Evil Brian's Evil Thoughts...it's a MotherFucker

Friday Night Lyrics Blogging: the Home Game

Indeed, yesterday was Evil Brian Day, and I am now 23 years young (HA HA!!! IT NEVER GETS OLD!!!) That being said, I got some cool stuff for my birthday that I had been asking for,

such as this:


this:


and this:


Along with the usual clothes and money. A rewarding holiday season was had by all. Turkey was ingested, digested, and defecated, along with various vegetables and breads. Plus, we had PIE!!! But enough gallant pleasantries, on to the maaaaaaaaaaiiiiin event.

Needless war is still present. I know the Friday Night Lyrics have been almost exclusively reflecting the anti-war remonstrations of my warped McNoggin, but that's MY prerogative (fuck you, Britney Spears) and not yours, so kindly peace the fuck out. Ramble Ramble Ramble, something about honeybees, here are the lyrics I present to you this week, a very clear representation of the current administration and the way it is handled in the media. Enjoy!

A Hit of the Brown Acid In the PS2


Katamari Damacy: GUARANTEED to be the weirdest game you will ever play.

I've been addicted to this for over a week now, and it just doesn't get old. This is a video game that reminds you just why you started playing video games in the first place: it's just plain fun to play. You want an insane plot? Here's one for you:



You are the Prince of All the Cosmos. You're Dad, the King, got drunk one night and accidentally destroyed all the stars in the sky. He sends you to Earth to make replacement stars. You do this by rolling a ball around; objects stick to the ball, and in each level you have a certain goal as to how big it has to be. You start off rolling over candies, paper clips and crabs (??) and eventually work your way up to rolling over people, cars, trees, and eventually entire buildings.



Now add to that N64-style graphics, some absolutely deranged cutscenes ("I can feel it. I can feel the cosmos."), bizarre ramblings from the abusive drunken King of All the Cosmos ("DELICIOUS CRABS!!") and a crazy, catchy Japanese rock/pop soundtrack and you have the most insane gaming experience you could ever hope to play.



All that for 20 bucks. Not a bad deal, I'd say. It's hard as hell to find, though, since as soon as stores get any copies in, they're quickly snatched up. If you find it, grab it quick before someone else takes it. I promise you won't regret it.

HIGHLY Recommended.

Boxes Boxes Everywhere

I work at FedEx. My job consists of loading trucks with boxes at 3:00 AM and, especially at this time of year, we've been busy as hell. My job is a huge boring bland 5 or so hours every night and, at 3 in the morning, people can go a little nutty. So, it should come as no surprise that yours truly ends up thinking of some of the most retarded bizarre shit imaginable while holding conversations with myself. But even I was surprised at what came out of my head this morning. Here's a rough transcript:

*picking up a box bound for Roxbury, CT*

"Well, hey there little fella! How're you doing today?"

*listens to the box*

"Oh, going out Roxbury way, are we? A fine little burg, that is. Off you go then!"

*throws the box at the truck and misses*

"Oh come now, little box. You know, I have some nice candy for good little boxes in the back of my truck. You look like a good little box, why don't you hop on back there and get yourself a nice lollipop? I don't know what to do with all this candy. I bet I got some nice Snickers bars back there too! How about you just go back there and see, and then I can take you back home to Roxbury. You don't wanna walk all the way back home, do you? Why don't you just get in the back there and have some nice candy?"

*gets the box in the truck*

"BWA HA HA HA HA HA!!!!"

*slams the doors shut*


Sometimes I scare myself.


UPDATE: And something from this (11/23) morning:

*conveyor belt has piles of boxes coming down*

"What are men supposed to do against such reckless boxes?"

*long pause*

"Ride out and meet them!"

"For death and glory!!" (said far too loudly)

*people look at me incredulously*
* I turn around and go back to sorting boxes*

"It's not different at all, is it Steve?!"

I rock.

Friday Night Lyrics part II

I know, I know. Better late than fuck you all.

It's been a very tiring week, so I've not posted much, but at least I'm following up on my promise of Friday Night Lyrics Blogging! Right?

On to the main event:

So, the War For Nothing continues to mount deaths upon the shoulders of the Masters of War, war crimes abound, innocent civilians exploding everywhere. Quite depressing. So, I've decided to go with a nu-metal song (also the best song this band has ever released) to throw shit up a little. What, you expected me to even TRY to follow up last week's Bob Dylan? Yeah fucking right.

"Warhead"

OTEP

House of Secrets

2004

 

Eight Maids A-Milkin'

Indeed, I regrettably have forgotten to remind all of the festivities earlier, but we are a mere EIGHT days away from Evil Brian Day! Which means we are a mere THIRTY-EIGHT days away from X-Mas (I use an X because I'm hip and edgy. Take THAT, Christian mythology!)

Should you and yours decide that you would also like to participate in all the joy and rapture of Evil Brian Day (or X-Mas), feel free to peruse this short but effective Wish List.

Sure, some of the items therein may be slightly pricey, but I assure you, I am indeed worth it.

Get a-clickin', you cheap bastards!

Friday Night Lyrics Blogging

In the footsteps of certain basset-bloggings and cat-bloggings, I've decided to start my own little special weekly blog event, and post lyrics to songs that seem appropriate to whatever is going on in the world today. And, after a primarily conservative "morals and values based" election and with an unnecessary war going on, I can think of no better song to start Friday Night Lyrics with than this:

"With God On Our Side"

Bob Dylan

The Times They Are A-Changin'

1964

More Voter Happy Funtime!

Got Irregularities?

Exit polls are fun and useful! Sometimes, they prove that magic happened! Sometimes, they even prove votes were stolen! See for yourself!

See? MAGIC!

Oh Florida and Ohio, we knew you were Republican all along, so we're just gonna chalk up most of your votes for our side instead of having a fair election. You don't mind, right?

How?

I feel sick. I actually feel physically ill. I almost had to leave work early this morning because I had this strong acidic feeling in the pit of my stomach. I got home and I went to bed today without checking the news, without so much as going on the internet, because I just didn’t want to know. I fell asleep wishing that I would never again wake up in George W. Bush’s America.

Unfortunately, I woke up.

You know, there’s just a million and one thoughts running through my head right now, and none of them are really very good. How exactly does something like this happen? How does the most failure-laden Presidential administration in the history of the United States get re-elected? How does the most corrupt and incompetent President since Nixon get re-elected? How in the fuck could people even justify voting for the Bush Administration? How can that many motherfucking people not realize all the retarded evil shit that the Bush Administration has done to destroy this nation, to destroy the hard fucking work that millions of people have struggled and died for? How can people honestly, seriously say that George W. Bush has been doing a good job? That he’s good for America? How? How? How? How? How????

I don’t get it. I really fucking don’t get it. America has lost more jobs, lost more money, lost more soldiers in an unnecessary war, lost international respect and is given a chance to fucking change all that, and we blow it. We fucking blow it. I just don’t understand. I really fucking don’t. We’re given a choice between an intelligent responsible guy and a retarded fucking monkey with guns, and we decided that it would be in the nation’s best interest to have the monkey throw his shit around for another four years and shoot anyone who tries to pick any of it up. I’m seriously waiting for Chris Farley to hold someone at gunpoint at a news conference and say “You heard it here first, folks. Voter fraud!”

My hands are fucking shaking.

I may not have been the most vocal proponent for Kerry, but goddammit I really fucking believed that we needed someone, ANY fucking ONE, to replace the bastards in power. I really fucking believed that America honestly and seriously wanted to improve. Wanted to change its image. Wanted to create jobs. Wanted to evolve along with the rest of the world. Wanted to cease being lied to every fucking day of its miserable goddamn life.

I was really fucking wrong.

How does one present a nation with a plate of silver and a plate of silver-gilded shit and have the nation pick the pile of shit? How do you present a nation with a proven failure and merely a potential failure and have the nation pick the proven failure?? “Oh, at least we KNOW we’re getting a failure! Hyuck!” It’s fucking insane.

Do you think if I tried to get the nation committed to a mental institution they’d be accepted?

Do you suppose everyone just felt really bad for Bush because he’s mentally challenged and he won out of pity? I just can’t fucking believe that people honestly think that, not only has Bush done a good job with America, but that he’s done SUCH a good job he deserves another fucking term.

I know I’ve already said it a bunch of times, but I honestly don’t fucking get it. Every single fucking thing that this administration has done, they’ve done wrong. Every single fucking thing. Find me one positive thing that the Bush Administration has done for America. One. And they still get re-elected? STILL??

I haven’t been this pissed off in a long fucking time. It wasn’t supposed to be like this. This wasn’t supposed to fucking happen. In 2000, I thought that, at the very least, Bush’s cronies should have been arrested for voter fraud in Florida. When we preemptively struck Iraq, I thought that, for SURE, the United Nations would charge Bush with war crimes. On about two dozen instances during this administration, I thought for sure that people would just fucking rise up and impeach the fucker. Honest to god, I think that George W. Bush has done more to hurt America than any rerouted commercial airliners ever could.

I’ve never been political in my entire fucking life. Hell, before September 11^th 2001, I barely even paid attention to the news. Since then, I’ve tried to keep a constant eye on what’s going on. This year was my first time voting, and it felt fucking good. I felt that I honestly knew exactly what I was voting for in each of the elections I voted in. Come to find out, my vote can be cancelled out by a retarded goatfucker from Alabama! Thanks America for nothing!

How can we elect someone so corrupt and evil? How can someone so un-American run America? How in the high holy cocksucker can you tell me that there are seriously people in this country who believe that George W. Bush gives two shits about them and their problems, who believe that he cares so fucking much about it that he helps them in any way shape or form? How can you fucking tell me that there are people who, even after all the shit he’s done, still want George W. fucking Bush as President??? I almost feel as if we, as a nation, should collectively say “He didn’t hit us, we just fell down the stairs.”

Bend over America, and I hope you brought the lube. We’re in for the longest, hardest and most violent four-year-long ass-fucking ever, and goddammit, I dare say we deserve it.