Sunday, August 28, 2005
Holy Shit
It seems like every single credible source for weather information is predicting the end of the goddamn world in New Orleans. This is gonna be bad; like Biblical endtimes bad. Read this seriously fucked up shit:
When even Jim Cantore isn't sticking around in New Orleans, you best get the fuck out, because everything you see will be laid to waste.
Good luck, Lousianians. By the looks of things, you're gonna need it.
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It seems like every single credible source for weather information is predicting the end of the goddamn world in New Orleans. This is gonna be bad; like Biblical endtimes bad. Read this seriously fucked up shit:
MOST OF THE AREA WILL BE UNINHABITABLE FOR WEEKS...PERHAPS LONGER. ATI'm hoping everybody in New Orleans has enough common sense to get the fuck out of there like, yesterday.
LEAST ONE HALF OF WELL CONSTRUCTED HOMES WILL HAVE ROOF AND WALL
FAILURE. ALL GABLED ROOFS WILL FAIL...LEAVING THOSE HOMES SEVERELY
DAMAGED OR DESTROYED.
THE MAJORITY OF INDUSTRIAL BUILDINGS WILL BECOME NON FUNCTIONAL.
PARTIAL TO COMPLETE WALL AND ROOF FAILURE IS EXPECTED. ALL WOOD
FRAMED LOW RISING APARTMENT BUILDINGS WILL BE DESTROYED. CONCRETE
BLOCK LOW RISE APARTMENTS WILL SUSTAIN MAJOR DAMAGE...INCLUDING SOME
WALL AND ROOF FAILURE.
HIGH RISE OFFICE AND APARTMENT BUILDINGS WILL SWAY DANGEROUSLY...A
FEW TO THE POINT OF TOTAL COLLAPSE. ALL WINDOWS WILL BLOW OUT.
AIRBORNE DEBRIS WILL BE WIDESPREAD...AND MAY INCLUDE HEAVY ITEMS SUCH
AS HOUSEHOLD APPLIANCES AND EVEN LIGHT VEHICLES. SPORT UTILITY
VEHICLES AND LIGHT TRUCKS WILL BE MOVED. THE BLOWN DEBRIS WILL CREATE
ADDITIONAL DESTRUCTION. PERSONS...PETS...AND LIVESTOCK EXPOSED TO THE
WINDS WILL FACE CERTAIN DEATH IF STRUCK.
POWER OUTAGES WILL LAST FOR WEEKS...AS MOST POWER POLES WILL BE DOWN
AND TRANSFORMERS DESTROYED. WATER SHORTAGES WILL MAKE HUMAN SUFFERING
INCREDIBLE BY MODERN STANDARDS.
THE VAST MAJORITY OF NATIVE TREES WILL BE SNAPPED OR UPROOTED. ONLY
THE HEARTIEST WILL REMAIN STANDING...BUT BE TOTALLY DEFOLIATED. FEW
CROPS WILL REMAIN. LIVESTOCK LEFT EXPOSED TO THE WINDS WILL BE
KILLED.
When even Jim Cantore isn't sticking around in New Orleans, you best get the fuck out, because everything you see will be laid to waste.
Good luck, Lousianians. By the looks of things, you're gonna need it.
Friday, August 19, 2005
A Very Short 40-Year-Old Virgin review
How funny is The 40-Year-Old Virgin?
My friend Art, whom I hold in high esteem, shat himself.
Seriously.
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How funny is The 40-Year-Old Virgin?
My friend Art, whom I hold in high esteem, shat himself.
Seriously.
Friday, August 12, 2005
Random Meaningless Top 10 List: Volume VII: Advent Children
It's been way too long since I last posted one of these. Chalk it up to job training and an INTENSE work schedule over the past 2 weeks (Today was my third 12-hour workday this WEEK). Needless to say this, combined with the violently oppressive heat (24 90+ degree days so far this summer...disgusting); I haven't had the werewithal to muster up a quality meaningless Top 10 list.
UNTIL NOW.
After many hours of debate with....well...myself...I have come up with a Top 10 List that will jumpstart my ass back in gear. Ladies and gentlemen, boys and girls, children of ALL ages...D-Generation X proudly...ahem...sorry; wrestling fan reflex. Anyways, presenting:
10. Beck - Odelay!: I bought it because I liked the song 'Loser' off his first album. Little did I know that it would captivate me with its overpowering weirdness. Bottles and cans, just clap your hands.
9. Children of Bodom - Hatebreeder: This album showed me a world of chaos and destruction. I thought I knew metal; I was WRONG. The only other metal DJ at the campus radio station in college introduced me to black metal with this album. Black lead to thrash, thrash lead to melodic death, melodic death lead to death and hard industrial. My horizons had officially been broadened.
8. No Doubt - Tragic Kingdom: The simultaneously most beautiful and most devastating relationship I have ever had with any other human being had this for the soundtrack.
7. Metallica - Metallica (the Black Album) This classic was the album that initially introduced me to heavy metal music, and for that I am forever in Metallica's debt. Guitar solos, riffs that could cut the head off a live chicken at the right volume, and absolutely insane drumwork (or at least, it was in 1991) Every single song is a classic. Just retire guys, and everything will be cool between us.
6. The Beatles - Revolver: The first Beatles album I ever listened to beginning to end, and still the best album The Beatles ever put out. Taxman blew me away (The Beatles get LOUD?) and the whole album kept me hanging on to every note.
5. Bob Dylan - The Times They Are A-Changin': My introduction to Bob Dylan. I wrote a 20 page term paper on Rock Music in the 1960's and its effects on the youth population for an english class in my sophomore year of college. I borrowed a record player and the campus radiop station's copy of this album. After the title track, I was totally encompassed with Dylan's words and phrases. Just phenomenal.
4. Faith No More - Angel Dust: Introduced me to a whole world I never knew existed and taught me what rock music was truly capable of, and expanded my musical tastes to more of the strange and experimental.
3. Nirvana - In Utero: The first CD I ever purchased with money that I earned through my very first job; a paper route. The keystone in a collection that has grown to almost 1100. This was the first hit that drug addicts always say started them on thier downward spiral into addiction and debt. They speak the truth.
2. The Smashing Pumpkins - Mellon Collie & the Infinite Sadness: This album opened my eyes to what rock music could be, what it should be. Grand, majestic, ass-kicking, soulful, poetic and very obtuse and original. This has been my favorite album since the day it came out.
1. Aerosmith - Get A Grip: The very first rock album I ever owned. It opened up a whole new world to me...guitars, bass and drums, and Steven Tyler screeching like a dying cat in a blender....and Alicia Silverstone videos too. God, what a fucking cool album. This introduced me to rock and roll, and forever changed my destiny, young Skywalker.
Rock, or rock not. There is no try.
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It's been way too long since I last posted one of these. Chalk it up to job training and an INTENSE work schedule over the past 2 weeks (Today was my third 12-hour workday this WEEK). Needless to say this, combined with the violently oppressive heat (24 90+ degree days so far this summer...disgusting); I haven't had the werewithal to muster up a quality meaningless Top 10 list.
UNTIL NOW.
After many hours of debate with....well...myself...I have come up with a Top 10 List that will jumpstart my ass back in gear. Ladies and gentlemen, boys and girls, children of ALL ages...D-Generation X proudly...ahem...sorry; wrestling fan reflex. Anyways, presenting:
Top 10 Most Important Albums In My Life
10. Beck - Odelay!: I bought it because I liked the song 'Loser' off his first album. Little did I know that it would captivate me with its overpowering weirdness. Bottles and cans, just clap your hands.
9. Children of Bodom - Hatebreeder: This album showed me a world of chaos and destruction. I thought I knew metal; I was WRONG. The only other metal DJ at the campus radio station in college introduced me to black metal with this album. Black lead to thrash, thrash lead to melodic death, melodic death lead to death and hard industrial. My horizons had officially been broadened.
8. No Doubt - Tragic Kingdom: The simultaneously most beautiful and most devastating relationship I have ever had with any other human being had this for the soundtrack.
7. Metallica - Metallica (the Black Album) This classic was the album that initially introduced me to heavy metal music, and for that I am forever in Metallica's debt. Guitar solos, riffs that could cut the head off a live chicken at the right volume, and absolutely insane drumwork (or at least, it was in 1991) Every single song is a classic. Just retire guys, and everything will be cool between us.
6. The Beatles - Revolver: The first Beatles album I ever listened to beginning to end, and still the best album The Beatles ever put out. Taxman blew me away (The Beatles get LOUD?) and the whole album kept me hanging on to every note.
5. Bob Dylan - The Times They Are A-Changin': My introduction to Bob Dylan. I wrote a 20 page term paper on Rock Music in the 1960's and its effects on the youth population for an english class in my sophomore year of college. I borrowed a record player and the campus radiop station's copy of this album. After the title track, I was totally encompassed with Dylan's words and phrases. Just phenomenal.
4. Faith No More - Angel Dust: Introduced me to a whole world I never knew existed and taught me what rock music was truly capable of, and expanded my musical tastes to more of the strange and experimental.
3. Nirvana - In Utero: The first CD I ever purchased with money that I earned through my very first job; a paper route. The keystone in a collection that has grown to almost 1100. This was the first hit that drug addicts always say started them on thier downward spiral into addiction and debt. They speak the truth.
2. The Smashing Pumpkins - Mellon Collie & the Infinite Sadness: This album opened my eyes to what rock music could be, what it should be. Grand, majestic, ass-kicking, soulful, poetic and very obtuse and original. This has been my favorite album since the day it came out.
1. Aerosmith - Get A Grip: The very first rock album I ever owned. It opened up a whole new world to me...guitars, bass and drums, and Steven Tyler screeching like a dying cat in a blender....and Alicia Silverstone videos too. God, what a fucking cool album. This introduced me to rock and roll, and forever changed my destiny, young Skywalker.
Rock, or rock not. There is no try.
Wednesday, August 10, 2005
I Was Touched By His Noodly Appendage
This is hellaciously awesome:
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This is hellaciously awesome:
Thursday, August 04, 2005
I Was Rocked Like A Hurricane
OZZFEST 2005
Pittsburgh Post-Gazette Pavillion
7/23/2005
Dear Revolver,
I don't usually write letters like this, but I can't believe this happened to me...
That's how I would start this review if I was clinically retarded. But I feel I should give some insight as to my psychological condition going into the concert, so maybe my ratings will make more sense. I was sent to Pittsburgh for two weeks of job training, expecting to just sit in my plush hotel room bored out of my mind for the full two weeks. And for the most part, I was right on the money. So, I was bored Wednesday night and decided to read everything in my hotel room, 'ceptin' the Gideon Bible, because that fucker is LONG (in all honesty, I read Genesis because it had been so long since I picked up the bible, and I figured it would be good for a few chuckles. I was right.) So, I'm searching the hotel room for things to read when I get to the corkboard they put up in every room. This had menus to various restaurants in the area, a list of phone numbers for theaters and such, and an event calendar. The calendar would have the weekdays filled with what restaurants have specials and that there'd be a keg of some ass-tasting beer in the lobby between 5 and 6 and things of that nature. On the weekends, it would say things like 'Don't miss Neil Diamond at the convention center blahblahblah'. I thought to myself "Well, Neil Diamond WAS in a shitty Jack Black movie. Maybe I should check it out." when I checked out what was written for the weekend I was actually there. OZZFEST. I seriously jumped around in circles (I'm hardcore like that) and made my preparations. Ozzfest, here comes Evil Brian!
Let me preface this by saying that I had never been to an Ozzfest before, or any outdoor festival-type concert for that matter. Let me also say that FedEx actually picked up the bill for this. Let me explain: they give us a certain allowance for food for the two weeks we're there, $288. However, our hotel rooms have a fridge, microwave, stovetop and toaster. So, I bought about $70 worth of food to last me 2 weeks, $30 worth of liquor, and spent pretty much all the rest of the money on Ozzfest. I'm awesome like that.
Also, with my ratings, pretend the little asterisks are actually upside down pentagrams. It's much cooler that way. Everything's out of five upside down pentagrams.
So, I arrived at Ozzfest at about 10 AM after getting on the wrong highway, but I was not worried since I figured that they would put some of the bullshit acts on first like Wicked Wisdom, A Dozen Furies, etc. Nope, the first two bands they threw onstage were Trivium and Black Dahlia Murder, both of which I was hoping to see. Fuckers. I did, however get to Ozzfest just in time to see:
Who the Fuck Are They?: Thrash metal band from Sweden formed after the breakup of the seminal At The Gates. Very fast, very loud, very in your face.
For going on at 10 in the morning, they KILLED. Barely even took breaks between songs, which I suppose is what you have to do when you're only given 15 minutes to slay everyone listening to you. They did give enough time to telling everyone to "go download our first album...Fuck Earache." (Earache was thier first record label which, as it seems, screwed them out of money). You could barely tell the songs apart, but nobody really cared this early in the morning, it's kind of what you expect.
Highlight: D.O.A., mostly because I love the song, but partially because it was one I could actually discern.
Rating: A solid ***. Decent way to start off the day.
Now, I was told this was different from what they've done in the past, but instead of having two acts going at once; one on the second stage and one on the main stage; they decided to have the entire second stage go first, and THEN have the guys on the main stage perform which, I think, makes a ton of sense. I didn't wanna miss anybody. But then again, I wouldn't have lost any sleep if I had missed:
Who the Fuck Are They?: Evidently, one of the leaders of the so-called "tough guy hardcore", this five-piece band from Boston relentlessly toured the East Coast until getting signed to Victory Records and, subsequently, getting thrown onto Ozzfest. A fun sidenote, however, thier Victory Records debut "Cover Your Tracks" has every song named after a different Tom Cruise movie, i.e. Top Gun, Color Of Money, Mission Impossible: 2, etc.
I'll give this to them: they were loud. And fast. Loud and fast. You just couldn't understand anything they were saying, and I listen to fucking death metal. I don't know, it all seemed very by-the-numbers hardcore to me with no individuality whatsoever. A ton of unintelligible bullshit. I will give them credit for getting the crowd moving at 10:30 AM though.
Highlight: the one song they had (which they used to both open and close the set. That's right, they bookended a 15 minute set) where the only lyrics, the ONLY LYRICS, were "Bury your fucking dead!" over and over again.
Rating: * I should've used this time to get a 7 dollar beer.
I was genuinely excited for this next band. Not because I wanted to see them exactly, but because I wanted to see the crowd's reaction to them. Here comes:
Who the Fuck Are They?: It's a rock band with lead vocals provided by Jada Pinkett-Smith. Yes, the one married to WIll Smith. Yes, THAT Will Smith. Plus, the lead guitarist's name is Pocket. They once opened for Britney Spears on tour. Yes, THAT Britney Spears.
What would happen if Otep sucked as bad as you think they did? Wicked Wisdom. The drummer was competent, but everything else sounded very high-school-productiony. Jada Pinkett-Smith cannot scream to save her life, though she tries. Sweet merciful crap, she tries. The crowd didn't boo, but they didn't cheer either. The set lasted for three very non-catchy songs, and it was 3 songs too many. I kept waiting for Will Smith to jump on stage and start to get jiggy with it. Na-na-na-na-na na na!
Highlight: they walked off the stage.
Rating: -*** They put Trivium on at 9:20, but let this shit on the stage at 11?? Blasphemy, and not the good kind!
Next, the worst-named band I've ever heard:
Who the Fuck Are They?: A mathcore/nu-metal band from upstate New York that was signed to a label by the clown from Slipknot. Has not opened for Britney Spears. Yet.
Meh.
Highlight: I got my beer!
Rating: 1/2 *
This was the low point at Ozzfest, but at least it wasn't sweltering yet! No, that would come AFTER this next band's set:
Who the Fuck Are They?: Melodic death metal band from Sweden. The lead singer has a mohawk for some reason. They are awesome and speak really broken English.
Soilwork was really the first band to garner a huge turnout, with people leaving the lawn in droves to file up close to the stage. They did not disappoint, Soilwork was actually really good live. Loud, energetic, and playing everything the crowd wanted to hear. Definitely a huge step up from the last 3 performances.
Highlight: Light the Torch, though Stabbing the Drama turned out very good as well.
Rating: ** 1/2
At this point in the day, the temperature was climbing past 90 and getting worse. I decided to get another beer before the next act came on. That might've been my worst decision of the day, other than sitting through Wicked Wisdom. I decided to sit in the shade to take in:
Who the Fuck Are They?: A very young metalcore band from Niagara Falls, NY. They sound like Bleeding Through, except halfway decent.
It Dies Today has put out one album so far, and that has a handful of decent songs on it. However, they don't really have strong concert legs yet. The songs translated quite poorly into a live setting, but at least you could tell that there was something worth salvaging underneath the muddled mess of the whole thing.
Highlight: Freak Gasoline Fight Accident came out okay, but still nothing to get too worked up over.
Rating: * 1/2 Disappointing, since I do kinda like them.
It was about this time that I had started to feel the beer suck the moisture from my organs and the heat started getting to me. I took a quick run to the rain tent (they set up a tent with soaker hoses in the roof right next to the second stage. Brilliant!) but I didn't want to stray too far, because here comes:
Who the Fuck Are They?: Swedish (notice a trend yet?) band that mixes elements of melodic, thrash and death metal into a bone-crushing metal amalgam. Plus they have one of the hottest female lead singers known to man (Angela Gossow).
Holy shit. Arch Enemy tore the goddamn place DOWN. Everything they played absolutely killed. Angela Gossow screams and growls like a demon hellspawn. and I'm not ashamed to say that it gets me pretty excited, if you know what I mean (and I think you do). The whole crowd was into them, and I'm quite confident that they could've played for an hour and nobody would have cared. A phenomenal live performance that I definitely recommend to any metal fans out there.
Highlight: Ravenous, We Will Rise, Dead Eyes See No Future; it was all awesome.
Rating: **** and they goddamn deserve it.
Lots of crowd movement = lots of heat, so I made my way to the rain tent once again, and then found a small patch of shade to stand in while I watched:
Who the Fuck Are They?: Melodic metalcore 5-piece from Texas. They got onto Ozzfest (and got a record deal) by winning on the reality show "Battle For Ozzfest". Likes pentagrams, yet are not death metal in any way, shape or form.
They weren't nearly as bad as I was expecting them to be. Not great, but not bad. The're pretty comfortable on a stage, even one that's about 95 degrees and out in the sun. The crowd ate the shit up with a spoon, though.
Highlight: I didn't catch any song titles, but they had at least one decent song.
Rating: **. I'm a generous fellow.
I probably should've used A Dozen Furies' set to go get myself some water, but I didn't want to lose my place in the crowd for:
Who the Fuck Are They?: Genre-smashing metal band from Atlanta, GA. I consider them a more extreme version of Tool. Thier last album was a concept album about Moby Dick, and made it to #4 of my Top 20 (+2) Albums of 2004.
This was one of the three main reasons I came to Ozzfest (along with Iron Maiden and Black Sabbath). I've wanted to see Mastodon live for a long time, so they could've spent the entire 15 minutes playing "Hearts Alive" (a slow, 15-minute long song) and I would've been happy. But they didn't. Instead, they played the most crushing songs they have in thier repertoire as loud as humanly possible. JOY! They got the first real circle pit of the day going during "Blood and Thunder" I threw my horns in the air like I just didn't care, and it felt terrific!
Highlight: Megalodon, March of the Fire Ants, Where Strides the Behemoth, Iron Tusk, Blood and Thunder...basically the entire set.
Rating: ****. HAIL!
After being completely blown away by Mastodon, I wandered over to the merch booths and picked up two T-shirts; one Arch Enemy and one Mastodon. I then went to the local water vendor and purchased two bottles of water. It cost me $6.50. Insane crack prices for water, but, not wanting to dunk my head into a toilet, it was my only option. I totally skipped the next set by As I Lay Dying, because the lines were hella long for water and I'm not a huge fan of hardcore music. I just barely caught the last song "Meaning In Tragedy", wasn't too bad, but I definitely needed the water more than I needed As I Lay Dying. Besides, I needed to get geared up for the next act:
Who the Fuck Are They?: THE face of modern metalcore. Also has the only other black person on the tour besides Jada-Pinkett Smith and her drummer.
The thing that completely amazes me about Killswitch Engage is thier ability to hit EVERY SINGLE GODDAMN NOTE in concert that they do on the record. I mean, it's mind-boggling how incredibly perfect they play live. And Howard Jones? Shit, Howard Jones is one of the best vocalists in modern metal today. Few people have the ability to go from gut-wrenching screaming to melodic singing and not sound completely muddled. Jones has that ability, and he flaunts it. They had the entire crowd in the palm of thier hand.
Highlight: My Last Seranade with the entire crowd singing the chorus. Although watching about a fourth of the people there crowd surf during Numbered Days was pretty cool too.
Rating: ****
It just kept getting hotter and hotter. I ran into the Playstation 2 trailer for some air-conditioned goodness, then back to the rain tent, then back to the stage just in time to see:
Who the Fuck Are They?: Former lead singer of White Zombie and his own solo band, along with being the director of 2 major films; he's been making music for nearly 20 years.
The metal veteran knows how to work a crowd, and his band slammed down every single hit in his discography. Moshing, jumping, crowd surfing, and so many titty flashes we could've been at a strip club. At one point, all you could see was a sea of hands rhythmically throwing up the metal horns to his industrial cacophony. EVERY song was a sing along and every song was a high energy move-it-or-lose-it situation. Security was hosing down the crowd with water at this point, as I'm almost positive it must've hit 100 degrees. As he got towards the end of his set (he announced that he was gonna play a Van Halen cover), I had to exit, as I started getting a little dizzy from the heat. I made my way to the vendors and double fisted another couple bottles of water. I could hear him ending and everyone cheering as I chugged the water and frantically searched for shade without avail.
Highlight: Dragula. Just insane.
Rating: ****
So, after that whole debacle, I decided I should get some overpriced food in me, since I hadn't eaten since about 6:30 that morning. I waited...and waited....and waited...I was in line for food about half an hour. When I had finally gotten it and found a spot in which to eat, In Flames were just finishing up thier set on the main stage. Shit. (Just so you know, In Flames was the fourth Swedish metal band on the tour, and I was quite looking forward to seeing them. Unfortunately, thirst prevailed) So anyways, the sun continued to beat down on Pittsburgh while the next act took the stage:
Who the Fuck Are They?: Zakk Wylde's main band (when he's not playing guitar for Ozzy), bad ass motherfuckers.
I was a little out of it, as I tried to shade myself from the hot sun with my new T-shirts and slather myself with sunscreen for about the 4th time since I got there. In all honesty, and maybe it was just me, but BLS' set just seemed kind of...lackluster. I mean, they played thier best songs and everything, and Zakk was certainly energetic, but the set was just...kind of disappointing.
Highlight: Stillborn
Rating: **1/2
While I waited for the next act to come on, I watched the grass on the lawn of the Post-Gazette Pavillion die before my eyes. I'm honestly amazed there were no spontaneous brush fires all over the damn place. I picked up an overly-expensive chicken tender basket and got back to the lawn in the middle of...
Who the Fuck Are They?: Melodic thrash metal band from Massachussetts who often sound like the second coming of Metallica. AT least, they do to my evil ears. The lead singer has four-foot-long dreadlocks.
I missed the first 3 or 4 songs, but it was totally worth it to soak up the rest of the set. Shadows Fall is one of the best thrash bands working today. They pretty much stuck to thier new album and the one before it ("The War Within" and "The Art Of Balance", respectively.) I'm a huge fan of Art of Balance, so I nearly crapped myself when they went into Thoughts Without Words. Nothing particularly strange or noteworthy, just good fucking metal.
Highlight: Thoughts Without Words
Rating: ***
While it didn't cool down in the least bit, at least at this point in time it stopped getting hotter, which is good, since I was quite sure I was a few degrees from spontaneous human combustion. The next band up is one of my personal favorites in the genre, though few share this opinion with me, and I'm expecting at least one person reading this to call me a faggot.
Who the Fuck Are They?: Under-rated so-called nu-metal band that has written some damn fine songs. Used to get mixed up with Slipknot until people realized Mudvayne had talent. Currently in possession of one of the finest bassists I've heard in metal music. Used to wear retarded makeup, but realized it was gay and stopped wearing it, immediately giving them +100 common-sense points. Slipknot still at 0.
A totally solid performance. Played all the hits plus stuff off the new, slightly lackluster album. Mentioned American soldiers fighting in Iraq before jumping into the poignant "World So Cold". The bassist smokes just as hard live as he does on the album. Thankfully, played songs off of L.D. 50 to back such a claim up. This was the closest Ozzfest came to nu-metal, and I still say that the label doesn't apply to them.
Highlight: World So Cold, Death Blooms, the basswork in Nothing To Gein
Rating: ***1/2
It was just as the next band started taking the stage that the sun finally - FINALLY! - started setting and I could stop sweating my balls off. This was my main reason for coming to Ozzfest. The single band that I desperately wanted to see live. Gods among thier metal brethren. My friends, I give you:
Who the Fuck Are They?: They're IRON FUCKING MAIDEN.
Holy shit. Holy SHIT. Where to even begin? The band came out guns blazing and didn't relent in the least for thier entire set. Backdrops fashioned after thier album covers rotated in and out with each song. Bruce Dickinson is the anti-Ozzy, in that he is an absolute cardiovascular madman. Running from one side of the stage to the other, jumping up and down, climbing up the sets and posing, all the while singing and screaming with a voice that could crack heaven and make it bleed. These, THESE truly were metal gods doing what they do best: rocking the fucking house. Words can barely describe the overpowering awesomeness of Maiden. Sing-alongs, fist-pumping, crowd-jumping madness, and I got to experience it live.
Here's the complete setlist, as any self-respecting metalhead may jism upon reading what was performed that night:
Wrathchild
The Trooper
Revelations
Phantom Of The Opera
Run To The Hills
Number Of The Beast
The Fugitive
Iron Maiden
-ENCORE-
I'm Running Free
Sanctuary
Highlight: Iron Maiden, when a 10-foot Eddie lumbered onto stage and the crowd erupted as he Frankensteined about for the entire song. Bruce was running around like a small British monkey on ecstasy and just belting out line after line of perfect melody. Then, towards the end, the guitar player started swinging his guitar around like a battleaxe, threw it about 20 feet into the air, CAUGHT it, resumed playing, then threw it AGAIN and caught it. IN-FUCKING-SANE.
Rating: *****. The finest metal performance I have ever seen.
I overheard some stupid punk kids afterwards calling Iron Maiden "faggy" and "old". Fuck them. Let them have thier Gizmachis, thier Dozen Furies, thier Wicked Wisdoms. At this point it was about 9 PM and starting to get dark. Perfect for the main event...the reason Ozzfest exists, and the cue for about 1/8th of the audience to pack up and get the fuck out (we don't need them anyways); I give you:
Who the Fuck Are They?: The band that almost single-handedly (Led Zeppelin did thier part, too) created heavy metal. They are the impetus, the Alpha, the prototype, the mold from which all other heavy music was forged.
I had never before experienced a live Black Sabbath concert, so this was a very special performance for me. And Sabbath did not disappoint. I'll be honest with you, I was just ecstatic they showed up, what with Ozzy's frequent cancellations (for the love of god, someone take this man off the road.) All the lights went off, and the first strums of N.I.B. came out of the speakers. Everyone who had access to a lighter lit it up and held it in the air, and you could SMELL the fumes, there were so many of them. The curtain dropped down and the band raged. Ozzy did his Ozzy thing, and the rest of the band followed suit, playing some of the loudest, heaviest, dirtiest metal I have ever been privvy to. Tips for future Ozzy/Sabbath fans: get used to the lines "Go fucking crazy!", "I can't fucking hear you!" and clapping your hands a LOT. As for the music; sublime. Ozzy was surprisingly on point, his voice only noticeably faltering towards the last third of the set. At one point, an assistant ran in back of Ozzy and set 2 cups of tea on the drumstand for him, and I couldn't help but laugh. Tony Iommi is still a god and can still thrash with the best of them. Bill Ward looked to be a little winded halfway through the set, but it's passable since all the members of Black Sabbath are old as dirt. I wrote this setlist down too and, though it probably isn't very special or surprising to those of you who've seen them live before, it was cool for me.
N.I.B. (Intro)
After Forever
War Pigs
Dirty Women
Medley (I immediately recognized Sweet Leaf, but the others I couldn't place)
Iron Man
Black Sabbath
Paranoid
Unfortunately, there was no encore, and the set ended at a very short 50 minutes. I was quite disappointed that there was no encore, but the show as a whole made up for it, as you will see.
Highlight: Black Sabbath. The entire crowd went fucking apeshit, throwing up horns, lighters, fists, whatever they could. All of a sudden, I smelled smoke, and I thought "Why the hell would anyone use a smoke machine at an outdoor festival?" when I saw them. Wisps of flame and plumes of smoke popping up interspersed among the crowd. All over the lawn, people started building BONFIRES. And not small ones, but five foot tall walls of flame. And jumping through them. Security did thier best to douse the flames and take the likely quite-inebriated suspects into custody, but it seemed that everytime they put one out, another arose. It was chaos; absolute drunken mayhem. And I loved every moment of it.
Rating: **** for the performance, ***** for the experience.
I trudged back to my car (picking up a Sabbath T-shirt along the way) and began the hour-long journey out of the parking lot, and the 15-minute journey back to the hotel. It was a long, hot fucked-up day, and I wouldn't have had it any other way. All of my wildest metal dreams came true.
Pointless rebellion, mayhem, chaos, destruction, rampant commercialization, arson and significant property damage.
I love you, Ozzfest.
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OZZFEST 2005
Pittsburgh Post-Gazette Pavillion
7/23/2005
Dear Revolver,
I don't usually write letters like this, but I can't believe this happened to me...
That's how I would start this review if I was clinically retarded. But I feel I should give some insight as to my psychological condition going into the concert, so maybe my ratings will make more sense. I was sent to Pittsburgh for two weeks of job training, expecting to just sit in my plush hotel room bored out of my mind for the full two weeks. And for the most part, I was right on the money. So, I was bored Wednesday night and decided to read everything in my hotel room, 'ceptin' the Gideon Bible, because that fucker is LONG (in all honesty, I read Genesis because it had been so long since I picked up the bible, and I figured it would be good for a few chuckles. I was right.) So, I'm searching the hotel room for things to read when I get to the corkboard they put up in every room. This had menus to various restaurants in the area, a list of phone numbers for theaters and such, and an event calendar. The calendar would have the weekdays filled with what restaurants have specials and that there'd be a keg of some ass-tasting beer in the lobby between 5 and 6 and things of that nature. On the weekends, it would say things like 'Don't miss Neil Diamond at the convention center blahblahblah'. I thought to myself "Well, Neil Diamond WAS in a shitty Jack Black movie. Maybe I should check it out." when I checked out what was written for the weekend I was actually there. OZZFEST. I seriously jumped around in circles (I'm hardcore like that) and made my preparations. Ozzfest, here comes Evil Brian!
Let me preface this by saying that I had never been to an Ozzfest before, or any outdoor festival-type concert for that matter. Let me also say that FedEx actually picked up the bill for this. Let me explain: they give us a certain allowance for food for the two weeks we're there, $288. However, our hotel rooms have a fridge, microwave, stovetop and toaster. So, I bought about $70 worth of food to last me 2 weeks, $30 worth of liquor, and spent pretty much all the rest of the money on Ozzfest. I'm awesome like that.
Also, with my ratings, pretend the little asterisks are actually upside down pentagrams. It's much cooler that way. Everything's out of five upside down pentagrams.
So, I arrived at Ozzfest at about 10 AM after getting on the wrong highway, but I was not worried since I figured that they would put some of the bullshit acts on first like Wicked Wisdom, A Dozen Furies, etc. Nope, the first two bands they threw onstage were Trivium and Black Dahlia Murder, both of which I was hoping to see. Fuckers. I did, however get to Ozzfest just in time to see:
THE HAUNTED
Who the Fuck Are They?: Thrash metal band from Sweden formed after the breakup of the seminal At The Gates. Very fast, very loud, very in your face.
For going on at 10 in the morning, they KILLED. Barely even took breaks between songs, which I suppose is what you have to do when you're only given 15 minutes to slay everyone listening to you. They did give enough time to telling everyone to "go download our first album...Fuck Earache." (Earache was thier first record label which, as it seems, screwed them out of money). You could barely tell the songs apart, but nobody really cared this early in the morning, it's kind of what you expect.
Highlight: D.O.A., mostly because I love the song, but partially because it was one I could actually discern.
Rating: A solid ***. Decent way to start off the day.
Now, I was told this was different from what they've done in the past, but instead of having two acts going at once; one on the second stage and one on the main stage; they decided to have the entire second stage go first, and THEN have the guys on the main stage perform which, I think, makes a ton of sense. I didn't wanna miss anybody. But then again, I wouldn't have lost any sleep if I had missed:
BURY YOUR DEAD
Who the Fuck Are They?: Evidently, one of the leaders of the so-called "tough guy hardcore", this five-piece band from Boston relentlessly toured the East Coast until getting signed to Victory Records and, subsequently, getting thrown onto Ozzfest. A fun sidenote, however, thier Victory Records debut "Cover Your Tracks" has every song named after a different Tom Cruise movie, i.e. Top Gun, Color Of Money, Mission Impossible: 2, etc.
I'll give this to them: they were loud. And fast. Loud and fast. You just couldn't understand anything they were saying, and I listen to fucking death metal. I don't know, it all seemed very by-the-numbers hardcore to me with no individuality whatsoever. A ton of unintelligible bullshit. I will give them credit for getting the crowd moving at 10:30 AM though.
Highlight: the one song they had (which they used to both open and close the set. That's right, they bookended a 15 minute set) where the only lyrics, the ONLY LYRICS, were "Bury your fucking dead!" over and over again.
Rating: * I should've used this time to get a 7 dollar beer.
I was genuinely excited for this next band. Not because I wanted to see them exactly, but because I wanted to see the crowd's reaction to them. Here comes:
WICKED WISDOM
Who the Fuck Are They?: It's a rock band with lead vocals provided by Jada Pinkett-Smith. Yes, the one married to WIll Smith. Yes, THAT Will Smith. Plus, the lead guitarist's name is Pocket. They once opened for Britney Spears on tour. Yes, THAT Britney Spears.
What would happen if Otep sucked as bad as you think they did? Wicked Wisdom. The drummer was competent, but everything else sounded very high-school-productiony. Jada Pinkett-Smith cannot scream to save her life, though she tries. Sweet merciful crap, she tries. The crowd didn't boo, but they didn't cheer either. The set lasted for three very non-catchy songs, and it was 3 songs too many. I kept waiting for Will Smith to jump on stage and start to get jiggy with it. Na-na-na-na-na na na!
Highlight: they walked off the stage.
Rating: -*** They put Trivium on at 9:20, but let this shit on the stage at 11?? Blasphemy, and not the good kind!
Next, the worst-named band I've ever heard:
GIZMACHI
Who the Fuck Are They?: A mathcore/nu-metal band from upstate New York that was signed to a label by the clown from Slipknot. Has not opened for Britney Spears. Yet.
Meh.
Highlight: I got my beer!
Rating: 1/2 *
This was the low point at Ozzfest, but at least it wasn't sweltering yet! No, that would come AFTER this next band's set:
SOILWORK
Who the Fuck Are They?: Melodic death metal band from Sweden. The lead singer has a mohawk for some reason. They are awesome and speak really broken English.
Soilwork was really the first band to garner a huge turnout, with people leaving the lawn in droves to file up close to the stage. They did not disappoint, Soilwork was actually really good live. Loud, energetic, and playing everything the crowd wanted to hear. Definitely a huge step up from the last 3 performances.
Highlight: Light the Torch, though Stabbing the Drama turned out very good as well.
Rating: ** 1/2
At this point in the day, the temperature was climbing past 90 and getting worse. I decided to get another beer before the next act came on. That might've been my worst decision of the day, other than sitting through Wicked Wisdom. I decided to sit in the shade to take in:
IT DIES TODAY
Who the Fuck Are They?: A very young metalcore band from Niagara Falls, NY. They sound like Bleeding Through, except halfway decent.
It Dies Today has put out one album so far, and that has a handful of decent songs on it. However, they don't really have strong concert legs yet. The songs translated quite poorly into a live setting, but at least you could tell that there was something worth salvaging underneath the muddled mess of the whole thing.
Highlight: Freak Gasoline Fight Accident came out okay, but still nothing to get too worked up over.
Rating: * 1/2 Disappointing, since I do kinda like them.
It was about this time that I had started to feel the beer suck the moisture from my organs and the heat started getting to me. I took a quick run to the rain tent (they set up a tent with soaker hoses in the roof right next to the second stage. Brilliant!) but I didn't want to stray too far, because here comes:
ARCH ENEMY
Who the Fuck Are They?: Swedish (notice a trend yet?) band that mixes elements of melodic, thrash and death metal into a bone-crushing metal amalgam. Plus they have one of the hottest female lead singers known to man (Angela Gossow).
Holy shit. Arch Enemy tore the goddamn place DOWN. Everything they played absolutely killed. Angela Gossow screams and growls like a demon hellspawn. and I'm not ashamed to say that it gets me pretty excited, if you know what I mean (and I think you do). The whole crowd was into them, and I'm quite confident that they could've played for an hour and nobody would have cared. A phenomenal live performance that I definitely recommend to any metal fans out there.
Highlight: Ravenous, We Will Rise, Dead Eyes See No Future; it was all awesome.
Rating: **** and they goddamn deserve it.
Lots of crowd movement = lots of heat, so I made my way to the rain tent once again, and then found a small patch of shade to stand in while I watched:
A DOZEN FURIES
Who the Fuck Are They?: Melodic metalcore 5-piece from Texas. They got onto Ozzfest (and got a record deal) by winning on the reality show "Battle For Ozzfest". Likes pentagrams, yet are not death metal in any way, shape or form.
They weren't nearly as bad as I was expecting them to be. Not great, but not bad. The're pretty comfortable on a stage, even one that's about 95 degrees and out in the sun. The crowd ate the shit up with a spoon, though.
Highlight: I didn't catch any song titles, but they had at least one decent song.
Rating: **. I'm a generous fellow.
I probably should've used A Dozen Furies' set to go get myself some water, but I didn't want to lose my place in the crowd for:
MASTODON
Who the Fuck Are They?: Genre-smashing metal band from Atlanta, GA. I consider them a more extreme version of Tool. Thier last album was a concept album about Moby Dick, and made it to #4 of my Top 20 (+2) Albums of 2004.
This was one of the three main reasons I came to Ozzfest (along with Iron Maiden and Black Sabbath). I've wanted to see Mastodon live for a long time, so they could've spent the entire 15 minutes playing "Hearts Alive" (a slow, 15-minute long song) and I would've been happy. But they didn't. Instead, they played the most crushing songs they have in thier repertoire as loud as humanly possible. JOY! They got the first real circle pit of the day going during "Blood and Thunder" I threw my horns in the air like I just didn't care, and it felt terrific!
Highlight: Megalodon, March of the Fire Ants, Where Strides the Behemoth, Iron Tusk, Blood and Thunder...basically the entire set.
Rating: ****. HAIL!
After being completely blown away by Mastodon, I wandered over to the merch booths and picked up two T-shirts; one Arch Enemy and one Mastodon. I then went to the local water vendor and purchased two bottles of water. It cost me $6.50. Insane crack prices for water, but, not wanting to dunk my head into a toilet, it was my only option. I totally skipped the next set by As I Lay Dying, because the lines were hella long for water and I'm not a huge fan of hardcore music. I just barely caught the last song "Meaning In Tragedy", wasn't too bad, but I definitely needed the water more than I needed As I Lay Dying. Besides, I needed to get geared up for the next act:
KILLSWITCH ENGAGE
Who the Fuck Are They?: THE face of modern metalcore. Also has the only other black person on the tour besides Jada-Pinkett Smith and her drummer.
The thing that completely amazes me about Killswitch Engage is thier ability to hit EVERY SINGLE GODDAMN NOTE in concert that they do on the record. I mean, it's mind-boggling how incredibly perfect they play live. And Howard Jones? Shit, Howard Jones is one of the best vocalists in modern metal today. Few people have the ability to go from gut-wrenching screaming to melodic singing and not sound completely muddled. Jones has that ability, and he flaunts it. They had the entire crowd in the palm of thier hand.
Highlight: My Last Seranade with the entire crowd singing the chorus. Although watching about a fourth of the people there crowd surf during Numbered Days was pretty cool too.
Rating: ****
It just kept getting hotter and hotter. I ran into the Playstation 2 trailer for some air-conditioned goodness, then back to the rain tent, then back to the stage just in time to see:
ROB ZOMBIE
Who the Fuck Are They?: Former lead singer of White Zombie and his own solo band, along with being the director of 2 major films; he's been making music for nearly 20 years.
The metal veteran knows how to work a crowd, and his band slammed down every single hit in his discography. Moshing, jumping, crowd surfing, and so many titty flashes we could've been at a strip club. At one point, all you could see was a sea of hands rhythmically throwing up the metal horns to his industrial cacophony. EVERY song was a sing along and every song was a high energy move-it-or-lose-it situation. Security was hosing down the crowd with water at this point, as I'm almost positive it must've hit 100 degrees. As he got towards the end of his set (he announced that he was gonna play a Van Halen cover), I had to exit, as I started getting a little dizzy from the heat. I made my way to the vendors and double fisted another couple bottles of water. I could hear him ending and everyone cheering as I chugged the water and frantically searched for shade without avail.
Highlight: Dragula. Just insane.
Rating: ****
So, after that whole debacle, I decided I should get some overpriced food in me, since I hadn't eaten since about 6:30 that morning. I waited...and waited....and waited...I was in line for food about half an hour. When I had finally gotten it and found a spot in which to eat, In Flames were just finishing up thier set on the main stage. Shit. (Just so you know, In Flames was the fourth Swedish metal band on the tour, and I was quite looking forward to seeing them. Unfortunately, thirst prevailed) So anyways, the sun continued to beat down on Pittsburgh while the next act took the stage:
BLACK LABEL SOCIETY
Who the Fuck Are They?: Zakk Wylde's main band (when he's not playing guitar for Ozzy), bad ass motherfuckers.
I was a little out of it, as I tried to shade myself from the hot sun with my new T-shirts and slather myself with sunscreen for about the 4th time since I got there. In all honesty, and maybe it was just me, but BLS' set just seemed kind of...lackluster. I mean, they played thier best songs and everything, and Zakk was certainly energetic, but the set was just...kind of disappointing.
Highlight: Stillborn
Rating: **1/2
While I waited for the next act to come on, I watched the grass on the lawn of the Post-Gazette Pavillion die before my eyes. I'm honestly amazed there were no spontaneous brush fires all over the damn place. I picked up an overly-expensive chicken tender basket and got back to the lawn in the middle of...
SHADOWS FALL
Who the Fuck Are They?: Melodic thrash metal band from Massachussetts who often sound like the second coming of Metallica. AT least, they do to my evil ears. The lead singer has four-foot-long dreadlocks.
I missed the first 3 or 4 songs, but it was totally worth it to soak up the rest of the set. Shadows Fall is one of the best thrash bands working today. They pretty much stuck to thier new album and the one before it ("The War Within" and "The Art Of Balance", respectively.) I'm a huge fan of Art of Balance, so I nearly crapped myself when they went into Thoughts Without Words. Nothing particularly strange or noteworthy, just good fucking metal.
Highlight: Thoughts Without Words
Rating: ***
While it didn't cool down in the least bit, at least at this point in time it stopped getting hotter, which is good, since I was quite sure I was a few degrees from spontaneous human combustion. The next band up is one of my personal favorites in the genre, though few share this opinion with me, and I'm expecting at least one person reading this to call me a faggot.
MUDVAYNE
Who the Fuck Are They?: Under-rated so-called nu-metal band that has written some damn fine songs. Used to get mixed up with Slipknot until people realized Mudvayne had talent. Currently in possession of one of the finest bassists I've heard in metal music. Used to wear retarded makeup, but realized it was gay and stopped wearing it, immediately giving them +100 common-sense points. Slipknot still at 0.
A totally solid performance. Played all the hits plus stuff off the new, slightly lackluster album. Mentioned American soldiers fighting in Iraq before jumping into the poignant "World So Cold". The bassist smokes just as hard live as he does on the album. Thankfully, played songs off of L.D. 50 to back such a claim up. This was the closest Ozzfest came to nu-metal, and I still say that the label doesn't apply to them.
Highlight: World So Cold, Death Blooms, the basswork in Nothing To Gein
Rating: ***1/2
It was just as the next band started taking the stage that the sun finally - FINALLY! - started setting and I could stop sweating my balls off. This was my main reason for coming to Ozzfest. The single band that I desperately wanted to see live. Gods among thier metal brethren. My friends, I give you:
IRON MAIDEN
Who the Fuck Are They?: They're IRON FUCKING MAIDEN.
Holy shit. Holy SHIT. Where to even begin? The band came out guns blazing and didn't relent in the least for thier entire set. Backdrops fashioned after thier album covers rotated in and out with each song. Bruce Dickinson is the anti-Ozzy, in that he is an absolute cardiovascular madman. Running from one side of the stage to the other, jumping up and down, climbing up the sets and posing, all the while singing and screaming with a voice that could crack heaven and make it bleed. These, THESE truly were metal gods doing what they do best: rocking the fucking house. Words can barely describe the overpowering awesomeness of Maiden. Sing-alongs, fist-pumping, crowd-jumping madness, and I got to experience it live.
Here's the complete setlist, as any self-respecting metalhead may jism upon reading what was performed that night:
Wrathchild
The Trooper
Revelations
Phantom Of The Opera
Run To The Hills
Number Of The Beast
The Fugitive
Iron Maiden
-ENCORE-
I'm Running Free
Sanctuary
Highlight: Iron Maiden, when a 10-foot Eddie lumbered onto stage and the crowd erupted as he Frankensteined about for the entire song. Bruce was running around like a small British monkey on ecstasy and just belting out line after line of perfect melody. Then, towards the end, the guitar player started swinging his guitar around like a battleaxe, threw it about 20 feet into the air, CAUGHT it, resumed playing, then threw it AGAIN and caught it. IN-FUCKING-SANE.
Rating: *****. The finest metal performance I have ever seen.
I overheard some stupid punk kids afterwards calling Iron Maiden "faggy" and "old". Fuck them. Let them have thier Gizmachis, thier Dozen Furies, thier Wicked Wisdoms. At this point it was about 9 PM and starting to get dark. Perfect for the main event...the reason Ozzfest exists, and the cue for about 1/8th of the audience to pack up and get the fuck out (we don't need them anyways); I give you:
BLACK SABBATH
Who the Fuck Are They?: The band that almost single-handedly (Led Zeppelin did thier part, too) created heavy metal. They are the impetus, the Alpha, the prototype, the mold from which all other heavy music was forged.
I had never before experienced a live Black Sabbath concert, so this was a very special performance for me. And Sabbath did not disappoint. I'll be honest with you, I was just ecstatic they showed up, what with Ozzy's frequent cancellations (for the love of god, someone take this man off the road.) All the lights went off, and the first strums of N.I.B. came out of the speakers. Everyone who had access to a lighter lit it up and held it in the air, and you could SMELL the fumes, there were so many of them. The curtain dropped down and the band raged. Ozzy did his Ozzy thing, and the rest of the band followed suit, playing some of the loudest, heaviest, dirtiest metal I have ever been privvy to. Tips for future Ozzy/Sabbath fans: get used to the lines "Go fucking crazy!", "I can't fucking hear you!" and clapping your hands a LOT. As for the music; sublime. Ozzy was surprisingly on point, his voice only noticeably faltering towards the last third of the set. At one point, an assistant ran in back of Ozzy and set 2 cups of tea on the drumstand for him, and I couldn't help but laugh. Tony Iommi is still a god and can still thrash with the best of them. Bill Ward looked to be a little winded halfway through the set, but it's passable since all the members of Black Sabbath are old as dirt. I wrote this setlist down too and, though it probably isn't very special or surprising to those of you who've seen them live before, it was cool for me.
N.I.B. (Intro)
After Forever
War Pigs
Dirty Women
Medley (I immediately recognized Sweet Leaf, but the others I couldn't place)
Iron Man
Black Sabbath
Paranoid
Unfortunately, there was no encore, and the set ended at a very short 50 minutes. I was quite disappointed that there was no encore, but the show as a whole made up for it, as you will see.
Highlight: Black Sabbath. The entire crowd went fucking apeshit, throwing up horns, lighters, fists, whatever they could. All of a sudden, I smelled smoke, and I thought "Why the hell would anyone use a smoke machine at an outdoor festival?" when I saw them. Wisps of flame and plumes of smoke popping up interspersed among the crowd. All over the lawn, people started building BONFIRES. And not small ones, but five foot tall walls of flame. And jumping through them. Security did thier best to douse the flames and take the likely quite-inebriated suspects into custody, but it seemed that everytime they put one out, another arose. It was chaos; absolute drunken mayhem. And I loved every moment of it.
Rating: **** for the performance, ***** for the experience.
I trudged back to my car (picking up a Sabbath T-shirt along the way) and began the hour-long journey out of the parking lot, and the 15-minute journey back to the hotel. It was a long, hot fucked-up day, and I wouldn't have had it any other way. All of my wildest metal dreams came true.
Pointless rebellion, mayhem, chaos, destruction, rampant commercialization, arson and significant property damage.
I love you, Ozzfest.
Pssssssssst!.....pass it on!
1) Reply with your name and I'll respond with something random about you.
2) I'll tell you what song/movie reminds me of you.
3) I'll pick a flavor of jello to wrestle with you in.
4) I'll say something that only makes sense to you and me.
5) I'll tell you my first memory of you.
6) I'll tell you what animal you remind me of.
7) I'll ask you something that I've always wondered about you.
8) If I do this for you, you must post this on your journal. You MUST. It is written
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1) Reply with your name and I'll respond with something random about you.
2) I'll tell you what song/movie reminds me of you.
3) I'll pick a flavor of jello to wrestle with you in.
4) I'll say something that only makes sense to you and me.
5) I'll tell you my first memory of you.
6) I'll tell you what animal you remind me of.
7) I'll ask you something that I've always wondered about you.
8) If I do this for you, you must post this on your journal. You MUST. It is written
