Monday, November 22, 2004
Boxes Boxes Everywhere
I work at FedEx. My job consists of loading trucks with boxes at 3:00 AM and, especially at this time of year, we've been busy as hell. My job is a huge boring bland 5 or so hours every night and, at 3 in the morning, people can go a little nutty. So, it should come as no surprise that yours truly ends up thinking of some of the most retarded bizarre shit imaginable while holding conversations with myself. But even I was surprised at what came out of my head this morning. Here's a rough transcript:
*picking up a box bound for Roxbury, CT*
"Well, hey there little fella! How're you doing today?"
*listens to the box*
"Oh, going out Roxbury way, are we? A fine little burg, that is. Off you go then!"
*throws the box at the truck and misses*
"Oh come now, little box. You know, I have some nice candy for good little boxes in the back of my truck. You look like a good little box, why don't you hop on back there and get yourself a nice lollipop? I don't know what to do with all this candy. I bet I got some nice Snickers bars back there too! How about you just go back there and see, and then I can take you back home to Roxbury. You don't wanna walk all the way back home, do you? Why don't you just get in the back there and have some nice candy?"
*gets the box in the truck*
"BWA HA HA HA HA HA!!!!"
*slams the doors shut*
Sometimes I scare myself.
UPDATE: And something from this (11/23) morning:
*conveyor belt has piles of boxes coming down*
"What are men supposed to do against such reckless boxes?"
*long pause*
"Ride out and meet them!"
"For death and glory!!" (said far too loudly)
*people look at me incredulously*
* I turn around and go back to sorting boxes*
"It's not different at all, is it Steve?!"
I rock.
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I work at FedEx. My job consists of loading trucks with boxes at 3:00 AM and, especially at this time of year, we've been busy as hell. My job is a huge boring bland 5 or so hours every night and, at 3 in the morning, people can go a little nutty. So, it should come as no surprise that yours truly ends up thinking of some of the most retarded bizarre shit imaginable while holding conversations with myself. But even I was surprised at what came out of my head this morning. Here's a rough transcript:
*picking up a box bound for Roxbury, CT*
"Well, hey there little fella! How're you doing today?"
*listens to the box*
"Oh, going out Roxbury way, are we? A fine little burg, that is. Off you go then!"
*throws the box at the truck and misses*
"Oh come now, little box. You know, I have some nice candy for good little boxes in the back of my truck. You look like a good little box, why don't you hop on back there and get yourself a nice lollipop? I don't know what to do with all this candy. I bet I got some nice Snickers bars back there too! How about you just go back there and see, and then I can take you back home to Roxbury. You don't wanna walk all the way back home, do you? Why don't you just get in the back there and have some nice candy?"
*gets the box in the truck*
"BWA HA HA HA HA HA!!!!"
*slams the doors shut*
Sometimes I scare myself.
UPDATE: And something from this (11/23) morning:
*conveyor belt has piles of boxes coming down*
"What are men supposed to do against such reckless boxes?"
*long pause*
"Ride out and meet them!"
"For death and glory!!" (said far too loudly)
*people look at me incredulously*
* I turn around and go back to sorting boxes*
"It's not different at all, is it Steve?!"
I rock.
