Evil Brian's Evil Thoughts...it's a MotherFucker

Here are some of my thoughts on the Republican National Convention expressed in a Platonic dialogue with characters made out of desserts.

[It's a cool day as fall breaks through the heat of a tempestuous summer. The leaves on the trees bend where a fresh wind spends its energy. Dale walks along one of the streams that leads from Athens to its harbor, Piraeus, with three delicious desserts interested in inquiry, the young Mr. Crumble-Cookie, Over-Educated Jampot, and Cheesecake Jake. The landscape yellows in the evening sun.]


Mr. Crumble-Cookie: Dale, can virtue be taught?

Dale: Did any of you see Bush's speech last night?

Cheesecake Jake: No, I just try to ignore those things.

Over-Educated Jampot: I saw the first half. It made me so angry.

Dale: How so?

Over-Educated Jampot: I was disturbed by the sub-text of violence that permeated the speeches, and the callous disregard of the destruction of human life for the sake of nationalism and a sense of insecurity that arises from fear. Most notably Zell Miller's speech, which made explicit some of the violent fantasies that exist in insecurity and a stoked culture of fear, disaffected me. It was like a dog nibbling on its own ass.

Dale: However, the press served the Democracy in this instance, swiftly pressing him to explain his more ill-informed statements. When he said,

"Motivated more by partisan politics than by national security, today's Democratic leaders see America as an occupier, not a liberator. And nothing makes this Marine madder than someone calling American troops occupiers rather than liberators."

The press pointed out Bush and Cheney have both been documented numerous times referring to the invasion of Iraq as an "occupation".

Over-Educated Jampot: Yes. They also brought up Cheney's numerous votes against military spending in response to Miller's assertion that John Kerry votes against such spending. However, Miller's only response was to challenge his interviewer to an 18th century duel. This seemed representative to me of the blood which gushed through the convention hall.

Dale: And what of the invocation of religion?

Over-Educated Jampot: This also worries me quite often. All the progress of the enlightenment thinkers, including the framers of our constitution, seems to be being unwoven as people inevitably forget. Recently, it has come to light that the "office of faith-based initiative" Bush established in front of a rainbow coalition of rabbis and Muslim clerics, has given money only to right wing Christian organizations since its inception. Disregarding the question of constitutionality, this means this office's only purpose has been to grant billions of federal tax dollars to Christian "non-profit" organizations. Thousands of Christian missionaries are spreading through impoverished and desperate areas of the world funded by our government. This seems beyond archaic. However, if this is what the majority of our democracy would want, then it's what they'll receive.

Dale: Jampot, I fear you are being too elitist. It seems more likely the people are uncertain and confused.

Mr. Crumble-Cookie: Well I know I didn't like how they exploited 9-11, that was totally gross. My cousin was a Creme-Brule at Windows on the World. And he burned to death the day of those terrible attacks!

Dale: Well, it turns out many of those out-of-town republicans who came to express their immense feelings about 9-11 through Bush's own appropriation of the event were served their celebratory drinks by employees of Windows on the World who, while busing tables amidst these themes, silently relived the annihilation of all their co-workers just a few years ago.

Cheesecake Jake: I hope Bush gets nut cancer!

Dale: Cheesecake, that's hardly a valid criticism.

Cheesecake Jake: Still!

Mr. Crumble-Cookie: I contain nuts! Walnut and Acadamia!

Over-Educated Jampot: Don't you mean Macadamia?

Mr. Crumble-Cookie: No.

All: Ahahahaha!

[the end!]