Evil Brian's Evil Thoughts...it's a MotherFucker

Worst 13 Songs of 2008

Amongst a sea of shit, these are the shittiest; the worst of the worst.

13. OneRepublic - Stop and Stare
(Just TRY to not fall asleep during this mind-numbing, middle-of-the-road rot.)

12. Jonas Brothers - Burnin' Up
(America, meet the new Hanson!)

11. The Pussycat Dolls - When I Grow Up
(You're all 20-something supermodels!! When you grow up, are you fucking serious???)

10. Britney Spears - Break the Ice
(Why in the holy fuck should I care if Britney's back, peddling the same drivel she has for the past 10 years?????)

09. Lil Wayne - A Milli
(Literally, the most annoying sample in any song ever, and it's repeated throughout the ENTIRE GODDAMN SONG. Also, minus points for referring to himself as a venereal disease.)

08. Soulja Boy - Turn My Swag On
(Soulja Boy proves why he's the perfect model, make and mold of a one hit wonder.)

07. LL Cool J feat. The-Dream - Baby
(Maybe I missed something, but when did LL Cool J become so damn lame? I mean, what the fuck happened? This dude was THE MAN for over a decade. Unabashedly apeing Nelly to the point of ridiculousness is fucking terrible for a certified legend of hip-hop. Plus, at the end of the goddamn song, HE ends up paying money for the girl. Dude, you're fucking LL COOL J.)

06. Theory of a Deadman - Bad Girlfriend
(Nickelback too heavy for you? Have I got a band for you...)

05. Rev Theory - Hell Yeah
(sounds like a mix between Papa Roach at their emo-ist and Hagar-era Van Halen. No, that is NOT a compliment. Generic balless cock rock (figure THAT one out).)

04. Say Anything - Got Your Money (Ol' Dirty Bastard cover)
(you remember how cool and chaotic Ol' Dirty Bastard's delivery was in every single song he was ever a part of, this song in particular? Yeah, take all that away, and replace him with an uncharismatic, monotone emo singer. It's almost like he covered this song because he hates it so much, and wanted all of us to suffer with him. ODB hates you from beyond the grave, Max Bemis)

03. Flyleaf - What's This? (Nightmare Before Christmas cover)
(Talk about butchering covers, sweet fancy moses! This one hit wonder managed to turn a playful, bouncy slice of joyous noise from a certified classic holiday movie into a soulless dirge that drags terribly, like hauling a dead carcass through a knee-high snowfall to dump into the river. This was the first song I listened to that actually made me angry that it was produced; I mean really, really angry; screaming at my stereo angry. Unfortunately, there's a lot of those moments on Nightmare Revisited, an album comprised of nothing but shitty covers of every track on the Nightmare Before Christmas soundtrack.)

02. Hollywood Undead - pick a song. any song.
Seriously, the emo version of the Insane Clown Posse. Or, if you will, a gayer version of Gym Class Heroes (you read that right). Might be the worst thing you ever listen to. Click through at your own peril. No. 5, Undead, Black Dahlia, Sell Your Soul, Bottle and a Gun, Bitches...it's ALL awful. I mean, LOOK at those assholes! I am absolutely serious, this is the worst thing I've heard in YEARS. In any other year, this would be the top of the heap (or, if you will, the bottom of the dung pile) but not THIS year. This year, we were treated to...:

01. Kanye West - Love Lockdown
(Jesus Tittyfucking Christ, what in the holy hell was Kanye West thinking?? Seriously, how has hip-hop fallen so far as to consider ripping off mid-90's Cher recording techniques is seen as innovative? Not only that but really the only things that made Kanye unique in the first place; his delivery and lyrics, have been completely castrated in this boring, soulless, emasculated pop trash. The whole song sounds like it was recorded on an old cassette, and then he played that cassette on an old ghetto blaster boom box in a windy tunnel and recorded THAT as the finished product. I mean, the production sounds lazy and boring, and HE'S A PRODUCER. That's what he DOES, that's what made him famous in the FIRST FUCKING PLACE. How far the mighty have fallen. I mean, seriously; this guy used to be THE innovator in hip-hop. Now I just wish he was fucking dead.)

Best Singles of 2008

Some of these I have something to say about; the rest speak for themselves.

25. Lil Wayne - A Milli

As much as you may be loathe to admit it, this song was one of the most original (and o-v-e-r-p-l-a-y-e-d) singles on the radio this year. Lil Wayne is batshit insane and managed to get a song that not only makes no sense, but has no HOOK in today's wasteland of shitty mainstream hip-hop and got it played EVERYWHERE. That in and of itself deserves recognition. However, expect to see this song on another list.

24. Panic at the Disco - Nine In the Afternoon

Let this be a lesson, emo bands: when you try to sound like The Beatles, you become listenable.

23. Sia - Academia

22. The Raconteurs - Salute Your Solution

21. Meshuggah - Bleed

20. Janelle Monae - Many Moons

The single most original artist of 2008; Janelle Monae released the first of 4 EPs highlighting a funk/R&B/rock opera about androids in love and being hunted in the future; think a female James Brown mixed with Blade Runner and A.I. Yeah, it rocks.

19. The Killers - Human

18. Beck - Gamma Ray

17. REM - Supernatural Superserious

16. Hot Chip - Shake A Fist

This is the coolest dance song, like, ever.

15. Ben Folds featuring Regina Spektor - You Don't Know Me At All

14. The Toadies - No Deliverance

The Toadies returned with a shockingly fantastic album of hard-hitting blues-grunge; this is the only single released from that album.

13. Man Man - Mister Jung Stuffed

This is exactly the type of auditory weirdness that would've gotten two tons of airplay on modern rock radio during the death of grunge years between 1995-1998.

12. The Ting Tings - That's Not My Name

The album was overrated tripe with only two listenable songs. Those two songs, however, are AMAZING. This is the better of the two, an infectious earworm that'll stick in your skull for days.

11. Kings of Leon - Sex On Fire

One of the first pure rock songs to hit modern rock radio in years.

10. Lupe Fiasco - Superstar

Lupe Fiasco should be the biggest rapper in the world; held up on a pedestal the way Jay-Z and Kanye West are today. This is his most popular single, it's quite awesome.

09. Death Cab For Cutie - I Will Possess Your Heart

The sheer balls to release an 8-minute track as your first single is astounding. I really wish they never edited it for radio and forced stations to play the full version, but whatever, it's a great song.

08. The Cool Kids - Black Mags

The Cool Kids was the most refreshing thing to happen to hip-hop all year; a modern take on classic hip-hop that is infinitely listenable. Watch that video; tell me that doesn't look/sound like it's from 1985.

07. Gnarls Barkley - Who's Gonna Save Your Soul?

Didn't get any play on radio, but it is their most heartfelt, soulful song.

06. T.I., Jay-Z, Kanye West & Lil Wayne - Swagga Like Us

This producer deserves an award, both for the production and for the genius sample of MIA's Paper Planes. The fact that T.I. could get the three biggest rappers in the world on one track and more than hold his own speaks volumes for his skills as an MC; the song is catchy as SHIT.

05. Metallica - All Nightmare Long

A badass song with a badass video. Metallica is BACK!

04. Elbow - Grounds For Divorce

Britain's answer to the White Stripes (with a touch of Radiohead); a loud blues rock song that starts with a chain-gang chorus and switching between soulful singing and blaring guitars; the best single you haven't heard.

03. Weezer - Pork and Beans

Weezer's best single since Hash Pipe. Unfortunately, the rest of the album couldn't live up to this song.

02. MIA - Paper Planes

Thank God for Pineapple Express. If the producer of the trailer for the stoner action/comedy hadn't used Paper Planes, MIA would still be a relative unknown in the States. Thankfully, that isn't the case, and this track from last year's Kala got enormous play and propelled her into the spotlight. A song (essentially) about economics and the Third World, this Bhangra pop/hip-hop song has been everpresent on the radio AND has been sampled in the most catchy hip-hop song all year. Now, after considering retiring after the birth of her child, her career is more alive than ever, and she's already planning her follow-up album. So, I guess you could say she owes her career to marijuana.

01. Flobots - Handlebars

Oh, you HAD to know this was coming. A track with no semblance of a chorus, and somehow it's just as catchy and sing-alongish as Beastie Boys' "Girls". Full of meaning (and possibly political intonations, depending on your interpretation), Flobots created a song both alarming, urgent, and easy to identify with. There's nothing even left to say about this; definitely the best single of 2008.

Top 20 (+2) Albums of 2008

I know, I know. Of all the things to get me to post that has happened in the past 3 months, this list is what did it. Well, I can't rightly break a 4 year old tradition, can I? I'm sure there'll be more a-postin's later on (how many times have I made THAT empty promise??) Let's get to the meat and potatoes of this titanic post. But first, the consolation prizes given to the albums that didn't quite make it onto the list.

Close but no cigar:

The Hold Steady - Stay Positive
Ben Folds - Way To Normal
Amanda Palmer - Who Killed Amanda Palmer?
Gnarls Barkley - The Odd Couple
Toadies - No Deliverence
The Killers - Day & Age
The Mars Volta - Amputechture
Murder By Death - Red of Tooth and Claw
Destroyer - Trouble in Dreams
MGMT - Oracular Spectacular

Now that we've gotten that out of the way, Ladies and Gentlemen, Bums, Bitches and Bastards. I give you...


Posthumous albums generally are quite horrid, this album being a glaring exception. Like all of his comedy albums, this is kind of hit or miss; but then again, that's his style. He tells so many jokes so quickly that the hits far outweigh the misses (and even the misses can be entertaining). He will always be missed, but this is a great presentation of material.
Recommended Tracks: Phil, Texas and Sea Food, Door Deal

Every single song on this album was released during the series run, but even having heard these songs before, in this nice polished form they really stand out. I mean, for some of them it helps to have actually seen the show. But, for most of these songs, they stand on their own as really, really funny parodies of various song styles.
Recommended Tracks: Robots, Hiphopapotamous vs. Rhymenocerous, Business Time, The Most Beautiful Girl (in the Room)

What do you get when you cross the lead singer of The Afghan Whigs with the lead singer of The Screaming Trees? Doom and gloom sonic euphoria. Fantastic rock dirges and ballads of misery that are sure to reignite some early 90's rock nostalgia in even the most jaded 20-something hipster douchebag.
Recommended Tracks: God's Children, Idle Hands, I Was In Love With You

Oh Metallica, all is (almost) forgiven! I promised myself, after the horror and disappointment of the unlistenable St. Anger, that I would never give Metallica one red cent of my hard-earned dough and, with the release of Death Magnetic, I kept my promise; getting my grubby mitts on a copy through "other" means. And then I listened to it and, ashamed of myself, went out and bought a copy. It's good. It's really really good. They've recaptured some of that classic sound while still throwing some crisp newness into the mix. Plus hey, guitar solos!
Recommended Tracks: All Nightmare Long, The Day That Never Comes, The Judas Kiss

I know what you're thinking, Evil Brian's lost his goddamn mind; hear me out. Despite being crazy mainstream, T.I. is actually a very good MC, mostly shunning drugs riches and bitches lyrical content for stories about rising up and bettering oneself (seriously, rather than focusing on the shrill Rhianna hook, pay attention to the lyrics on Live Your Life; they're genius). He also doesn't utilize the autotune robot ear-raping technology that has brought mainstream rap evolution to a virtual standstill. If there were any justice in the world, this album would be the one critics fawn over and Lil Wayne's Carter III would be the also-ran of 2008.
Recommended Tracks: Swagga Like Us, Live Your Life, 56 Bars/I'm Illy

Imagine if Prince smoked a ton of weed and took a handful of Ecstasy, then went to a Ween show where they played all their poppiest tracks; that is this album. Psychedelic, danceable pretentious indie pop-rock at it's best (and probably Kevin Barnes' best and most mainstream-sounding album to date).
Recommended Tracks: Id Engager, Wicked Wisdom, Triphallus to Punctuate!

A classic metal sound mixed with the modern metalcore scene and, for some reason, a Japanese theme. Make no mistake, though. I truly believe that these guys are the future of metal (even though they're already 4 albums into their career). Pay attention, neophytes, there's a metal storm a-comin'!
Recommended Tracks: Into the Mouth of Hell We March, The Calamity, Down From the Sky

The triumphant return of REM! Literally their absolute best album since New Adventures in Hi-Fi, this is a tight quick package of hard-hitting ROCK. (REM ROCKS again! Wheeeee!) This is the REM that grabbed the public's attention in the late-80's/early-90's. Overtly political lyrics mixed with an enthusiastic delivery, they just sound like they enjoy rocking again, and it is extremely refreshing.
Recommended Tracks: Supernatural Superserious, Horse to Water, I'm Gonna DJ


How many 5 star albums can one band release? Seriously, these guys have yet to put out an album that's even halfway boring or substandard. Sweet and mellow when it has to be, honest-to-god rockin' when it wants to be, and chock full of sad depressing stories of stalkers, failed relationships and dying lovers. Definitely a must-listen.
Recommended Tracks: Bixby Canyon Bridge, I Will Possess Your Heart, Cath...

I think I cheat like this every year, but too bad. Trent Reznor, proving himself to be the ballsiest motherfucker in the music industry, cut all ties to every major label and put out not one but TWO albums of music FOR FREE online. An instrumental double album (perfect background music for any activity you can think of. Especially writing term papers the morning they're due. Not that I would know) and a full album of fantastic glitch techno/industrial metal anthems and, for some reason, piano sonatas. I honestly can't wait to see what he does next.
(Ghosts I-IV)Recommended Tracks: 11 Ghosts II, 33 Ghosts IV, 34 Ghosts IV
(The Slip)Recommended Tracks: Discipline, Echoplex, Head Down

Franz Ferdinand really opened Pandora's Box in 2004, didn't they? Now the music landscape is overrun with jangly post-punk indie bands trying desperately to make dance-rock without sounding lame. Too often, these no-name bands fail miserably and fall to the wayside; this is one of the few albums that succeed. Keeping every song tight, short, to the point and centered around great pop hooks, these guys have a knack for writing instantly catchy choruses and eminently memorable songs. They've still got some growing to do as a band before they churn out a classic album, but this is one hell of a first step. Keep your eye on this band, I have a feeling they're gonna be pretty impressive.
Recommended Tracks: Centennial, Graves, Tessellate

I am a Beck whore, shit I even liked the tepid Information album, so take what I say with a grain of salt: this is a HUGE step up from that last album. Songs that are catchy and don't just peter out before they ever get interesting, this is literally an album where every track could be a single. Taking a cue from REM earlier in the year, he's cut the runtimes of his tracks WAY down and, instead of letting his songs meander blindly, crams as much punchy kickstep techno freak-folk as he can into every song, and the results are substantial and satisfying, like a home cooked meal.
Recommended Tracks: Gamma Ray, Modern Guilt, Youthless

I love this band, I really really do. I can't really be subjective about them but, then again, this isn't meant to be a subjective list. Just balls-out awesome metalcore with heavy riffs, violent breakdowns and sing-along choruses; the best metal album of the year by far. Plus, the album art is absolutely killer.
Recommended Tracks: We Gave It Hell, Waiting On a War, Absent Are the Saints.

This is what would happen if, instead of trying his best to freak people out, Captain Beefheart put his talents towards playing killer, gut-busting rock n roll. Equal parts artsy, freaky and genuinely loud rock music, this impossible-to-Google band puts on one hell of an energetic live show and keeps every song interesting. Will the next song be a piano-based rocker? Southern boogie? A jumpy pop ballad framed by tinkles of glockenspiel? A clanging jangling percussive instrumental? Man Man loves to keep you guessing. Definitely the most eclectic album put out by anyone anywhere in 2008.
Recommended Tracks: Mister Jung Stuffed, Top Drawer, Easy Eats or Dirty Doctor Galapogos, The Ballad of Butter Beans

Ultra-catchy glitchy hip-pop (with a touch of rage and paralyzing island rhythms) with an extremely unique voice, nearly every song on this album is mental chewing gum. Sweet (though definitely not saccharine), satisfying and will get stuck in your head for DAYS, if not weeks. Some have called it repetitive, I call it infectious; definitely the best pop album of the year.
Recommended Tracks: L.E.S. Artistes, You'll Find a Way (Remix), Creator, Lights Out

Pure, unrefined audio cool, this sounds exactly like what The Clipse would sound like if they were rapping in 1985- not so much drug-based lyrics as creating songs about partying, driving around, eating Fruity Pebbles and being the most awesome brother on the block. Genius yet simple and catchy beats paired with old-school-style rhymes with a modern twist; The Bake Sale is a smooth cocktail, perfect for parties or just chilling on the porch. I realize technically it's an EP, but it's just as long as the REM, Beck and Tokyo Police Club albums I posted earlier, so I think that's a good enough reason to count it. Go do yourself a favor and grab this album as soon as possible, you won't regret it.
Recommended Tracks: Black Mags, Gold and a Pager, 88, A Little Bit Cooler


It must be said that, before continuing, all of you should know that, in my hours of rearranging these albums into order, every one of the next six albums, at one point or another, were put in the number one spot. It took me a long time to whittle the list down into it's present structure, but all six of these albums are fantastic, high quality representations of the music of 2008. Enjoy!


I'm sure if I'd had the whole year for it to grow on me this album would be higher, but as it stands it's still a fantastic, nigh-indescribable collection of emotional/political songs by the biggest band on the indie circuit. Rock music with SOUL, every song will either make you nod your head or dance around. It's funky, jazzy, hard rocking, soulful music that's urgent, laid back and emotional all at once. It's really hard to describe why this album is so good; if you liked their past two albums, you'll definitely enjoy this one. If you haven't heard of them before, this is a decent place to start.
Recommended Tracks: Dancing Choose, Golden Age, Family Tree, Red Dress

This was basically the soundtrack for my entire springtime season, and for good reason. Certainly the best thing Malkmus has released since Pavement's Brighten the Corners, this album took his signature 90's shoegazer sound and introduced progressive elements. Amazing guitarwork, light-to-the-point-of-floating vocals and a handful of the best-written songs from Malkmus' head converge into one of the best, most-listenable rock albums of the year.
Recommended Tracks: Baltimore, Dragonfly Pie, Hopscotch Willie, Cold Son, the awesome 10-minute-plus title track

This is Cake if it were fronted by Zack de la Rocha and Chuck D; I dare you to find a better comparison for Flobots' phenomenal major label debut album. Ultra-political without ever losing focus on the music, Flobots constructed something both obtuse and popular, equal parts indie rap and mainstream hip-hop with enough rock guitar (and violin!) to get played on rock radio, this is the very definition of revolutionary. Only half of these songs even HAVE a hook or chorus (including the smash hit Handlebars) but they're still instantly catchy and the lines will get stuck in your head for days, weeks, months. These guys are NOT one hit wonders, expect great things from Flobots in the future.
Recommended Tracks: Handlebars, Mayday!!!, Rise, Same Thing, Fight With Tools

While Stephen Malkmus was the soundtrack to my spring, this album was the soundtrack to my summer. I tried not to believe the titanic amount of hype, but I still couldn't resist these afro-pop indie-rock earworms. Let's face it, this just SOUNDS like summertime. From the first 20 seconds of the very first track, you get a feeling that this is going to be a very different experience than your normal hype-machine flavor-of-the-month, these guys have some serious chops and an ear for melody, and they're not afraid to use them. An album that is fun to listen to, an album that doesn't overstay it's welcome and an album that just makes you happy when you put it on; definitely one of the best releases of the year.
Recommended Tracks: Mansard Roof, Oxford Comma, A-Punk, Cape Cod Kwassa Kwassa (yes I realize I just listed almost the entire Side A, it's that good), Walcott, I Stand Corrected

Jazzy trip-hop (and some old-school soul) that has one foot in the mid-90's and one foot in the here and now, this album got lost in the noise when it was released early last year, but it found a comfy home in my stereo, my iPod and my car. Possessing one hell of a powerful, expressive voice, this former lead singer for Zero 7 managed to make such an impression on me that I've literally spent the entire year listening to her album and not once have I gotten bored with it. Moody songs about heartbreak, jumpy dance songs about buttons and, for some reason, a duet with Beck putting a relationship into grade-school mathematical terms; this album concurrently has a signature sound and is all over the map. Were there any justice in this world (and any decent taste in the American public), Sia would've been ALL OVER the radio waves this year. Alas, that is not the case, and we are a poorer nation (music-wise) because of it. If I am a number I am infinity plus one.
Recommended Tracks: Academia, Little Black Sandals, Playground, Day Too Soon, Buttons, The Girl You Lost to Cocaine

Imagine Bruce Springsteen back when he was 25. Now imagine that, instead of the E Street Band, he was backed by Social Distortion; pretty interesting concept, no? That is exactly what this Jersey quartet sounds like, every song is nostalgic, modern and timeless all at the same time. Each song is a tale about misspent youth, past mistakes, adolescent love, death and spending nights with special someones. The Gaslight Anthem have a very classic sound and classic lyrical subjects, but the method is put together with their madness in such a way that it comes out as absolutely perfect rock n' roll- timeless enough for adults, loud and punky enough for the kids; this is rock music that can span generations and bring people together. There is no good reason why The Gaslight Anthem shouldn't be thr biggest band in America right now. This band (and this album) deserves every single bit of critical praise that The Hold Steady have been garnering for the past 4 years. From the U2-esque jangle of Old White Lincoln to the anthemic title track to the slow, building crescendo of Even Cowgirls Get the Blues to the sweet ballad Here's Looking at You, Kid to the propulsive Great Expectations that kicks off the whole record, this is, forwards and backwards, the very best album of 2008.
Recommended Tracks: The '59 Sound, Great Expectations, Old White Lincoln, The Patient Ferris Wheel, High Lonesome, Meet Me By the River's Edge