Thursday, August 21, 2003
This Just In...Madonna still sucks...
You know, I never, EVER liked Madonna (with the exception of maybe 2 songs, which were more techno-y than anything else), ESPECIALLY her new American Life song. But you know, after the 5 BILLIONTH time listening to it (since they play it once an hour at Best Buy) I think it just might have replaced LFO's "Summergirls" (which, if you haven't heard, you MUST download, just to experience suckiness and mediocrity at it's pinnacle. If they can get a record deal, ANYBODY can get a record deal.)as the absolute WORST SONG I HAVE EVER HEARD IN MY ENTIRE LIFE. Don't remember the song, you say? Never heard it, have you? Imagine, if you will Madonna's horribley bad-British-accented voice run through a dozen computer editing programs singing shite like THIS:
"...I'm drinking a Soy latte
I get a double shot
It goes right through my body
And you know
I'm satisfied,
I drive my mini cooper
And I'm feeling super-dooper
Yo they tell I'm a trooper
And you know I'm satisfied
I do yoga and pilates
And the room is full of hotties
So I'm checking out the bodies
And you know I'm satisfied
I'm digging on the isotopes
This metaphysic's shit is dope
And if all this can give me hope
You know I'm satisfied
I got a lawyer and a manager
An agent and a chef
Three nannies, an assistant
And a driver and a jet
A trainer and a butler
And a bodyguard or five
A gardener and a stylist
Do you think I'm satisfied?
I'd like to express my extreme point of view
I'm not Christian and I'm not a Jew
I'm just living out the American dream
And I just realized that nothing Is what it seems..."
All this, of course, against a HORRIBLE techno background striving SO hard to be innovative, but in the end just being really annoying. THAT is what I get to listen to EVERY MONSTERTRUCKIN' HOUR at work. I also get to listen to the new shitty Fleetwood Mac song and some other shite. God, I swear, every time I hear that damn Madonna song, I want to punch the nearest customer, as hard as I possibly can I HATE IT SO MUCH!!!! There are exactly three songs they play that I enjoy; "Minerva" by the Deftones, "Monday Monday Monday" by Tegan and Sara (guilty-pleasure-central) and "Jerk It Out" by The Caesars (which is very jumpy, and borders on new wave/punkish type music. like the Hot Hot Heat). I highly recommend downloading the Jerk It Out song, it's better than you may think it is, Hammer. Anyways, that's my shitty rant in my shitty blog for today.
Oh, one more thing, even when I worked in Wal-Mart, I never met so many people with so few teeth, swear to Ozzy. If Best Buy let me be an in-store dentist, I'd be richer than a Bush twin! Yee-Haw!!! MONEY FOR EVERYONE WHO ISN'T NOT ME!!! :-D
"Clipside of the pinkeye flight / I'm not the percent you think survives / I need sanctuary in the pages of this book..."
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You know, I never, EVER liked Madonna (with the exception of maybe 2 songs, which were more techno-y than anything else), ESPECIALLY her new American Life song. But you know, after the 5 BILLIONTH time listening to it (since they play it once an hour at Best Buy) I think it just might have replaced LFO's "Summergirls" (which, if you haven't heard, you MUST download, just to experience suckiness and mediocrity at it's pinnacle. If they can get a record deal, ANYBODY can get a record deal.)as the absolute WORST SONG I HAVE EVER HEARD IN MY ENTIRE LIFE. Don't remember the song, you say? Never heard it, have you? Imagine, if you will Madonna's horribley bad-British-accented voice run through a dozen computer editing programs singing shite like THIS:
"...I'm drinking a Soy latte
I get a double shot
It goes right through my body
And you know
I'm satisfied,
I drive my mini cooper
And I'm feeling super-dooper
Yo they tell I'm a trooper
And you know I'm satisfied
I do yoga and pilates
And the room is full of hotties
So I'm checking out the bodies
And you know I'm satisfied
I'm digging on the isotopes
This metaphysic's shit is dope
And if all this can give me hope
You know I'm satisfied
I got a lawyer and a manager
An agent and a chef
Three nannies, an assistant
And a driver and a jet
A trainer and a butler
And a bodyguard or five
A gardener and a stylist
Do you think I'm satisfied?
I'd like to express my extreme point of view
I'm not Christian and I'm not a Jew
I'm just living out the American dream
And I just realized that nothing Is what it seems..."
All this, of course, against a HORRIBLE techno background striving SO hard to be innovative, but in the end just being really annoying. THAT is what I get to listen to EVERY MONSTERTRUCKIN' HOUR at work. I also get to listen to the new shitty Fleetwood Mac song and some other shite. God, I swear, every time I hear that damn Madonna song, I want to punch the nearest customer, as hard as I possibly can I HATE IT SO MUCH!!!! There are exactly three songs they play that I enjoy; "Minerva" by the Deftones, "Monday Monday Monday" by Tegan and Sara (guilty-pleasure-central) and "Jerk It Out" by The Caesars (which is very jumpy, and borders on new wave/punkish type music. like the Hot Hot Heat). I highly recommend downloading the Jerk It Out song, it's better than you may think it is, Hammer. Anyways, that's my shitty rant in my shitty blog for today.
Oh, one more thing, even when I worked in Wal-Mart, I never met so many people with so few teeth, swear to Ozzy. If Best Buy let me be an in-store dentist, I'd be richer than a Bush twin! Yee-Haw!!! MONEY FOR EVERYONE WHO ISN'T NOT ME!!! :-D
"Clipside of the pinkeye flight / I'm not the percent you think survives / I need sanctuary in the pages of this book..."
