Saturday, December 31, 2005
Year End Lists, Volume 1: The Top 25 Singles of 2005
Ah, another year is coming to a close. 2005 was a year of meteorological disasters, of zombie starving and of once again waiting with baited breath until Chuck Norris returns from his self-proposed dormancy to roundhouse kick George W. Bush in the face. But it was also a year of music! And mostly good music, because I intelligently replaced my car's shitty radio with an mp3/CD player, thus giving me the ability to ignore the shitty music on the radio and listen to anything interesting I chose to discover. Not that there was a total lack of shitty music; FAR from it, and it shall be picked apart and presented to you fine folks another day. Today, we laud those songs that really stuck out from the crowd this year.
Top 25 Singles of 2005
25. Fall Out Boy - Sugar, We're Going Down: This is my guilty pleasure song, and you can't take it away from me! Seriously though, I just found out earlier this month that this song was being played on the radio, nevermind MTV. Overplayed, emo-ish, lowest common denominator tripe it may be, but FUCK is it catchy.
24. All-American Rejects - Dirty Little Secret: Attention! All-American Rejects now have TWO small pieces of pop wonderfulness in thier catalog. Do not be ashamed to listen to them. That is all.
23. Thrice - Image Of the Invisible: Thrice is a band that is greater than the sum of it's parts, and one of the few bands getting mainstream attention that isn't afraid to push boundaries, explore the artistic possibilities of their genre (post-hardcore). A little repetitive, but this song works.
22. OK GO - A Million Ways: I'll be honest; this is on here almost exclusively because of the greatest music video of all time. Find it, watch it, love it, re-enact it with your friends. The song's damn fine too.
21. My Chemical Romance - Ghost Of You: I know, I know, it's My Chemical Romance. That doesn't take away from the fact that this was the best song on an otherwise unremarkable album (the song about prison rape makes me chuckle, though) and one unique and moving enough to deserve praise.
20. Kanye West - Diamonds Of Sierra Leone: The most intelligent song on pop radio all year; describing how africans in africa die mining and selling the diamonds african-americans spend thier lives trying to obtain. "I thought my Jesus piece was so harmless/'Til I seen a picture of a shorty armless" Word.
19. Weezer - We Are All On Drugs: The best song on the worst Weezer album yet.
18. Bloc Party - So Here We Are: This band is shockingly good. Cockney Brits combining keyboards and the spirit of The Clash. This is the requisite "slow" song on the album, but it's still oh-so-good.
17. Death Cab For Cutie - Soul Meets Body: Death Cab For Cutie gets played on Clear Channel stations now. Kinda scary, isn't it? Gorgeous song though.
16. Lamb Of God - Now You've Got Something To Die For: One of the best bands in American metal today throws down the gauntlet with a great chant-along chorus and a violent nihilism.
15. Green Day - Holiday: How this got played on corporate radio at all boggles my goddamned mind. The most political song on the best, most political album of last year that basically calls the president a Nazi warhawk was #1 in the country. Tells you something, doesn't it?
14. Arch Enemy - Nemesis: PURE FUCKING METAL.
13. The Chemical Brothers featuring Q-Tip - Galvanize: This was the very first song I used to test out my car's new stereo, and I learned something: my rear speakers actually WORK! Hands down the best song Chemical Brothers have ever released. Forget thier Block-Rockin' Beat past, and embrace Galvanize. Beats, strings and a touch of A Tribe Called Quest; what's not to love?
12. Beck - E-Pro: If radio stations had embraced Hell Yes, that would be here. However, this was the first taste of new Beck we had in 3 years, and damned if we didn't all love it initially.
11. eels - Hey Man (Now You're Really Livin'): I am convinced that, if radio had given this song a chance, eels would have blown way the fuck up. Catchy as shit, kinda funny/kinda sad, energetic as all hell...why hasn't America adopted E as our new savior yet?
10. Avenged Sevenfold - Bat Country: You don't hear NEARLY enough bad-ass guitar solos in popular music anymore. While the album, as a whole, was a serious step down from Waking The Fallen, this song best captured the spirit of that Black Album for a new generation.
9. Kanye West - Gold Digger: This would be much higher if it didn't get so damned overplayed, but those first 300 times, those were magical. Hip hop with a wit; such a thing is usually only found in the underground.
8. The Killers - All These Things That I've Done: Continuing thier quest to be the Duran Duran for a new generation, The Killers saved the best song on the album for last. I got soul but I'm not a soldier.
7. The White Stripes - My Doorbell: Possibly the oddest and most innocent-sounding song on the radio all year. Not one guitar to be found on the whole damn thing, and yet it's absolutely perfect. This song put a smile on my face after my accident, so it's A-OK in my book.
6. The Mars Volta - The Widow: Anything that gets more people listening to The Mars Volta is fine by me. Hands down the most creative band in rock today. God, I love prog.
5. Nine Inch Nails - Only: The best track Nine Inch Nails has done since Closer. So awesome.
4. System Of A Down - B.Y.O.B. (Bring Your Own Bombs): "Why don't Presidents fight the wars?/Why do they alway send the poor?" And with that, System Of A Down put out the most reactionary mainstream single of the past few years. Loud, jumpy, and featuring a minimum of Daron Malakian singing. The only thing I'm disappointed with is that they didn't decide to release Sad Statue-easily the best song in thier entire catalog-as a single.
3. Green Day - Wake Me Up When September Ends: After riding the tops of the charts for over a year and releasing three #1 singles in a row from the best album, not only of your entire career, but of the past DECADE, what would you do? Release the best, slowest and most moving track on the album as the last single, of course. An unapologetic power ballad that might actually make you tear up a little. Beauty and volume, it's a lovely thing.
2. John Legend - Ordinary People: Holy shit, I'm not used to hearing real, old-school-style soul/R&B on the radio, let alone on MTV. Just a beautiful, beautiful song on a mediocre album. Just a piano and a voice, and it WORKS. If there were more of this stuff on the radio, I might be inclined to switch off the CD player every now and again.
1. Gorillaz - Feel Good Inc.: Can this cartoon band do no wrong? You couldn't escape this song all year, and it never made you want to. Lyrics about windmills and insane fucking laughter, somehow, really connected with the American mainstream, but I'm not complaining. An absolutely sick bassline, Damon Albarn's coolest 5th-grader vocal impression to date, and De La Soul. What the hell more do you need?
|
Ah, another year is coming to a close. 2005 was a year of meteorological disasters, of zombie starving and of once again waiting with baited breath until Chuck Norris returns from his self-proposed dormancy to roundhouse kick George W. Bush in the face. But it was also a year of music! And mostly good music, because I intelligently replaced my car's shitty radio with an mp3/CD player, thus giving me the ability to ignore the shitty music on the radio and listen to anything interesting I chose to discover. Not that there was a total lack of shitty music; FAR from it, and it shall be picked apart and presented to you fine folks another day. Today, we laud those songs that really stuck out from the crowd this year.
Top 25 Singles of 2005
25. Fall Out Boy - Sugar, We're Going Down: This is my guilty pleasure song, and you can't take it away from me! Seriously though, I just found out earlier this month that this song was being played on the radio, nevermind MTV. Overplayed, emo-ish, lowest common denominator tripe it may be, but FUCK is it catchy.
24. All-American Rejects - Dirty Little Secret: Attention! All-American Rejects now have TWO small pieces of pop wonderfulness in thier catalog. Do not be ashamed to listen to them. That is all.
23. Thrice - Image Of the Invisible: Thrice is a band that is greater than the sum of it's parts, and one of the few bands getting mainstream attention that isn't afraid to push boundaries, explore the artistic possibilities of their genre (post-hardcore). A little repetitive, but this song works.
22. OK GO - A Million Ways: I'll be honest; this is on here almost exclusively because of the greatest music video of all time. Find it, watch it, love it, re-enact it with your friends. The song's damn fine too.
21. My Chemical Romance - Ghost Of You: I know, I know, it's My Chemical Romance. That doesn't take away from the fact that this was the best song on an otherwise unremarkable album (the song about prison rape makes me chuckle, though) and one unique and moving enough to deserve praise.
20. Kanye West - Diamonds Of Sierra Leone: The most intelligent song on pop radio all year; describing how africans in africa die mining and selling the diamonds african-americans spend thier lives trying to obtain. "I thought my Jesus piece was so harmless/'Til I seen a picture of a shorty armless" Word.
19. Weezer - We Are All On Drugs: The best song on the worst Weezer album yet.
18. Bloc Party - So Here We Are: This band is shockingly good. Cockney Brits combining keyboards and the spirit of The Clash. This is the requisite "slow" song on the album, but it's still oh-so-good.
17. Death Cab For Cutie - Soul Meets Body: Death Cab For Cutie gets played on Clear Channel stations now. Kinda scary, isn't it? Gorgeous song though.
16. Lamb Of God - Now You've Got Something To Die For: One of the best bands in American metal today throws down the gauntlet with a great chant-along chorus and a violent nihilism.
15. Green Day - Holiday: How this got played on corporate radio at all boggles my goddamned mind. The most political song on the best, most political album of last year that basically calls the president a Nazi warhawk was #1 in the country. Tells you something, doesn't it?
14. Arch Enemy - Nemesis: PURE FUCKING METAL.
13. The Chemical Brothers featuring Q-Tip - Galvanize: This was the very first song I used to test out my car's new stereo, and I learned something: my rear speakers actually WORK! Hands down the best song Chemical Brothers have ever released. Forget thier Block-Rockin' Beat past, and embrace Galvanize. Beats, strings and a touch of A Tribe Called Quest; what's not to love?
12. Beck - E-Pro: If radio stations had embraced Hell Yes, that would be here. However, this was the first taste of new Beck we had in 3 years, and damned if we didn't all love it initially.
11. eels - Hey Man (Now You're Really Livin'): I am convinced that, if radio had given this song a chance, eels would have blown way the fuck up. Catchy as shit, kinda funny/kinda sad, energetic as all hell...why hasn't America adopted E as our new savior yet?
10. Avenged Sevenfold - Bat Country: You don't hear NEARLY enough bad-ass guitar solos in popular music anymore. While the album, as a whole, was a serious step down from Waking The Fallen, this song best captured the spirit of that Black Album for a new generation.
9. Kanye West - Gold Digger: This would be much higher if it didn't get so damned overplayed, but those first 300 times, those were magical. Hip hop with a wit; such a thing is usually only found in the underground.
8. The Killers - All These Things That I've Done: Continuing thier quest to be the Duran Duran for a new generation, The Killers saved the best song on the album for last. I got soul but I'm not a soldier.
7. The White Stripes - My Doorbell: Possibly the oddest and most innocent-sounding song on the radio all year. Not one guitar to be found on the whole damn thing, and yet it's absolutely perfect. This song put a smile on my face after my accident, so it's A-OK in my book.
6. The Mars Volta - The Widow: Anything that gets more people listening to The Mars Volta is fine by me. Hands down the most creative band in rock today. God, I love prog.
5. Nine Inch Nails - Only: The best track Nine Inch Nails has done since Closer. So awesome.
4. System Of A Down - B.Y.O.B. (Bring Your Own Bombs): "Why don't Presidents fight the wars?/Why do they alway send the poor?" And with that, System Of A Down put out the most reactionary mainstream single of the past few years. Loud, jumpy, and featuring a minimum of Daron Malakian singing. The only thing I'm disappointed with is that they didn't decide to release Sad Statue-easily the best song in thier entire catalog-as a single.
3. Green Day - Wake Me Up When September Ends: After riding the tops of the charts for over a year and releasing three #1 singles in a row from the best album, not only of your entire career, but of the past DECADE, what would you do? Release the best, slowest and most moving track on the album as the last single, of course. An unapologetic power ballad that might actually make you tear up a little. Beauty and volume, it's a lovely thing.
2. John Legend - Ordinary People: Holy shit, I'm not used to hearing real, old-school-style soul/R&B on the radio, let alone on MTV. Just a beautiful, beautiful song on a mediocre album. Just a piano and a voice, and it WORKS. If there were more of this stuff on the radio, I might be inclined to switch off the CD player every now and again.
1. Gorillaz - Feel Good Inc.: Can this cartoon band do no wrong? You couldn't escape this song all year, and it never made you want to. Lyrics about windmills and insane fucking laughter, somehow, really connected with the American mainstream, but I'm not complaining. An absolutely sick bassline, Damon Albarn's coolest 5th-grader vocal impression to date, and De La Soul. What the hell more do you need?
Thursday, December 29, 2005
On Being Injured
I saw my kneecap yesterday.
I don't mean that in the "I had X-rays done of my leg and they pointed to my kneecap and said 'That, Brian, is your kneecap.'" way. I don't mean it in a way that the doctor held up a model of a human knee, pointed to the patella and said "This is what your kneecap looks like." No, I SAW my KNEECAP.
It was kinda yellowish.
Let me back up.
I work, as most of you already know, at FedEx Ground where we ship packages...on the ground. On Wednesday, one of my workers didn't show up, so I was stuck loading a set of three trucks. Of course, since the trucks are a little ways off the ground, we all work on elevated docks made of steel gratings. On my way to put two packages onto a certain truck, I tripped and fell; and all two-hundred-forty-some-odd pounds of Evil Brian came crashing down on my left knee, and my left knee right onto the steel grates.
Although I was wearing double-knee work pants at the time, it was like a knife through raw hamburger.
I screamed. LOUD. The conveyor belts were stopped immediately, and my fellow managers came rushing to my side. In order to apply some sort of bandage to my injured knee (the extent of the injury was unknown at the time, but bandages are always good), one of the managers cut the leg off my pants (which really pissed me off. I just bought the freaking pants! They were brand new! Fuck.) And I caught a quick glimpse of a crescent moon shape where my knee should be. I would not look at my knee again until the stitches were all done.
9-1-1 was called, and I was rushed off to the hospital as quick as possible (I exclaimed to the medic that I felt like a redneck in an airplane. "I ain't never ridden in no am-boo-lance befo'!" Hey, I had to keep some semblance of a sense of humor, otherwise I might've vomited and passed out.) Let me tell you, if you ever have any kind of injury on the job, call an ambulance, because instead of waiting in the emergency waiting room for hours on end staring at the old bag secretery, I got to look at cute, young nurses and get seen by a real doctor right away.
They had to put my knee back together with TWO layers of stitching. They shot my knee up WAY the fuck full of novacaine beforehand (and that lasted until almost 6 hours later), stitched me up, took some x-rays and showed me my new best friend/greatest tormentor:
(note: not my actual legs. Mine are waaaaayyyyy sexier)
It is called an immobilizer. It is, basically, a soft cast made out of foam rubber, elastic, velcro, and 5 separate steel bars. This keeps me from bending my knee, thus allowing the stitches to set and heal. I get to wear this fucker for TWO WEEKS. Usually, on my job, I walk an average of 15-20 miles a DAY. Now, I am reduced to hobbling around 1...MAYBE 2 miles a day.
What? Of course I went back to work. That's where my car was. But I also stuck around a couple hours and helped with some remedial bullshit. Until noon. Until those shots of novacaine started wearing off.
Then I headed to my car. And I cried.
I CRIED.
The pain was VERY intense, and the wound had continued to bleed under the immobilizer (the inside of which is now about 40% rust-colored). And what pain-killers did they prescribe me? Codeine? Vicodin? Oxycontin? Hell no.
Aspirin. That's all, just aspirin. Well, that and antibiotics, but THOSE DON'T HELP THE PAIN.
I rushed to the pharmacy, picked up about $40 of bandages and pain-killers, and drove the fuck home to attend to my wounds. I took the immobilizer and bandages off, and it was BAD. Texas Chainsaw Massacre remake bad. So, having nothing else to clean the wound out with, I used what I had on hand. 91% Isopropyl Alcohol. That shit doesn't disinfect, that shit BURNS WHAT IS ALIVE AND SALTS THE FUCKING SKIN so nothing may grow there again. Oh, the pharmacy HAD pussy-ass 60% alcohol, but I don't need that watered-down shit. I want to soak my injuries in GRAIN -THE FUCK-ALCOHOL. After putting the fire out, I rewrapped my knee in a new, awesome bandage and reapplied the immobilizer. I then took about 6 aspirins and two shots of NyQuil and passed the fuck out.
And that brings me to where I am today. I showed up at work, and everyone was impressed/horrified. You see, us FedEx managers GET sick days. It's just an unwritten rule that we don't USE them. But the package handlers don't know that. I'm gonna be on light duty until I get the stitches removed in another two weeks, so I don't have to load one motherfucking box or move one truck (I can't climb into any of the cabs) until then. The sweetness, it fills me.
Busted open my knee on Wednesday, back to work on Thursday.
Don't you dare say Evil Brian isn't fucking hardcore.
|
I saw my kneecap yesterday.
I don't mean that in the "I had X-rays done of my leg and they pointed to my kneecap and said 'That, Brian, is your kneecap.'" way. I don't mean it in a way that the doctor held up a model of a human knee, pointed to the patella and said "This is what your kneecap looks like." No, I SAW my KNEECAP.
It was kinda yellowish.
Let me back up.
I work, as most of you already know, at FedEx Ground where we ship packages...on the ground. On Wednesday, one of my workers didn't show up, so I was stuck loading a set of three trucks. Of course, since the trucks are a little ways off the ground, we all work on elevated docks made of steel gratings. On my way to put two packages onto a certain truck, I tripped and fell; and all two-hundred-forty-some-odd pounds of Evil Brian came crashing down on my left knee, and my left knee right onto the steel grates.
Although I was wearing double-knee work pants at the time, it was like a knife through raw hamburger.
I screamed. LOUD. The conveyor belts were stopped immediately, and my fellow managers came rushing to my side. In order to apply some sort of bandage to my injured knee (the extent of the injury was unknown at the time, but bandages are always good), one of the managers cut the leg off my pants (which really pissed me off. I just bought the freaking pants! They were brand new! Fuck.) And I caught a quick glimpse of a crescent moon shape where my knee should be. I would not look at my knee again until the stitches were all done.
9-1-1 was called, and I was rushed off to the hospital as quick as possible (I exclaimed to the medic that I felt like a redneck in an airplane. "I ain't never ridden in no am-boo-lance befo'!" Hey, I had to keep some semblance of a sense of humor, otherwise I might've vomited and passed out.) Let me tell you, if you ever have any kind of injury on the job, call an ambulance, because instead of waiting in the emergency waiting room for hours on end staring at the old bag secretery, I got to look at cute, young nurses and get seen by a real doctor right away.
They had to put my knee back together with TWO layers of stitching. They shot my knee up WAY the fuck full of novacaine beforehand (and that lasted until almost 6 hours later), stitched me up, took some x-rays and showed me my new best friend/greatest tormentor:
(note: not my actual legs. Mine are waaaaayyyyy sexier)
It is called an immobilizer. It is, basically, a soft cast made out of foam rubber, elastic, velcro, and 5 separate steel bars. This keeps me from bending my knee, thus allowing the stitches to set and heal. I get to wear this fucker for TWO WEEKS. Usually, on my job, I walk an average of 15-20 miles a DAY. Now, I am reduced to hobbling around 1...MAYBE 2 miles a day.
What? Of course I went back to work. That's where my car was. But I also stuck around a couple hours and helped with some remedial bullshit. Until noon. Until those shots of novacaine started wearing off.
Then I headed to my car. And I cried.
I CRIED.
The pain was VERY intense, and the wound had continued to bleed under the immobilizer (the inside of which is now about 40% rust-colored). And what pain-killers did they prescribe me? Codeine? Vicodin? Oxycontin? Hell no.
Aspirin. That's all, just aspirin. Well, that and antibiotics, but THOSE DON'T HELP THE PAIN.
I rushed to the pharmacy, picked up about $40 of bandages and pain-killers, and drove the fuck home to attend to my wounds. I took the immobilizer and bandages off, and it was BAD. Texas Chainsaw Massacre remake bad. So, having nothing else to clean the wound out with, I used what I had on hand. 91% Isopropyl Alcohol. That shit doesn't disinfect, that shit BURNS WHAT IS ALIVE AND SALTS THE FUCKING SKIN so nothing may grow there again. Oh, the pharmacy HAD pussy-ass 60% alcohol, but I don't need that watered-down shit. I want to soak my injuries in GRAIN -THE FUCK-ALCOHOL. After putting the fire out, I rewrapped my knee in a new, awesome bandage and reapplied the immobilizer. I then took about 6 aspirins and two shots of NyQuil and passed the fuck out.
And that brings me to where I am today. I showed up at work, and everyone was impressed/horrified. You see, us FedEx managers GET sick days. It's just an unwritten rule that we don't USE them. But the package handlers don't know that. I'm gonna be on light duty until I get the stitches removed in another two weeks, so I don't have to load one motherfucking box or move one truck (I can't climb into any of the cabs) until then. The sweetness, it fills me.
Busted open my knee on Wednesday, back to work on Thursday.
Don't you dare say Evil Brian isn't fucking hardcore.
Sunday, December 25, 2005
Back From The Dead, Like a Crazed Holiday Zombie!
Indeed, it HAS been more than 2 months, but I finally have both obtained a computer and found enough time to post in my long-stagnant blog. Perhaps next week I shall verbalize my hideous first Christmas season with FedEx Ground. However, far be it for me to ruin a cheery and fantastic holiday for eberyone, so I will make my quiet and totally unexpected return with a festive holiday Top 10:
Random Meaningless Top Ten List, Volume VIII: Journey Of the Cursed Evil Brian
Top Ten Non-Traditional Songs On My Christmas Playlist
10. eels - Everything's Gonna Be Cool This Christmas: After listening to E lament his dead family members and downtrodden life, it's refreshingly odd to hear him be so cheery and optimistic about Christmastime. As cool as a snowstorm.
9. Grandaddy - Alan Parsons In a Winter Wonderland: This is the song that made my boss say "You are the most fucked up person I've ever met." A tribute/parody/mockery to Alan Parsons set to the tune of Walkin' In a Winter Wonderland.
8. Fountains Of Wayne - I Want an Alien For Christmas: This was one of the first singles I ever bought, and I still listen to it every year. Every kid can relate to wanting an alien for Christmas. I always wanted an alien anyways...or He-Man.
7. The White Stripes - Candy Cane Children: Very rare track, very cool. Distortion galore and lyrics about a candy cane girl. Hmmmmm...who could that be?
6. Weezer - The Christmas Song: What's that? An original Weezer christmas carol that ANYONE could sing along to?? AWESOME!!!
5. AC/DC - Mistress For Christmas: Sounds like every other AC/DC song? Of course. But it's about CHRISTMAS. Fuck yeah!
4. Smashing Pumpkins - Christmastime: So light and airy, it gets played in department stores during this season. Still one of the finest pure christmas songs ever written. God DAMN I love the Smashing Pumpkins.
3. Tom Waits - Christmas Sucks: Definitely describes my feeling about the season this year. The average person doesn't get nearly enough Tom Waits in thier musical diet.
2. Run DMC - Christmas In Hollis: Mom's cookin' chicken and collard greens! Rice and stuffin', macaroni and cheese! And Santa puts gifts under CHRISTMAS TREES!
1. King Diamond - No Presents For Christmas: The single most badass/hilarious Christmas song EVER; plus I dare you to find one with a better guitar solo. There's just something about a guy dressed in black leather with upside-down crosses painted on his face repeating the lines "Tom and Jerry/Drinking sherry!" that warms my evil little heart. "SANTA NEEDS A HELPING HAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAND! YEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH!!!!!"
I wish everyone out there in teh Internets a very Merry Christmas, Happy Hanukkah, a Kwazy Kwanzaa, and a silent and dignified Ramadan.
I'm back, bitches!!!
|
Indeed, it HAS been more than 2 months, but I finally have both obtained a computer and found enough time to post in my long-stagnant blog. Perhaps next week I shall verbalize my hideous first Christmas season with FedEx Ground. However, far be it for me to ruin a cheery and fantastic holiday for eberyone, so I will make my quiet and totally unexpected return with a festive holiday Top 10:
Random Meaningless Top Ten List, Volume VIII: Journey Of the Cursed Evil Brian
Top Ten Non-Traditional Songs On My Christmas Playlist
10. eels - Everything's Gonna Be Cool This Christmas: After listening to E lament his dead family members and downtrodden life, it's refreshingly odd to hear him be so cheery and optimistic about Christmastime. As cool as a snowstorm.
9. Grandaddy - Alan Parsons In a Winter Wonderland: This is the song that made my boss say "You are the most fucked up person I've ever met." A tribute/parody/mockery to Alan Parsons set to the tune of Walkin' In a Winter Wonderland.
8. Fountains Of Wayne - I Want an Alien For Christmas: This was one of the first singles I ever bought, and I still listen to it every year. Every kid can relate to wanting an alien for Christmas. I always wanted an alien anyways...or He-Man.
7. The White Stripes - Candy Cane Children: Very rare track, very cool. Distortion galore and lyrics about a candy cane girl. Hmmmmm...who could that be?
6. Weezer - The Christmas Song: What's that? An original Weezer christmas carol that ANYONE could sing along to?? AWESOME!!!
5. AC/DC - Mistress For Christmas: Sounds like every other AC/DC song? Of course. But it's about CHRISTMAS. Fuck yeah!
4. Smashing Pumpkins - Christmastime: So light and airy, it gets played in department stores during this season. Still one of the finest pure christmas songs ever written. God DAMN I love the Smashing Pumpkins.
3. Tom Waits - Christmas Sucks: Definitely describes my feeling about the season this year. The average person doesn't get nearly enough Tom Waits in thier musical diet.
2. Run DMC - Christmas In Hollis: Mom's cookin' chicken and collard greens! Rice and stuffin', macaroni and cheese! And Santa puts gifts under CHRISTMAS TREES!
1. King Diamond - No Presents For Christmas: The single most badass/hilarious Christmas song EVER; plus I dare you to find one with a better guitar solo. There's just something about a guy dressed in black leather with upside-down crosses painted on his face repeating the lines "Tom and Jerry/Drinking sherry!" that warms my evil little heart. "SANTA NEEDS A HELPING HAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAND! YEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH!!!!!"
I wish everyone out there in teh Internets a very Merry Christmas, Happy Hanukkah, a Kwazy Kwanzaa, and a silent and dignified Ramadan.
I'm back, bitches!!!
