Thursday, August 21, 2003
Guns Don't Kill People, Crazy People With Guns Kill People
Today, I’m taking this time to actually present something worth reading. Yes, I actually DO have some worthwhile input on topics that are actually relevant to the world. Who would've thought??? With the recent release of Bowling For Columbine on DVD (which I still don’t have enough money to buy, unfortunately), I thought I’d share my thoughts on gun control (touchy subject, yes, but that’s what makes it FUN!)
Now, Bowling For Columbine did an EXCELLENT job outlying how dangerously lenient gun control is (hell, if I was able to get a gun from opening a bank account, I would take the gun and hold up the bank). Now, I understand when conservatives say that gun control laws will only keep guns out of the hands of innocent people trying to protect themselves, and that the “bad guys” will always be able to illegally obtain guns to threaten those innocent people, but I have to ask, how does that pertain to domestic shootings or, for that matter, Columbine-style school shootings? Call me crazy, but I don’t believe that Beavis and Butthead from Littleton, CO were all that innocent, nor did they get assault rifles for their own protection. So that raises the question, how DID they obtain their guns? Despite the fact that this South Park-esque quiet mountain town obviously has a HUGE black market from which to purchase guns illegally ( / sarcasm ), they obtained them LEGALLY. They had no previous arrests or run-ins from the police, and came from a little cul-de-sac in white Midwestern suburbia. So it was perfectly legal for them to obtain DEADLY FUCKING ASSAULT WEAPONS. These weren’t rifles for deer hunting, they weren’t stolen from their Daddy’s unlocked gun closet, they BOUGHT ASSAULT WEAPONS. This just goes to show how disgustingly obsolete and useless these limp-wristed gun control laws are. My solution for this problem? Glad you asked. I would do the following:
1.) Restrict any weapon more powerful than a hunting rifle to only be available to law enforcement officials and the military. I don’t give a shit if criminals can illegally get their hands on them, having more of them in the public can only be detrimental to society. There’s absolutely NO monstertruckin’ reason for ANY civilian to have access to that kind of firepower. Period. End of story. Go cry to Uncle Charlie about it, I’ll be sure to smack him upside his face.
2.) Eliminate background safety checks. They’re useless anyways, and doing this initially would make all the NRA gun nuts out there simultaneously orgasm, and that would be really funny. Instead I’d replace them with…
3.) Mandatory psychological exams. You can never ever be involved in any type of criminal activity, and still be mentally unstable to be in possession of a gun. I think Columbine showed us that. I disagree with the constitution in this one instance: owning a gun is not a RIGHT, it is a PRIVILEDGE, just like being able to drive a car (which is, in essence, a bigger weapon). Quite frankly, I think we should see if someone is mentally stable in order to issue them a WEAPON OF DEATH. And to anyone who says that forcing people to submit themselves to psychological exams is an invasion of privacy, I reiterate that WE ARE ISSUING THESE PEOPLE WEAPONS OF DEATH AND DESTRUCTION. If they want a gun, then we should make sure that they aren’t going to KILL ANYBODY. Guns are made to KILL THINGS, we should make sure that citizens are only going to KILL THE RIGHT THINGS. Writing CERTAIN WORDS in ALL CAPS is FUN. And to help make sure, make people take the exams at least every 2 years. Fuck what they think, this would be for the benefit of EVERYONE.
That is my gun control policy. A little revolutionary and controversial, perhaps, but it would certainly be better than anything we have in use today. Email me all you want in response, it’s the monstertruckin’ TRUTH.
(P.S. if you were wondering why I use the term ‘monstertruckin’’ all the time, try and find the edited version of the Eels’ album “Daisies of the Galaxy”, and you’ll see what I mean.)
“Fat bloody fingers are sucking your soul…..away…..”
UNKLE feat. Thom Yorke – Rabbit in Your Headlights
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Today, I’m taking this time to actually present something worth reading. Yes, I actually DO have some worthwhile input on topics that are actually relevant to the world. Who would've thought??? With the recent release of Bowling For Columbine on DVD (which I still don’t have enough money to buy, unfortunately), I thought I’d share my thoughts on gun control (touchy subject, yes, but that’s what makes it FUN!)
Now, Bowling For Columbine did an EXCELLENT job outlying how dangerously lenient gun control is (hell, if I was able to get a gun from opening a bank account, I would take the gun and hold up the bank). Now, I understand when conservatives say that gun control laws will only keep guns out of the hands of innocent people trying to protect themselves, and that the “bad guys” will always be able to illegally obtain guns to threaten those innocent people, but I have to ask, how does that pertain to domestic shootings or, for that matter, Columbine-style school shootings? Call me crazy, but I don’t believe that Beavis and Butthead from Littleton, CO were all that innocent, nor did they get assault rifles for their own protection. So that raises the question, how DID they obtain their guns? Despite the fact that this South Park-esque quiet mountain town obviously has a HUGE black market from which to purchase guns illegally ( / sarcasm ), they obtained them LEGALLY. They had no previous arrests or run-ins from the police, and came from a little cul-de-sac in white Midwestern suburbia. So it was perfectly legal for them to obtain DEADLY FUCKING ASSAULT WEAPONS. These weren’t rifles for deer hunting, they weren’t stolen from their Daddy’s unlocked gun closet, they BOUGHT ASSAULT WEAPONS. This just goes to show how disgustingly obsolete and useless these limp-wristed gun control laws are. My solution for this problem? Glad you asked. I would do the following:
1.) Restrict any weapon more powerful than a hunting rifle to only be available to law enforcement officials and the military. I don’t give a shit if criminals can illegally get their hands on them, having more of them in the public can only be detrimental to society. There’s absolutely NO monstertruckin’ reason for ANY civilian to have access to that kind of firepower. Period. End of story. Go cry to Uncle Charlie about it, I’ll be sure to smack him upside his face.
2.) Eliminate background safety checks. They’re useless anyways, and doing this initially would make all the NRA gun nuts out there simultaneously orgasm, and that would be really funny. Instead I’d replace them with…
3.) Mandatory psychological exams. You can never ever be involved in any type of criminal activity, and still be mentally unstable to be in possession of a gun. I think Columbine showed us that. I disagree with the constitution in this one instance: owning a gun is not a RIGHT, it is a PRIVILEDGE, just like being able to drive a car (which is, in essence, a bigger weapon). Quite frankly, I think we should see if someone is mentally stable in order to issue them a WEAPON OF DEATH. And to anyone who says that forcing people to submit themselves to psychological exams is an invasion of privacy, I reiterate that WE ARE ISSUING THESE PEOPLE WEAPONS OF DEATH AND DESTRUCTION. If they want a gun, then we should make sure that they aren’t going to KILL ANYBODY. Guns are made to KILL THINGS, we should make sure that citizens are only going to KILL THE RIGHT THINGS. Writing CERTAIN WORDS in ALL CAPS is FUN. And to help make sure, make people take the exams at least every 2 years. Fuck what they think, this would be for the benefit of EVERYONE.
That is my gun control policy. A little revolutionary and controversial, perhaps, but it would certainly be better than anything we have in use today. Email me all you want in response, it’s the monstertruckin’ TRUTH.
(P.S. if you were wondering why I use the term ‘monstertruckin’’ all the time, try and find the edited version of the Eels’ album “Daisies of the Galaxy”, and you’ll see what I mean.)
“Fat bloody fingers are sucking your soul…..away…..”
UNKLE feat. Thom Yorke – Rabbit in Your Headlights
