Saturday, January 03, 2009
Worst 13 Songs of 2008
Amongst a sea of shit, these are the shittiest; the worst of the worst.
13. OneRepublic - Stop and Stare
(Just TRY to not fall asleep during this mind-numbing, middle-of-the-road rot.)
12. Jonas Brothers - Burnin' Up
(America, meet the new Hanson!)
11. The Pussycat Dolls - When I Grow Up
(You're all 20-something supermodels!! When you grow up, are you fucking serious???)
10. Britney Spears - Break the Ice
(Why in the holy fuck should I care if Britney's back, peddling the same drivel she has for the past 10 years?????)
09. Lil Wayne - A Milli
(Literally, the most annoying sample in any song ever, and it's repeated throughout the ENTIRE GODDAMN SONG. Also, minus points for referring to himself as a venereal disease.)
08. Soulja Boy - Turn My Swag On
(Soulja Boy proves why he's the perfect model, make and mold of a one hit wonder.)
07. LL Cool J feat. The-Dream - Baby
(Maybe I missed something, but when did LL Cool J become so damn lame? I mean, what the fuck happened? This dude was THE MAN for over a decade. Unabashedly apeing Nelly to the point of ridiculousness is fucking terrible for a certified legend of hip-hop. Plus, at the end of the goddamn song, HE ends up paying money for the girl. Dude, you're fucking LL COOL J.)
06. Theory of a Deadman - Bad Girlfriend
(Nickelback too heavy for you? Have I got a band for you...)
05. Rev Theory - Hell Yeah
(sounds like a mix between Papa Roach at their emo-ist and Hagar-era Van Halen. No, that is NOT a compliment. Generic balless cock rock (figure THAT one out).)
04. Say Anything - Got Your Money (Ol' Dirty Bastard cover)
(you remember how cool and chaotic Ol' Dirty Bastard's delivery was in every single song he was ever a part of, this song in particular? Yeah, take all that away, and replace him with an uncharismatic, monotone emo singer. It's almost like he covered this song because he hates it so much, and wanted all of us to suffer with him. ODB hates you from beyond the grave, Max Bemis)
03. Flyleaf - What's This? (Nightmare Before Christmas cover)
(Talk about butchering covers, sweet fancy moses! This one hit wonder managed to turn a playful, bouncy slice of joyous noise from a certified classic holiday movie into a soulless dirge that drags terribly, like hauling a dead carcass through a knee-high snowfall to dump into the river. This was the first song I listened to that actually made me angry that it was produced; I mean really, really angry; screaming at my stereo angry. Unfortunately, there's a lot of those moments on Nightmare Revisited, an album comprised of nothing but shitty covers of every track on the Nightmare Before Christmas soundtrack.)
02. Hollywood Undead - pick a song. any song.
Seriously, the emo version of the Insane Clown Posse. Or, if you will, a gayer version of Gym Class Heroes (you read that right). Might be the worst thing you ever listen to. Click through at your own peril. No. 5, Undead, Black Dahlia, Sell Your Soul, Bottle and a Gun, Bitches...it's ALL awful. I mean, LOOK at those assholes! I am absolutely serious, this is the worst thing I've heard in YEARS. In any other year, this would be the top of the heap (or, if you will, the bottom of the dung pile) but not THIS year. This year, we were treated to...:
01. Kanye West - Love Lockdown
(Jesus Tittyfucking Christ, what in the holy hell was Kanye West thinking?? Seriously, how has hip-hop fallen so far as to consider ripping off mid-90's Cher recording techniques is seen as innovative? Not only that but really the only things that made Kanye unique in the first place; his delivery and lyrics, have been completely castrated in this boring, soulless, emasculated pop trash. The whole song sounds like it was recorded on an old cassette, and then he played that cassette on an old ghetto blaster boom box in a windy tunnel and recorded THAT as the finished product. I mean, the production sounds lazy and boring, and HE'S A PRODUCER. That's what he DOES, that's what made him famous in the FIRST FUCKING PLACE. How far the mighty have fallen. I mean, seriously; this guy used to be THE innovator in hip-hop. Now I just wish he was fucking dead.)
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Amongst a sea of shit, these are the shittiest; the worst of the worst.
13. OneRepublic - Stop and Stare
(Just TRY to not fall asleep during this mind-numbing, middle-of-the-road rot.)
12. Jonas Brothers - Burnin' Up
(America, meet the new Hanson!)
11. The Pussycat Dolls - When I Grow Up
(You're all 20-something supermodels!! When you grow up, are you fucking serious???)
10. Britney Spears - Break the Ice
(Why in the holy fuck should I care if Britney's back, peddling the same drivel she has for the past 10 years?????)
09. Lil Wayne - A Milli
(Literally, the most annoying sample in any song ever, and it's repeated throughout the ENTIRE GODDAMN SONG. Also, minus points for referring to himself as a venereal disease.)
08. Soulja Boy - Turn My Swag On
(Soulja Boy proves why he's the perfect model, make and mold of a one hit wonder.)
07. LL Cool J feat. The-Dream - Baby
(Maybe I missed something, but when did LL Cool J become so damn lame? I mean, what the fuck happened? This dude was THE MAN for over a decade. Unabashedly apeing Nelly to the point of ridiculousness is fucking terrible for a certified legend of hip-hop. Plus, at the end of the goddamn song, HE ends up paying money for the girl. Dude, you're fucking LL COOL J.)
06. Theory of a Deadman - Bad Girlfriend
(Nickelback too heavy for you? Have I got a band for you...)
05. Rev Theory - Hell Yeah
(sounds like a mix between Papa Roach at their emo-ist and Hagar-era Van Halen. No, that is NOT a compliment. Generic balless cock rock (figure THAT one out).)
04. Say Anything - Got Your Money (Ol' Dirty Bastard cover)
(you remember how cool and chaotic Ol' Dirty Bastard's delivery was in every single song he was ever a part of, this song in particular? Yeah, take all that away, and replace him with an uncharismatic, monotone emo singer. It's almost like he covered this song because he hates it so much, and wanted all of us to suffer with him. ODB hates you from beyond the grave, Max Bemis)
03. Flyleaf - What's This? (Nightmare Before Christmas cover)
(Talk about butchering covers, sweet fancy moses! This one hit wonder managed to turn a playful, bouncy slice of joyous noise from a certified classic holiday movie into a soulless dirge that drags terribly, like hauling a dead carcass through a knee-high snowfall to dump into the river. This was the first song I listened to that actually made me angry that it was produced; I mean really, really angry; screaming at my stereo angry. Unfortunately, there's a lot of those moments on Nightmare Revisited, an album comprised of nothing but shitty covers of every track on the Nightmare Before Christmas soundtrack.)
02. Hollywood Undead - pick a song. any song.
Seriously, the emo version of the Insane Clown Posse. Or, if you will, a gayer version of Gym Class Heroes (you read that right). Might be the worst thing you ever listen to. Click through at your own peril. No. 5, Undead, Black Dahlia, Sell Your Soul, Bottle and a Gun, Bitches...it's ALL awful. I mean, LOOK at those assholes! I am absolutely serious, this is the worst thing I've heard in YEARS. In any other year, this would be the top of the heap (or, if you will, the bottom of the dung pile) but not THIS year. This year, we were treated to...:
01. Kanye West - Love Lockdown
(Jesus Tittyfucking Christ, what in the holy hell was Kanye West thinking?? Seriously, how has hip-hop fallen so far as to consider ripping off mid-90's Cher recording techniques is seen as innovative? Not only that but really the only things that made Kanye unique in the first place; his delivery and lyrics, have been completely castrated in this boring, soulless, emasculated pop trash. The whole song sounds like it was recorded on an old cassette, and then he played that cassette on an old ghetto blaster boom box in a windy tunnel and recorded THAT as the finished product. I mean, the production sounds lazy and boring, and HE'S A PRODUCER. That's what he DOES, that's what made him famous in the FIRST FUCKING PLACE. How far the mighty have fallen. I mean, seriously; this guy used to be THE innovator in hip-hop. Now I just wish he was fucking dead.)
