Friday, November 07, 2003
23 Things I've learned working at Best Buy
1.) NOBODY knows the meaning of the words "alphabetical order". NOBODY. Not even most of the people that work at Best Buy.
2.) Out of every person that walks through the doors, approximately 98% of them have GOD-AWFUL taste in music/movies.
3.) I, being a fully-functioning employee here at Best Buy AND a manager of a semi-fully-functioning radio station, have NO credibility whatsoever when it comes to release dates on music/movies/video games, and your ambiguous "friend" of which you speak is never wrong about these things EVER.
4.) Some people still only have VHS and, of course, since THEY only use VHS we, as a store, MUST also sell VHS, and sending me to the back will always rectify this problem. EVERYONE must have VHS, it being 1987 and all.
5.) If an employee offers to go to the back and they don't return for over 10 minutes, they are either (a) Honestly still searching for whatever product you wanted, (b) dead and buried under a mountain of collapsed boxes, (c) out on a cigarette break, or (d) sick and tired of your stupid bitching.
6.) We have highly trained computer technicians, engineers, and managers. But not even God himself knows how to open and re-fill the paper towel dispenser in the bathroom.
7.) People are SHOCKED and downright APPALLED when they learn that we do NOT sell the latest album from some shitty indie band they listened to in fucking New Hampshire last year.
8.) No matter how many hundreds of times you hear it, you never remember that "Time Stands Still" is sung by the All-American Rejects.
9.) All the cool stuff we ever get in the store (gift set of Scarface, Texas Chainsaw Massacre re-release, Upright Citizen's Brigade Season 1), ALWAYS sells out before I have money, and it's NEVER getting re-released EVER.
10.) Pushing CDs back when you're done browsing through them is the hardest fucking thing in the world to do.
11.) The greatest bands in the world are as follows: Dave Matthews Band, Something Corporate, Luther Vandross, Rancid and Foo Fighters. They must be, because we have eleventy bajillion copies of their fucking albums.
12.) Christmas starts right after Halloween. What, you thought it was in DECEMBER???!! BWA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA!!!!!!
13.) Li'l Romeo belongs in the rock/pop section, and yet Li'l Bow Wow belongs in the hip hop section. WTF?????
14.) Even if you absolutely HATE football, Madden 2004 never gets old.
15.) People, in all honesty and seriousness, BUY X-BOXES. And PREFER them over the GAMECUBE and PS2. The mind boggles.
16.) Sometimes beige can be TOO beige, and you can be sent home for wearing pants that are TOO BEIGE.
17.) Customers always ask the questions you don't know the answer to, and they will always buy your bullshit story, making the point that two people can have a conversation about a subject which neither of them knows anything about.
18.) I love Sobe. I've never realized how much I love Sobe, but I LOOOOOOOOVE SOBE.
19.) Nobody in the entire monstertruckin' universe except people that work at Best Buy realizes that new music and movies are released on TUESDAY and NOT on SUNDAY.
20.) Some people are lonely enough to follow employees around and talk to them like they were our best friends for 30 to 40 minutes, because they know we can't punch them in the face and walk away.
21.) People really DO want us to try and sell them useless shit they don't need. Really. It's true. Ask any sales manager at Best Buy. (Seriously, I've been REPRIMANDED for not trying to get people to buy a DVD rack when they only want to buy ONE DVD.)
22.) There is at least one person in this world who is EAGERLY ANTICIPATING the DVD release of Dumb And Dumberer.
23.) BestBuy.com is the worst commercial website in the solar system.
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1.) NOBODY knows the meaning of the words "alphabetical order". NOBODY. Not even most of the people that work at Best Buy.
2.) Out of every person that walks through the doors, approximately 98% of them have GOD-AWFUL taste in music/movies.
3.) I, being a fully-functioning employee here at Best Buy AND a manager of a semi-fully-functioning radio station, have NO credibility whatsoever when it comes to release dates on music/movies/video games, and your ambiguous "friend" of which you speak is never wrong about these things EVER.
4.) Some people still only have VHS and, of course, since THEY only use VHS we, as a store, MUST also sell VHS, and sending me to the back will always rectify this problem. EVERYONE must have VHS, it being 1987 and all.
5.) If an employee offers to go to the back and they don't return for over 10 minutes, they are either (a) Honestly still searching for whatever product you wanted, (b) dead and buried under a mountain of collapsed boxes, (c) out on a cigarette break, or (d) sick and tired of your stupid bitching.
6.) We have highly trained computer technicians, engineers, and managers. But not even God himself knows how to open and re-fill the paper towel dispenser in the bathroom.
7.) People are SHOCKED and downright APPALLED when they learn that we do NOT sell the latest album from some shitty indie band they listened to in fucking New Hampshire last year.
8.) No matter how many hundreds of times you hear it, you never remember that "Time Stands Still" is sung by the All-American Rejects.
9.) All the cool stuff we ever get in the store (gift set of Scarface, Texas Chainsaw Massacre re-release, Upright Citizen's Brigade Season 1), ALWAYS sells out before I have money, and it's NEVER getting re-released EVER.
10.) Pushing CDs back when you're done browsing through them is the hardest fucking thing in the world to do.
11.) The greatest bands in the world are as follows: Dave Matthews Band, Something Corporate, Luther Vandross, Rancid and Foo Fighters. They must be, because we have eleventy bajillion copies of their fucking albums.
12.) Christmas starts right after Halloween. What, you thought it was in DECEMBER???!! BWA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA!!!!!!
13.) Li'l Romeo belongs in the rock/pop section, and yet Li'l Bow Wow belongs in the hip hop section. WTF?????
14.) Even if you absolutely HATE football, Madden 2004 never gets old.
15.) People, in all honesty and seriousness, BUY X-BOXES. And PREFER them over the GAMECUBE and PS2. The mind boggles.
16.) Sometimes beige can be TOO beige, and you can be sent home for wearing pants that are TOO BEIGE.
17.) Customers always ask the questions you don't know the answer to, and they will always buy your bullshit story, making the point that two people can have a conversation about a subject which neither of them knows anything about.
18.) I love Sobe. I've never realized how much I love Sobe, but I LOOOOOOOOVE SOBE.
19.) Nobody in the entire monstertruckin' universe except people that work at Best Buy realizes that new music and movies are released on TUESDAY and NOT on SUNDAY.
20.) Some people are lonely enough to follow employees around and talk to them like they were our best friends for 30 to 40 minutes, because they know we can't punch them in the face and walk away.
21.) People really DO want us to try and sell them useless shit they don't need. Really. It's true. Ask any sales manager at Best Buy. (Seriously, I've been REPRIMANDED for not trying to get people to buy a DVD rack when they only want to buy ONE DVD.)
22.) There is at least one person in this world who is EAGERLY ANTICIPATING the DVD release of Dumb And Dumberer.
23.) BestBuy.com is the worst commercial website in the solar system.
