Evil Brian's Evil Thoughts...it's a MotherFucker

Top 25 Singles of 2004

2004: the year of the cool-ass single as far as I can tell. Lots of good music this year, most of which cancelled out most of the bullshit on the radio. Here are the creamy 25 that has risen to the top of the crop and...and won't stop....to hop....on pop. And then Drop. In slop.

Here's the fucking songs.

25: Cradle Of Filth – Gilded Cunt

There are no words to describe how fun it is to pull up next to a middle-aged woman in a minivan and chanting “CUNT! CUNT! YOU GILDED CUNT!”

24: The Killers – Somebody Told Me

Androgynistic fun with synthesizers and bouncy pop. Incandescent.

23: Missy Elliot - I'm Really Hot

Okay, so she's not ACTUALLY really hot. Missy is the queen of cool singles, however. This is ass-shakingly delightful. Excuse me, Badonkadonk-shakingly. Also, the video features creepy children.

22: 36 Crazyfists – At the End of August

Woefully underrated and often written off as emocore bullshit nonsense. 36CF can still carry a tune with their melodic hard rockin’ ways.

21: Dropkick Murphys – Tessie

The official anthem of the World Champion Boston Red Sox! SCORE! Enthrall yourselves in the old-timey Irish overtones of the greatest song to come out of Olde Boston Towne in a long, long time.

20: Beastie Boys – Ch-check It Out

Beastie Boys are procrastinators. They rock out. This song makes me wanna dance like a monkey. Rejoyce, fellow monkey-dancers!

19: Incubus – Megalomaniac

Incubus takes a couple steps back to sounding like an actual cool rock band again. Plus they hate George W. Bush. Listen and learn.

18: The Rasmus – In The Shadows

Finnish goth-y alternative rock perfection. The Cure wishes they still sounded this cool.

17: Interpol – Slow Hands

Depressing indie droning akin to Joy Division, except nobody’s committed suicide yet.

16: Silvertide – Ain’t Comin’ Home

Just plain, old-fashioned straight-ahead rock and roll. Bar brawling music.

15: The Bled – Dale Earnhardt’s Seatbelt

Offensive title AND obnoxiously loud. It’s just the new brand of so-called “metalcore”, but I like it. They sing "Let's set our hearts at self-destruct", and it only sounds half-cheesy.

14: Eminem – Mosh

Extremist politics in ultra-mainstream hip hop form. The best song from the worst album I've heard this year. “Fuck Bush” indeed.

13: Green Day – American Idiot

Typical Green Day fanfare lead-off single nonsense. Catchy, loud and snotty, a.k.a. Green Day’s single. Fun to shout along to, when you’re feeling particularly nihilistic.

12: Killswitch Engage – The End Of Heartache

Sweeping, emotional, Killswitch. It would be cheesy if they didn’t rock so hard. What am I saying? It’s still cheesy.

11: They Might Be Giants – Experimental Film

A video made by The Brothers Chaps? For a song by the Two Johns? About independent filmmaking? Delicious.

10: Snoop Dogg – Drop It Like It’s Hot

Clicks, whistles, cheesy 80’s keyboards and extremely typical Snoop Dogg lyrics, and it’s probably the most improbable number one single in years. Cool in the extreme.

09: Jet – Look What You’ve Done

I know, I had them on my worst singles list last year, but this song shocked the shit out of me. A slow burning ballad with legs and chops and other clichés.

08: Avenged Sevenfold – Unholy Confessions

I am such an Avenged Sevenfold fanboy. You should listen to them too. That way I won’t feel quite as lonely. Fun loud riffs and other musings on metal musicks.

07: Kanye West – The New Workout Plan

Retarded lyrics, but it’s just really fun. The strangest hip hop single to get on the charts in a long time, you can't deny that.

06: Franz Ferdinand – Take Me Out

Funkalicious and angular. An exercise in rocking out by a couple of weird Kinks fans. Sorta.

05: Megadeth – Die Dead Enough

Classic Megadeth. One of their best singles of all time. Rock it properly loud.

04: Outkast – Roses

Roses DO really smell like poo-poo-poo. How much more stank do you need? This makes my ass shake more than it usually does. And it usually does a lot.

03: Clutch – The Mob Goes Wild

Unexpectedly awesome. Like, moreso than you could possibly imagine. Vaguely political, half-stoner vibe, all rockin’. Everybody move to Canada & smoke lots of pot.

02: Modest Mouse – Float On

Another shocking single with a bizarre kinda vibe to it. Such a weird vocal delivery, yet you can’t help but like it. Hypnotizing.

01: Green Day – Boulevard of Broken Dreams

This song was stuck in my head the second I started listening to the album. And then they chose it as the new single. I rock so fucking hard. A delightfully depressing song about how everything sucks. Yes, I DID put two Green Day singles on this list. Sweeeeeeeet deal.