Tuesday, March 30, 2004
You Can Have My 40+ Gigs of Music When You Pry It From My Cold, Dead Hands
NEWS FLASH: File Sharing has little to NO EFFECT on CD sales. Kiss my ass, RIAA.
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NEWS FLASH: File Sharing has little to NO EFFECT on CD sales. Kiss my ass, RIAA.
CLAY AIKEN NOT A WEIRD, EFFEMINATE CAT-LIKE HYBRID!
Astonishing but true, it was found earlier this week that Clay Aiken is NOT a strange-looking, overly-effeminate boy and does NOT share some similar facial qualities to felines. The singer, who certainly has NEVER needed singing and personality lessons, has NEVER been seen by many as the talentless loser of the nationwide dick-sucking contest known as American Idol, a show which certainly ISN’T a complete and utter waste of time and could NEVER be considered the biggest insult to America’s intelligence since Jackass. Aiken’s parents could NEVER be considered to be a cat and a woman beaten with an ugly stick who procreated simply to bring the girly antichrist into existence. Indeed, Aiken, who could NEVER be considered the runner-up in the Special Olympics of Singing, is NEVER deemed unattractive by his gaggle of NOT uninformed underage screaming female jackasses.
The NOT-Cat-Woman-Looking singer recently released his debut album “Measure of a Man”, the title of which is NOT an allusion to his possible latent homosexual nature. This album, which certainly ISN’T a disgrace to every piece of music ever recorded in the history of time, has already sold a staggering 2 million copies to date yet has NOT proven that there are 2 million people who are totally mentally retarded and unable to discern music from the noise cicadas make in the summer. The album features twelve tracks that certainly are NOT indiscernible from each other, and do NOT totally suck ass. Aiken has been described as this generation’s Barry Manilow, a title which should NOT be taken with scorn and loathing because Barry Manilow is NOT the producer of the most boring, insipid and hypnotically sleep-inducing music the world has heard since Brahm’s Lullaby. I can honestly say, after listening to this album, that it not only does NOT make me want to wretch, but it simply makes me NOT want to chop up the CD, burn it and piss on the ashes. Clay’s NON-screechy and NOT annoying voice cuts through all these DIS-similar tracks about love, supporting his fellow men and, uh, love.
Surely, everyone should buy this album and I guarantee that you WON’T NOT be NOT loving it as much as your dying grandmother. In fact, to NOT consider this album an amazing auditory masterpiece is, quite frankly selling this NOT-amazingly crappy album short. Clay Aiken DOESN’T NOT ROCK!
I wrote this for my school's newspaper's April Fool's edition. Whaddaya think?
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Astonishing but true, it was found earlier this week that Clay Aiken is NOT a strange-looking, overly-effeminate boy and does NOT share some similar facial qualities to felines. The singer, who certainly has NEVER needed singing and personality lessons, has NEVER been seen by many as the talentless loser of the nationwide dick-sucking contest known as American Idol, a show which certainly ISN’T a complete and utter waste of time and could NEVER be considered the biggest insult to America’s intelligence since Jackass. Aiken’s parents could NEVER be considered to be a cat and a woman beaten with an ugly stick who procreated simply to bring the girly antichrist into existence. Indeed, Aiken, who could NEVER be considered the runner-up in the Special Olympics of Singing, is NEVER deemed unattractive by his gaggle of NOT uninformed underage screaming female jackasses.
The NOT-Cat-Woman-Looking singer recently released his debut album “Measure of a Man”, the title of which is NOT an allusion to his possible latent homosexual nature. This album, which certainly ISN’T a disgrace to every piece of music ever recorded in the history of time, has already sold a staggering 2 million copies to date yet has NOT proven that there are 2 million people who are totally mentally retarded and unable to discern music from the noise cicadas make in the summer. The album features twelve tracks that certainly are NOT indiscernible from each other, and do NOT totally suck ass. Aiken has been described as this generation’s Barry Manilow, a title which should NOT be taken with scorn and loathing because Barry Manilow is NOT the producer of the most boring, insipid and hypnotically sleep-inducing music the world has heard since Brahm’s Lullaby. I can honestly say, after listening to this album, that it not only does NOT make me want to wretch, but it simply makes me NOT want to chop up the CD, burn it and piss on the ashes. Clay’s NON-screechy and NOT annoying voice cuts through all these DIS-similar tracks about love, supporting his fellow men and, uh, love.
Surely, everyone should buy this album and I guarantee that you WON’T NOT be NOT loving it as much as your dying grandmother. In fact, to NOT consider this album an amazing auditory masterpiece is, quite frankly selling this NOT-amazingly crappy album short. Clay Aiken DOESN’T NOT ROCK!
I wrote this for my school's newspaper's April Fool's edition. Whaddaya think?
Sunday, March 28, 2004
Suck it, Bitches
I just put in my order for the Kill Bill Vol. 1 DVD, and it SHALL be good. And you know what? When Kill Bill Vol. 2 comes out in 2 weeks, I'll be there, too. And then when it comes out on DVD, I'll buy THAT. AND, my friends, when they release BOTH films in ONE complete Kill Bill DVD Special Bloody Platinum Limited Chocolate-Covered Edition, I'll buy that too.
Why?
Because I am a pop-culture junkie media consumer whore, and THAT is the motherfucking American way.
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I just put in my order for the Kill Bill Vol. 1 DVD, and it SHALL be good. And you know what? When Kill Bill Vol. 2 comes out in 2 weeks, I'll be there, too. And then when it comes out on DVD, I'll buy THAT. AND, my friends, when they release BOTH films in ONE complete Kill Bill DVD Special Bloody Platinum Limited Chocolate-Covered Edition, I'll buy that too.
Why?
Because I am a pop-culture junkie media consumer whore, and THAT is the motherfucking American way.
Friday, March 26, 2004
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C'mon!! It's Like Knight Rider...with a Child Molestor!
(As if there was any kind of contestion) Michael Jackson is the wierdest motherfucker ALIVE.
The sad thing is, I still would've gone to watch it (I'm such a Kevin Smith fanboy).
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(As if there was any kind of contestion) Michael Jackson is the wierdest motherfucker ALIVE.
The sad thing is, I still would've gone to watch it (I'm such a Kevin Smith fanboy).
Lars Ulrich is Completely Fucking Dillusional. Moreso.
This is just un-be-fucking-lievable. From Blabbermouth.net:
METALLICA drummer Lars Ulrich recently spoke to the Seattle Post-Intelligencer about the "challenging" nature of the band's most recent studio release, "St. Anger".
"Some people were overwhelmed by it," Ulrich said about the follow-up to 1997's "Re-load". "I can see now that for people who knew METALLICA through the simpler stuff, 'St. Anger' can be a pretty challenging record. But I'm proud of it, and proud that we stuck with it and didn't pussy out. A couple times in the past when we set out to make some aggressive stuff, we kind of watered it down. I'm glad we didn't do that.
" '... And Justice for All' is one of the cornerstones of the band's career. But next to it, 'St. Anger' sounds like 'Dark Side of the Moon'. It'll be interesting to see what people think of the record five or 10 years from now. There are people who think it's just a little ahead of its time."
Wait wait wait....let's repeat that very last part there, just to make sure we didn't miss anything:
"... And Justice for All' is one of the cornerstones of the band's career. But next to it, 'St. Anger' sounds like 'Dark Side of the Moon'."
That isn't just comedy gold, dear readers. That isn't just a small Danish drummer still trying to convince himself that the album he put out a year ago was a good idea. That isn't even just a desparate cry for help and solitary confinement.
That, my friends, is fucking insanity.
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This is just un-be-fucking-lievable. From Blabbermouth.net:
METALLICA drummer Lars Ulrich recently spoke to the Seattle Post-Intelligencer about the "challenging" nature of the band's most recent studio release, "St. Anger".
"Some people were overwhelmed by it," Ulrich said about the follow-up to 1997's "Re-load". "I can see now that for people who knew METALLICA through the simpler stuff, 'St. Anger' can be a pretty challenging record. But I'm proud of it, and proud that we stuck with it and didn't pussy out. A couple times in the past when we set out to make some aggressive stuff, we kind of watered it down. I'm glad we didn't do that.
" '... And Justice for All' is one of the cornerstones of the band's career. But next to it, 'St. Anger' sounds like 'Dark Side of the Moon'. It'll be interesting to see what people think of the record five or 10 years from now. There are people who think it's just a little ahead of its time."
Wait wait wait....let's repeat that very last part there, just to make sure we didn't miss anything:
"... And Justice for All' is one of the cornerstones of the band's career. But next to it, 'St. Anger' sounds like 'Dark Side of the Moon'."
That isn't just comedy gold, dear readers. That isn't just a small Danish drummer still trying to convince himself that the album he put out a year ago was a good idea. That isn't even just a desparate cry for help and solitary confinement.
That, my friends, is fucking insanity.
Pushing Back the RNC Was a GREAT Idea...
Bush: 09/03
I know! We can hold the Republican Nash'nal Convention in New York City around September 11th, and everyone will LOVE US. What a GREAT IDEA!!
Bush: 03/04
Ah SHIT.
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Bush: 09/03
I know! We can hold the Republican Nash'nal Convention in New York City around September 11th, and everyone will LOVE US. What a GREAT IDEA!!
Bush: 03/04
Ah SHIT.
Wednesday, March 24, 2004
We're Goiiiiiiiiing Through Changeeeeeeeeeees...
Mucho change-olas to the links on the side, including a new portion exclusively for video games, and more webcomics!
In other news, my good buddy Art just got hired by NBC, and that kicks a ton of ass. Go visit his livejournal and congratulate him, because he's finally less of a failure than I am. Not that that's hard to do, mind you, but still an accomplishment nonetheless.
Also, I have many plans in the works. A total revamping of my radio station will be in the works soon, along with (if I can ever get a copy of Adobe Illustrator for *CHEAP*) a possible comic, though I have little to no drawing talent (hence, the need for Illustrator). Application for GRADUATION is going in soon...Jesus, I AM old. Hopefully getting an internship at a recording studio in town (not that Utica, NY is a bustling musical community, but the studio is uber-hot - a converted church) and working my way through there. Then, who knows?
Shit, and I just realized I need a new hard drive for my 43 Gigs of mp3s. Fuck-all.
And just to end on a happy note, the music completeist in me compelled me to get the Deluxe Edition of Weezer, and it doth kick ASS. Sure, we may all have downloaded all these songs already, but still, it's so fucking cool.
And Jon Brion made an awesome soundtrack to Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind. Check it out.
EDIT: Oh, and while I'm at it: Ooga Chaka!
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Mucho change-olas to the links on the side, including a new portion exclusively for video games, and more webcomics!
In other news, my good buddy Art just got hired by NBC, and that kicks a ton of ass. Go visit his livejournal and congratulate him, because he's finally less of a failure than I am. Not that that's hard to do, mind you, but still an accomplishment nonetheless.
Also, I have many plans in the works. A total revamping of my radio station will be in the works soon, along with (if I can ever get a copy of Adobe Illustrator for *CHEAP*) a possible comic, though I have little to no drawing talent (hence, the need for Illustrator). Application for GRADUATION is going in soon...Jesus, I AM old. Hopefully getting an internship at a recording studio in town (not that Utica, NY is a bustling musical community, but the studio is uber-hot - a converted church) and working my way through there. Then, who knows?
Shit, and I just realized I need a new hard drive for my 43 Gigs of mp3s. Fuck-all.
And just to end on a happy note, the music completeist in me compelled me to get the Deluxe Edition of Weezer, and it doth kick ASS. Sure, we may all have downloaded all these songs already, but still, it's so fucking cool.
And Jon Brion made an awesome soundtrack to Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind. Check it out.
EDIT: Oh, and while I'm at it: Ooga Chaka!
Monday, March 22, 2004
Voting Of The Future
God Bless America.
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God Bless America.
Monday, March 08, 2004
THE ULTIMATE NYC SHOUT-OUT 2004
This is my brilliant idea to entertain myself. This weekend (March 12-14) me and the rest of the Executive Board of the Utica College Radio Station are going to the IBS National Collegiate Radio Conference in NYC. To celebrate my first overnight stay in the Big Apple, I've decided to have a little fun and get all my friends/listeners in on the excitement. Basically, you guys email me things to yell out in the middle of NYC (we're RIGHT across the street from Madison Square Garden in the Hotel Pennsylvania) and I will not only yell them out, but RECORD them and then play them back on my morning show for the rest of the semester!
I told my brother about this, and he doubled over in laughter. Everyone else just looks at me funny, but THIS IS GONNA BE GREAT, GODDAMMIT!!! If nothing else, I'LL be entertained.
So, if you have anything that you feel the fine people of NYC need to know, or you want me to shout directly AT NYC (or MSG for that matter) email me soon!
Email: WPNRevilGM@yahoo.com
This is the Ultimate NYC Shout-Out 2004, and it will kick ass.
Evil Brian, out.
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This is my brilliant idea to entertain myself. This weekend (March 12-14) me and the rest of the Executive Board of the Utica College Radio Station are going to the IBS National Collegiate Radio Conference in NYC. To celebrate my first overnight stay in the Big Apple, I've decided to have a little fun and get all my friends/listeners in on the excitement. Basically, you guys email me things to yell out in the middle of NYC (we're RIGHT across the street from Madison Square Garden in the Hotel Pennsylvania) and I will not only yell them out, but RECORD them and then play them back on my morning show for the rest of the semester!
I told my brother about this, and he doubled over in laughter. Everyone else just looks at me funny, but THIS IS GONNA BE GREAT, GODDAMMIT!!! If nothing else, I'LL be entertained.
So, if you have anything that you feel the fine people of NYC need to know, or you want me to shout directly AT NYC (or MSG for that matter) email me soon!
Email: WPNRevilGM@yahoo.com
This is the Ultimate NYC Shout-Out 2004, and it will kick ass.
Evil Brian, out.
Thursday, March 04, 2004
FETT 2004
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