Monday, June 18, 2007
The First Step Towards a Dream
Life hasn't been great to me.
Don't get me wrong, I'm not saying I regret all aspects of my life, nor am I inferring that I am in any way, shape or form underprivileged. Quite the contrary, I've been given opportunities in my life that others would jump through hoops for. But let me recount the past couple years for you:
After my glorious graduation from Utica College in August of 2004 (due to my own sophomoric sophomore-year indiscretions), I was offered an internship at a recording studio. Soon thereafter, however, the manager at the recording studio gave my job to his producer's cousin. After trying unsuccessfully to find a job somewhere in town, I ran out of money, and had to move back home to Connecticut to live with my parents. After 2 and a half more months of unsuccessful job searching, I finally got hired by FedEx Ground...loading trucks...part time. I stuck with it, convincing myself it was just a stepping stone to bigger and better things.
The bigger and better things never came, until May of 2005, when I was offerred a full time position at FedEx Ground as a manager. Going in with an unrelentingly positive attitude, I started as a full time manager on June 5, 2005. That summer I lost almost 20 pounds just from sweating. It was (and, in some ways, still is) the most grueling, thankless, physical and unrelentingly depressing jobs I've ever experienced. Twelve hours a day, everyday for a year (it has since died down, and I generally spend only 9-10 hours at work everyday presently) managing drug addicts (FedEx doesn't test!) and the otherwise unemployable whilst getting berated by my superiors for not hitting fictional, meaningless numbers. One year ago, I was starting to get very very scared that I would be stuck here for the rest of my life. Making a lifetime career out of the most mundane daily functions I could imagine. I tried to look at the positive parts of such a life, but ultimately the negative always outweighed it; I could feel FedEx like an anchor chained around my neck, drowning me in a sea of mediocrity and serving me up for the sharks. Hungry sharks. Sharks so metaphorical, I haven't thought up a metaphor for them yet. This was until this past December, when I attended a meeting I will never forget. A meeting that culminated in the happiest day I've had since my UC graduation.
As of today, I am officially a Graduate Student at Central Connecticut State University.
I have a long, long road ahead of me. I have to start as a non-matriculated student because of my previously stated indiscretions, and I can only afford to take one class per semester right now. But it's a start; actually, a new beginning. For the first time in 3 years, I can see some sunlight at the end of this long, dark tunnel I've been wandering through for almost 3 years. I'm finally reaching out and following the path I've been searching for since becoming a Communications student at UC. The first thing I did after walking out of the Registrar's Office was call my Mom to tell her I was a student again. I could hear her genuine excitement, and two tears of joy rolled down my cheeks. I haven't seriously been this excited in a very long time, it's very hard to put into words. It feels like, for the first time that I can remember, that instead of following the road that life has paved for me, I'm making my own road, taking my life into my own hands and doing exactly what I want, instead of what other people want, or what is expected of me. It's actually quite exhilirating.
I already have a plan set, and should be able to finish my Master's degree within 3 years' time. After this first year of courses, I'm going to start looking for doctoral programs (what can I say? I have high ambitions).
Upon further reflection, that first sentence sounds a little narcissistic to me, and not altogether true. Life has thrown some obstacles in my way, but it has been pretty damn good to me.
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Life hasn't been great to me.
Don't get me wrong, I'm not saying I regret all aspects of my life, nor am I inferring that I am in any way, shape or form underprivileged. Quite the contrary, I've been given opportunities in my life that others would jump through hoops for. But let me recount the past couple years for you:
After my glorious graduation from Utica College in August of 2004 (due to my own sophomoric sophomore-year indiscretions), I was offered an internship at a recording studio. Soon thereafter, however, the manager at the recording studio gave my job to his producer's cousin. After trying unsuccessfully to find a job somewhere in town, I ran out of money, and had to move back home to Connecticut to live with my parents. After 2 and a half more months of unsuccessful job searching, I finally got hired by FedEx Ground...loading trucks...part time. I stuck with it, convincing myself it was just a stepping stone to bigger and better things.
The bigger and better things never came, until May of 2005, when I was offerred a full time position at FedEx Ground as a manager. Going in with an unrelentingly positive attitude, I started as a full time manager on June 5, 2005. That summer I lost almost 20 pounds just from sweating. It was (and, in some ways, still is) the most grueling, thankless, physical and unrelentingly depressing jobs I've ever experienced. Twelve hours a day, everyday for a year (it has since died down, and I generally spend only 9-10 hours at work everyday presently) managing drug addicts (FedEx doesn't test!) and the otherwise unemployable whilst getting berated by my superiors for not hitting fictional, meaningless numbers. One year ago, I was starting to get very very scared that I would be stuck here for the rest of my life. Making a lifetime career out of the most mundane daily functions I could imagine. I tried to look at the positive parts of such a life, but ultimately the negative always outweighed it; I could feel FedEx like an anchor chained around my neck, drowning me in a sea of mediocrity and serving me up for the sharks. Hungry sharks. Sharks so metaphorical, I haven't thought up a metaphor for them yet. This was until this past December, when I attended a meeting I will never forget. A meeting that culminated in the happiest day I've had since my UC graduation.
As of today, I am officially a Graduate Student at Central Connecticut State University.
I have a long, long road ahead of me. I have to start as a non-matriculated student because of my previously stated indiscretions, and I can only afford to take one class per semester right now. But it's a start; actually, a new beginning. For the first time in 3 years, I can see some sunlight at the end of this long, dark tunnel I've been wandering through for almost 3 years. I'm finally reaching out and following the path I've been searching for since becoming a Communications student at UC. The first thing I did after walking out of the Registrar's Office was call my Mom to tell her I was a student again. I could hear her genuine excitement, and two tears of joy rolled down my cheeks. I haven't seriously been this excited in a very long time, it's very hard to put into words. It feels like, for the first time that I can remember, that instead of following the road that life has paved for me, I'm making my own road, taking my life into my own hands and doing exactly what I want, instead of what other people want, or what is expected of me. It's actually quite exhilirating.
I already have a plan set, and should be able to finish my Master's degree within 3 years' time. After this first year of courses, I'm going to start looking for doctoral programs (what can I say? I have high ambitions).
Upon further reflection, that first sentence sounds a little narcissistic to me, and not altogether true. Life has thrown some obstacles in my way, but it has been pretty damn good to me.
