ranked a Mars Volta album has ever appeared on my year-end lists. That's not a comment on the quality of THIS album (or lack thereof), but speaks volumes for the high level of excellence in the albums released this year.
Recommended tracks: Vermicide, Tetragrammaton, Day of the Baphomets

(5) Arctic Monkeys - Whatever You Say I Am, That's What I'm Not: What is it about watered-down Gang Of Four songs that are so irresistible? Franz Ferdinand, Futureheads, etc. All catchy-as-fuck, all lo-fi production, all suitable for rocking out, all just slightly different than the last. Arctic Monkeys are the newest and, arguably, the best ones to come out of this bastard genre yet, injecting far more punk than any of its predecessors into their sound. Immediately catchy, snarky lyrics and cockney accents all make this absolutely gorgeous, even when comparing the media to vampires.
Recommended tracks: I Bet You Look Good On The Dancefloor, Red Light Indicates Doors Are Secure, Perhaps Vampires Is a Bit Strong But...

(4) Trivium - The Crusade: You know that album you've been waiting for Metallica to release for years now? The one with the political lyrics, battle cries, chant-along choruses, blistering guitar solos, crazy double-kick bass drums and fuck-all attitude? The one that would bring metal back to the mainstream, that would make thrash metal really THRASH again? The one that would turn the music into a revolution, the one that sounded like THEY GAVE A SHIT??? This is it.
Recommended tracks: Ignition, Entrance Of the Conflagration, Contempt Breeds Contamination, And Sadness Will Sear

(3) Lupe Fiasco - Lupe Fiasco's Food & Liquor: He just might be the most intelligent rapper in the game today; certainly the most intelligent in the mainstream. Seriously, in an industry built upon bragging about rims, ice, and dealing coke, to be able to get away with lines like:
"Now i aint tryna be the greatest
I used to hate hip hop
Yep, because the women degraded
But Too Short made me laugh,
Like a hypocrite i played it
A hypocrite i state it
Though I only recited half..."
It gives me hope for the state of hip hop as an art form.
Recommended tracks: American Terrorist, Hurt Me Soul, The Emperor's Soundtrack, Kick Push, The Instrumental

(2) Mastodon - Blood Mountain: The most groundbreaking metal album since Killswitch Engage's "Alive or Just Breathing", Mastodon, instead of making their music more mainstream went farther and farther into outer space with their sound. Seamlessly mixing traditional progressive rock with their own original blend of classic 70's metal, sludgy 90's doom metal and today's thrashy Lamb-Of-God-style American metal, Mastodon have made an incredibly complex and challenging heavy metal classic. I've called these guys the Tool of extreme metal for a couple years now; I think this year they may start surpassing Tool themselves. A must-listen.
Recommended tracks: Colony of Birchmen, Crystal Skull, Circle Cysquatch, Hand of Stone

(1) Gnarls Barkley - St. Elsewhere: Rock, Soul, R&B, Hip Hop, Pop and Gospel had a wild, liquor-fueled fuckfest; lube and tequila having been sprayed everywhere with James Brown, Gorillaz and Violent Femmes blasting out of the speakers 'til dawn and all the chocolates and fried chicken you can eat. When all of them groggily woke up in the morning, trapped in the kind of haze usually reserved for New Years Day, they gazed upon the resulting cacophany of thier wild rager, and it was Gnarls Barkley. Sporting the worst band name since Rock Star Supernova, Cee-Lo Green (international man of funk and the soul machine) and Danger Mouse (one of the most groundbreaking out-of-nowhere producers working today) decided to team up and completely warp pop music into some form of bastard child that is at once totally different from anything else and instantly accessible to anyone and everyone, everywhere, forever. The only complaint anyone could possibly lodge against this album is that it's way too short. The most completely bizarre release of 2006 and, without any semblance of doubt, the best album of the year.
Recommended tracks: Crazy, Go-Go Gadget Gospel, Gone Daddy Gone, Just A Thought, Transformer, The Boogie Monster

2007-01-03T10:42:00.000-05:00

Top 25 Singles of 2006

I tried my best to get up to 25, but I'll admit, having avoided the radio for almost the entire year it was hard to scrape up 25 good singles. These are the best we gots:

The TOP 25 SINGLES OF 2006.

(25)Blood Brothers - Set Fire To The Face On Fire: This should be number one, but I figured nobody else reading this would ever have heard of these guys, other than from me singing their praises. If you don't listen to any other band I list, download this one track. You'll instantly know whether you'll dig the band or not. FIRE FIRE FIRE!!

(24)Deftones - Hole In the Earth: I'll always have a special place in my heart for the Deftones.

(23)Beck - Nausea: Not Beck's best single, but these days, you takes what you can gets from Beck.

(22)Strapping Young Lad - You Suck:

Tell us how much they fucking suck!
HELL YEAH THEY FUCKING SUCK!
You and your band you fucking suck!
HELL YEAH YOU FUCKING SUCK!
I don't give a fuck you fucking fuck!
HELL YEAH YOU FUCKING SUCK!
Come on tell me how much we fucking suck
HELL YEAH YOU FUCKING SUCK!
Hell yeah we fucking suck!
Hell yeah we fucking suck!
Oh fuck us all!

(21)Thursday - Counting 5-4-3-2-1: Just a cool goddamn song; not enough people listen to Thursday, I highly recommend them.

(20)Ok Go - Here It Goes Again: Suck it, bitches; I was listening to this album when it came out last year. That makes me SO much cooler than you. Seriously.

(19)The Streets - When You Wasn't Famous: A British white dude raps about how hard it is to pick up famous chicks when you are also famous. Not that he's at all famous in America, but in England, The Streets is the shit.

(18)Bleeding Through - Love In Slow Motion: Metalcore with keyboards makes me happy. That is all.

(17)Taking Back Sunday - MakeDamnSure: Another guilty pleasure. This band is the pinnacle of lameness, as is true of almost all emocore bands. However, I just really really dug this song this year. Doesn't stop the band from sucking donkey dong, though.

(16)Gnarls Barkley - Gone Daddy Gone: a crazed funk/soul version of a great Violent Femmes song. Gnarls Barkley is goddamn awesome.

(15)Matisyahu - Youth: Fuck everyone, I really dig this dude, and I like the song.

(14)Fear Before The March Of Flames - Taking Cassandra To The End Of The World Party: The strangest post-hardcore act getting even moderate airplay, this takes the guitar fuzz of Hum and mixes it up with a track off of Eighteen Visions' "Vanity" record for 2 and a half minutes of weirdness about the mythological story of Cassandra the prophet.

(13)Pearl Jam - World Wide Suicide: Who knew Pearl Jam had one more awesome single in them, let alone their best album since No Code (sue me, I love that record). Second biggest comeback all year (only because every Weird Al album is a comeback album).

(12)Lady Sovereign - Love Me or Hate Me: A fantastic beat, off-the-wall lyrics about being less-than-attractive (but still being the shit) and a relatively cute British chick rapping. She's the biggest midget in the game, after all. Make way for the S.O.V.

(11)Lupe Fiasco - Kick, Push: The best rapper to debut this year, the best rap single to hit mainstream radio this year, and just flat-out the coolest song about skateboarding ever made. Like Kanye West without the arrogant assholeishness.

(10)Red Hot Chili Peppers - Dani California: Say what you will about Stadium Arcadium (and there is quite a bit to say, not the least of which would be "Why 2 discs?"), but let's be honest, you heard the first single and thought it was pretty kickass too.

(9)People In Planes - If You Talk Too Much My Head Will Explode: These guys sound an awful lot like Pablo Honey-era Radiohead, not that there's anything wrong with that. Expect to hear more from these guys, and soon.

(8)Wolfmother - Dimension; FUCKIN' RAAAWWWWWKKK!

(7)Dragonforce - Through The Fire And Flame: Literally the fastest goddamn metal band I've ever heard, ever (taking the title previously held by Children Of Bodom). Power metal bombast vocals about...well...fire and flame with speed metal riffing and crazy fucking solos.

(6)The Raconteurs - Steady, As She Goes: The first couple times I listened to this song, it just didn't click. At all. To the point of me deleting it off my computer. Then, after awhile, I caught the bassline, and that's what hooked me. Besides the fact that Jack White can make almost any song rock the proverbial casbah, it's just a really good song in every respect.

(5)Arctic Monkeys - I Bet You Look Good On The Dance Floor: A rock song that you can dance to? Right the fuck on!

(4)She Wants Revenge - Tear You Apart: Let's get this out of the way; She Wants Revenge is horrible. They copy their inspirations exactly (New Order and...uhhh...New Order), without adding anything of their own, and the lyrics are absolutely TERRIBLE, usually devolving into some ham-handed correlation to fucking (or masturbating). There is absolutely no reason why the band should exist, at all. That being said, this song is the balls, in a nasty, dirty, sweaty way. A guilty pleasure, maybe, but it's one catchy-as-fuck guilty pleasure.

(3)Tool - Vicarious: You can always count on Tool to release a fucking awesome first single whenever they release a new album. No exceptions here; Tool preaches about being disproportionately detached from real-life violence by the media that spotlights violence for ratings, and how we all follow in line and devour all the violence they show us because it's on TV. Violence. Sorry, just trying to meet my violence quota.

(2)Weird Al Yankovic - White & Nerdy: Received more mainstream radio airplay than anything he's released since the early 90's. That says a lot about an accordion-playing comedian/parodist pushing 50. Still relevant, still hilarious, still a genius.

(1)Gnarls Barkley - Crazy: Like there was any other choice. Glorious perfection. Mashes about 5 different genres of music into 2:58 of audio cool. Overplayed and run into the ground, but it actually DESERVES to be overplayed.

2006-12-30T14:28:00.000-05:00

Lists Are A-Comin'

Hopefully, with the busy season at FedEx behind me, the dearth of emptiness that my blog has become will rise like the curtain at some fabulous high school production of Grease, exposing the bright, shining Greased Lightnin' of bizarritude locked away in my warped mind. The yearly music lists are, indeed, a-comin'; that was not merely an elaborate lie you read in bold typeface at the top of this paragraph.

I'll start with a couple preliminary awards for some outstanding albums/songs that, like my long-neglected member, deserve special attention:

Worst Album with the Best Song on it:

Snakes on a Plane: The Album

The soundtrack to one of the single most awesome movies in the history of cinema (is it a great film? Hell no. But is it "awesome"? FUCK YEAH!) was filled with bands that sound an awful lot like Fall Out Boy, bands that are friends of Fall Out Boy, and Fall Out Boy themselves. There is one song, however, that sticks out like a sore thumb (well, 2, but the reggae track from Michael Franti & Spearhead was a little sub-par, so I don't count it). The song that should have, in a good and just world, been the lead-off single instead of that "Bring It" horseshit. Cee-Lo Green's "Ophidiophobia". Now more well known as the voice of Gnarls Barkley than for anything he did with Goodie Mob (let alone his mesmerizing, yet all-but-ignored solo career), Cee-Lo laid down a hot, syrupy mass of bombastic gospel funk describing the horrors of *gasp* seeing SNAKES on a PLANE. All punctuated with a slowed down, groovy "I'm tired of these muthafuckin SNAKES on this muthafucking PLANE! I'm tired! I'm tired! I'm TIRED!!!" In the four months since the soundtrack was released, that song has shot up to the #6 spot on my most-played songs on iTunes, beating out songs by Beck, The Dead Kennedys, and my favorite band ever, The Smashing Pumpkins. One of the most joyously over-the-top funky songs I've ever listened to. Given the movie it's from, I find it quite apropos.

Best Greatest Hits Album of the Year:

REM - And I Feel Fine... The Best of the I.R.S. Years 1982-1987

Yes, yes, we all like the early 90's, alternative radio staple, "Everybody Hurts"-era R.E.M. and, to a (far) lesser extent, the newer, slightly droning, "no-radio-airplay for-fans-only" R.E.M. But for my money, nothing will ever beat the "what -in-the-holy-hell-are-they-singing-about, college radio domineering pre-shaved-head" R.E.M. from the 80's; and this album has everything you'd want to hear from those years. From the very beginning with "Radio Free Europe" all the way to the mainstream-cracking "It's the End of the World...", this gives the perfect overview of what made R.E.M. the band that would eventually produce one of the best rock records of the 1990's (Automatic For The People, duh.). The deluxe edition has a bunch of rare demos, live versioins, etc. plus a booklet with the band members' commentary on the songs on the album (hint: not even Michael Stipe knows what the song "Pilgrimage" is about, and he wrote the fucking thing.) Highly recommended, especially to non-fans just getting into indie rock with Modest Mouse, The Decemberists etc.

The Actual Best Album of 2006, But It's a Live Album So It Doesn't Count:

Eels - With Strings: Live At Town Hall

Mark Oliver Everett. LIVE. With a STRING QUARTET. Covering Bob Dylan. FUCK YES.

Seriously though, it is one of the best live albums I've listened to, ever. Sure, his falsetto isn't very falsettoey anymore (though that's probably to be expected when the first thing you do when you walk onstage is light up a friggin cigar) and they couldn't include Mr. E's Beautiful Blues because the Dust Brothers refused to give consent, but regardless it's a masterpiece. If nothing else sells this album, keep this nugget in the back of your head: this album actually resulted in me not just enjoying, but LOVING the song "Flyswatter", which I always always ALWAYS skip when I throw on Daisies Of The Galaxy. And you will love it too, I promise.

Most Disappointing Album Of the Year:

A tie between Red Hot Chili Peppers - Stadium Arcadium, Outkast - Idlewild, AFI - Decemberunderground, Pharrell - In My Mind...

I could keep going, but those 4 stick out in my mind the most. To sum it up into four questions:

* Are you telling me this couldn't have been whittled down to one awesome record, instead of two "OK" discs with about 8 tracks of filler?

* How can you have an entire Outkast album without even one serviceable, overplayed-but-still-funky, speaker-blasting, light-the-radio-on-fire single?

*When did AFI turn into a bland emo band? Oh wait...
(just kidding, OFB's sister. Don't hurt me.)

*How can the dude behind The Neptunes and N.E.R.D. put out the most boring, middle-of-the-road hip-hop album with the most conventional and ignorant "let me list the things I can afford!" lyrics since No Limit Records went out of business?

That's it for now, comrades. Look out for the best singles of the year, Top 20 (+2) albums of the year, and MORE! SOON! I PROMISE!

2006-12-21T13:40:00.000-05:00

Still Alive....Sort Of

More regular postings coming soon, until then, Merry F***ing Christmas:

2006-09-11T12:57:00.000-04:00

Joining the Flock: Commenting On 5 Years Back

It seems everyone on the Internet is posting thier memories, thier views, thier feelings about 9/11. It's cathartic, I suppose, to verbally express our personal experiences and read of others' in order to deal with what was (and still is) an earth-shattering tragedy; the single greatest human disaster of our generation.

I'm searching for words to accurately describe my mindset here, but I feel that everything that can possibly be said about this horrorshow has already been said.

On 9/11/01, I was in my sophomore year of college. I woke up to get ready for my morning classes and, as I almost always did, turned on CNN. And, within about 15 minutes of turning on the television, I watched as an airplane (turned out to be the second plane) crashed into the World Trade Center. I was a little shaken up.

Maybe that sounds a little insensitive, but what exactly are you supposed to say when you watch, on live TV, the instantaneous death of hundreds of people?

I went to class (honestly can't even remember which class it was) came out, went to have some lunch at the cafeteria and came out to the news that the Pentagon was hit and, more shockingly (to me, anyways), classes were cancelled for the rest of the day. I learned through talking with other people that the towers collapsed, and spent the rest of the day on the Internet, with CNN on in the background.

But you know what? As a student that was studying media at the time, those 5 or 6 months right after September 11th were some of the most exciting and refreshing , from a newsperson's point of view, in years. It is my opinion that the quality of broadcast news is very much a supply-and-demand business. If the majority of the people in the United States have a thirst for quality news about world events, if television watchers genuinely want in-depth analysis of national interests, then that is what is going to be provided to them. And that's exactly what happened after September 11th, 2001. The problem in America recently is that, more often than not, most of the television watching public does not want analysis. They don't want all the information available, they don't want to know. We, in America, want to be entertained above all else; and this, I believe, is one of the reasons that broadcast news has been in a steep downward spiral for years now. From the very ionvention of television until the late 1980's, broadcast news (and newspapers) were America's bastions of truth. We had no other methods of obtaining information about the state of the nation and, therefore, were limited to the amount of places to turn to for info. The Internet, as we know it, has single-handedly destroyed broadcast news while, at the same time, revolutionizing how we obtain news today. The people who genuinely want to be informed in America, I've found, turn to the Internet for thier information, for thier news. Television news, the newspapers, have been rendered all but obsolete to true newshounds in America.

That's not to say that I think broadcast news should be eliminated. Far from it. I just believe that there has to be, just as in the case of the Internet, a giant revolution in broadcast news very soon. 24 hour news channels, I think, need to be completely eliminated. I've never liked the idea that Americans need 24 hours of news every day, because that allows for harsh and instant judgement without getting all the facts. All these channels: CNN, MSNBC, Fox News, etc., the phrase you'll see as a graphic more often than not will be "BREAKING NEWS"; because that's what counts to them. Who gets to the scene first? Who's reporting on-the-spot? How fast can we get this story on the air, no matter how much information we actually have? I believe it takes time, time to gather facts and to develop a full news story. This, I feel, is the only way to truly make broadcast news watchable again.

I'm not sure how this 9/11 remembrance post got me involved into a rant about broadcast news, but there you go. I guess remembering such an incredible tragedy just brings out passions in people, and this is what I'm passionate about.

But how am I spending this September 11th, a full 5 years after the initial attacks? I'm spending it the way I've spent it the past 2 years:

I'm watching "Fahrenheit 9/11", and I'm getting outraged all over again.

2006-09-10T19:36:00.000-04:00

SOMEone in Ohio Has Some Common Sense

2006-09-10T14:27:00.000-04:00

Work Is Hell and other observations

I am the worst blogger in the world. In the past 9 months, I've posted what, 4 or 5 times?? That's horseshit. And half of those weren't even real posts; just youtube links.

So much shit has happened this past summer in the life of Evil Brian, I barely even know when to start. Let's just go from the major stuff and trickle all the way down to movie and music reviews.

Me and my esteemed roommate Art got evicted by our old landlord. Well, sort of but not really. Our landlord; an off-the-boat Italian chef that lives in Yonkers, NY and doesn't quite understand how things work in Connecticut (when we moved in, his lawyer demanded we get renter's insurance with $1,000,000 coverage. Renter's insurance in Connecticut doesn't go higher than, I believe, $100,000.) So, after inadvertently trashing the condo trying to move out as fast as possible (which cost us quite the pretty penny indeed), we ended up moving to a MUCH nicer and cheaper (albeit smaller) place in Middletown, CT. Air conditioning that WORKS, some nice carpeting, a landlord that speaks English and DOES SHIT and, most importantly, my own goddamn bathroom (now with new pirate theme!) Even though it's an extra 15 minutes from work than our old place, it's so much more comfortable than our last place and such a friendly neighborhood that it makes it totally worth it.

The only downside to moving is that, between the new security deposit and paying off my old landlord to not sue us, I didn't have the money I needed to enorll in Master's courses. You see, my graduating GPA from Utica College was too low to matriculate to a Master's program, thereby making me ineligible for student loans. However, I could enroll as a non-matriculated student in a state institution; the only drawback being I would have to front ALL the money for classes by myself. I don't have that kind of money, so my reeducation will have to wait for now.

The diet has been going awesomely. Since beginning my weight loss program (a combination of a low-fat, low-calorie, high-protein diet and a steady exercise regimen) I've lost 30 pounds, putting me down around 185. The original goal I had for myself was 180, but I thought it was gonna take almost 6 months just for THAT. Since it's been coming off so fast, I've decided to lower the goal to 160. Let me put it this way: I have to go to a wedding in two weeks. I've had a dress suit for about 2 years, but I have to get a new one, because everything-the shirt, jacket, pants-are all too big. I don't own a pair of pants that I can wear without a belt. It's the best feeling in the world.

My job sucks. It always has sucked, and it always will suck as far as I'm concerned. But it just got REALLY bad on two levels. First, stores are starting to receive thier Christmas shipments now. Well, actually, the first of the Christmas stuff went out in May/June; but a lot of stores are really ramping it up lately, giving me a lot more shit to wade through. Secondly, FedEx's corporate office has decided to change the work schedule for everyone in the Northeast. Instead of a semi-normal Monday-Friday work schedule, they've made the decision to switch to a Tuesday - Saturday workweek. Do you know when the bars close in CT on Sunday nights?? TEN THIRTY. TEN THIRTY AT NIGHT. I mean, it's hard enough to get people to come into work at 2:30 in the morning, how hard do you think it is to get people to come into work at 2:30 on a SATURDAY morning?? I already had 3 people missing on our first Saturday and, when you only have 10 people that work in your group, that HURTS.

Snakes On A Plane, while not the best movie of the year by a LOOOOOOONG shot, is the single most entertaining movie I've seen in the theater since Star Wars Episode III. I recommend everyone watch it at least once.

Since I don't watch TV (I'm always asleep when all the goos shows are on) am perpetually behind the times when it comes to being up with the television cultural zeitgeist. Lost Season 2 just came out on Tuesday, and I finished the whole season yesterday. Seriously, the best television I've ever watched in my entire life. There's so many twists, turns, and out-and-out WEIRDNESS, it's almost hypnotic. I get all my TV from DVDs nowadays, and I can't WAIT for My Name Is Earl to come out this Tuesday.

I preordered Final Fantasy XII over a month ago, and I still cannot wait for it to come out. I actually have that whole week off from work (I always take the week of Halloween off from work. It's my Christmas) Now all I need is a PS2. I've always lived with other people who own PS2's, so I never got around to buying one myself, despite the fact that I own 5 games for the system (Katamari Damacy, We (heart) Katamari, Kingdom Hearts, Shadow of the Colossus, Rugby 2005).

Speaking of which, whenever I do get a PS2, I'm gonna have to pick up Guitar Hero and, by that time, probably Guitar Hero II as well. I've already downloaded all the songs that'll be on GHII, and some of them are just goddamn scary. Seriously, Lamb of God's "Laid To Rest"? Misirlou?? Psychobilly Freakout?!? People might break fingers on some of these songs. It's insane!

2006, thus far, has been turning out to be a great year for metal. Slayer's "Christ Illusion" has captured the evil black magic of "Reign In Blood" with scathing and hateful songs about war, politics and religion. Iron Maiden's "A Matter of Life and Death" contains some of the best Maiden songs since thier 80's heyday. Between the Buried & Me put out an entire album of covers featuring the single best Metallica cover I've ever heard (seriously, I didn't think anyone could make "Blackened" even LOUDER than it already was, but they found a way). Lamb Of God cuts down on the politics for once and succeeds in making one of the better albums of thier careers (better than As the Palaces Burn, not quite as good as New American Gospel. And not containing any songs as good as 'Now You've Got Something To Die For' but, then again, what album DOES?). And Dragonforce managed to do things to a guitar that I never even dreamed could be possible. I can't wait to see what comes out in the next 3 months.

Hopefully, I'll post some time before the new year; I may since now I have Sundays and MONDAYS as a weekend instead of Saturdays and Sundays.

2006-06-12T15:37:00.000-04:00

Gnarls Vader

Here, enjoy a clip of the coolest band around (Gnarls Barkley) performing in full Star Wars regalia.

Because, really, why WOULDN'T you?

2006-05-14T01:34:00.000-04:00

Q Is For Dr. Tran

NOBODY fucks you up like Dr. Tran!

*you said a bad word!*

NOBODY.

2006-05-03T19:39:00.000-04:00

Wow, has it been FIVE Months???

I never thought I'd be THIS bad. Shit, even I'M disgusted with myself. Work has been hella awful, with your lowly servant Evil Brian working 12 hour days pretty much nonstop since January. So what has been up with His Evilness lately? Well, amongst other things, I've joined a gym, dropped about 20 pounds; my knee has completely healed from my accident (I have a gnarly scar though) and I finally broke down and joined my friends on MySpace (I'm such a sad individual).

So what has Evil Brian been digging on these past months? Check it:

Wine: I have recently been slowly becoming someewhat of a wino. Since my vacation began (this past weekend) I have drained 2 bottles of wine, and am currently halfway done with a third. All white zinfandel; though I have a burgandy in my fridge.

Children of Bodom: I went to see them at the WORLD-FAMOUS Toad's Place in New Haven with Chimaira and If Hope Dies. One of the best metal shows I've ever been privvy to. The new record Are You Dead Yet? is the fucking BALLS.

Matisyahu: Fuck you guys. I dig it. White Jew doing reggae? I say whatever man; sounds decent enough to me.

MySpace: yes, it's for 14-year-old girls and bands you couldn't care less about. But, shit, all my friends from college are on it, so I feel obligated to pimp it. Also, remember I'm a little inebriated at this point, so the social filter is down at the moment. Cock.

Nostalgia: I just visited my old alma mater this weekend (Utica College) and remembered all the good times I had at the radio station, at my old dorms, everything. Fuck, I miss being in college. Fuck FUCK I miss being on the radio. Good fucking times.

Enter The Haggis: A crazy awesome Scottish/Celtic indie band from Canadia. I saw them live at Utica College's "Moosestock II" (yes, our mascot is a fucking moose. And yes, we named our annual concert after him.). Seriously. check them out.

Exercise: I got a membership to my local gym this past month, and I've planned out a workout/diet schedule with my friend that, in his own words, should help me drop about 50 pounds in 4 months. Here's hopin'.

Tool: The new album 10,000 Days is fucking CRAZY AWESOME. Much more song-based than Lateralus. Get it. NOW.

Stephen Colbert: The man has fucking KING KONG-SIZED BALLS.

Horse The Band: Nintendo music on acid. Lyrics are shit, but it's something I can rock out to, so good on them. I mean, fuck, they wrote a song about BIRDO from Super Mario 2!

Vacation: I LOVE NOT HAVING TO GO TO WORK!

As you c an see, my typing has become quite degenerated at this point, so I feel I mst cease typing this update. Here's to another 5 months of writing ABSOLUTEY NOTHING!

2006-01-06T16:17:00.000-05:00

Year-End Lists, Volume 3: THE 20 (+1) BEST ALBUMS OF 2005!

Here it is, the biggest of the big, the bestest of the best. the 20 (+1) best albums of the year; if you disagree, then you are wrong. There are, of course, many albums I have not listened to, amazing as they may be. But of my own humble musical experiences over the entirety of 2005, these are those that I deem the best and brightest. Other people's opinions be damned!

THE 20 (+1) BEST ALBUMS OF 2005!

+1: Dane Cook - Retaliation: The absolute laugh-out-loud funniest album to come out in 2005. A step down from Patton Oswalt and David Cross from last year, perhaps, but giggle-inducing nevertheless. I, sadly, have tried the cashew catapult. Don't ask, you don't want to know.
Recommended: Car Alarm, Heist/Monkey, Where's the Handle?

20: Strapping Young Lad - Alien: The loudest, most chaotic ear-bleeding soul-shattering Canadiens in the world produce thier best album to date. Seriously, Devin Townsend is the hardest working man in metal today, and a psychotic mad scientist at that. Check them out if you hate sanity.
Recommended: Shitstorm, Love?, We Ride

19: Danger Doom - The Mouse And The Mask: One of the best/weirdest MCs in underground rap and the dude who had the cojones to remix The Beatles against Jay-Z lyrics team up with, for some fucking reason, [adult swim], and produced a guilty pleasure that you...well, don't really feel guilty about liking. So it's a pleasure, is what I'm trying to get at, to listen to these whacked out rhymes, beats, and Masta Shake.
Recommended: The Mask, Old School, Space Ho's

18: Buckethead & Friends - Enter The Chicken: Buckethead's first ever accessible album, with semi-understandable lyrics and SONG STRUCTURE. I'm still kind of shocked that nobody really picked up on this; it really is his most mainstream work to date, and also includes probably his best instrumental work ever on the last track. This is Buckethead for people who don't "get it". And it's GOOD.
Recommended: We Are One, Coma, Nottingham Lace

17: Bloc Party - Silent Alarm: Like Franz Ferdinand, only British and more political. This is what you should be listening to, because this is the album that stole Franz Ferdinand's spot on this list. Hearkening back to the glory days of The Clash mixed with...oh, let's say the musical leanings of Devo; a seamless mix of new wave and punk. Why aren't you listening to this yet?
Recommended: Like Eating Glass, Banquet, Price Of Gas, So Here We Are

16: Chiodos - All's Well That Ends Well: The oddball selection this year, Chiodos is an obscure hardcore/emo/freak band that switches time signatures faster than they can sweat off thier makeup. A ten-car-pileup of noise and notes, melody and disaster, and they do it with crazy fucking style. Like The Blood Brothers on LSD. Honestly one of the better discoveries I've made this year. Don't listen without an extremely open mind.
Recommended: All Nereids Beware, There's No Penguins In Alaska, Baby, You Wouldn't Last A Minute On The Creek

15: Armor For Sleep - What To Do When You Are Dead: Yes, it's emo. Let's get that out of the way right now. However, there's a very good reason that it's on my Top 20 (+1) list. After getting through the first couple stereotypical emo songs, it actually gets to be a very interesting listen. It's a concept album about death and, in a surprisingly non-whiney tone of voice, speculizes on what the afterlife is and what one does there. Some good pop songs, a couple rockers thrown in, it's a decent mix and much, much better than what you might consider emo.
Recommended: Car Underwater, I Have Been Right All Along

14: General Patton vs. the X-Ecutioners/Fantomas - Suspended Animation: I just couldn't choose, so I'm cheating and putting Mike Patton's two releases together. GPv.X is just incredibly creative, using all turntables and samples under Mike Patton's vocal warblings and (sometimes) LYRICS!!! And Fantomas is, of course Fantomas; this time creating the soundtrack to some sort of warped cartoon (though I could certainly imagine it being the background music to Kung Fu Hustle). No lyrics for Fantomas, just schizophrenic ramblings from practically every Warner Bros. cartoon you've ever seen in your entire life.
Recommended: (GPv.X): L.O.L.-- !LOSER ON LINE! (hate the player, hate the game), !FIRE IN THE HOLE! 0400hrs. (joint special operations task force), (Fantomas): 4/10/05, 4/13/05, 4/20/05

13: The White Stripes - Get Behind Me Satan: The White Stripes return by making an album that sounds (almost) like a perfect cross between thier previous two. From the sickeningly sweet My Doorbell to the crazy loud Blue Orchid, they hit upon every nuance of what makes them popular, and Jack White makes that shit WORK.
Recommended: My Doorbell, Blue Orchid, The Denial Twist, The Nurse

12: Sigur Ros - Takk...: Sigur Ros strikes again! Apparently this time they sang thier songs in an actual language instead of simply making it all up, but it all still sounds like gibberish to me. Happier, poppier gibberish, but gibberish nonetheless. You'd sing along if you had the slightest idea what they were saying. Just try matching syllables together...nobody will notice...
Recommended: Hoppipolla, Glosoli, Saeglopur

11: Kanye West - Late Registration: Another stellar album for Mr. West! While not as immediately indispensible as his debut, Late Registration burns slow, and gradually grows and grows on you. If it weren't for his repellant and reprehensible self-aggrandizing, this would be irresistable. A hit despite having someone from Maroon 5 involved with it.
Recommended: Heard 'Em Say, Gold Digger, Diamonds of Sierra Leone (Remix), Roses

10: Corrosion Of Conformity - In the Arms Of God: The single best traditional metal band in America, no exceptions. Old school, heavy-as-shit riffs, walls of guitars, intense drumming and chant-along choruses. Just dirty, grungy, nasty fucking Southern metal. If Black Sabbath debuted today, this is what they would sound like, no exaggeration. Turn it to 11 and put your horns up, motherfuckers.
Recommended: Stone Breaker, Dirty Hands Empty Pockets, Infinite War

09: Thrice - Vheissu: The single most creative post-hardcore band working today. Switching time signatures every couple dozen measures, utilizing chain gang vocals and music boxes into some Deftones' "White Pony"-style songs. Loud/soft dynamics with interesting-as-hell lyrics and fun chant-alongs. Much less metallic and much more matjure than thier past releases.
Recommended: The Earth Will Shake, Atlantic, Between the End and Where We Lie, Image of the Invisible

08: Sage Francis - A Healthy Distrust: One of the best rappers in the underground, and one of the very few revolutionary ones. He's signed to a punk label for a reason. Pissed off, intellectual and political; one hell of a dangerous combination. PLUS he gives it up for Johnny Cash. If Public Enemy was one white dude, Sage would be Public Enemy Number One. One, One One.
Recommended: Slow Down Gandhi, Gunz Yo, The Buzzkill, Escape Artist

07: Nine Inch Nails - With Teeth: After seeing just how far he can push his fanbase with the extremely experimental and (some would say) overly long The Fragile, Trent Reznor returned to the industrial/dark pop that made his ass famous with With Teeth. More song-oriented than anything he's released since Pretty Hate Machine, Teeth combines the usual dark brooding lyrics with uber-glossy production, noise noise NOISE and plenty of 'fuck's to keep the kids happy. Even pushing 40, the man knows how to get that adolescent blood flowing in all of us and keep us entertained. Now, if he could just release more than two albums per decade, he may be on to something.
Recommended: All the Love In the World, Only, Every Day Is Exactly the Same

06: Beck - Guero: Beck gets out of his weepy-folk depression and gets back to the Dadaist funk/folk that made his ass famous. Seriously, some of his best work is on this album, along with some of his funkiest beats. I may have no idea what in the holy hell he's trying to say, but damn if it isn't fun to hear him say it.
Recommended: Hell Yes, E-Pro, Girl, Black Tambourine

05: Gorillaz - Demon Days: It really is incredible just how popular this band is in America. Rock. Folk. Pop. Rap. SPOKEN WORD. These guys do everything under the fucking sun, and do it in this slightly off-kilter way; and yet everything they do comes out nigh perfect. It took me a few listens before everything really sunk in, but thier dark version of crazy cartoon pop music is just as potent this time around as it was the first time. This album has some of the best songs of the past 4 or 5 years. Plus any band willing to spread the magic of MF Doom to the mainstream gets bonus points in my book.
Recommended: Feel Good Inc., Dare, Last Living Souls, November Has Come, Fire Coming Out Of a Monkey's Head

04: Coheed and Cambria - Good Apollo, I'm Burning Star IV, Volume One: From Fear Through the Eyes Of Madness: The single most pretentiously-titled album since that one Fiona Apple album (and at least she didn't stick a Volume number in there), this is also the most artistically fun album I've listened to in a long, long time. Part of the band's ongoing and totally confusing, convoluted 5-album concept story, Good Apollo features writers, demonic bicycles, monsters and interstellar peril, all to incredibly creative guitarwork and brilliant other-instruments. Seriously though, these guys are well-versed in both progressive and punk music; putting in brainy time signatures and wild sci-fi stories, but not being afraid to include some catchy choruses, sing-alongs, and plenty of "whoa oh-oh-oh-oh's". Even if you have no idea what in the holy hell they're singing about, it's all in good fun, and you just might find out that prog music is much better than you thought it was. But it's still nerdy. Very, very nerdy.
Recommended: Welcome Home, Apollo I: The Writing Writer, Ten Speed (Of God's Blood and Burial)

03: System Of A Down - Mesmerize/Hypnotize: I honestly can't listen to just one or the other album anymore. It all seems like one cohesive unit, though it's from one of the least cohesive bands in recent memory. This is the evolution of nu-metal; it has been changed and rearranged into something more different, more worthy, more listenable and more respectable than anything released during that dark time of the late 90's. This is a band that not only has embraced the awesomeness of Faith No More, they have taken it that next step; made the sound thier own. Probably the only band in existence that could go from ultra-political anthems to songs about bananas and heroin junkies. Both musically and lyrically, they're all over the map, and praise allah they are.
Recommended: B.Y.O.B., Sad Statue, Attack, Soldier Side, Dreaming

02: The Mars Volta - Frances The Mute: If Coheed and Cambria are this generation's Rush, then The Mars Volta is this generation's Pink Floyd. Blending absolute nonsense lyrics with prog-rock grandiosity, punk rock intensity and latin rhythms, this is the most extraordinary thing I've ever heard. This actually makes thier first album sound SONG-BASED, as they meander through 5 aural puzzles, including the sprawling final 30+ minute song Cassandra Gemini. Supposedly, it's about a dead bandmember, but lord only knows how many drugs you'd need to take to decipher that message from songs like L'Via L'Viaquez. From an instrumental point of view, it's absolutely mind-boggling.
Recommended: The Widow, Cygnus...Vismund Cygnus

And of course, the very best album from 2005. Ladies and Gentlemen, I present to you...

01: eels - Blinking Lights and Other Revelations: Soul-crushing. Absolutely soul-crushing. Mark Everett is one of the premier poets/lyricists of our times, and it should be an honor to witness the man at the height of his creativity. Seriously, some of the finest lo-fi pop/rock songs you'll hear in years coupled with short, mournful/cheerful instrumental pieces and E's familiarly fuzzy, beatnik vocals all over it. Songs range from emotionally devastating to devastatingly cynical, but none of these songs will leave you unchanged. Seriously, this release just skipped over electro-shock blues as the best eels album ever, and I always thought that was untouchable. I was wrong and, if you underestimate the eels, you'll be proven wrong as well. I can't recommend this album highly enough, I can't say enough good things about it, and I can't stop listening to it. In other words, this IS the best album of the year 2005.
Recommended: Hey Man (Now You're Really Living), Son of a Bitch, Blinking Lights (For Me), Suicide Life, Going Fetal, Last Time We Spoke, I'm Going to Stop Pretending..., Whatever Happened to Soy Bomb, Things the Grandchildren Should Know

2006-01-02T01:39:00.000-05:00

Year End Lists, Volume Two: The 20 Worst Singles of 2005

The best have been presented to you, so now must the worst, the very bottom of the barrel, the mouth-breathers, if you will, of the year's musical spectrum be revealed. So here they are, the most disgusting sounds of the past 365 days. Enjoy!

The 20 Worst Singles of 2005

20. Madonna - Hung Up: Because what would a Worst Single list be without Madonna?

19. 50 cent - Disco Inferno
18. 50 cent - Candy Shop
17. 50 cent - Just a Lil Bit: Yeah, it was way too easy to put 3 50 Cent songs in a row on here; but guess what? He's just fucking awful. And all three of these songs feature retarded thug posturing, ham-fisted sexual metaphors and reminders that Hey! 50 got SHOT! Fuck him for lowering the bar.

16. Korn - Twisted Transistor: They just keep getting worse and worse. Seriously, guys. If you're not gonna take this shit seriously anymore, just retire instead of jerking these kids around that don't know any better.

15. Nickelback - Photograph: Still making albums, still sucking balls. Honestly, who buys their albums anymore other than well-meaning grandparents who don't know any better?

14. Pussycat Dolls - Don't Cha: Short answer No. Long answer No and work the balls while you're on your knees.

13. Mariah Carey - We Belong Together: Hey, hats off to Mariah Carey for expanding her artistic vision on her latest album. She's really distanced herself from the late-80's/early-90's Mariah that sang a bunch of sappy, weepy love songs. Now she calls herself Mimi sometimes. Keep reaching for that brass ring, Mimi!

12. Coldplay - Fix You: I used to at least respect Coldplay. I mean they had a COUPLE good songs off thier past two albums. But this, this is just boring as shit.

11. Young Jeezy featuring Akon - Soul Survivor: Sounds like one of the Chipmunks singing in between verses laid down by a low-rent Treach from Naughty By Nature. Hideously overplayed, and the man deserves to be shot in the kneecap; not only for calling himself "Jeezy" but for saying, among other lines, "If life were a battlefield then I earned stripes." Worthless "gangsta" tripe.

10. Dem Franchise Boys - I Think They Like Me: Some songs are offensive, but this song is genuinely offensive to the ears. Imagine, if you will, about 4 or 5 black Billy Corgans repeating the lines "Oh I think they like me!" over and over AND OVER again. That's the chorus; THAT'S THE WHOLE FUCKING CHORUS. And the song is about 5 MINUTES LONG.

9. Toby Keith - As Good As I Once Was: Fuck Toby Keith. That is all.

8. David Banner - Play: Way way WAY over the top, an aural sexual harassment suit waiting to happen.

7. Ying Yang Twins - Wait (The Whisper Song): Almost completely indistinguishable from David Banner's Play, but this has a GIMMICK! See, they WHISPER! And it's the WHISPER SONG.

6. Mike Jones - Back Then: And I bet you all thought a black man with Down's Syndrome could never succeed in the world of rap music. Well, suck it, critics!! MI'JONE'! MI'JONE!!

5. Mariah Carey - Shake It Off: Mariah Carey is America's gonnorhea. SHe's been around for what seems like forever, and comes back every couple years to annoy the fuck out of us for a couple months before going back into dormancy. Only this year she's been itching and burning for most of the goddamn year. Where's the Bactine?

4. Crazy Frog - Axel F: Yes, it was supposed to be bad, and I suppose you could say it succeeded marvelously.

3. D4L - Laffy Taffy: See, because a girl's pussy looks like taffy, see, and they want girls to get naked, shake thier ass and show them thier pussies!!! Get it?? GET IT???!!! "If Music be the food of love; play on" indeed!

2. Black Eyed Peas - My Humps: Baby Got Back for a younger, stupider generation. Except not catchy, and actually disgusting. Honestly, "lovely lady lumps???" Thier level of suck knows no bounds.

1. Gwen Stefani - Hollaback Girl: You know, when I was in college and single me and my buds were amused by the simplest things. For a period of time, this included porn bloopers; scenes from porns that had to be cut because it just didn't make the story flow, I guess. Or the chick in question choked on a big nut. Anyways, I recall one of these where there were two women laying ass-to-ass, about a foot or two apart. A man came in and inserted a peeled banana into Girl #1's rectum, and she shot it out, and Girl #2 attempted to catch it in HER rectum,but she couldn't quite catch it. After almost a minute of constant banana-pooping and uncontrollable laughter, the movie ended without resolve. Did they eventually make it? Did Girl #2 complete the banana game of catch? Or would the director just edit it to make it look like it was caught without any actual success? I may never know. So, the next time you hear "This shit is Bananas!", hopefully you will hear of my plight of uncertainty, and shed a tear for Evil Brian.

2005-12-31T14:39:00.000-05:00

Year End Lists, Volume 1: The Top 25 Singles of 2005

Ah, another year is coming to a close. 2005 was a year of meteorological disasters, of zombie starving and of once again waiting with baited breath until Chuck Norris returns from his self-proposed dormancy to roundhouse kick George W. Bush in the face. But it was also a year of music! And mostly good music, because I intelligently replaced my car's shitty radio with an mp3/CD player, thus giving me the ability to ignore the shitty music on the radio and listen to anything interesting I chose to discover. Not that there was a total lack of shitty music; FAR from it, and it shall be picked apart and presented to you fine folks another day. Today, we laud those songs that really stuck out from the crowd this year.

Top 25 Singles of 2005

25. Fall Out Boy - Sugar, We're Going Down: This is my guilty pleasure song, and you can't take it away from me! Seriously though, I just found out earlier this month that this song was being played on the radio, nevermind MTV. Overplayed, emo-ish, lowest common denominator tripe it may be, but FUCK is it catchy.

24. All-American Rejects - Dirty Little Secret: Attention! All-American Rejects now have TWO small pieces of pop wonderfulness in thier catalog. Do not be ashamed to listen to them. That is all.

23. Thrice - Image Of the Invisible: Thrice is a band that is greater than the sum of it's parts, and one of the few bands getting mainstream attention that isn't afraid to push boundaries, explore the artistic possibilities of their genre (post-hardcore). A little repetitive, but this song works.

22. OK GO - A Million Ways: I'll be honest; this is on here almost exclusively because of the greatest music video of all time. Find it, watch it, love it, re-enact it with your friends. The song's damn fine too.

21. My Chemical Romance - Ghost Of You: I know, I know, it's My Chemical Romance. That doesn't take away from the fact that this was the best song on an otherwise unremarkable album (the song about prison rape makes me chuckle, though) and one unique and moving enough to deserve praise.

20. Kanye West - Diamonds Of Sierra Leone: The most intelligent song on pop radio all year; describing how africans in africa die mining and selling the diamonds african-americans spend thier lives trying to obtain. "I thought my Jesus piece was so harmless/'Til I seen a picture of a shorty armless" Word.

19. Weezer - We Are All On Drugs: The best song on the worst Weezer album yet.

18. Bloc Party - So Here We Are: This band is shockingly good. Cockney Brits combining keyboards and the spirit of The Clash. This is the requisite "slow" song on the album, but it's still oh-so-good.

17. Death Cab For Cutie - Soul Meets Body: Death Cab For Cutie gets played on Clear Channel stations now. Kinda scary, isn't it? Gorgeous song though.

16. Lamb Of God - Now You've Got Something To Die For: One of the best bands in American metal today throws down the gauntlet with a great chant-along chorus and a violent nihilism.

15. Green Day - Holiday: How this got played on corporate radio at all boggles my goddamned mind. The most political song on the best, most political album of last year that basically calls the president a Nazi warhawk was #1 in the country. Tells you something, doesn't it?

14. Arch Enemy - Nemesis: PURE FUCKING METAL.

13. The Chemical Brothers featuring Q-Tip - Galvanize: This was the very first song I used to test out my car's new stereo, and I learned something: my rear speakers actually WORK! Hands down the best song Chemical Brothers have ever released. Forget thier Block-Rockin' Beat past, and embrace Galvanize. Beats, strings and a touch of A Tribe Called Quest; what's not to love?

12. Beck - E-Pro: If radio stations had embraced Hell Yes, that would be here. However, this was the first taste of new Beck we had in 3 years, and damned if we didn't all love it initially.

11. eels - Hey Man (Now You're Really Livin'): I am convinced that, if radio had given this song a chance, eels would have blown way the fuck up. Catchy as shit, kinda funny/kinda sad, energetic as all hell...why hasn't America adopted E as our new savior yet?

10. Avenged Sevenfold - Bat Country: You don't hear NEARLY enough bad-ass guitar solos in popular music anymore. While the album, as a whole, was a serious step down from Waking The Fallen, this song best captured the spirit of that Black Album for a new generation.

9. Kanye West - Gold Digger: This would be much higher if it didn't get so damned overplayed, but those first 300 times, those were magical. Hip hop with a wit; such a thing is usually only found in the underground.

8. The Killers - All These Things That I've Done: Continuing thier quest to be the Duran Duran for a new generation, The Killers saved the best song on the album for last. I got soul but I'm not a soldier.

7. The White Stripes - My Doorbell: Possibly the oddest and most innocent-sounding song on the radio all year. Not one guitar to be found on the whole damn thing, and yet it's absolutely perfect. This song put a smile on my face after my accident, so it's A-OK in my book.

6. The Mars Volta - The Widow: Anything that gets more people listening to The Mars Volta is fine by me. Hands down the most creative band in rock today. God, I love prog.

5. Nine Inch Nails - Only: The best track Nine Inch Nails has done since Closer. So awesome.

4. System Of A Down - B.Y.O.B. (Bring Your Own Bombs): "Why don't Presidents fight the wars?/Why do they alway send the poor?" And with that, System Of A Down put out the most reactionary mainstream single of the past few years. Loud, jumpy, and featuring a minimum of Daron Malakian singing. The only thing I'm disappointed with is that they didn't decide to release Sad Statue-easily the best song in thier entire catalog-as a single.

3. Green Day - Wake Me Up When September Ends: After riding the tops of the charts for over a year and releasing three #1 singles in a row from the best album, not only of your entire career, but of the past DECADE, what would you do? Release the best, slowest and most moving track on the album as the last single, of course. An unapologetic power ballad that might actually make you tear up a little. Beauty and volume, it's a lovely thing.

2. John Legend - Ordinary People: Holy shit, I'm not used to hearing real, old-school-style soul/R&B on the radio, let alone on MTV. Just a beautiful, beautiful song on a mediocre album. Just a piano and a voice, and it WORKS. If there were more of this stuff on the radio, I might be inclined to switch off the CD player every now and again.

1. Gorillaz - Feel Good Inc.: Can this cartoon band do no wrong? You couldn't escape this song all year, and it never made you want to. Lyrics about windmills and insane fucking laughter, somehow, really connected with the American mainstream, but I'm not complaining. An absolutely sick bassline, Damon Albarn's coolest 5th-grader vocal impression to date, and De La Soul. What the hell more do you need?

2005-12-29T15:33:00.000-05:00

On Being Injured

I saw my kneecap yesterday.

I don't mean that in the "I had X-rays done of my leg and they pointed to my kneecap and said 'That, Brian, is your kneecap.'" way. I don't mean it in a way that the doctor held up a model of a human knee, pointed to the patella and said "This is what your kneecap looks like." No, I SAW my KNEECAP.

It was kinda yellowish.

Let me back up.

I work, as most of you already know, at FedEx Ground where we ship packages...on the ground. On Wednesday, one of my workers didn't show up, so I was stuck loading a set of three trucks. Of course, since the trucks are a little ways off the ground, we all work on elevated docks made of steel gratings. On my way to put two packages onto a certain truck, I tripped and fell; and all two-hundred-forty-some-odd pounds of Evil Brian came crashing down on my left knee, and my left knee right onto the steel grates.

Although I was wearing double-knee work pants at the time, it was like a knife through raw hamburger.

I screamed. LOUD. The conveyor belts were stopped immediately, and my fellow managers came rushing to my side. In order to apply some sort of bandage to my injured knee (the extent of the injury was unknown at the time, but bandages are always good), one of the managers cut the leg off my pants (which really pissed me off. I just bought the freaking pants! They were brand new! Fuck.) And I caught a quick glimpse of a crescent moon shape where my knee should be. I would not look at my knee again until the stitches were all done.

9-1-1 was called, and I was rushed off to the hospital as quick as possible (I exclaimed to the medic that I felt like a redneck in an airplane. "I ain't never ridden in no am-boo-lance befo'!" Hey, I had to keep some semblance of a sense of humor, otherwise I might've vomited and passed out.) Let me tell you, if you ever have any kind of injury on the job, call an ambulance, because instead of waiting in the emergency waiting room for hours on end staring at the old bag secretery, I got to look at cute, young nurses and get seen by a real doctor right away.

They had to put my knee back together with TWO layers of stitching. They shot my knee up WAY the fuck full of novacaine beforehand (and that lasted until almost 6 hours later), stitched me up, took some x-rays and showed me my new best friend/greatest tormentor:

(note: not my actual legs. Mine are waaaaayyyyy sexier)

It is called an immobilizer. It is, basically, a soft cast made out of foam rubber, elastic, velcro, and 5 separate steel bars. This keeps me from bending my knee, thus allowing the stitches to set and heal. I get to wear this fucker for TWO WEEKS. Usually, on my job, I walk an average of 15-20 miles a DAY. Now, I am reduced to hobbling around 1...MAYBE 2 miles a day.

What? Of course I went back to work. That's where my car was. But I also stuck around a couple hours and helped with some remedial bullshit. Until noon. Until those shots of novacaine started wearing off.

Then I headed to my car. And I cried.

I CRIED.

The pain was VERY intense, and the wound had continued to bleed under the immobilizer (the inside of which is now about 40% rust-colored). And what pain-killers did they prescribe me? Codeine? Vicodin? Oxycontin? Hell no.

Aspirin. That's all, just aspirin. Well, that and antibiotics, but THOSE DON'T HELP THE PAIN.

I rushed to the pharmacy, picked up about $40 of bandages and pain-killers, and drove the fuck home to attend to my wounds. I took the immobilizer and bandages off, and it was BAD. Texas Chainsaw Massacre remake bad. So, having nothing else to clean the wound out with, I used what I had on hand. 91% Isopropyl Alcohol. That shit doesn't disinfect, that shit BURNS WHAT IS ALIVE AND SALTS THE FUCKING SKIN so nothing may grow there again. Oh, the pharmacy HAD pussy-ass 60% alcohol, but I don't need that watered-down shit. I want to soak my injuries in GRAIN -THE FUCK-ALCOHOL. After putting the fire out, I rewrapped my knee in a new, awesome bandage and reapplied the immobilizer. I then took about 6 aspirins and two shots of NyQuil and passed the fuck out.

And that brings me to where I am today. I showed up at work, and everyone was impressed/horrified. You see, us FedEx managers GET sick days. It's just an unwritten rule that we don't USE them. But the package handlers don't know that. I'm gonna be on light duty until I get the stitches removed in another two weeks, so I don't have to load one motherfucking box or move one truck (I can't climb into any of the cabs) until then. The sweetness, it fills me.

Busted open my knee on Wednesday, back to work on Thursday.
Don't you dare say Evil Brian isn't fucking hardcore.

2005-12-25T12:32:00.000-05:00

Back From The Dead, Like a Crazed Holiday Zombie!

Indeed, it HAS been more than 2 months, but I finally have both obtained a computer and found enough time to post in my long-stagnant blog. Perhaps next week I shall verbalize my hideous first Christmas season with FedEx Ground. However, far be it for me to ruin a cheery and fantastic holiday for eberyone, so I will make my quiet and totally unexpected return with a festive holiday Top 10:

Random Meaningless Top Ten List, Volume VIII: Journey Of the Cursed Evil Brian

Top Ten Non-Traditional Songs On My Christmas Playlist

10. eels - Everything's Gonna Be Cool This Christmas: After listening to E lament his dead family members and downtrodden life, it's refreshingly odd to hear him be so cheery and optimistic about Christmastime. As cool as a snowstorm.

9. Grandaddy - Alan Parsons In a Winter Wonderland: This is the song that made my boss say "You are the most fucked up person I've ever met." A tribute/parody/mockery to Alan Parsons set to the tune of Walkin' In a Winter Wonderland.

8. Fountains Of Wayne - I Want an Alien For Christmas: This was one of the first singles I ever bought, and I still listen to it every year. Every kid can relate to wanting an alien for Christmas. I always wanted an alien anyways...or He-Man.

7. The White Stripes - Candy Cane Children: Very rare track, very cool. Distortion galore and lyrics about a candy cane girl. Hmmmmm...who could that be?

6. Weezer - The Christmas Song: What's that? An original Weezer christmas carol that ANYONE could sing along to?? AWESOME!!!

5. AC/DC - Mistress For Christmas: Sounds like every other AC/DC song? Of course. But it's about CHRISTMAS. Fuck yeah!

4. Smashing Pumpkins - Christmastime: So light and airy, it gets played in department stores during this season. Still one of the finest pure christmas songs ever written. God DAMN I love the Smashing Pumpkins.

3. Tom Waits - Christmas Sucks: Definitely describes my feeling about the season this year. The average person doesn't get nearly enough Tom Waits in thier musical diet.

2. Run DMC - Christmas In Hollis: Mom's cookin' chicken and collard greens! Rice and stuffin', macaroni and cheese! And Santa puts gifts under CHRISTMAS TREES!

1. King Diamond - No Presents For Christmas: The single most badass/hilarious Christmas song EVER; plus I dare you to find one with a better guitar solo. There's just something about a guy dressed in black leather with upside-down crosses painted on his face repeating the lines "Tom and Jerry/Drinking sherry!" that warms my evil little heart. "SANTA NEEDS A HELPING HAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAND! YEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH!!!!!"

I wish everyone out there in teh Internets a very Merry Christmas, Happy Hanukkah, a Kwazy Kwanzaa, and a silent and dignified Ramadan.

I'm back, bitches!!!

2005-10-21T12:03:00.000-04:00

Still not dead...

...still computerless, unfortunately. But seriously, working 12 hour days every day for two months will wear you the fuck out. It's almost time for my vacation, who shall I come visit?

2005-09-07T10:22:00.000-04:00

More Nonsense

Hello and greetings to the few of you who actually still read this here blog. I'm actually writing this from work, which is something you try your best to hide when your website is called "Evil Brian's Evil Thoughts...it's a motherfucker." (already closed the window twice)

Basically, the story goes like this: I had written up a nice long post for Friday (out of a massive amount of guilt for not posting for so long) and the monitor goes black. Turn the compy back on, and it tells me that the startup file is missing, which was news to me since I don't remember ever deleting the startup file. So, basically, the only way for me to use my computer agaion is to reformat the hard drive, which I've already done about 4 times this year.

Long story short, I believe that it is time for a new computer. (3 times) I mean, I think 4 years is pretty good for a computer, right? (especially a Dell). (4..wait...5 times)

The dilemma I'm confronted with at this juncture is what computer to get. Frankly, I'm thinking about building my own computer. The only problem with that is the only free time I have is on Friday and Saturday and part of Sunday. I was considering getting a sweet G5, though again, that's just a thought.

Basically what I'm getting at is that my already sparse posts are about to get...ummm...sparser. I'll try to post whenever I can, especially if my roomates aren't guarding thier laptops.

This is not the end, it is just another beginning.

2005-08-28T17:50:00.000-04:00

Holy Shit

It seems like every single credible source for weather information is predicting the end of the goddamn world in New Orleans. This is gonna be bad; like Biblical endtimes bad. Read this seriously fucked up shit:

MOST OF THE AREA WILL BE UNINHABITABLE FOR WEEKS...PERHAPS LONGER. AT
LEAST ONE HALF OF WELL CONSTRUCTED HOMES WILL HAVE ROOF AND WALL
FAILURE. ALL GABLED ROOFS WILL FAIL...LEAVING THOSE HOMES SEVERELY
DAMAGED OR DESTROYED.

THE MAJORITY OF INDUSTRIAL BUILDINGS WILL BECOME NON FUNCTIONAL.
PARTIAL TO COMPLETE WALL AND ROOF FAILURE IS EXPECTED. ALL WOOD
FRAMED LOW RISING APARTMENT BUILDINGS WILL BE DESTROYED. CONCRETE
BLOCK LOW RISE APARTMENTS WILL SUSTAIN MAJOR DAMAGE...INCLUDING SOME
WALL AND ROOF FAILURE.

HIGH RISE OFFICE AND APARTMENT BUILDINGS WILL SWAY DANGEROUSLY...A
FEW TO THE POINT OF TOTAL COLLAPSE. ALL WINDOWS WILL BLOW OUT.

AIRBORNE DEBRIS WILL BE WIDESPREAD...AND MAY INCLUDE HEAVY ITEMS SUCH
AS HOUSEHOLD APPLIANCES AND EVEN LIGHT VEHICLES. SPORT UTILITY
VEHICLES AND LIGHT TRUCKS WILL BE MOVED. THE BLOWN DEBRIS WILL CREATE
ADDITIONAL DESTRUCTION. PERSONS...PETS...AND LIVESTOCK EXPOSED TO THE
WINDS WILL FACE CERTAIN DEATH IF STRUCK.

POWER OUTAGES WILL LAST FOR WEEKS...AS MOST POWER POLES WILL BE DOWN
AND TRANSFORMERS DESTROYED. WATER SHORTAGES WILL MAKE HUMAN SUFFERING
INCREDIBLE BY MODERN STANDARDS.

THE VAST MAJORITY OF NATIVE TREES WILL BE SNAPPED OR UPROOTED. ONLY
THE HEARTIEST WILL REMAIN STANDING...BUT BE TOTALLY DEFOLIATED. FEW
CROPS WILL REMAIN. LIVESTOCK LEFT EXPOSED TO THE WINDS WILL BE
KILLED.

I'm hoping everybody in New Orleans has enough common sense to get the fuck out of there like, yesterday.

When even Jim Cantore isn't sticking around in New Orleans, you best get the fuck out, because everything you see will be laid to waste.

Good luck, Lousianians. By the looks of things, you're gonna need it.

2005-08-19T23:59:00.000-04:00

A Very Short 40-Year-Old Virgin review

How funny is The 40-Year-Old Virgin?

My friend Art, whom I hold in high esteem, shat himself.

Seriously.