Evil Brian's Evil Thoughts...it's a MotherFucker

Mathematics is a Bunch of Crap

If a bear eats a math book, and goes in the woods and nobody's around, does he shit out prime numbers?

HELL YEAH!!

I could watch this for hours.

Iconoclast Rebellion

This would be totally un-newsworthy if it were from anywhere else, but The Lone Star-Iconoclast newspaper has decided to endorse John Kerry for President.

The catch?

The Lone Star-Iconoclast is from Crawford, Texas.

Hometown of George W. Bush.

Book Burning for Baseheads

I forgot to mention this when it began, but from September 25 to October 2 is Banned Books Week, a week where America celebrates its freedom of speech and the first amendment by promoting the reading of books that have been banned, censored, or otherwise ripped out of the hands of eager young readers by overly-sensitive, uninformed, moron motherfuckers and organizations.

We here at Evil Brian's Evil Thoughts encourage all Americans who might stumble upon this blog (and even our Canadian friends!) to pick up a banned book this week in a simultaneous celebration of our right to read whatever the hell we want. So, whether you pick up Harry Potter, Of Mice and Men, A Wrinkle in Time or my personal favorite, Dr. Seuss' "The Lorax", we wish you a very happy and healthy Banned Books Week.

Happy Reading, fellow ne'er-do-wells!

Bush is a (g)Ass



EDIT: This graph would make a lot more sense if my blog background wasn't black. Just go here to read the whole thing.

Also, feel free to leave comments as to what browser you're using and how the blog looks in said browser. For some reason, whenever I try IE, my blog tries to fit everything into one screen, and the sidebar gets smushed. With FireFox, however (which is what I primarily use), it lets me scroll across and just generally looks BETTER. Plus I get no pop-ups. Ever. GO GET FIREFOX!!

Pertaining to Ripping Votes From People's Hands

via Atrios and the American Legal System:

TITLE 42 > CHAPTER 20 > SUBCHAPTER I > Sec. 1971.

Sec. 1971. - Voting rights (a) Race, color, or previous condition not to affect right to vote; uniform standards for voting qualifications; errors or omissions from papers; literacy tests; agreements between Attorney General and State or local authorities; definitions (1) All citizens of the United States who are otherwise qualified by law to vote at any election by the people in any State, Territory, district, county, city, parish, township, school district, municipality, or other territorial subdivision, shall be entitled and allowed to vote at all such elections, without distinction of race, color, or previous condition of servitude; any constitution, law, custom, usage, or regulation of any State or Territory, or by or under its authority, to the contrary notwithstanding. (2) No person acting under color of law shall - (A) in determining whether any individual is qualified under State law or laws to vote in any election, apply any standard, practice, or procedure different from the standards, practices, or procedures applied under such law or laws to other individuals within the same county, parish, or similar political subdivision who have been found by State officials to be qualified to vote; (B) deny the right of any individual to vote in any election because of an error or omission on any record or paper relating to any application, registration, or other act requisite to voting, if such error or omission is not material in determining whether such individual is qualified under State law to vote in such election...

The Problems with E-Voting and the Diebold Phenomenon

You would think that, by now, people would realize that this "E-voting" craze that is seemingly sweeping the nation is at best a mistake and at worst a serious threat to our democracy. Alas, come November 2, at least one-third of ALL votes in America will be compiled by computerized voting machines. And, though it has been proven time and again that these methods of tallying votes are highly dubious, still they press onward.

Earlier this month I wrote a short essay on the possible future of voter fraud in Florida and it's connection to the conservative-group-run Election Systems & Software of Omaha. After a little more research, I have found some very inteesting facts about E-Voting in the upcoming election. By now, we've most likely all read about the disgusting voter fraud in Florida in the 2000 election, and how one county in Florida with only 600 registered voters managed to submit a computer file with an astounding 10,000 votes for the candidate for the Socialist party and managed to submit over 16,000 NEGATIVE votes for Gore before the computer card in question totally disappeared, never to be seen again. In fact, you can read more about the troubles and tribulations of Diebold in the infamous Diebold memos, if you can still find them anywhere. You see, somehow someway, months and months worth of emails and memos from Diebold have appeared on the Internet, and they are VERY informative indeed. Unfortunately, Diebold has been having these websites shut down one by one. Dennis Kucinich, however, is too smart for them, and has posted some of the more condemning memos on his House of Representatives website. Here's a little example of what was contained within those memos:

According to the Election Support Guide, voting recounts may yield different ballot totals instead of improved accuracy:

“Ideally, a recount yields exactly the same results as the initial count. However, in the case of AccuVote-OS ballots, this is qualified by the following considerations. These considerations become increasingly relevant over larger quantities of ballots.
1. Poorly cut ballots may not necessarily give identical results upon repeat counts.
2. AccuVote-OS units with slightly skewed sensors may not necessarily give identical results upon
repeat counts.
3. Refeeding AccuVote-OS ballots may smear voting marks across the ballot, as well as leave traces of the AccuVote-OS roller on the ballot, which may not necessarily give identical results upon repeat counts.
Irrespectively, we must always promote the consistency and accuracy of our voting systems.” (page 34).

The Election Support Guide instructs employees to deceive Customs Agents about the fact they will be working on an election for Diebold when they cross into the U.S

“2.1. Border crossing: Indicate that you are attending an election when questioned by US customs. Provide a terse explanation of what your job is as well as the business the company you work for is in. Under no circumstances should you indicate that you intend on working in the US.”

Diebold employees are instructed to provide as little communication as possible.

“3.2. Communication: You will generally be considered to be a high-ranking election specialist and a paragon of knowledge and solutions, which may be disconcerting when things go wrong. Do not promote your ignorance - in case of doubt, call a designated contact who may be more knowledgeable than you.”

“Do not to offer damaging opinions of our systems, even when their failings become obvious.” (pg. 10)

Diebold’s ballot processing components are not completely accurate, but employees are instructed to say that they are, or blame ballot printing or workers for problem.

“Do not promote the fact that the AccuVote-OS is anything but absolutely accurate in this case - in case you encounter numerous undefined marks, indicate that ballot printing is at fault.” (pg. 13)

“The following two cases are the worst-case scenarios when using the AccuVote-OS. Be very diplomatic in both cases, offering the minimal amount of information necessary to officials:

• Counter did not increment when ballot was processed: Possibly workers were not observant when using the AccuVote-OS. Otherwise, indicate that you are not able to provide an appropriate explanation, but will contact your superiors in this matter.”

Quite informative, no? Know what else? These bastions of truth, justice and the American Way will be providing voting machines to the three most crucial swing states in the upcoming election: Pennsylvania, Ohio and Florida. Ought to be a lot of fun, voting and not having your vote necessarily count at all, right? Actually, if you were so inclined, you could follow this how-to guide to rigging the election. As far as hacking goes, this is fucking easy. But hey, it's only for President of the United States! It's not like it's for anything IMPORTANT.

So, Diebold and Election Systems & Software of Omaha voting machines will be present in 37 states for this election, both with hideously apparent software flaws and both companies run by neoconservative groups and individuals. ANything else? WHy, of course! I'm Evil fuckin' Brian! As much as I harp about Diebold, ES&S of Omaha is actually the largest provider of electronic touch-screen voting machines in the nation, with Diebold as it's primary competitor. However, how much of a competitor can you be when your family runs both companies? That's right folks, Diebold Election Systems' President, Bob Urosevich, has a brother, Todd Urosevich, who is....survey SAYS...Vice-President of Election Systems & Software of Omaha! Keep it in the family, guys! Bob and Todd actually co-founded the initial company American Information Systems together with thier buddy (and former AIS CEO) Nebraska Senator Chuck Hagel, whose state uses ONLY ES&S machines to count election ballots. AIS then went on to merge with Business Records Corporation to found ES&S of Omaha, owned mostly by Omaha World-Herald Company.

With all this amazing corruption and zero-paper-trail-voting, this upcoming election should be the most interesting one in history. ANd, if the 2000 election was any indication, eventually all voting machines in America will be reduced to this, to ensure that everyone understands what the fuck is going on:



Happy Voting, everybody!

Why You Should Get Jon Stewart's New Book

...other than the fact, of course, that it's Jon Stewart.

His new book is called "The Daily Show with Jon Stewart Presents America (The Book) : A Citizen's Guide to Democracy Inaction" and it, like basically everything else The Daily Show touches, looks absolutely golden-y awesome. This is one line...ONE LINE from the book, and it had me in stitches. Evidently, it is laid out like a history textbook, including Classroom Activities:

"Classroom Activities"
("Using felt and yarn, make a hand puppet of Clarence Thomas. Ta-da! You're Antonin Scalia!")

Why are you still on the Internet? GO GET IT.

P.S. While you're out getting it, I'll also take this time to mention Patton Oswalt's excellent CD "Feelin' Kinda Patton". Basically, if David Cross and Dave Attell aborted thier homosexual love child, but the abortion lived, it would be Patton Oswalt. Extremely funny and incredibly sick and profane. You motherfuckers will love it.

A Perfect Follow-Up

Evidently, A Perfect Circle has already made a sweet, albeit crude, music video for Counting Bodies Like Sheep To The Rhythm Of The War Drums. Unfortunately, it's only available in either Quicktime or Real Media (both of which I absolutely dispise), but it's still quite cool.

Alright, that's all. Peace out, girl scout.

You Think YOU'RE A Simpson's Geek?

The bar has just been raised. I present to you possibly the geekiest and coolest thing I've ever linked to.

A total and complete Map of Springfield.

I Really Am Just A Sad Excuse For a Man

Taking a cue from the OFB, I've taken the time and energy to post (almost) my entire CD collection. There are many more CDs that I either haven't been able to find or just can't remember which ones I have. But it IS massive and it has a LOT of crap CDs in it. Gaze upon my insane amount of CDs and TREMBLE!!!!

EDIT: The Various Artists CDs are so out of order, it's not even funny. But it took me forever to find everything, so too bad.

You Totally Suck At Baseball


Get Your War On, bitches.

eMOTIVe Shall Rock Ass

Courtesy of Billboard.com and Blabbermouth:

Billboard.com is reporting that A PERFECT CIRCLE's forthcoming album, "eMOTIVe", will include 10 covers and two new songs.

In addition to previously announced versions of JOHN LENNON's "Imagine", MARVIN GAYE's "What's Goin On" and FEAR's "Let's Have a War", "eMOTIVe" includes renditions of songs by JONI MITCHELL, DEVO, DEPECHE MODE and BLACK FLAG, as well as the original song "Passive".

The album, due on November 2, will be followed two weeks later by "aMOTION", a remix CD and DVD package with live clips.

Here is the "eMOTIVe" track list:

"Annihilation" (Crucifix)
"Imagine" (John Lennon)
"(What's So Funny 'Bout) Peace Love and Understanding" (Elvis Costello)
"Counting Bodies Like Sheep to the Rhythm of the War Drums"
"What's Going On" (Marvin Gaye)
"When the Levee Breaks" (Memphis Minnie, Led Zeppelin)
"Freedom of Choice" (Devo)
"People Are People" (Depeche Mode)
"Passive"
"Gimmie Gimmie Gimmie" (Black Flag)
"Let's Have a War" (Fear)
"Fiddle and the Drum" (Joni Mitchell)

In the hands of any other band, this tracklisting would be a recipe for disaster. In the hands of Josh Freese and Maynard James Keenan, however, this could be one of the best releases of the year. They're talented, they're inventive, and Maynard has one of the best (if not THE best) voice in rock today. I'm definitely gonna be buying this on the first day of release, and, in all honesty, I think they would have to go out of their way to truly fuck this up (though I'm not too confident on the Marvin Gaye cover).

Rock on, motherfuckers.

Ohio State Senator Major Steve Stivers: True American

This guy is definitely someone I could raise a glass of beer towards, and for goddamn good reasons. A Republican that votes his conscience and not just cowtows the party line, Steve Stivers has, since his election to State Senate in 2003:

1. Sponsored a bill to provide medical care for the uninsured.

"Doctors who provide free health care to the poor in their offices would be shielded from malpractice lawsuits under a bill before lawmakers.

The bill expands protections that doctors and other health care professionals already receive for providing free care in health clinics and emergency situations away from their office.

Proponents say the bill, sponsored by Sen. Steve Stivers, a Columbus Republican, would increase the number of doctors who provide care to the uninsured.

They say clinics have limited hours and are often located far from a doctor's office, making it harder to provide the care.

"It is simply much easier for physicians to see patients in their own office, rather than at a clinic location, during limited hours," Columbus Dr. Patrick Ecklar told lawmakers.

Advocates for the poor say the so-called Good Samaritan law was meant to protect doctors providing care in special circumstances, such as a roadside emergency or at a clinic, not in their offices.

"Access to health care shouldn't mean that people give up their rights to receive it," Columbus social worker Aimee Bowie said Tuesday..."

2. Helped make summer camps better and safer for kids (just like Jimmy Stewart in Mr. Smith Goes To Washington!!!!)

"Ohio law requires camps to subject applicants to fingerprint-based background checks by the state Bureau of Criminal Identification and Investigation or the FBI. No one is responsible for enforcing the requirement, however.

Yesterday, state Sen. Steve Stivers, R-Columbus, introduced legislation that would assign the duty to the Ohio Department of Job and Family Services.

"We have to make sure that when kids go to camp, they're with safe people who are looking out for their well-being," he said.

Stivers' proposal -- Senate Bill 259 -- would authorize Job and Family Services to conduct random checks of camps in Ohio.

Camps that failed to comply with the fingerprint requairement would face fines. In addition, they would be required to post notices disclosing their noncompliance, and they would be listed on the state agency's Web site.

Gov. Bob Taft and Job and Family Services endorsed the legislation.

"This is important, to make sure that we close the loophole and get the kids safe and the camps complying," said Ann Husted, a spokeswoman for the governor."

3. Voted against (fruitlessly, unforunately) the statewide ban on gay marriage in Ohio

"Senate lawmakers paved the way Wednesday for Ohio to enact one of the country's most far-reaching laws banning same-sex marriages.

A divided Senate voted 18-15 in favor of the bill that puts into law that same-sex marriages would be "against the strong public policy of the state."

Four Republicans broke ranks and joined Democrats in opposing the bill, which also prohibits state employees from getting marital benefits spelled out in state law for their unmarried partners, whether homosexual or heterosexual.
...
The vote came despite opposition by some large companies. Dayton-based NCR Corp. sent a letter to lawmakers Dec. 12 saying the bill could hurt the company's ability to attract and retain employees.

Columbus-based Limited Brands called Sen. Steve Stivers Wednesday to express its concerns, Stivers said. A message was left with the company.

The other Senate Republicans voting against the bill were Jeffry Armbruster of North Ridgeville, Robert Gardner of Madison and Stivers of Columbus."

4. And sponsored a bill to permit certain school districts experiencing high growth in student enrollment to receive assistance under the Classroom Facilities Assistance Program earlier than they otherwise would be eligible. (125 SB 210)

And now, he has proven himself to be a real kickass kinda guy by being called into action, as a Major in the Army Reserves, and bravely answering the call to duty. While eligible for a lawmaker's deferrment, which would be his Get Out Of Iraq Free card and allow him to concentrate on this years' Senate elections, he rejected it, will be sent over to Iraq and will continue his run for re-election for State Senate(and how in the hell could he possibly lose? In this time of ultra-patriotic fervor, who's gonna be the one to vote AGAINST the guy going to Iraq?). This man is what a good American should be: loyal to his country, loyal to his state, loyal to his beliefs, and not afraid to defend his country when called upon to do so. This is one Republican politician I would be proud to share a pitcher or two with and shake his hand.


Good Luck, Senator.

(All quotes courtesy of Lexis-Nexis, which apparently I can still access through my college website even though I graduated last month. Kickass!)

A Lesson Is Learned But the Damage is Irreversible

Not only a great-looking, existentially weird weekly webcomic, but they also have quite the funny blog-type rantings. Here's an example:

Here are some of my thoughts on the Republican National Convention expressed in a Platonic dialogue with characters made out of desserts.

[It's a cool day as fall breaks through the heat of a tempestuous summer. The leaves on the trees bend where a fresh wind spends its energy. Dale walks along one of the streams that leads from Athens to its harbor, Piraeus, with three delicious desserts interested in inquiry, the young Mr. Crumble-Cookie, Over-Educated Jampot, and Cheesecake Jake. The landscape yellows in the evening sun.]


Mr. Crumble-Cookie: Dale, can virtue be taught?

Dale: Did any of you see Bush's speech last night?

Cheesecake Jake: No, I just try to ignore those things.

Over-Educated Jampot: I saw the first half. It made me so angry.

Dale: How so?

Over-Educated Jampot: I was disturbed by the sub-text of violence that permeated the speeches, and the callous disregard of the destruction of human life for the sake of nationalism and a sense of insecurity that arises from fear. Most notably Zell Miller's speech, which made explicit some of the violent fantasies that exist in insecurity and a stoked culture of fear, disaffected me. It was like a dog nibbling on its own ass.

Dale: However, the press served the Democracy in this instance, swiftly pressing him to explain his more ill-informed statements. When he said,

"Motivated more by partisan politics than by national security, today's Democratic leaders see America as an occupier, not a liberator. And nothing makes this Marine madder than someone calling American troops occupiers rather than liberators."

The press pointed out Bush and Cheney have both been documented numerous times referring to the invasion of Iraq as an "occupation".

Over-Educated Jampot: Yes. They also brought up Cheney's numerous votes against military spending in response to Miller's assertion that John Kerry votes against such spending. However, Miller's only response was to challenge his interviewer to an 18th century duel. This seemed representative to me of the blood which gushed through the convention hall.

Dale: And what of the invocation of religion?

Over-Educated Jampot: This also worries me quite often. All the progress of the enlightenment thinkers, including the framers of our constitution, seems to be being unwoven as people inevitably forget. Recently, it has come to light that the "office of faith-based initiative" Bush established in front of a rainbow coalition of rabbis and Muslim clerics, has given money only to right wing Christian organizations since its inception. Disregarding the question of constitutionality, this means this office's only purpose has been to grant billions of federal tax dollars to Christian "non-profit" organizations. Thousands of Christian missionaries are spreading through impoverished and desperate areas of the world funded by our government. This seems beyond archaic. However, if this is what the majority of our democracy would want, then it's what they'll receive.

Dale: Jampot, I fear you are being too elitist. It seems more likely the people are uncertain and confused.

Mr. Crumble-Cookie: Well I know I didn't like how they exploited 9-11, that was totally gross. My cousin was a Creme-Brule at Windows on the World. And he burned to death the day of those terrible attacks!

Dale: Well, it turns out many of those out-of-town republicans who came to express their immense feelings about 9-11 through Bush's own appropriation of the event were served their celebratory drinks by employees of Windows on the World who, while busing tables amidst these themes, silently relived the annihilation of all their co-workers just a few years ago.

Cheesecake Jake: I hope Bush gets nut cancer!

Dale: Cheesecake, that's hardly a valid criticism.

Cheesecake Jake: Still!

Mr. Crumble-Cookie: I contain nuts! Walnut and Acadamia!

Over-Educated Jampot: Don't you mean Macadamia?

Mr. Crumble-Cookie: No.

All: Ahahahaha!

[the end!]

Definitely worth a weekly click in thier direction. Check 'em out.

Voting Fraud? What, Me Worry?

Theresa LePore is evil, and you should all be quite afraid. Who is Theresa LePore, you ask, and why should I give a shit? Here's the scoop, fellow ne'er-do-wells.




Noted Florida DINO Theresa LePore is the Supervisor of Elections in Palm Beach County, Florida. She has just been voted out of office, to be replaced by Democrat Art Anderson, not that she didn't make every effort to turn the election in her favor. However, dear friends, she will still be there to supervise ballot counting for November's Presidential election. And she is as corrupt and crooked as they come. She was the Supervisor of Elections for the 2000 Presidential election; she delivered the Jewish precincts vote for Pat Buchanan, noted crazyman; she is very much in favor of using paperless voting machines; and she failed to do the hand count of ballots that, if they were actually counted, would have given the White House to Al Gore.

Did I mention that she counted her own votes, unsupervised, for her recent bid at re-election, and that Governor Jeb Bush is pushing for a new state law to abolish the requirement for absentee ballot counters to be supervised? And did I also mention that she received 37,000 absentee ballot requests, yet had only recorded 22,000 absentee ballots? Or that, in a massively out-of-the-ordinary move, she also marked the outside of the envelopes of these ballots with the person's party affiliation before contending whether the absentee ballot was valid or not? Or that the validity of absentee ballots depends on the employment of handwriting experts which she hand-picks herself, instead of using state-certified handwriting experts? Or that, though voters have the right to correct signature rejections, she is not required to permit challenges to absentee ballot rejections, allowing her to pick and choose as she pleases? Or that Gov. Jeb Bush is also backing new legislation to outlaw manual recounts of votes?

Worried yet? No? Then let me continue.

So, with the absentee ballots fixed, how indeed can Florida vote with the faith that thier vote be counted? Surely the voting machines are trustworthy? Well...not quite. While many blame the infamous "butterfly ballots" for voting incorrectness, at least the ballots, as confusing as they may be for old Jewish people, are definite copies that can be counted and (when people are allowed to do so) RE-counted. The same cannot be said about computerized electronic voting machines. Some even have trouble with vote recounts.

These voting machines were produced by Election Systems & Software of Omaha, a company which is owned jointly by the intensely neoconservative McCarthy Group and the also-quite-conservative Republican Senator Charles Hagel of Nebraska (whose machines, I might add, were the only machines used to vote in Nebraska when he ran for election in 1996 and in 2002). Florida counties using this technology have reported a 600% increase in voting errors when compared to the traditional paper ballots being read by an optical scanner. These errors, I might add, have mostly occurred in predominantly African-American precincts. Not that that has any bearing on racism or voting history, it's just an interesting little quirk in the facts.

Theresa LePore has been working closely with Florida Governor Jeb Bush (the President's brother, in case you were confused) to refuse the Democratic Party's (and, interestingly enough, a lot of the Republican Party members') requests for ousting the electronic voting machines and reinstating the traditional, at least semi-reliable paper ballots. Indeed, these Electronic Systems & Software of Omaha voting machines and crooked absentee ballots will be in full effect come November, and one can only imagine the number of votes that could possibly be stolen from honest voters just trying to exercise thier American right and duty as civilians.

What will happen if the 2004 Presidential Election comes down to Florida once again? What happens if they get away with it again? What, Me Worry?

You bet your ass.


For more info, check out some of these organizations and articles:

Verified Voting
Act For Change
Vote Fraud
Florida Department of State Division of Elections
Palm Beach County Supervisor of Elections
What Really Happened?
Theresa LePore Fan Page (I couldn't make this shit up if I tried.)
Hoodwinked

Break Out the Tin Foil Hats...

Did American flight 77, a 767 commercial airliner actually HIT THE PENTAGON on 9/11/01? This is a fairly long flash movie, but it certainly makes you think. Just what DID happen to those motherfucking wings anyways?